No one ever wants their kid to be the one left out. You never want your child to feel hurt or rejection. Yet most children will experience that ugly feeling of being on the outside. No matter how much loving you give them, there is that moment when they will feel that pit in their stomach and no that they were left out.
Yesterday, while in line for the movies, I saw one of my boys friends. Well I saw a group of his friends together. This is usually the group that my son hangs with… at school. They were with the dad of his hockey coach. I felt weird. My son was already in the theatre with Sanj and his brothers. Would he see them? Would he feel left out? How come I was so bothered?
I remember Sammy coming home from school one day, upset. He must have been 10 years old. He said that his friend was having a birthday party and everyone was invited but him. (What he meant was all his friends were invited but him). I was unsympathetic, adamantly telling him that Mrs. Dingdong would never do that. The boys have been friends since JK. We were friends.
He was really hurt. I finally decided to call and prove to Sammy that he was wrong. I couldn’t stand to see the hurt on his face. As Mrs. Dingdong answered, I could obviously hears the happenings of a party. Ugh. I was hurt. We had to drive by their house on the way to ours. I was wrong.
Having experienced being excluded one to many times, we have always had party that is either all the boys in the class or the whole class, when they were smaller. It really isn’t about money as there are many creative ways to keep a group busy for cheap.
When the older ones outgrew a big birthday party, then it was a small couple of friends over to play… nothing announced to everyone.
Of course Mrs. Dingdong was entitled to do as she chose. She let her son pick 6 boys, and her child, being a moody, broody kid to date, was not in the Sammy mood. Yet the next week, he was.
It was a hard lesson. As I watched this group of boys, my sweet son friends, engaged without him, it made me feel sad. I really hoped that they weren’t going into the same movie as my boys. My son may not have cared, yet still, I felt bad.
I watch children do this. It is something that is up to parents, us, to teach them. I watch this happen with grown ups… Sometimes I feel myself trapped with the need to do the right thing and yet the desire of not wanting to bother. Can’t someone else include them? WWDJ? Sigh… it isn’t the easiest thing at times… but as I want my children to do… it is the right thing.