Living Loving Breathing Boys

While in Maryland, we took my brother’s children and Josh to a petting farm.
This sign was posted once you entered the animals:

I thought this would be a great code to live by for the boys at home! 🙂

May is Better Speech and Hearing month! All my kids had speech issues… of course this was linked to their ear issues. Thank Goodness I know a great AUDIOLOGIST! 🙂

Ear infections, tubes, ENT visits all have been part of my life with pretty much each of my boys. I can not stress the importance of getting their hearing and eyes checked regularly. It does not hurt and can make such a huge difference.

FUN FACTS

Cicadas have their hearing organs in their stomachs.
Crickets have their hearing organs in their knees.
Male mosquitoes hear with thousands of tiny hairs growing on their antennae.
Fish do not have ears but they can hear. They hear pressure changes through ridges on their bodies.
Snakes do not have ears, but their tongues are sensitive to sound vibrations.
In World War One (WWI) parrots were kept on the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France because of their remarkable sense of hearing. When the Parrots heard the enemy aircraft coming they would warn everyone of the approaching danger long before any human ear would hear it.

CHILDHOOD HEARING LOSS

The vast majority of hospitals now offer newborn hearing screening before discharge from the hospital.
All children should be screened for hearing loss before 1 month of age.
85% of all children experience at least one ear infection.
Second-hand smoke in the home increases the risk of middle ear infections and respiratory allergies in children.
Infants may begin to use hearing aids as early as 2-4 months of age.
Federal laws mandate that all school districts must provide specialized education to children with hearing loss.
Even a mild hearing loss can seriously impact a child’s ability to learn in a school environment.

PREVALENCE OF HEARING LOSS & DEMOGRAPHICS

1 out of 10 Americans have a hearing loss — that’s more than 31,000,000 people.
3 out of 1000 children are born with hearing loss.
1.4 million children have hearing loss.
15% of “baby-boomers” (ages 45-64) have hearing loss.
29% of people over age 65 have hearing loss.
The majority (65%) of people with hearing loss are below retirement age.
The majority (60%) of people with hearing loss are males.

Hey.. Get your hearing checked out! If you are local… get a free hearing test @ The Ear Company (705) 741-1114 by mentioning this blog. (This clinic is in Peterborough or Port Hope Ontario)!

Sanj and I were good friends for MANY years before we started dating. So when friendship changed to romance there was not any room for pretense from either of us. We could only be real with each other. He is 3 and a half years older and I simply wanted to impress him when we were in university together. He was (is) so smart and studious. I can remember the only class we took together Philosophy … he was taking notes and I would be doodling in my notebook.

We are opposites. Do they really attract? He is a morning person… I am so NOT! My roommate in university called me the Evil Demon in the morning. He is musical … I sing 6th alto…apparently. He is athletic, I am not. He is, for lack of a better word… uptight… stresses… I tend to be more relaxed. He is a worrywart and I tend to assume it will work out.
He crossed at the crosswalk… I jaywalk. He keeps all the laws where as I tend to bend them, if possible.

He loves school and is a great student… I am not. I love to shop… he does not. I love to go out on the weekends… he would rather stay at home and relax.

OK you get my point. We are so opposite each other. What makes it work? I guess the fact the we ARE opposites. If we were both lackadaisical that would be a total fiasco. If we were both worriers there would likely be heart attacks happening. But as it is, if Sanj has a coronary , i would be there to restart his heart! 🙂

So many couples I know compliment each other traits. Do opposites really attract? Not sure but I am glad that these particular opposites do!

Thank you God, for putting a man in my life that loves me unconditionally, even when I ruin his prized rink, that makes me a better person and allows me to grow within myself.
Thanks that he lets me sleep in, does not ask me to play golf and yet appreciates me in a cute golf outfit!

He loves me all the time… where as my love is dependent on his behavior! 😛

If you told me we were going to make $1800 from other people’s stuff… I may not have been as creeped out! 🙂 GREAT, EH?
It was busy till the end and actually fun! It was a great social time for those that came to help. People that came first thing in the morning stayed till the end.

The kids had a great time looking through the “stuff” and felt victory at a 25 cent thingy. I love the fact that it was about a group of people working together for a common goal of raising money for our kids playground.

The last hour folks could buy whatever they could carry out for $5… you should have seen the delight. This also got rid of a lot of the items. Next year will be even better!

Thanks to all of you that supported in donating, helping and buying the “STUFF”… what a great day it was.

Rhema Christian School is having a HUGE indoor garage sale this weekend. We are FUNdraising for playground equipment!
We spent most of the day sorting thru other people’s STUFF. Maybe because of how we grew up… accepting hand me downs and going to garage sales, I have a very strong AVERSION to other people’s stuff.

