Emotionally constipated. I used to be able to cry as needed, you know, when I was happy or sad and found that emotional release which kept me emotionally balanced. Somewhere after the babies, crying seemed overrated. Or I became emotionally constipated. I used to tear up at the Folger’s coffee commercials this time of year or those cell phone ones got me ever time. Now… I’m a dud.
Last year I started feeling like I was going crazy. I would be laying in bed and suddenly my heart would start to race and my mind seemed to be somewhere else, seeing myself act out a situation yet not being there in reality. Weird? I KNOW!!! I really thought I was going crazy. Have you experienced this? Well, let me tell you, you are not crazy. Sigh. When I finally sought help, my doctor, within 5 seconds told me it’s called depersonalization. Crazy, I realize is a relative word. We are all a little crazy… it’s what makes the world go round. Well, at least this is what I like to tell myself. lol
My crazy pill really does help me keep the panic attacks, stress and depersonalization under control. It helps me function as a relatively normal human being, at least I like to tell myself that!
Today, I went to the doctor after experiencing a lot of attacks this weekend. Stress… do I feel overly stressed? No more than usual. I mean, 6 boys, hockey, lunches, suppers, messes, moods, homework assignments that I need help with, then add Christmas to the mix. No… of course I am not stressed. So I thought. Well, apparently, as women, we internalize all this stress and pressure. And like a pressure cooker (does any one use those any more?), when it builds, the steam needs releasing.
My body is letting me know that I am not doing so well keeping it all in. I’m a pressure cooker ready to burst because the steam valve wasn’t released. OK… I’m listening. I’m really going to try and listen to my body better.
Guess maybe tonight would be a good day to go out for supper… right? lol