Yesterday, as I was leaving the office, I went to say bye to Sanj. He was over by the coffee machine, shoulders slumped, tired and still had a long day ahead. He was expressing his weariness. I asked him if he wanted a hug… knowing full well, that he would feel very uncomfortable doing so in his waiting room.
He said, “No thanks, I think I am like that guy last night on TV.” We had watched Modern Family… my first time seeing it. A gay couple on the show was in the mist of arguing over the lack of affection by the other partner.
I looked and Sanj and laughed. “I am going to kiss you right here with a loud smack at the end!” He laughed and his expression told me that he would not find that fun.
Over the years, I have noticed that Sanj is not a demonstrative kind of guy in public. If you were to judge his love for me based on his expressiveness in public, you would likely think we were siblings. Oh, he may hold my hand occasionally, but it usually lasts a minute to two and then there is the release. Yet when we are alone…
So… I was a little surprised to hear him actually say that PDA makes him uncomfortable.
I love seeing older couples holding hands and seeing their love visible. Of course, they are not having a make out session in public. I guess that there was a time when Sanj’s lack of any affection actually bothered me. I guess I always wondered how come he was never affectionate in public. I don’t mean in a offensive way but just more loving on the outside. I always felt that if someone was judging his love to me based on his behaviour in public, they would never know of his adoration of me.
Now, I never brought this up, because I would have felt weird saying, “How come you aren’t more loving of me in public?” Simply because I wouldn’t want him to be so just because I said it.
So when he made this comment yesterday, I had an Ah-ha moment. It is a discomfort. When we have been at his family’s home over the years, Sanj’s brother is often affectionate with his wife. Sanj, on the other hand, would never touch me in his parents eyes. I often wondered if they knew how much he did love me.
PDA… public display of affection… is defined in Webster’s as “A public display of affection (sometimes abbreviated PDA) is physically demonstrating affection for another person while in the view of others, for example, holding hands or kissing in public. While PDA is a USA specific term, every culture has written and unwritten rules for showing affection in public.”
The Supreme Court of India has described public displays of affection to be in bad taste and has defined such behavior as unacceptable. The public display of affection may even be considered an act of public nuisance, subjecting individuals to conviction and fine. “
My husband is in general a very proper man. He is an old soul at heart. So really this shouldn’t have bothered or surprised me. Yet… I suppose in a funny, weird, Reema way, I was a bit insecure about this aspect in our marriage and didn’t know it. I felt a weird sense of relief when Sanj admitted this as a discomfort. Phew… after 16 years of marriage, good to know that he loves me just as much in public as in private!