Nothing against you folk that go out at 6:30 am and are the “early birds” that yard sale people dislike… please don’t take offense. You keep a whole group of folks delighted. I am just saying it isn’t for me. Touching the stuff, first of all, creeps me out. I feel the need to bathe in scalding water after the fact.

I think what had me distrubed the most the is the CRAP people bring in. If you are having your OWN garage sale.. it is your business. We are a charity… trying to RAISE money… so the fact that people sent stuff homeless people would be offend to receive … that we have to PAY to dump was highly upsetting to me.

Top 3 weird stuff that was donated:
1. handmade dolly thingys
2. a dishwasher rack…
3. a USED TOLIET BRUSH!!!

OK Is that weird or what??? Why not bring your crap in a bag and sell for 25 cents?
The other funny thing was that in the pile of stuff… this family brings in this housewarming present WE had given them!
Guess we know what they thought of it!

God, I pray that you bless our efforts and bring in a huge number of garage sale folks this weekend to the school.
May they find treasures in the midst of all the STUFF. May I find a Zantax pill to help me thru the day. Amen.

If you would like to donate FUNds feel free to contact me!
Happy Victoria Day Weekend!

Going to my brother’s graduation was a nice getaway. I enjoyed the one on one with Josh, who was quite a trooper and just a break from every day. Now I am back to every day life. Sanj and the boys enjoyed a weekend of hanging out doing the daddy thing… which included many desserts, I was told!

Each of the boys express their love so differently or that they missed me. Sammy is just plain expressive… He just says it. We are so alike. Tyler doesn’t say much. He will hug and say “love you” and not much more. Tickling him relaxes him and makes him more expressive but not by much. Jordan doesn’t say much but will call me literally 5-6xs a day just to say something totally not relevent. But he doesn’t say what he is really feeling… I miss you mom. Max is just quiet. The day before I left he was upset and cried over something very minor … so unlike him. The morning I was leaving I had to find him, hanging out on his bunk. He was so quiet and I had to ask him if he was going to miss me… and he mumbles yes. Zachary was clingy. When I returned he didn’t leave my side.

PHEW. They are so different. Yet they love their mom! I need to go away a bit more just to be reminded! 🙂

My baby brother whose diapers I changed graduated with his Doctorate in Ministry! Wow… he has come a long way. I am so proud of him. He has grown into a man that I am proud of and pray that God uses him to continue to change lives.

ONE MORE SLEEP! Tomorrow at this time I will be in hanging out with no kiddies hanging on! Ok I am counting on the fact that my kids do not really read my blog so I can honestly say… I can’t wait!
But again, I can honestly say I miss them already. It is the curse of motherhood… I think. I love them so much but KNOW that by Tuesday night I will be ready to be back in the crazy of it all.

Since I am missing Mother’s Day, tonight we went to dinner and I got flowers, great cards and Grey’s Anatomy DVD series. Sammy heard on the radio today that what most moms wanted most was a night to watch McDreamy and eat popcorn in peace. Cute, eh? I love Grey’s Anatomy and popcorn is my most favorite snacky food.

(What I heard was that moms wanted an afternoon nap… uninterrupted)!

I got all the homemade gifts and they each had their way of making it really theirs. So as I ponder Mother’s Day and being a mom I thank you God, for the gift of my sons. Even in those moments when I think of life all alone with only me to think of … I can’t help but realize this is me 100%. I was made to be mom. It is my biggest blessing and yes, it comes with the moments of cursing too.

It is weird to think that I have been a mom for 12.5 years! I remember being 12 myself and that doesn’t seem too long ago. I want so badly to bless my children with a balance of a “cool mom” and yet still be the mom that they know will beat their little butts if needed! (no not literally… CSA not needed)!

I think of all the moms in my life… thank you for sharing, caring and and being an encouragement to me in your own way.
Happy Mother’s Day to each of you… may you have days filled with knowing you are one of the biggest blessings in your child’s life and that thanks comes in all those small, sticky, yummy, wonderful little ways.

Happy Mother’s Day!

My brother Kumar is graduating with his doctorate this weekend. I am so proud of him! Its Mother’s Day weekend too. So I was torn knowing that its a special day for my kids to show their love for me… and yet really wanting to be there to celebrate with my brother.

So 3 more sleeps! Mother’s Day comes early (Friday) and Josh and I are off to Maryland. I am so looking forward to it! I love spending time with my brother and family. I am looking forward to catching up with Sanj’s cousins and add some shopping to the mix… some great restaurants, no housework or laundry, maybe sleeping in and Josh occupied with Ammama makes for a perfect getaway!

