It’s Monday of March Break… A bit of sleeping in, a big breakfast and some lounging in the pyjamas. My in-laws just left. They spent the night. Sanj’s brother and family are out of town so they were alone. It is such a different dynamics when it is just us and them. It is even different with Sanj off to work and it is just his parents and myself.
It wasn’t always this easy. They didn’t like me. I felt like I was always on the defence… watching my every move as I never knew what I would have done wrong. I had stomach aches every time we went to their house. It wasn’t really a good time.
I am not sure what changed. They probably realized that I was here to stay. Maybe it was my winning personality that finally won them over. 🙂 lol Maybe it was just time. We all found our places in the family.
Today as I listened to them, they were reminiscing about Sanj when he was little. Of course I heard these stories before. Yet I am always moved by their love. They were telling the story of Sanj’s dad having to leave for a year. Of Sanj holding on to his dad at the age of 3, not wanting him to go. They were apart for a year while his dad came here to get thing settled. My father-in-law had tears in his eyes, again, as he retells it. Love… it just shines so bright as his tears do.
My mother-in-law tells the story of Sanj having a seizure. She runs out of the house screaming that she doesn’t want to see her baby die. They both tell of praying over Sanj as he is burning up with a 105 degree fever.
I guess as I watched Sanj’s parents this weekend, I see a couple that is fighting against the reality of growing old. I see them trying so hard to hang on to yesterday as that is where they have lived and remember. Today the folks that are on the outside are not who they feel on the inside. I see these folks that really do love and hold family dear. It is just that their love language isn’t mine. It is about accepting what they offer and meeting them half way. Sometimes, it is about meeting them where they are at.
Sometimes ones personality is what it is. Maybe they really can’t change it. Maybe they don’t mean for it to come across as it is. Maybe in the midst of a complaint is a thank you. Maybe in the midst of a demand is a plea for help. Maybe in the midst of hug is a “I love you.” Maybe sometimes the past is all one really has or knows.
I have been blessed with so much. I think I am at the place where despite all of the things that bug me or annoy me, I can say that I appreciate these folks that are part of my life in so many ways. I owe them so much. I want my children to see the rich heritage that is theirs in their grandparents. Someday they won’t have it right there. So it is up to me (and Sanj) to foster that feasting of the past.
It was a good weekend. I put a lot of pressure on myself when they are here. It is just me. I want them to feel loved and appreciated and maybe spoiled. Maybe I am working on them feeling cherished.
Yes, that is it. Cherished. I am sure God expects that of us. We are to cherish those that were before us and fought and blessed us with the life we know.
Maybe after all these years, what I am feeling is love. I am feeling love for Sanj’s parents because if they did not live as they did, I would not live as I do… with a happy home full of hope for the future.