Lost, Sometimes…

Have you ever been in a crowd and been lonely?

I have experienced this on occasion and am always surprised by that emotion.  Loneliness is such a powerful emotion.

Today the heating guy was back in… we still didn’t have heat last night.  It isn’t so bad at night but try getting up in the cold.  Brrrr.  My whole being rebelled against the crazy idea!  Anyway, the heat is on!  Let’s hope it stays on.

The man noticed my blog magnets (want one?  email me… they are so sweet!) that the boys put on the fridge… so I told him I was writing a blog… but my fingers were so cold I had to stop and fold laudry to warm them up! 🙂

Anyway, he mentioned the that he went home last night and told his girlfriend that he met a lady with 6 boys.  He said he told her that he felt sorry for me having to take care of 7 boys.

OK… if you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that kind of comment gets my feathers ruffled.  I hate when people look at my life with my sons as something they should feel sorry for.

I said to him,  “I am teaching them to take care of me!”

It’s a thankless job… but one that I take seriously.  I love my boys.  I love the craziness that comes with them  I love the sound effects that are constantly coming out of their bodies.  I love the roughin toughin  attitude that they pretend with.  I love my boys.

Yet… here’ s the God honest truth… sometimes in the midst of the noises and smells and actions… I find myself feeling lonely.

I said this to my girlfriend who has 2 boys and she said that she can relate.  They … males are so different from females.  Of course I know this is suppose to be the case. Yet… do they have to be that different?

We were sitting in the living room… and the boys are all talking around me and over me.  I could here the words hockey… it’s all about hockey.  They were talking through me.

I felt a lump in my throat.  I felt lonely.

I am very grateful for my life… don’t get me wrong… I love all the smells, sounds and messes that come with my guys…

Yet… what was God thinking?

I can’t wait to ask Him.

WHY?  Why did He think that I could raise 6 boys to men???

I am not a girlie girl.  Yet I love being a girl.  Sometimes in the midst of all the testosterone  in this house, I find myself getting lost.

Thankfully I now have a red room I can escape to and hang on to the bits of me that are left.

Life… it’s so funny, eh?  You never know what is going to be handed to you.

So… yes I am living loving breathing boys.

Thank you God, for my boys.

Help me not to hurt them!


Love you, boys!

This entry was posted in Boys, choices, Family, General, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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