I am surrounded by such motivated, smart people! It is a good thing that I am not too insecure in that area. Sanj is working on his doctorate too. His grades on a test are 128%. Is there a need for that? I hated school and am so glad to be done with it! I love learning… hands on. I hate classrooms and all that pressure of grades.

Funny I chose the profession of teaching eh? 🙂 Well I thought I could make it better. What I didn’t count on was once I had my own kids I wouldn’t have the patience and love for other people’s kids.

So now I am in search of a new career. Real Estate is right now my #1 choice. I love houses. I love the search for the perfect house. Since I spend a lot of computer time on MLS maybe I should get paid for it!

One of my life goals is to write a book. The pressure is on as this is one of my brother’s goals too and I think he has started.
I have so much to say! But does any one really want to hear it? Another one… I am not sure it is really a goal but I would love to be a motivational speaker but since I get sick to my stomach and shake like a leaf when up front that may be on the back burner a while. I would love to do something with photography too. The lotto… would love to win just a couple of million.

Adopt a house full of orphans would be a life dream fulfilled.

Maybe I shouldn’t have written my last blog about nice people. I guess it could get you questioning if that is what you are in my life! If you have this blog address… chances are you are not one of them! But as Sanj and I question some of the people in our lives it also makes me think of how to be a real friend.

It has to be somewhat give and take rather than one sided. I hate when someone says, “we should go see a movie…” and I say “Let me know when!” If I am willing to make the effort and be your friend, I expect the same in return. I find it offensive that people do not follow thru… or rather revealing.

There are so many friends from my AU days that i think of so often and wish we could all hook up and have time to catch up. But I also know some people just aren’t the staying in touch type. Yet there is a price for that inability that effects others too.

Sanj has been thinking of his close friends from high school… they were family to each other as it was a boarding school. Yet none of those people were in his live when we got married. And the people that were in our wedding, 90% of them are not in his life now. He is one of those people that is not a good “stay in touch” person. His 25th reunion was a chance to connect again and question the fluffy people in his life.

As a bystander, watching him go thru this journey, it is a little weird as I wasn’t in his life then. These friends have a bond that I can only see and hear about. I had conflicting emotions as he has a lot of “girl friends” and I had to really chose to allow him that space to connect and be close that I don’t often have to do. But as I watched I also saw that these people are so much of who he has become today. I have enjoyed being allowed to be included in that time and see him outside of himself.

It is so important to allow our spouses autonomy… and not make them feel guilty. I realized that I need to encourage Sanj to connect with these friends one on one as that is the only way that friendship can bloom again. it is not as real when the spouses are tagging along… I don’t think that real conversations can grow with the worry of how a spouse may feel etc.

Yet at the same time while it was great for Sanj to reconnect… it made me feel included when he told me his friends wanted to get back to our place to spend time with me. It is a delicate balance… mixing the past and present… one that draws on trust, love and respect. i suppose that is a good basis for a happy marriage as well as friendship.

Part of the journey in my “metamorphosis” is defining people in my life.
A) There is my family…. Sanj and my boys.
B) There is my immediate family… my parents and brothers.
C) There is the real friends in my life that add and bless my world. (Here would be a great place to have an older mentor friend)
D) NICE PEOPLE… these are the fluff people… the extras in a movie.

My “homework” was to identify the NICE PEOPLE in my life and work on reducing their presence in my life. I realized that there are many … and they are draining. They take, ask too much, tell too much and really add nothing to me as a person. People will tell me things on first meeting… way to much information… a “friend” told me that she had varicous veins in her vagina on first meeting! DID I NEED TO KNOW THAT?

It is about me learning to set up boundries for myself and the people around me. So this has been quite a discovery for me and an even bigger one to really try to live by.

This weekend was Sanj’s 25th alumni from high school. He had 2 friends from high school stay with us, Emily and Janette.
It was a great weekend for Sanj to reunite with yesteryear and renew friendships that meant a lot to him. What was interesting to me was more the whole church thing. Sanj said out of 20 people only 2 were still in the church. Someone missed the boat. Friday night vespers was a recap of the school’s history and then followed by a “time of trouble… the last days are upon us…”sermon. I felt sad that the people who planned the weekend didn’t seem to realize that they were preaching to the choir!

It is also sad for people to not understand that just because one has left a specific denomination does not mean that one has left God. You can not go thru years of Christian schooling and not remember what you were taught. As an adult, it is simply a choice to believe and have a faith that works for you as an adult… it may be different than what you were raised with but different doesn’t have to be wrong.

