My Epiphany on Easter…

Today is Easter Friday… it’s often a day of reflection.  Today, while in church, I found myself remembering… it was over 9 years ago, I was in church, it was Easter weekend and I found myself sobbing through the service, wondering where God was?

I had just had a DNC and in my mind, the baby that I was so excited for, so sure that THIS babe was a girl… was sucked out of me.  It was called a molar pregnancy.  It was truly one of the lowest points in my life.  After living through this child’s life within minutes of learning of my pregnancy, I felt such a devastation.  As the songs played in church, I found myself feeling so many emotions.  Of course time does heal wounds, to some extent.  Over the following year, we concieved a being that would be Joshua, our youngest.

Over the last 9 years, I think of this babe that I never had a chance to be mom to.  I think of the pain I feel so sharply in church that day.  I found myself yearning for heaven to come and look forward to knowing I still have a babe that I have yet to meet.

Today, Easter Friday, we were in church.  I remembered this babe. I felt that void.  I sometime look at this box I have of “things that remind me of “her.”  Today, after all these years of pain, I had an epiphany.  I guess I just never really was opened to anything except remembering the pain that was so real to me every Easter… And yet, TODAY I realized that as that experience happened around Easther weekend, the next Easter SUNDAY… guess what?  Josh was born… he was our Easter Baby.

It hit me that I had not had my eyes opened.  And yet when I opened my eyes, God gave me a gift on Easter perhaps to say, “I feel your pain.”  It was such an ephipany!  It’s not about pain… as in the story of Jesus and his death.  Sure there is pain, but there is also reason to rejoice!

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