This time next week, the boys will have completed their first day of school and life will be heading back to more routine and schedule. This last week is busy with all that last minute stuff and I am mourning the end of summer. No I am not one of those moms that are happy to see the school year here… and my kids gone. I actually enjoy the casualness of our days that summer allows.
Today I was in the office to babysit one of Sanj’s employee’s babe. With a cutie- I believe he was 10 months old. Josh came along with me to babysit and loved every minute of it. I was grateful that he didn’t ask again, if we could have a baby! Josh was great with the baby and the baby seems to reciprocate the same back his enjoyment. Wow, I forgot about baby mode! God definitely knew what He was doing having us reproduce at a younger, energetic age! LOL Again— not sure how the biblical Sarah did it!!!
Today I was confronted with feeling like I was in high school again. Friendships… and the silly games that get played. I saw someone at the mall who for a while, I was close to. Then for some truly unknown reason, she withdrew and we are not friends. Weird. I made the effort a few times. Yet as one would act in high school, so was it treated. I have to admit smh many a time, feeling the hurt of confusion and having it unresolved. I hate that feeling … and sadly, I’ve had that happen with three specific friendship where I thought we were all that and then suddenly (and I do mean suddenly) it’s like we broke up. I take friendship seriously so I’m an all or nothing gal. I don’t get it. I have a lot of girlfriends in Peterborough that are my friends. And I appreciate them and the fact that we can go out for coffee and catch up and hug and know that I’m here and will be for you. till we make the effort to catch up again. Then there is that close circle of friends. The older I get, the smaller that circle becomes. I get that it’s a reality of life. I also get that time and life have a way of making some relationships grow.
I guess as most of my boys are finally growing out of elementary age and on to high school…and college, it changes things too. Maybe this is a cycle of life. I don’t know. Yet as I saw this former friend, I still felt pain and betrayal. I suppose a piece of me wants to lash out. And yet know I won’t.
When Sanj came home, as we were chatting he made a passing comment that a friend… someone I was close to for a period of time… and then life came and she moved and we become more social passing by friends, died. She died of an aggressive cancer. I am shocked. And saddened. And wonder if she knew she was a special part of me for that time. I wonder if she knew that I loved her and appreciated that piece of her that was in my life?
Then I wonder about these unresolved relationships… do I address them with a letter? Do I just find a way to let it go? Will I be sorry that they were unresolved it I found out they passed?