For me, since I do not focus so much on a specific denomination, I have grown as a Christian in a way I never did focusing on church. It was interesting to see that most people came back for was nostalgic memories, not to be brought back to church. Sanj singing and playing with his friends was more of a spiritual experience than the sermon.

I am not putting down anyone that is fulfilled with a denominational experience. There is a lot of positive that is parting of being in a specific religion but it is not for everyone. It shouldn’t be an assumption that leaving a church is the end of a person’s salvation.

OK reading this back I am sounding preachy. Sorry.

25 years was a long time and then again it was only yesterday. It is amazing how much those years are still so part of who they have become. It was great to meet wonderful people…a couple of half sisters too! 🙂

I wonder what experiences the boys will experience in their coming years and the people it will mold them into.

Thanks Janette, Emily and Greg for sharing the weekend with us. Thanks for being a big part of who Sanj was and taking him back there for a visit. Thanks for welcoming who he is today…hope you get some sleep.

Over the past months I have been going through a lot of changes inwardly. Things that fulfilled me in the years past have now become more of a chore. I have not experienced being unsettled in such a long time these emotions have sent me on quite a journey. After seeing my doctor (who is wonderful) I realized that so much of what I am going through is actually normal to some degree. There is an actual Midlife Metamorphosis that happens to women between the ages of 42-47. I am a couple of years early but nevertheless this is where I am at.

It is a time of reevaluating life as I know it. Josh is not a baby anymore. I am leaving years of that phase behind and so I am redefining me. This is so scary, strange and yet kind of neat. The definition of midlife crisis ” is a sense that the values that have guided you for many years no longer hold meaning. The next stage is identifying old parts of yourself that you’ve suppressed. Those needs and desires can become very important at midlife. They start to take on great power.”

I really thought that I was going crazy. The history of my family scares me so much that I find myself constantly grilling myself to see if I am “normal” which of course I know is relative… but nevertheless…

I am realizing that I am on a journey physically, emotional and especially spiritually. I am so thankful for a doctor that is not afraid to ask the tough questions and wait patiently for me to be able to find the answers I so need to find to metamorphosis into the person I am suppose to be. She is a solid Christian so she holds me accountable in that sense too. Neat, eh?

(Maybe a midlife person shouldn’t be saying “neat).

I will share with you this journey, what I learn and what I do to grow. I am not sure who reads this blog, but if you have comments or thoughts I would love to hear them too.

40 here I come! Lord, Help ME!

My sons for the most part are not bookworms. This is frustating seeing as Sanj and I love to read. Occasionally they will ask for a book and I am always taken back by the craziness that seems to amuse them!

This is the book Tyler is currently reading…”Urgum… The Axe Man” and he will laugh out loud and come read me a line… for example this book is “a riotously funny saga packed with barbarians on horseback, bizarre creatures, interfering gods, man-eating plants and a very disgusting lavatory. ” I used to be so rigid about what they read… but now am glad when they just read!
Another favorite series is Captain Underpants!

So here is a line from Tyler’s book…”A single gassy release from the back of a unicorn could poison every living thing for miles around….” He is cracking up as he shares this with me.

Then they ask if The Kite Runner was a good book? 🙂

1. Pee holes!
2. Life is fast forward!
3. Busy bodies… good sleep!
4. When angry at someone… beat them up and it is over!
5. Fast things are fascinating.
6. When you grow up… you can have a WIFE!
7. You get to choose to be moody!
8. Can pick boogers and eat them!
9. Love their Moms!
10. A little dirt… a little water and you have hours of fun!

Perhaps I am hyper sensitive on the negetivity of boys and perhaps males as a gender . So often I hear “Oh my gosh, i have 2 boys and can’t keep up with them, I don’t know how you do it with 6!” In university I remember so often “Men are DOGS” and I am sure I was guilty of that phrase myself… encountering my share.

I ran into this article…”How Depressing… It’s A Boy” which says that “Depression is one of the most common postpartum medical problems that new moms face. New research suggests that the risk is even higher for those who give birth to boys.”

The article talks about boys being difficult to raise as they are busy, energetic and in constant motion. I have found that raising toddler boys is busy and probably comparing to the girls around us, they wouldn’t normally sit and play dolls, color or what ever quiet activity a girl may do. But I think there is something to be said that the MOM’s raising the sons find the difficulty because we are not MALES. We never experienced the facsinations of playing with our pee hole (as Josh calls it) or tormenting a bug or all the countless things that amuse boys (and some girls). So of course it is DIFFERENT raising sons maybe even difficult. We are in unknown territory.

The article talks about mom’s wanting mini me’s…. that is because it is what is known and who wouldn’t want a redo… a chance to do things better or differently?

