What a busy day today has been! It poured rain, so I was dodging in and out of places, trying to avoid getting too wet. Tyler left this morning for his class trip to Ottawa. I am sure he is going to have a great time.
I think I am tired because of all the usual reasons to be tired in June. Then there are the emotional stresses that are exhausting me. I am always amazed at adults that act so childish. I am embarrassed at Christians that act so un-Christlike. I am forever shocked when friends forget to act like friends… or when a friendship seems to come to a halt and you don’t know why.
I feel like my feelings have been given a good beating. I saw a friend yesterday I haven’t seen or heard from in a while despite my attempts to call and email. Weird. I am not sure what I did. I even asked if I did something? I didn’t get much of a response. Ouch. That was hurtful.
I am struggling with my in-laws lack of emotion towards me. I am not sure why I am so not likeable/loveable but they don’t seem to think I am as special as I think I am! lol This has been our history from day 1. Why do I care? I don’t know. I guess because I have bent over backwards to be the kind of daughter-in-law that I know God would want me to be… and yet I get nothing. It is that whole favouritism thing again. At least they are consistent… my family get the short end of the deal every time.
Yesterday, at graduation, the school gives out an award to the volunteer of the year. As embarrassed as I was to be on the receiving end of it, I was honoured. I was glad that my mom was present to share in this and was pleased that my in-laws were there too. Yet, they did not say one word about it. I was hurt. I wanted them to be proud of me. I wanted them to see a side of me that they don’t… the side that loves our school and is a part of our family. I was hurt. Actually, I was very hurt. I have received the short end of the stick from these folks from day one. Yet, from day one, I have only been true to me and done the right, loving thing. I have spent 15+ years turning the other cheek, forgiving, reaching out and loving as these are the folks that bore Sanj, the man I adore.
SIgh. I don’t know why I do try. I sometimes just get so weary of being good. It must take a lot of energy to be ugly all the time. This makes me so sad for my children. They deserve so much. If given a chance, my in-laws could have their cup overflowing with the deliciousness of my babes. It makes me so sad that they just don’t see the blessings in front of them.
I am sure this will not be so bothersome in a few days. It is just that so many wonder what do I do? I was so pleased for my in-laws to “see” what I do. It isn’t matter. Of course, as I do what I do for the love of this wonderful place and my children and it is what God often calls me to do.
I just feel slighted. This too shall pass.
So… I will end with a funny story:
We took the boys to see Karate Kid on the weekend. Great movie, by the way! It is set in China so there are subtitles at times. Sanj leaned over to Zach to make sure he was able to understand what was being said… my sweet, delightful Zach looks at his dad and asks in awe, “You speak Chinese?”
Kids… what a special gift they are! Yes…. I am blessed!