Emotionally Constipated….

Emotionally constipated.  I used to be able to cry as needed, you know, when I was happy or sad and found that emotional release which kept me emotionally balanced.  Somewhere after the babies, crying seemed overrated.  Or I became emotionally constipated.  I used to tear up at the Folger’s coffee commercials this time of year or those cell phone ones got me ever time.  Now… I’m a dud.

Last year I started feeling like I was going crazy.  I would be laying in bed and suddenly my heart would start to race and my mind seemed to be somewhere else, seeing myself act out a situation yet not being there in reality.  Weird?  I KNOW!!! I really thought I was going crazy.  Have you experienced this?  Well, let me tell  you, you are not crazy. Sigh.  When I finally sought help, my doctor, within 5 seconds told me it’s called depersonalization.  Crazy, I realize is a relative word.  We are all a little crazy… it’s what makes the world go round.  Well, at least this is what I like to tell myself. lol

My crazy pill really does help me keep the panic attacks, stress and depersonalization under control.  It helps me function as a relatively  normal human being, at least I like to tell myself that!

Today, I went to the doctor after experiencing a lot of attacks this weekend.  Stress… do I feel overly stressed?  No more than usual.  I mean, 6 boys, hockey, lunches, suppers, messes, moods, homework assignments that I need help with, then add Christmas to the mix.  No… of course I am not stressed.  So I thought.  Well, apparently, as women, we internalize all this stress and pressure.  And like a pressure cooker (does any one use those any more?), when it builds, the steam needs releasing.

My body is letting me know that I am not doing so well keeping it all in.  I’m a pressure cooker ready to burst because the steam valve wasn’t released.  OK… I’m listening.  I’m really going to try and listen to my body better.

Guess maybe tonight would be a good day to go out for supper… right? lol