Living Loving Breathing Boys

It is no secret that Josh and I share a special bond. He is especially attached to me. I know the doctor or Sanj… who ever cut the cord… thought they did… but they didn’t do a good job. He is attached.

Today I took the boys to the ski hill. Josh really wanted to ski (so he thought). I told him that he would have to have a teacher… because I can not ski. After a lot of humming and hawing… he decided that he could smile to this teacher and learn from him.

As soon as Josh saw the guy… I could see doubt and fear. So I puttered with them for a minute… not realizing that this “teacher” was going to take my baby on that dreaded and much feared ski lift… (one of the reason I have no desire to ski).

Oh my gosh! My heart was racing… yet as Josh slowly walked from me… very slowly, I do believe, we took the first step to cutting that cord.

I was so proud of him!!! I am sure he must have been scared and unsure yet he preserved!

Josh went up and down that hill 4 times!!!

He had a great time! He is on his way to becoming a skier!

And I am that much closer to becoming an undisturbed chalet bunny!

Zach is determined to become a snowboarder. He took a lesson last year and again this year insisted that he try again.
It is quite a effort. Yet he did it… he has such a spirit!

Needless to say my young ones were fast asleep with no effort!

Valentines is this weekend. I hate Valentines. As much as I hate the made up holiday… I am a huge fan of love!

Sanj got tickets to see Sound of Music for us. We get to spend Saturday night in Toronto… just us!

Sanj’s brother and wife (hope she knows) are keeping the boys.

This means no meals to be made, no nagging, no laundry! Yah!

Anonymous asked how Sanj and I met… those of you who know… skip to another blog 🙂

Sanj and I went to the same university in Michigan. (Andrews University… it is part of the Adventist church system).

I was a freshman and thrilled to be in the real world (sorta) and discovering myself without constant fear.

Sanj was a Junior and “in love” with a girl.

The next year we both ended up at an Indian potluck on campus seeking out homemade food.

We became friends (well, really, he tolerated me and my hyperness).
I had a crush on him. He was busy tending to his broken heart. (cue violins)

We remained friends for the 8 or so years as we lived our own lives. (I dated… he went to grad school at George Washington).

Sanj came for my graduation.

It was a weird weekend. He just looked at me different one night.
(This, I am sure, was a God thing),

When I told my girlfriends he kissed me… they were genuinely confused. Who did? lol

This rest is history. Once we reached this point… we knew we were together.
It was a little scary to change from friendship to relationship and yet it was the most natural thing to do.
We dated 2 years and then got married.

Of course this is a synopsis of our story.
Someday, Anonymous, when you and I met… I will tell the whole story if you are interested. 🙂

When Sanj came into my life… it just got better. I loved being with him. He made me laugh. He made me mad. He made me happy and sad. He made me feel love… real love. He loved me back. That never really happened before.

So as much as I hate Valentines… the commercialism and how it makes people feel… I love My Valentine.

As I am writing the blog below… this particular picture causes me great distress. I posted it and then took it off. So here I am posting it again.

I hate this picture. I used to look at it and wonder “Who will ever love me?”

Look at the teeth (sorry Tyler!) and glass!
Just everything about me makes me cringe and wish I didn’t look like that.
Even now.

Oh I can laugh… but deep down even now, I hate this picture.
So I am posting again… just to look at it and breathe.

The words to a song come back to mind”

In His time….
He makes all things beautiful in His time…

Thank you God, for continuing to work on me.

The last bit I have been having dreams about high school.

Those years were not pleasant years for me. I was more in a survival mode.

I disappeared into my dream world a lot. Reading took me away too.

I went through high school wishing … I wished I was popular. I wished I had more friends. I wished I was invited to sleep-overs. I wished boys liked me. I wished that I had nicer clothes… (especially Hang Ten). I had a lot of wishes.

I have pictures on graduation with alot of the people in my class, smiling, looking like I did belong. Funny how pictures can lie.

I grew up. I found me. I eventually grew to like me. I learned that if I come out of my shell, there are great friends just waiting to be my friend.

My 20th high school reunion came. My two buddies (that eventually became very good friends after high school) and I decided we would go back.

Here is the craziest thing. I am so not what I was in high school. I am actually the opposite of me then. Yet as I entered that world again, I became me from that time.
Crazy!

I could feel myself withdrawing, and feeling scared and unwanted. Yet I couldn’t stop myself.

Grrr. I am so frustrated with myself. I was shy and awkward. And what was more frustrating was I couldn’t stop myself.

Why couldn’t I just go up to the teachers or former classmates and chat? What was wrong with me?

No one in my life today would believe the me from yesterday. Yet I am sure that my friends from yesterday really couldn’t believe the me today.

