My Zachary Thomas…

I have been thinking of my Zachary lately.

He is such a force of life.  He is full of energy, mischievousness, love and perseverance.
He is the child that never lets his size stop him.  He loves keeping up with his brothers.
He loves being with Sanj.  He keeps up with him while he is raking leaves or shovelling the rink.

Yet life isn’t the easiest for him.  At school, he really struggles with friends.  His class is small, and the selection of boys is few.  I never thought this would be an issue.  He is so social.  Yet because he is having trouble finding his place within his peers, he heads over to the older ones.  Yet the only thing he knows to do with that age is what he does with his brothers… drives them crazy by being a nuisance.

It breaks my heart to hear him talk.  He will tell you that he has his one friend.  The others may be his friend if they are allowed (by their clingy counterpart).  In grade 2, he already deals with boys that says “you can’t be _____ friend, or I won’t be yours.”

Then there is his body image.  This is so disturbing to me.  He is seven years old.  He told me he was fat.  He pointed to his thighs and belly. Yikes.  Where does this come from?  Why are these thoughts in his head?  Someone told him he had chubby cheeks.  He takes that as he is fat.

Then there is his on-going struggle with school.  He is a struggling but making progress reading and writing.  His fine motor skills are not quite there.  He goes around saying  “I can’t read” because he can’t read as good as others.

His cousin beat him at UNO, she is younger.  He was so hurt.  Yet he is the kind of kid that hides his tears.  I saw the struggle and told him to come and give me a hug.  He did and then sobbed quietly till he got himself under control.

He isn’t the child that will make others feel bad.  He is a great host.  I love how he entertains children when they come over.  He is helpful and thoughtful.  He is aware of others needs and feelings.

My Zachary is such a trooper.  I wish life wasn’t so hard.  I wish he could find that great side kick.  He will be fine in school, especially because he doesn’t give up.  

How much I love this babe of mine.  How much I want him to see the unique gift he is to us.  How I want him to know how to love himself.  How I want him to learn not to judge himself by what others say or do.

My heart hurts for his insecurities.  I wonder how to fix that.  I wonder where I went wrong with him?  

He does everything with passion.  I love watching him in hockey.  If we forgot a practice, it is painful to tell him… because he looks so disappointed.  He loves being with his brothers.
He even loves being beaten up by them after he has annoyed them because he loves the attention.

This is the child that stuck a raisin up his nose… just because…
This is the child that grab the hot iron… to see what would happen just because…
This is the child that loves to build and destroy.
This is my boy that came to me yesterday… “Um, Mom… a little problem.  I put some dog food in the bathroom sink and now it is plugged up.  I tried to take it apart but it won’t.  Sorrrrrryyyyyyy.”

God, I love this kid!  He makes my heart hurt from feeling the oozing of love.

I am so glad that this lovely boy is my son.  I am so glad that I get the privilege of being loved by him.  I know he is awesome and life is going to see it.  I just can’t wait for him to see it!

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