Have you ever been in a crowd, with a group of friends and been so lonely?

I never understood that until recently.  I really have been trying to listen to my heart and seek answers to my restless spirit.  Last night, I finally understood what my heart was saying.

I have been so lonely, lately.  How can I be lonely when I am forever surrounded by friends and people I enjoy?  Yet there it is … that feeling of loneliness that I feel I am drowning in it.

I know I am loved and blessed with a wonderful group of friends.  I love them and enjoy my time with them too.  It isn’t about them.  It is about me.  I am such an open person.  I am not sure why I am like this but I think, really think… that I am one of those people that what you see of me is what there is.  Usually my emotion is right there… on my face.

I guess what I miss is just really connecting with people.  I want a real connection.  I don’t want to talk about the weather.  I don’t want to know the superficial stuff.  I really want to know you.  It used to be so easy to get to really know someone, especially in university, as we were in each other’s space all the time.  Dorm life made you family.  We had each other to share, cry on and laugh with.

It is not easy anymore.  Everyone has their guard up.  Who wants to get hurt?  Why has time to invest in relationships at this time in life?  I went out with a group of ladies last night.  (We saw “Killer”… which as funny and Ashton Kutcher is not so hard on the eyes).  We had a good time. Everyone that came seem to want the same thing.  Time away, time to hang out and relax.  

Yet… the loneliness is still there.  I miss not having that friend (locally) to call and talk to 3-4 times a day about this or that.  I miss having that kind of friend here.

I don’t like feeling lonely.  It is quite a discovery for me.  I have felt it for a while.  Yet, when it hit me last night, when I was able to actually define it, it left me feel very sad.  I am too social a person to be lonely.

So… I need to find what it is that is missing for me.  The missing link.  

Wanted:  a girlfriend, fun loving, relaxed spirit.  Must be willing to tolerate daily phone calls, love to chat and shop.  Must be real… willing to be open… honest and true.


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