We have a unique chance to help mold the next generation of husbands and fathers. I so want my sons to be self sufficent, thoughtful, romantic, to understand PMS, do the little things like hold the door open, dishes, fall in love that lasts forever… understand how to cherish a woman… and know that respect is earned. For them to understand that YOU teach people HOW TO TREAT YOU!

These are just a few of the things I want my boys to learn and be as MEN. Boys are a challenge as well as a privilage to raise. If we change our way of thinking about the males in our lives … it is the self fullfilling prophecy… we believe in them and they believe in them. How great… what an amazing generation will be coming up.

Love your boys, keep them busy, learn to be interested in their interests.

The other day Tyler came and said, ” Mommy which team are your rooting for?” (Yes still hockey… its the playoffs)
I was in a mood and looked at him and said, Tyler I hate hockey… I really don’t care.”
He walked away devastated.
Later I apoligized and said I am cheering for Montreal… and so began our conversation. (Thankfully my kids are very forgiving).

Every morning the boys check the score and let me know how Montreal did. It is another way that is keeping us connected…

I still don’t really care about hockey… and I am sure they know that. But I think they will remember our hockey debates as they grow older and not that I didn’t really care about hockey but that I cared about them (at least I hope so).

It is also a great thing when I know facts about hockey or golf that shock them. 🙂 Thank God for Google and ESPN.

My thoughts are simply boys aren’t difficult or weird… they are just different from us as women. So we have to find out how they need to be loved. Their language is so different. So we have to learn it. Obviously God thought we could do it… that is why he BLESSED us with boys.

I enjoyed the book “The Kite Runner” alot. Therefore I was curious about the movie and was disappointed that it was released only in select theatres. I never understood why one would put so much money into making a movie and then not release it everywhere.

My girlfriend and I watched the DVD. I was really impressed with the effort that went into keeping the movie real. The little boys they picked did a great job! As with any movie version, they had to leave out chunks of the story but it a good job of relating the book.

I don’t know if I would have enjoyed the movie though, on its own without having read the book.

The whole process of making plans to find a new home has lost its appeal. We found a house… that was perfect for us. 3 acres, lots of space in the house to accommadate a house full of busy boys, a great area for hockey in the basement… the list goes on.
The price was right because of the work that needed to be done. So we worked our butts off to ready our house to go on the market. We put in our offer… wouldn’t you know it… there is another offer. This house has been listed for MANY months. NOW there is another offer?

Well despite the fact that we offered more than the asking price, the other offer had no house to sell!

This was heartbreaking for us. Our agent (and friend) warned us not to move in figuratively of course… but too late.

After our agent told us, he said they have between 10-12 am to call us back. Well I stayed up… praying, bargaining, begging… with God… of course if it was His will. At 12am I finally turn off the light and “give up.” 9 minutes later the phone rings! IT IS A MIRACLE!!! I just KNEW that God would come thru… reward my faith. It is the wrong number.

I am so tired. Physically, emotionally and especially spiritually. I need one, God, so badly. I am tired of it ALL having to be so hard, everything. I had the faith of mountains. I always believed. I never doubted. (thus my 6 sons… I was sure God would answer my prayers for a girl). Does it have to be this hard? To believe?

Then there are the things I do not ask… or even perhaps want… such as having a father raised from the dead…for what?
More expectations, hopes and then disappointments. Why? Did I really need more of that?

I need to win one. I really need to see a miracle… to nurture that mustard seed.

Do you ever wonder where “stuff” comes from? I have been purging big time in order to list our home. It is something I dread… strangers walking into your house at any given time…judging you…invading your private space.

A family of 8… the clutter triples and then some. The amount of stuff that has gone to the dump, Goodwill, or anyone that wants it… has amazed me.

Tomorrow is THE DAY! The sign goes on the lawn and then it begins! I almost want to bid on our house! You clean out the clutter, put away all the toys, wash the walls and hide the kids… wow its a really nice house. 🙂

We were spoiled last time and our house sold in 24 hours. So please pray for us that God will lead the right family QUICKLY to our house and that we will be able to get the house we are looking at. Please pray that I don’t lose my sanity or misplace kid in the process!

Here we go again! We are putting our house on the market in the next week or so…if you are in the market for a spacious tudor home in Peterborough then check us out. 4 bedrooms, a HUGE master bedroom with a study off it, 3 baths, large family room, bright sunroom, even an “English Pub” in the basement with lots of storage. It is on a great street with lots of trees and has a circular drive. The backyard has English gardens and backs onto green space.

Interested? Beat the rush! 🙂