Downer

Do I sound like I am in the dumps? I am sick of myself. Lately I feel like I am sinking into depression. Why? Maybe my happy pill isn’t working! LOL. Maybe it is the change of seasons… Seasonal Mood Disorder. Maybe I need a vacation. Oh there are a lot of maybes.

I guess to some degree I am feeling lost. The change at Rhema has impacted me significantly. Change is change and I never have been one to react to change. But there is such a difference that I feel a loss of what or where I am in all this.

I am really eager to start my real estate classes. I plan on doing this once the holidays are over. I am scared of being a student again, as this was never one of my strengths in life. But I really think that this is my calling. I am eager to get back in to the work force and be successful as a career person.

I will miss being at home but hope that this career will allow me the flexibility to do both.

What has me in the dumps? I hate feeling sad or emotions that are not on the lines of content. I think my biggest sadness is not having parents with a home. I think that this Thanksgiving is one that I needed to be nurtured. I am not sure if that is even the right word. I just want to be taken care of.

Here…Go relax… Let me do it. I get tired of being that person. I also think that the reality of having parents that need to be taken care of is weighing heavily. Of course this has been the case for years. My inlaws have lived with Sanj’s brother for years.

My own mother is aging with each visit. Often I feel the burden of responsibility for her. (As does my brother).

I see seniors with a different light. How odd to know that these people had full vibrant lives. Now there are some so lonely, they look for a reason to visit Sanj’s office with a make believe excuse. How sad is that?

Of course I know there is the other end of those seniors that have fulfilling lives till the end.

So what is the point of this blog? No point. I suppose I am just being real with my thoughts at the moment.
Forgive me if it is a downer today. Maybe truth be told… I need to keep my butt at home and tackle the boxes and piles that need to be attended to. Maybe once I get order at home… I will have order in my being.