Frustrating. But maybe this just comes down to getting past the point of what others think. Obviously subconsciously I do.

Maybe there is a part of me that wants yesterday to know that really I was and would have been worth the effort. That deep inside me there the me that no one really knew.

Does it matter? Maybe, though I know it shouldn’t. Maybe putting it out on paper will get it out of me. I am tired of dreaming of the high school days. I am tired of beating myself up for becoming me again.

Really I am just not wanting to care about it.

Then again, I maybe do not regret the geek years because I can so relative to so many people that suffer through this even as adults. I hate seeing cliques. I hate people being left out. I hate exclusion.

So how do I end this? I have to accept that perhaps that geeky, gawky Reema is still in me. I have to get to loving and accepting her too.

Hum… this may require a bit of time.
Total acceptance of me.

Sanj took Josh and Zach to meet Bob the Builder.

They were so excited. Well Zach said he was too big to go, but went for Josh! 🙂

It was a great show and they had a wonderful time.

Sanj left feeling very old. Half the parents were half his age and the others were grandparents.

Oh well, Sanj and I will be grey haired parents taking our baby to JK next year.

This is just a ridiclous blog about a ridiculous wish. If I had all the money, and there were no starving children… this would be a dream!

I love speed. I love driving fast. I love that control. I love the feeling of “oh… how did I get to ___ mph?”

I love cars.

Luxury cars.

Obviously that has been set aside for the next x number of years!

Getting from 0-120 km usually takes me till the time I get to school in my dear old 12 passenger van! lol
(Don’t even get me started on GM &^%$!!!)

So in another world here’s my car:

It is called the Hope Diamond. 1.45 million dollars, if anyone wants to get me a treat! What a beauty!

Sammy is off to high school in September!

So many emotions flood through me. The biggest one being sadness that he is leaving Rhema. It has been wonderful to know that my children are love and cared for by wonderful teachers.

It is also so nice to know that all my boys are together. I can pop in and get a hug, or a peek at what is going on, or just grab one for lunch. Rhema has been so much a part of who we are as a family. While the change over the last year has change some of that I still know we will get what we put in.

High school. How do you decide? There isn’t a christian school in Peterborough. So initially, we had decided on a Catholic high school. That choice was made for many reasons, many of them academic and some were made for the sports side of things.

Yet as the days begin to tick down… as the time to check out the high school open houses approached things seemed unsettled.

The weird thing is that Sanj and I were thinking the exact thing yet just had not verbalized it to each other yet.

There is a teacher that has taught our children. She is a wonderful teacher, person and mother. She had a son that really struggled with the wrong crowd. Their family went through a great deal as a result.

We never forgot what she said… something along the lines of making sure your child has a strong social group… as that is ultimately what is so important.

This came to our minds… and we realized that academically Sammy will get what is needed in what ever high school he goes to. Yet what do you remember most of high school? Probably your social group… the one you did belong to and the one you maybe wished you belonged to.

So came the choice. The high school that we chose is one where his core group of friends is going. It also is a school that our youth pastor has a great program happening for the students.

Suddenly as we made this decision there as peace. I believe that Sammy is going to be great wherever he goes. He is a wonderful child. I pray that God just works in his life. Sammy is will a great _________ (whatever he choose to be).

As we talked to other parents… it was so interesting how many parents remembered this teacher/parent’s words.

Sometimes it really does suck going through the crap. But how wonderful to let your experience be used by God and work in others lifes.

Special thanks to Mrs. H. You are such a blessing!

One of the things about parenting that stresses me out is the decisons.

Not the ones that effect me… but rather the ones that I have to make for my boys.

I always hope and pray that I am doing the right thing.

I hope that as they grow in to men that they will know that all our decisions were made from love.

Today we made one of those hard decisons. There was no easy answer.

It was a hard day.

It is hard to see any one of my kids struggle, no matter how big or little that stuggle is.

I think that Zach is struggling with friends. He wants to be friends with a couple of boys, but they are rather exclusive.
Then he seems to bounce from other children but maybe not making a real connection.

He is such a social child. He is also an attention seeker. He does not use the best ways to get attention either.

My poor baby. I hope that it all will work itself out.

Being in a christian school doesn’t mean that we act like christians all the time.

It is hard to watch hurts of my children. It is hard to just give them the tools, pray for them and then hope really hard that the love they have coming their way will bandaid those owweee.

Decisons. Choices. Consequences. Life.

We love living in the country yet are still adjusting to the “perks” that come with it.

In the garage was a horned owl. Sanj, being the nature man, himself, went about catching it.

These pictures tell the story. What a neat little adventure!

I don’t mind winter for the most part. I love the 4 seasons… the changes. My favorite season is fall. I love it. The leaves, the colors and I love sweatshirt weather.

