From one of my readers:
“… I agree with many things that you say (even though I don’t have kids yet). I too need girls weekends and most of my girlfriends live in Toronto or back home (4 hrs away!). I have girlfrinds through my husband …but its hard to make friends when you’re in your 20s and older!
After reading your blog..my personal question to you is: How do you keep yourself happy with everyone always at hockey. You have it 5x harder than I do and I already feel like a hockey widow at times!
OH… I am so happy… a question! lol
Here’s the thing, when Sanj and I were first married, I have to admit, it was a very hard year.
Many people will say that the first year of marriage is hard. For me, it was for many other reasons…
Sanj and his brother owned a house together so the three of us lived together. That was fine and fun for the most part. Then a cousin needed a place to stay from England… that made 4 … and was very hard on me.
I was such a different person when 15 years ago. I was such a pleaser and wanted to be the perfect wife etc. It took me a while to understand that change can’t happen unless I state my unhappiness or opinions.
I was such a different person when 15 years ago. I was such a pleaser and wanted to be the perfect wife etc. It took me a while to understand that change can’t happen unless I state my unhappiness or opinions.
Aside from that, I had a very tight circle of girlfriends… in university, where we were always there for each other. It was such a special time. After graduation, we all moved all over North American. I moved to Canada. Here I had no one. It was a very lonely time.
Sanj had me yet he also had his sports (hockey, football and baseball), he had his music (which involved a singing group and playing for various venues). He had work and had his family and a unit of friends that hung out.
He had his whole life here. Me… I won’t lie… I was very lonely. This was before flat rate or internet was accessible to everyone. We spent big bucks on phone bills as I stayed in touch with my friends and family. I was lonely.
I am not sure what I would have done differently… because I was still finding me out. I wrote… journaled a lot. I read a lot. I didn’t have a social circle. I wasn’t confident enough back then to seek one out.
I remember when Sanj got a computer at his office, I would drive up to Peterborough and spend the day on the computer. Microsoft Word was my friend. I wrote and wrote.
I was so excited to get pregnant. It was all I wanted… to be a mom. I think I also felt that I would have someone just for me. Of course, I don’t recommend that motherhood is a fix to loneliness… but I was ready… we were ready.
Sammy rocked my world. I loved him and loved being his mommy.
We got a computer at home and internet. AOL was my reconnection into my life I was missing.
Sure I went to some of his games. I was engaged in his life… but I can tell you that a huge part of me was missing.
We moved to Peterborough the year after and I had a house to care for and a baby. Of course, now my mom lived with us. There was always someone that lived with us for the first 5 years of our lives together. That part was weird but I guess it is also who we were. Our home has always been open to those that needed a place.
From this point… I was mom to many babies very quickly (by choice and planned). I loved it. I was still lonely as far as having friends. I missed my friends so much. There is nothing like having a best girlfriend(s) that you can just complain, share and chat.
I still miss those friendships. Those friendships that you make from that time period in life are just so different than the ones you make later.
I didn’t find fulfillment in girlfriends till the boys went to school. There I found a place that was for me as well as the boys. Soon as the boys had play dates, I started meeting moms that soon became friendships.
It is the natural process of things, I suppose.
I tell all this to say this… when I was in my 20s, as is this reader asking the question… I was lonely. I wish I was able to give you more than that … but it is the truth. It was hard for me to be in a new place and meet people. In Peterborough, it may be easier… maybe finding a common thing.. the gym (I hear, lol, is a great place…, reading groups, take a class for fun, photography, church groups…
How I handle being a hockey mom and widow now… I have to admit, 85% of the time… I love and appreciate the quiet time of being home… yet usually it is never alone.
I can be honest and say that this year, I have been lonely. With hockey, for Sanj also, his work, his meetings, coaching the boys and his (ugh) doctoral classes… I have been lonely. We haven’t’ had the time to just be. Yet, I know this is only a season. Doctorate will be done in April… Hockey.. 5is weeks and counting!
This said, I could really use a girls night out. That is when guilt takes over. I really hate leaving the boys home, especially on the weekend. That is my own issue, of course. Yet I do really enjoy them snuggled on my bed on a Saturday night watching Hockey Night in Canada.
Loneliness is a part of life, I think. Even when you are in the midst of people, you can be lonely. The fix for loneliness is connection. For me, anyway, I love people. I feed off this. I am at my happiest when I make a connection, though. It is one of the reasons I love blogging. I love the anonymous’ that I connect with, I love connecting through this means. For me
Loneliness is a part of life, I think. Even when you are in the midst of people, you can be lonely. The fix for loneliness is connection. For me, anyway, I love people. I feed off this. I am at my happiest when I make a connection, though. It is one of the reasons I love blogging. I love the anonymous’ that I connect with, I love connecting through this means. For me
So.. maybe you are asking the wrong person. I really do enjoy writing and watching a chick flick when time allows. I appreciate Facebook that allows me to be in touch with so many of my friends from yesteryear.
So.. I guess in many ways…. I am a hockey widow still and always will be. It is part of my lot in life. At the same time, as I watch them play, working it out on the ice… I am glad and grateful that this… hockey is a part of their world… as I know it could be so much other yucky stuff.
Does anyone want to chime in?