Stalled… Needing a Jump Start…

I am stalling.

I have the ground beef in the crock pot… made myself lunch and put a load of laundry in.  Funny, when I awoke this morning, I was so sure I would get the whole house tidied.  I was sure I would finish and put away the laundry.  I was sure I would even clean toilets.

So far… I haven’t done much.  I am feeling the need to write.  Or maybe I am feeling the need to make excuses from the work.  Hum… I am doing a good job.

This morning while in the grocery store, I bumped into a dad from our school… he was tackling their grocery list too.  We started chatting…

“So, will you go back to teaching after all your boys are in school full time?”… this is a question I am asked often.

How do I explain and not come across as a loser?

Teaching was a means to an end.  I needed to have a focus in university.  Teaching seemed to be my passion at the moment.  I loved kids.  I thought of all the times I pretended to play teacher as a kid.  I was born to be a teacher.  For the moment.

Then I married… my true focus in university (I’m honest) and had babies.  Teaching was now a back up if I had to work… We chose for me to be a stay at home mom.  Yes, it was hard.  One paycheck… that had to stretch a long ways.  Starting a business from scratch…  all that made those early years challenging.  Then add 3 babies in 3 years.

I was in heaven.  I really was.  I loved babies, my babies.  I loved being with them every minute of the day.

Teaching took a back seat.

Then I realized that teaching wasn’t a love anymore.  Oh, I would have done it if I had to… but I was nurturing other interests.

I was realizing that I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Now I do, sort of.

It involves writing, speaking, challenging, encouraging, changing, growing, being.

I really need to stop worrying about what others think.  I need to hold on to this time of discovery… finding me.

I really shouldn’t care if someone understands this journey I am on.  I mean, really, sometimes I don’t even understand.

The journey… it’s about self-discovery.  And then… it’s about being discovered.


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One Response to Stalled… Needing a Jump Start…

  1. Sedie says:

    Don’t worry about what others think, stay on your discovery journey and allow yourself to discover. . . that will be the most fulfilling path for you and everyone around you. . . write, and be!

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