The lack of a rink this year has made winter long. My boys live on the rink. So it has been missed.

Groundhog Willy said 6 more weeks of winter. Yesterday was gorgeous! Sunny and warm for the middle of winter.

I am ready to play outside without having to get ready to go out!

I am ready to say goodbye to winter.

Moments. Parenting is about moments. Or maybe this is how I have to think. If I look at the big picture with the fighting and teasing… I can only wonder why I ever thought I was cut out for this.

Yet, in a day, there are those moments that I can be proud. So I am looking for the moments. Reflecting on those moments that I feel good about my boys.

While at the mall yesterday, the boys and Sanj got things that they needed/wanted. While Sanj was finishing up, we sat waiting. Sammy says, “Mom, you bought us all stuff… I can watch them. It is your turn to go. GO!”

Sweet!

As we were going to hockey, I grabbed the door since Jordan had his hands full with his hockey bag. Yet he grabs the door, and insists that I go first.

Moments.

These moments hopefully add up to build a fine young man. And looking back it will hopefully be those moments that I will reflect on.

My Boys! Are they not beautiful? Yes I know I am bias.

They are sick of me and my camera. They hate getting dressed up yet I love the end result.

After the funeral, we went to a mall in Toronto. Interest how much my two older ones are growing. I always bought their jeans (usually Old Navy)… and they never had an opinion. Well today as they shopped it was interesting to see them pick out things.

The fade of the jeans they picked were a lighter fade then I pick. I already wore the lighter fade and it just seems yucky. Yet obviously it is back. They picked jeans with a button down fly… and just looked all grown up.

I loved watching them shop. It was great to see them take notice of what looks good on them and what didn’t.

Zachary is a shopaholic. He loves clothes. And he has opinions.

A trip to the mall (outside of Peterborough) may just have to remain a luxury.

Today was a day that was filled with so many emotions. I was excited about seeing the Knight family. I was filled with memories flooding in from a very happy period in my life. My university days, despite the boy dramas I brought on myself where wonderful years.

The Knights are such a big part of those memories.

I was proud of bring MY family to see them again. I was really looking forward to seeing Jono and Jess. I have not seen the kids in a few years at least.

As we walked into the church, Ju saw me and gave me the longest hug. I needed that … I didn’t even know it. Then there was seeing my first set of kids. I got to see them grow up. They are GROWN and TOWERING over me!

My 2 and 4 year old are now 22 and 24! Wow!

My boys were great. The service was wonderful and good for my soul. I missed church… church that ministered to me.

I was sad to leave and say goodbye. I realized that I am in such a good place when I am with them. This is what home must feel like.

I went home today. It was a very short time. But it was very good for my soul.

One of the greatest things about having a heavenly Father is that He knows just exactly what you need when you need it!
When I was in university I met a wonderful family that allowed my to become one of them.

There was the dad… David and the loving mom, Juliet and then the 2 children. Jonathan was 4 and a bit when I met him and Jessica was 2. I ended up living with them and baby-sitting for room and board. But really that was just the technical stuff to make my parents feel OK with this arrangement. They truly adopted me.

David was the dean of men and Ju was a nurse. They lived on campus and so I had the best of both worlds. A great place to crash and yummy food and yet was still part of the campus life.

God placed this family in my life to show me what “normalness” was. It was a place where love was seen and heard. I had a healthy role model of what moms and dads should look like.

David has become my dad. Adopted yet more of a dad in so many ways. I remember the one night I stayed out too late. Ohhh… was I in trouble. I was on a date. I was in my own world. Yet, not being one to abuse the privileges I had, he was upset. He didn’t even talk to me when I came in.

Boy was I in trouble. Yet really he was simply worried about my saftety. I was out way too late. I had not told them where I would be or called. They were just worried. Later, when all was OK… he said, “Did you at least get a kiss out of it?”

Then there is Ju. This lady has a heart of gold. Yet if you get in Ju’s black book… you are done. I always prayed that I would ever do anything that would put me in Ju’s black book.

I look back now and continue to be amazed at how she opened her home and family so graciously and embraced me. She made the best Sabbath meals and always welcomed others to join.

She loves her children more than anything. Jono and Jess were blessed children.

This family still keeps in touch. Whenever they are in town (Toronto) with a huge family to see there, we always recieve a call and usually a surprise visit. They always say “your family…”

It is so wonderful to see the boys developing their own relationship with them now.

Sanj knew David from his days at university too. They were thrilled when I began dating Sanj. I remember Ju’s delighted squeal and David’s high five when I told them Sanj had kissed me.

This family changed my life in so many ways. I had safety with them. You don’t know what a gift that is especially if it is something that you take for granted.

