Living Loving Breathing Boys

Growing up, after my father banned Christmas from being celebrated, New Years was the replacement. It was a huge day. For a while we even got presents. Each of us received a morning watch… which was our church devotion book… and we each got a copy.

When we had worship we each were to follow along in our own copy. We had a big deal with New Years resolutions… and every year I remember wanting to read my bible through. I wasn’t very good at that one.

In tradition I would make New Year resolutions every year and feel like a failure when I didn’t accomplish what I set out to do.

Now I have a different out look on a New Year. When I think of the past year, I am reminded of so many who did not make it to see the end of 2008. So I see a New Year as a gift… that each of my family member is healthy and here with me to celebrate 2009.

I see it a blessing that I feel so much more healthy emotionally. I have worked hard to tackle many demons inside me and FEEL that peace and contentment that seemed beyond my reach. I am eager to continue to work and a big one… that I keep pushing away… and am ready and looking forward to a feeling I have never had.

I am grateful for health. Despite being a year of admiting I am a diabetic, it was also a year I took control of my health.

I am so proud… and still this is a day by day struggle… (one I am losing while my mom is here).

For me, 2008 has been a year of winning the battle… I feel good about that. It was a roller coaster ride, but I was able to walk away with out barfing. 🙂

I do have goals and dreams for 2009 but I have learned that breaking a resolution will not stop me from trying to be successful the next moment.

That is one of my goals… to keep trying to reach my dreams… one moment at a time.

We are having a New Year’s Eve open house!

Yes, you are invited!

The problem is the weather. I have all these ideas for the party… but the weather is not cooperating. It is currently 9 degrees Celsius (that is 49 degrees F.) and raining! The rink (which has been a sore point this winter) will not be usable if the weather does not drop considerably.

I need kids skating as part of my party. There is going to be a bonfire for roasting marshmallows and hot-dogs. I NEED THE RINK!!! I have everything planned in my head. I want it to be one of those New Year’s Eve that is picture perfect. That requires ICE!!!

SO… then I think.. God, You can do this. The forecast calls for mild weather the remainder of the weekend … Could You change the WHOLE FORECAST for me???

Really not for me, since I don’t skate… but for the kids… for hockey … for the fun.

So I am praying. If you don’t mind… please pray for ice weather… too. Thanks.

Hey, don’t forget to R.S.V.P.

It is Christmas morning… this is usually synonymous with chaos, clutter and wrappings all over the place. You times that by 11 people and it is crazy. Here is a picture of my husband… as we are passing and opening gifts.

He is REALLY stressing over the garbage and mess.

Ummmm…. there is a pill, I am pretty sure!

This is a tradition … pajamas the night before… and the first Christmas picture Christmas morning!

My kids are scurrying around the house, I can hear Josh attacking his grandpa with an empty wrapping paper role. Sanj is off to the church to practice. My mom and mother-in-law are doing their thing. There is a buzz in the air. It is Christmas! It feel so good this year.

I am not sure why… maybe I am in a very good place emotionally. I have set boundaries for those that needed boundaries set up. I have worked hard at being the best me I can be at this very moment. I feel peace and contentment. I feel like I am home. I have said this before but realize it really isn’t about our house but rather our home.

I always felt a big empty longing especially when I heard “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” I felt so sad. I know that my family is scattered. But that is just a part of life. My dad has made choices and now lives with those decisions. It is just a fact. I know that God is looking upon him and that he is where he is … It is all good.

My mom is sadder this Christmas… or not herself. But I believe that it is the reality of life… her life. She has to live with her choices too. She has her grandkids and children… and while we are not together… she has each of us… in whatever role, however different we play in her life.

I miss my brother. He will be with his in-laws and family. I wish we did live closer but also know and feel the love that keeps us connected.

It is all how it is suppose to be. And then there is my family. BOY… it has been a good day. BUSY… but good. We baked! I am not a big baker. Jordan and Max were wondering WHY we were baking all of it instead of just buying it? I didn’t have a good answer… except it is Christmas. We are together.

