Staying At Home…

Was your mom a stay at home mom?  Did that impact your decision as to if you would be a stay at home parent?

On the radio this morning there was a discussion about how the parent that stays at home has more stress then the parent that works outside the home.  It was an interesting conversation…

I am not your typical stay at home mom.  In fact, I am hardly ever home.  I am always working on a project.  Or when I am not in the middle of a project, I find myself out and about doing this and that.

Then add the dentist and doctor appointments… which I usually book for the boys during the day so I can just take the one child and sneak in a lunch and that one on one time with them.

I try to meet Sanj for lunch a few times a week.  It is a guaranteed time with him alone.  Usually it is in the parking lot around the corner from the McD where he gets his salad with grill chicken… yup, every day!

Today, I decided to stay at home.  Amazing what I can actually accomplish!

I’ve done a few loads of laundry, folded, in piles, waiting  for the boys to put away.

I have today’s supper of stir-fry with shrimp ready to throw together.  I even have tomorrow’s supper of chili ready to just put into the crock pot and let it cook throughout the day.

My cleaning lady is here, so that takes the pressure of the rest of the house… which would guarantee me to be in a foul mood.

I feel so good … and it’s 11:53 am… I still have a few hours to do the errands needed.  Max is going to a class  trip for the next three days.  He needs a few things… I am so not ready for my Max to go on this trip.  The older three did it… and somehow that was OK.  Yet, now, Max, my oldest of the youngest is going.  I feel sad.  My younger ones are now growing up.  How did that happen?  Josh is getting so big and heavy that I can’t comfortably lift him up anymore.  🙁

Sign.

I have been writing.  So far 9087 words have been written.  I have to admit, it is hard going back to that time… it is harder than I thought to re-live the fear, anger and wanting while writing.

Yet… I am trying really hard to focus on the fact that God gives us what He knows we can handle.  He gave my mom the strength to live the life she did… and because of it, I am here.  If my mom  was stronger and just beat my dad up from day one of him being an idiot… I wouldn’t be here.

My kids wouldn’t be here.

Maybe my mom is stronger for living that life than walking away from it.  I don’t know.  I know that Sanj said that I am harder on my mom than my dad.  That comment has bothered me.  Yet maybe I love my mom more than my dad.  Maybe.  So maybe I expected more and needed more.

I don’t know.

Oh well… I suppose that it is therapeutic for me.  I am figuring it all out… even though I thought I had it figured out already.

Back to being a stay at home mom…  that is what I am today.

I feel good.

🙂

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One Response to Staying At Home…

  1. Sandy says:

    I was really hard on my mom for a while. It actually has a name–mother anger–and it’s directed at the non-offending parent. The anger is focused on “why didn’t you protect me?” and can actually put more blame on that parent for not protecting than the parent who abused. Maybe that is what Sanj is noticing? Just a thought to throw out there.

    Enjoy your day being a stay-at-home mom at home. 🙂

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