Today was the first day back to school after March Break. It was quiet. it was calm. Despite the chore of lunches and the usually morning chaos… I had time to just be! Josh seemed to understand this and was calm too.
We had nothing special planned over the break. Just took it one day at a time. We saw some movies, did some shopping, had friends over, got some rooms better organized and ended the week by going to Toronto to the Hockey Hall of Fame.
My boys could live at that place. HOCKEY… apparently when I say they live it, breathe it, sleep it… this is a literal thing.
They had a great time. They ate up the history of the sport and its larger than life players.
I was bored. I looked for a lounge but apparently this was not thought of in the planning of the place. The shopping was limited to hockey… I had to restrain myself. 🙂
As I was thinking of the time over the March break… I realize that I set my self up every time. I love being with my boys. I love planning things that create memories for our family. Yet I am always left a bit (sometimes a lot) disappointed with the bickering and nattering that happens. it over takes the pleasantness that was imagined in my mind.
I want them to love each other and enjoy each other. Yes, they do this in small doses yet seldom does it happen as a brotherhood of the six of them. It makes me unhappy to be in this state with them on what is suppose to be a happy vacation time.
What I realized today is that I take it personally. The fact that they are not loving and always getting along makes my attack my parenting skills. If I was doing something better… they would act better. It seems ridiculous to assume that I would ever parent perfectly… thus I suppose that it seems ridiculous to expect my sons to be “picture perfect.”
Oh what a drop back to reality. I can hardly expect more than I can do myself.
So I will take the week to get back to routine… catch up on laundry, finish a few projects and head back to the gym.
I will continue to better myself as a person and parent. I hope to lead through example. Living and Loving as a parent is not an easy task. Living and Loving as brothers… not as easy task.
Having the opportunity to live and love as a family… painful, frustrating, exhausting, ( I really do not need to go on… right) yet one of my most cherished blessings.