It’s 6:45 pm on Day 2 of 2014, I almost forgot about writing today. Fifteen minutes till Josh’s bedtime and unless something major needs my attention, I start to slow down, fast. Bedtime with Josh means snuggling in, pray (that he whispers every night, that Jesus help him not have a bad dream), then lights out, he may tell me something about his day, that often puts a smile on my face and then he throws his arms around me and is snoring, his sweet breath on my face within minutes. Of course if I move, he’s up asking where am I going? So this is my slowing down time, usually texting my friends that text and have my end of day convo with one of my besties in Florida.
Today has been ugly cold out. -36 degrees Celsius was the lowest I believe. Is that necessary? Everything was painful. Of course there is not one full service gas station in Peterborough!!! I didn’t have enough to make it to Millbrook, where all we have is full service. Did I really need to go out? Well, I had to deposit a check and get groceries for tomorrow… just in case we have company. My plan is to take the boys to this indoor trampoline place and meet my brothers and families there…. kind of a last hurrah before school and my youngest brother is back to Vancover again.
My brother, Kumar told me he’s goal to write one hour each day! Wow… but then again he is a published author and sought after speaker. What would I say if I wrote an hour a day? Hum… I suppose that would be interesting!
New Years, yesterday I found myself feeling melancholy. My friend’s dad, 95 years of age was taken to the hospital, not well. Despite his age and the fact that he really is ready to go, how do you let one go? Then my own dad, collapsed. He’s not doing well. His heart isn’t in the greatest shape. I realize that his time here on earth is limited too. And then my father in law, with his daily battle of leukemia … he’s 75 or so years old and lately just tired and weary of fighting every day to the next day. I found myself contemplating this New Year as a year possible goodbyes. I found myself praying that their ends will be simple… just going to sleep… until Jesus comes.
Am I being gloomy? No doubt. Yet the two dads in my life have become dear to me. My FIL and I have become closer and have learned to simple appreciate each other. And the simple things. Then there’s my dad. Sanj comments on the complexity of our relationship. Yet after all the years of hurting, wanting and reacting, I think it has come down to the simple fact that he is my dad. Yes, he didn’t live to the fullest of that potential for me, yes I was disappointed and yes there was pain… but now… I am grown. I am grateful the past year. We worked side by side. I saw that he has suffered so much… meaning he had lost so much by his choices. Yet… as I saw my dad in bed yesterday, I could hear his raspy breathing… and all I could thing of how sad it will be to say goodbye. I feel at peace with him and feel the irony of coming full circle… His biggest issue has always been his heart.
Of course, I could be here next New Year talking about having both dads around the past 365 days. Life is so funny that way.