Navigating The “Years…”

 

Today is HOT!!!  It makes me want to behave as the thought of hell fire just sounds HOT!!! lol  I know many love the heat after our winters but me … being hot constantly (thanks to the “change”) and then add humidity… it usually brings on a migraine.  So… those people that I saw, eating on the patio at East Side… my hat’s off to you!!!  I had a nice little lunch with my favorite man.  Yes, just the 2 of us.  Josh is off to the beach with a friend (thank you, Julie), Zach is at Camp (hope you are wearing sunscreen, my brown boy), Max is at a friend’s (thanks Dorothy), Jordan is likely home now after a night at a friend (thanks Metrows) which means he’s back home, Tyler is off working on his car and Sammy is in CA, probably getting ready to head home.  All that to say… I’m alone for a few hours!!!

I’m hiding at Sanj’s office, enjoying the A/C and the noise of other humans.  We have company for supper but obviously I’m not worried about it.  I’m enjoying these summer days with my boys.  Today it was just Josh and I laying around in bed as I tickled him, watched WWE and enjoyed having a child that still likes to snuggle with me.  Josh has the greatest belly laugh!!! As I was driving him to his friend’s, I surprised him with a loud screeching Minion jibberish!  He looked so startled and then laugh SO hard.  I love the laid back ness of being 10.  No moods are fluctuating and I know that his love is just there, period.

The hormones that seems to fluctuate like a women on menopause…. Oh wait… that was Sanj’s example for me to use!!!!  Idiot!!! lol Good thing my MENopause mood-o-meter is able to laugh at that.  Ok… I’m just talking about how to cope or survive the hormones of 5 raging teens.  I mean I was the loving mama who could hug or drown in my little boys  love.  Now… I may just look at them and that may result in a deathly roll of the eyes.  Or… I could be on the receiving end of a loving touch or even a hug. Gasp!   When I do get that love pat, my heart just feels overwhelmed.  I’ve learned now that I must control my reaction, other wise I ruin it… if I give in to my natural over exuberant self.

Tips I’ve learned… Note to Self…

* I know that this is a phase.  It was very hard as Sammy hit that phase and I can admit, I cried many a tear.  I screamed many a time and honestly never thought we would live through the “years.”  My oldest is 20 and now I am used to never being right.  I’m actually quite good at having conversations in my head.  I have read and been told that we are getting  closer to the end of these “years” but I still won’t believe it till I see my Sammy return to human again… and give me proof of leaving the “years” behind.  Now as we have FIVE going through the “years” I’ve gotten much better at accepting that I do not know anything.  Yah me!

* I am never right. Never.  I mean, I am old.  I don’t get today’s kid.  I am not cool.  Period.  Oh, wait, unless I am needed for something.

*Have a life. Sammy is one of our most social children, so as he came into the “years,” he was gone, a lot.  I have to admit I missed him.  Tyler is not a very social child… oh wait, until the Girlfriend entered.  Now he is never around.  Or never alone.  Good thing I adore her.  Jordan… another social being, yet seems annoyed by family encounter!   Max… 50/50 yet the only annoying thing is he usually doesn’t know he has something planned until 5 minutes before it happens.  Zach is another Sammy for sure and as he enters high school I know he will be scarce too.

So… in the last year or so, I have learned to have a life… that revolves around us!  Yah!  Sometimes the boys will complain… that we are having the same friends over again… and my answer is… “Ummm, you don’t have to be here.  You can do your own thing!”  And you know what, having a life is kinda fun!!!

*I’m so glad that my spouse is also my best friend.  We are in this together.  We are a team.  Our children must learn early on that we stick together.  I know Sanj will back me up.  I know Sanj will beat their butts (figuratively, of course… CAS).  And vise versa.  I love these few moments that we are already finding, when we are alone.  Wow!  Dinner for two.  No one fighting for a spot in our bed.  We can talk.  Alone.  No interruptions. Well unless Sanj disappears into his introvert hole in the basement (aka the studio) or watches a scary show, then I play on my phone… Scrabble… but still we CAN be alone!

*I have to understand we are in an in-between phase of us remembering the good old days… (you know, playing outside all day till the lights went on… parents not worried.  Roller skating, biking, playing with a cardboard box- lol… we didn’t have “things”… we weren’t plugged in all the time).  Our kids… this is their generation.  The plug in generation… you know, they panick when they don’t have a charger within 5 feet of their phone dying…. Sigh. They are going to be ok.  This is life as they know it.  And we-  having that power to “unplug,” makes us powerful.  We have to use that power with care.

*Life with a goat…  I say this to say that life with a teen is big portion of head butting.  Did you know I had a “pet goat?”  For real… we never had a dog.  Ever.  Yet we had three goats (my siblings and I), 10 chickens, rabbits, parakeets, cat, gerbils, fish… none of these creatures were asked for by us.  And yet, we couldn’t have a dog. SMH.

I am a reader.  I research and seek answers usually to find hope when I am feeling desperate.  Of course we know that these “years” are the time our teens are seeking independence, finding themselves and in order to do so, start to pull away from us, their parents.  We suddenly become extremely annoying.  Maybe I should just say I become extremely annoying.  And apparently weird.  And yet other times, I know they think I’m funny though they probably hate to admit it.  I guess what I do so often when totally annoyed is try putting myself in their place.  Doing so, really do help.  At least sometimes.  Butting heads hurts.  Me.  I’m sure it hurts them too.

*Pick my battles.  Yup!  I remember Tyler and Jordan, maybe grade 6 or 7, both wanting to dye their hair.  It’s hair.  It’s dye.  It’s will wash off.  They may ask to do stupid things… like Max’s most recent foolishness of a reverse Mohawk.  Sanj was so appalled.  And yet… it’s summer, we have no wedding or events.  Max will have to deal with the repercussions of ugly hair.  Fine.  And you know what?  He seemed to truly enjoy this foolishness.  Now I wish I could say that we did not have to deal with issues such as drinking and weed but we have.  And these issues … there is no wiggle room.  Period.  It’s not acceptable in our house.  Period.  Sadly, we have had to say that certain friends are not welcome due to their habits.  I hate that.  Yet as the boys are forming their own moral code… they must respect ours.  We have to pick our battles.

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Room to just be… This is a long weekend coming.  Wahoo.  As we go through the “years,”  I think we are pretty good at giving our boys room to do their thing.  This weekend we have plans … short things like overnight in TO and taking in a Blue Jays game.  This will require us to rent a vehicle… as we are in between at the moment.

I asked Tyler and Jordan if they wanted to go with us (booking a hotel usually requires 2 rooms for us…) and also wanting to give them freedom to do their own thing with their buds.  Jordan asks me what vehicle we are getting…. saying if it’s something cool, he’ll come.  lol Tyler looks at him and snickers, “Because you are so special, you’ll grace us with your presense if there is a cool car?”  Haha… with so many siblings, many a time and siblings take over and put the other in their place. lol  I’ve learned to let them have room to just be.

Ok… so this is a long post with stuff that I’ve slowly been learning as we navigate through the “years” together.  I adore my boys and am so grateful that I always have constant help from up above!!! Thank you, God, for your constant guidance, forgiveness and love.

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