Yes, I have been missing in action. I love writing. I love putting my thoughts down and if there are some that enjoy reading my muses, I am flattered. Since summer has been here, I have been feeling restless. I am again pondering what I am supposed to be when I grow up! What I have been doing since the boys have been out is not much of anything except losing myself in books. I am such a nerd and book worm! I love books… beach reads are great as I can finish them in a day or so… and of course there are is the great novels that leave me breathless that someone can have such a beautiful gift of storytelling. I have been reading a lot. I must have read at least 8-10 books since summer hit.
I am trying to run away from my discombobulation. WHAT DO I WANT TO BE??? What will give me satisfaction? What is going to make me the best me that I can be? Arghhhhhh!!!
So, I have been of the computer … which for me is not normal.
This is where I have been. Yesterday I decided that I would tell Sanj that I am going to take the Hearing Dispensary course, so I could contribute to the clinic. I have been hemming and hawing about this… and then while I was so sure I could make it as a writer, I had a moment of truth… I hate ears… other people’s that is…. I actually dislike having to touch random people’s body parts. Ugh. Hairy ears, huge ears, dirty ears… ears! Of course, as soon as Sanj told me that he didn’t think this was my thing I found myself annoyed and needing to prove him wrong. Ha! I know that I can do anything I sent my mind to doing.
Last night I was having this conversation with my husband. He is such a sweetheart. I am, seriously, how many men will lay there listening to their wife ranting (again) about her quest of true happiness? How many men support the “career choice” of the day? lol I am pretty sure not too many! He reply is consistent. “You don’t need a job… you need to write.” Then he reminds me of the super expensive laptop I was so sure I needed before I could write my masterpiece. So… being the loving, never say no to me husband that he is… he got me the laptop.
Sigh. So I am back to square one. I am pretty sure… that God is leading me in the direction of writing. I feel it. I actually feel like Jonah. The other day I was reading the Jonah story to Josh and felt a little uncomfortable as I realized that Jonah and I have a lot in common. Argh!!!!!!! If I knew exactly what I was supposed to write, I would write. I really want to take bits of my blog and make it a book. (Any thoughts?) Not the blog entries of recent but rather the last couple of years ago… I feel like some of that stuff is pretty good…. I think.
Then I have an outline …. well actually a bit of a book already done. It was something I wrote years ago… when we were first married. I wrote about life as I knew it living as an abused child. It is pretty good, I think. BUT…. WHAT DO I KNOW???
So… I have had my head buried in the sand. MIA… If you have any thoughts… I would love to hear them… 🙂