Tomorrow we are going to Toronto to the funeral of David’s mom. She lived a good life and was 90 years old. She is at peace now. So we will celebrate her life.

I am so excited to see all of the family members. I feel like I am going home. I can’t wait to see and hug each of them!

I am so grateful that God in His wisdom placed people in my life to guide me, love me, and influence me in ways I could never see till much later.

This is a picture of David with the boys a few weeks ago.

Today my dearly loved husband was born. What a wonderful day! I am so thankful that God brought him into this world.

Sanj is such a unique person. I doubt there is any one like him. He is the hardest worker I know. He works out first thing in the morning (I don’t even call this hour morning)! He then comes home so he can spend a few usually harrowing minutes helping me get the boys out the door.

Then he is off to the office. Here he is Mr. Kind and Loving to all his patients. He listens to them. He actually has one little old lady that comes in just with made up excuses… to chat. Sanj books her in … knowing full well she is just lonely.

He probably charges as much as he doesn’t. He knows who needs a break and gives it to them.

Let’s not even talk about the hearing aids he just donates! He has such a generous heart and spirit.

He is fiercely loyal. I use the word fiercely… because DO NOT MESS with the ones he loves or calls his friend.

He can hold the worst grudge! He still holds a grudge against a now 8th grader (Sammy’s class) for her obnoxiousness is SK!!! lol

He is the most talented musician. Give him an instrument… he can or will play it!

He is a great outdoors man. He can name critters and spit information without a second thought.
(I usually give him a hard time about all the USELESS information he keeps wasting his brain cells on)!
He is a great story teller.
He is a great athletic.

He is a great friend.
He is a fabulous father.
Sanj is a wonderful (yet can be pain in the butt) husband.

I am so blessed to have this special man in my life.

Thank you God for giving me the missing link to my life.
Thank you for this kind loving man that I am blessed to share my days and nights with.
Thank you for the boat load of children we have the privilege of sharing our life with.
Thank you for our life together.

Please Bless this dear soul… with even half as much love, joy and happiness he brings to those around him.
Happy Birthday my dearest Sanj!
I love you!

I looked through the many pictures of Sanj… yet this one captures his true self!

What a beautiful day today was! The sun was shining and the temperature was wonderful!

The boys and I took the ATV out and I had my first ride! Oh dear… it could get addicting!

I was impressed with the boys ability to take turns without fighting and any adult intervention!
Hum… amazing what they are really capable of!

The wonderful thing about my boys is they are such encouragers. Growing up, I sucked at all things athletics. I feared gym time. Actually I hated it. I was the last one chosen, followed by groans and then presided to fail at catching, throwing or serving the ball. I had some pretty mean kids in my class, in retrospect and a teacher that was oblivious.

I would be in the field, during football and just pray. “Please dear God, DON”T let that ball come here.” Or… “Please dear God, please let me just once CATCH the ball!”

It has permanently damaged my self esteem where any sport or anything requiring co-ordination is concerned.

It isn’t fun for me. I don’t ever want to feel like I am letting a team down. I don’t want to ever feel that feeling of inadequateness again, so I usually do not even attempt it.

The thing with my six boys is they love sports. They are athletic at one sport or another. They love it. I love that they love it.

They don’t expect me to jump in. It isn’t what I do. I am the mom that cooks and feeds them when they are finished. I cheer for them and watch their games. But I don’t jump in and play.

But when I do… it is the greatest feeling. They make me feel GREAT! They cheer me on. Oh they correct and teach but they don’t taunt. (Of course if they did, I would kick their butt)!

Today, I got dressed and went out to ride the ATV with them. I was a little apprehensive. What if I tipped over or somehow got hurt?

They were so excited that I was going to ride. They showed me how to used it, and then ran behind me in case I got stuck in the snow pile where I had to turn.

It was so great! I did it. I realize this is not really a great feat for most, but for me, it was about fear. Fear of failing at something my 7 year old is awesome at.

Hum… maybe it is time that I stop caring what others think of my athltic skills and really learn to play for the joy of a game.
Hum… isn’t this what I keep reiterating to the boys? Just have FUN.

All that aside, I am so glad God blessed me with a great cheering section all my own!

BTW… the helmet squishes your cheeks together… making them look even more chubby! lol

Ah… it is the sunday of all sundays. Superbowl Sunday.

Next Sunday I have my husband back!

The boys are excited. They all don’t love football but the excitement of this day draws them all in. I love listening to the laughter as they watch the commercials.

I love the camaraderie that is there just for those few minutes. I love the brotherhood. I can’t imagine the ribs, wings and snacks that will be consumed by them in the next few years. The boys can eat!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!
Oh … Go Cardinals!