A Fine Line… Love and Insanity


It is late. Or rather very early. Hey, I am a morning person! It is 12:05 a.m. But I couldn’t sleep as I listened to Josh’s groans as he slept. His finger looks bad. So I will have to take him in again tomorrow. My stomach is weak at the thought… for me and him.

Josh… he is a child that brings out all sorts of crazy emotions in me. I can be very bipolar when it comes to Josh. It began in the womb. He was my last try for a girl. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be. But telling that to my soul was hell. Postpartum, thank God, there is a word to define the craziness I felt and lived with the first years of his existence.

And it was as if he knew my pain that he clung to me more. He literally suffocated me with his love. It is still that way. We love each other with all we have. Yet, he drives me to that brink of insanity that is so often spoken of!

Then today happened. It isn’t that horrid… children live thru accidents all the time. Yet he is hurt. As I listen to him sleep… I ache. He is so special. How honored I am and should be to be loved to death literally.

He says so often, “Mommy, I love you.”

I can’t type the emotion that comes from his heart. And when I respond…” I love you too,” he so often gets frustrated.

“No, I LOVE YOU!!!” It is as if he just want it to be about his love! He is 3 years old.

Love of a child. Love for a child. There is nothing like it. Really it is simply a gift.

God, today was a rough day. All of it… the cut, the noise, the boys in general drove me batty.
But it is over… today is over. And I truly thank you for each of my sons. You have blessed me… thank you for being patient as I continue to seek out all the blessing, one by one.

And did Josh learn his learn about not playing with the razor? He answer… ” I won’t touch it till I have a beard.”

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