So you remember that show? I used to watch an occasional episode when I was in my 20s.
I never really understood it.
I am 40+ now and look back at the last 10 years and realize that it was hard.
I was talking to my girlfriend and as we chatted, I realized that as I was going through my 30s, they were lonely. What I mean by that is I had my friends and life was good. But we never really chatted about the nitty gritty of it all.
I never realized that many women struggle with non ending demands of motherhood… babies, toddlers, meals, laundry, work and juggling all that with being all you think you should be for your husband.
Sex. Really… it is OK to not want it or need it. There are too many things DRAINING you. It is normal. This always worried me. It is such a key to a happy marriage… it is a necessity… the key is finding a happy medium.
Men are so different. Sex revitalizes them. They need it in a different way then women do.
I was always wondering what happened to my sex drive… um… it became buried under piles of diapers, meals, laundry and life.
My early 30s were me learning who I was meant to be. It was understanding and figuring out the balance that worked for us as far as the in-laws and my own family. It was me defining or trying so hard to define me despite being mommy and wife and 101 other roles.
It was redefining or maybe defining marriage and what works for both of us. It was about finding balance and not losing each other in the piles…
Wow. It was hard work. It was full of memories… of baby making, baby raising and surviving babyhood. Surviving is not a bad thing. I didn’t realize that I was just trying to survive because while in that moment… I loved it!
But as the later 30s came, I realized that I had been lost. All the roles were demanding and draining and of course full of lots of love and loving. But really it is OK, I think, for us as moms to say… it’s hard. Very hard.
I am not sure that the dads always get it. And that is just because they are made differently. Why would God create moms X2?
As I came out of my 30s, I think would have made it easier is knowing… really knowing that this is hard, it can be lonely, and all encompassing. It may not be about you very often.
But … it is so worth it and it is a phase.
40s… as I embrace it… I am loving it. Babies… are done. (sniff sniff) But this new phase of everyone buckling themselves in the van, putting shoes on, simply telling them, (yes nagging them) to do things, is different than always doing it for them.
I love that the needing is still there, very much so, but it is different. It is fulfilling. It is rewarding in different ways. And now… there is me. I see myself despite the piles.
I see me. I can find me. Sometimes I am not sure what to do with me that I see.
It is exciting to have moments to think… what do I want?
I am writing because I just want to encourage those in the 30 Something. It is an amazing time. It is a special time. Enjoy it. Yet when you get lost in the piles… know that this to shall pass. It is a phase. You are awesome. Just hang tight and enjoy the ride.