I am looking forward to tonight. Finishing up the few presents left to wrap, watching my husband do the same… (he hates to wrap… but only has mine to wrap… so I don’t have too much sympathy)!

I feel like I have FINALLY come home! I am here with the ones that make me whole.

So… Dear God,
THANK YOU!!! I am so grateful for it all. Thank you for the road that got me to this VERY moment! I feel so FULL!
Thank you for family… all of them. Thank you for my children who make me want to better myself every day. Thank you for Sanj, who is simply a part of me.

Thank you for each of my friends. I wouldn’t be full without them.

Thank you for Jesus… for the REASON for this wonderful SEASON. Thank you for all your blessings.
I ask You to bless each of the people I love … May they be filled with Your peace and love.
Amen.

When Rome was a great Empire ruled by Caesar Augustus and Israel was governed by King Herod, in the village of Nazareth lived Joseph and Mary. Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was a young virgin who would become his wife. Mary told Joseph of a dream in which she was visited by an angel who told her she had been chosen to bear the Son of God and his name was to be Jesus.

One day the emperor sent notice that all persons were to register for a new tax. They were instructed to return to the towns of their birth. Joseph and Mary left Nazareth for Bethlehem. Mary who was with child, and close to the birth, rode on a donkey while Joseph walked beside her. They traveled for many days and only rested at night.

When they reached Bethlehem it was night. They looked for a place to rest but there were no empty rooms when they reached the inn. As they were being turned away Joseph mentioned his wife was with child and close to birth. The inn keeper took pity on them and told them of some caves in the nearby hills that shepherds would stay with their cows and sheep.

So Joseph and Mary went up into the hills and found the caves. In one cave was a stable room. Joseph cleaned it and made beds of fresh hay. He found a feeding trough which he cleaned and filled with hay to use as a crib. The next night Mary gave birth to a son and they named him Jesus, as the angel had said.

When the child was born a great star appeared over Bethlehem that could be seen for miles around. In the fields nearby shepherds were tending their flocks. An angel appeared to them surrounded by bright light. The shepherds were frightened and tried to run.

“Fear Not,” said the angel, “For I bring you tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day in Bethlehem – a Saviour who is Christ the Lord.”

“And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly the sky was filled with angels, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men.”

After the angels departed the shepherds set out for Bethlehem. When they reached the cave they found the stable and inside was the child wrapped in swaddling clothes.

As the star shined over Bethlehem, in the east three kings would see it. They knew it was a sign and they set off to follow the star. There was Caspar – the young King of Tarsus, Melchior – a long bearded old man and leader of Arabia, and Balthazar – the king from Ethiopia. They traveled on camels for many days over the mountains, and through the deserts, and plains. Always following the bright star.

When they finally arrived in Bethlehem they found the child in the manger. The 3 kings bowed to their knees and offered gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They would stay the night in the cave and the next day returned to their lands to spread the news.

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I’m all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there’d be)

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list

This is MY grown up christmas list.

Today I have been thinking of some goals I would like to achieve this New Year coming. 2009!!! I am taking a break from Christmas… I had to go grab a few groceries and nearly had a panic attack from the mobs. The roads made me claustrophobic.
forgot about this part of Christmas.

I love writing. I wish I could do something with it. The one thing that writers say (real writers) is to keep writing everyday.
My blog is a great forum for me. I may have something to say when I am writing or sometimes I am just writing to write.
What I would like to do this new year is write with a specific goal. What or where that leads I am not sure. This is just a step I hope to take.

I am down 10-13 lbs… after today… probably more like 10. I want to take that to the next level. Another 10 lbs maybe and begin to build muscle mass.

Then there is the big step back to the working world. I am planning to start the courses to stepping into the real estate world.
This step scares me a little. But Josh will be in school in September… WOW!

I want to really learn more about photography and take more pictures and videos.

Turning 40 years old, I realize that maybe half my life is gone by. More than half of that time of my life was not in my control.
And the other half was spent finding that control.

I am now looking forward to BEING ME! Enjoying the best of life with my family and friends.
I am looking forward to 2009 though 2008 was a good year.
It was the year we came home.