Boys vs Girls… Another Debate

Posted on 2010-09-05 by Reema
I have had a very tumultuous  relationship with my mother-in-law over the last decade and bit.  I would love to do a polygraph test on her about her feelings for me.  I would actually like to take the test myself so I can understand my feelings for her.

The beginning years were very hard.  She had a hard time accepting me or appreciating me. It was a very hard time.  Then over the years, I think we have all found our groove of where we fit in the this family of ours.   Acceptance and compromise are a huge part of having a working relationship with my in-laws.

This weekend, I found myself so angry at her.  Again.  I sometimes wonder if she knows she is being hurtful or that her words will hurt.  Having two boys, all she (they) wanted was granddaughters.  So imagine their frustration at the news … It’s a boy, over and over again. 

Then came the beloved precious, perfect granddaughter.  They were in heaven.  Their world revolves around her, quite literally.

My mother-in-law feels she missed out on having a daughter… as that would have given her a child that would always be there and take care of them… etc.  The Daughter…  There was no subtlety of what they wanted and excepted in a daughter-in-law.

Today as I was ready to truly want to hurt her physically, I just swallowed my words… again and shut my brain down.  This time the conversation was how girls are so thoughtful and loving … and how boys aren’t like that.  (I am paraphrasing here…)  I was on my way out the door to BBQ when I poked my head back and couldn’t help respond,  “I am not sure my sons would agree with.  My boys, some of them are very thoughtful and caring.”

See, I don’t see this as a boy/girl thing.  It isn’t.  Not all girls are kind, thoughtful and generous. Not all girls treat their moms with respect and love.  

It is a personality thing… a character thing… Yet she was insistent.  I wanted to scream.  I actually felt such anger towards members of my family I felt that if I actually said the words that were wanting to come out… there would be a huge rift… as sometimes the truth… the raw truth, really hurts to hear.

I lashed out to Sanj in the van on the ride home expressing my frustration.  Suddenly, it hit me… where this anger and rage comes from… every time there is comparison… in their world… girls are the be all and end all.

I realized that my anger and hurt is that I am wanting, just for once, for her to love my boys as equally as she loves her granddaughter.  There I said it…  I want her to love my boys the same.

She can’t.  I realize that.  The boys realize that.  It is no secret the blatant favouritism that is shown.  My boys see it, feel it and yet for them it is a fact of life.  I know it must hurt them otherwise they wouldn’t verbalize it.

It sucks.  What message does it send to my sons?  I love my boys to death.  Would I have wanted a daughter?  Of course, that is no secret.  Yet… a girl would not change my thoughts of a boy.  

I see why men feel and act as they do… they hear it all their lives… men are dogs, jerks, obnoxious,  all the various definitions that they hear start at a young age.  Men are no different then women in this context.  It is time to change that thinking…

See, over the weekend, we had family here.  One of the boys little cousin was this dainty little thing.  They went fishing… she did it all, touched and held the fishes etc… while some of the boys were scared to.  As this little girl was experiencing fishing for the first time, the lap she sat on was none other then Sammy (you know, my rambunctious son), who has a gentle heart and loving spirit.

It isn’t a gender thing.  It is a personality thing.   If someone is a kind, generous person, it isn’t because of their sex…. it is because of their character in combination with their upbringing.  While the gift of empathy is stronger in some than others, thoughtfulness should be taught by parents who consider it important.

So… while I feel so sad at the constant, obvious favouritism… I can not just sit by and let it be said that girls are more thoughtful and loving than boys.  Wrong.   For those that know my sons, Tyler will immediately stand out for his gentle spirit and thoughtful heart.  Max, will stick out for his kindheartedness and gentle spirit.

I feel the need to duke it out!  These are my babes!  They need to be pampered, spoiled and loved to death too.

Thank you God, for my sons.  I see them for the gift they are …  they are my heart. 
Lord, in the years to come, please nurture my soul to be a mother-in-law that You want me to be.  I won’t lie, God, I am so scared.  I want to love my daughters in law with all my heart.  Could You mould them a bit now, so that it is all good later?  (lol, just kidding but if You see fit… 🙂   ).

Amen









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anoying kid

Posted on 2010-09-04 by Reema

mom mom mom
mom mommy mom mam mom ,what!!!!?

ummmm hi

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It’s Thursday…

Posted on 2010-09-02 by Reema
It’s Thursday…  BOO!!!  My heart is racing a bit as I type this!  4 more sleeps!  Oh my goodness, we are so not ready!!!  Yesterday we squeezed as much summer fun as we could into a day.  We woke up early, went to pick up the cousins and Uncle Raj and headed to Toronto to Ontario Place. The 100 degree  HOT weather made us forget that summer was ending.  The boys had a great  time splashing down water slides, checking out the rides and ending summer with a bang.  (Thanks S family for hooking us up with passes).



We then had the rude reminder that summer is almost over!  Tyler had his open house for high school… and the boys had their back to school BBQ.  It was nice to see so many faces I missed over the summer. It was sad to see the reality that many families are gone as well as beloved staff.  A new dawn has come.
After checking out new classrooms, meeting with teachers and cleaning up that BBQ stuff…  we finally headed home.  I think my feet wished they had pillows.  They were so tired.  I wore my favourite pair of flip flops all day… not the best thing for me feet… so they hurt by the day’s end.


Today… we were suppose to go do some shopping… that didn’t happen.  I haven’t been on top of things like groceries, cleaning and laundry.  There was not much that one could call breakfast, so Zach improvised and popped a bag of popcorn.  Sad, eh?  Well I didn’t feel to bad when my friend told me that her son had a freezie!  🙂

We went and saw Nanny McPhee today.  I loved it!  I think I liked this one even better then the first one.  I spent a good part of my morning dropping off kids and picking up friends.  After the movie, we did more dropping off and then headed to a friend’s house for a swim.  It was another hot one today.  By the time we got home, it was almost 6 p.m.  I stopped to pick up stuff for tacos and began the battle of making dinner amongst the fruit flies!  It was a little ridiculous at the reproduction that can happen with those pesky buggers.



Having been busy cramming all the fun we can … I had to spend a bit of time to tidy… but felt like I had accomplished alot.  There nothing like in the world then hearing my son, with his grateful heart say, “Thank you, Mommy for today.  You’re the best Mommy in the whole world!”  Aw shucks!  By the way, my sweetie, I am your only Mommy! lol

Tomorrow is serious business…  finish the back to school shop (or begin it)… grocery shop for the weekend and back to school… prep house for company coming for the long weekend… get the boys organized, early bed times, lunches…  NOOOOOOO!!!

Good bye Summer… It’s really been fun!


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Farewell…

Posted on 2010-08-31 by Reema

Dear Friend… or someone I thought was my friend… (x3)…
What happened?  What did I do?  What happened to the sentiments of “where were  you my whole life?” Or what about the sentiment of “I can read people… and I feel like you are my best friend… I feel like I have loved you forever.”
I am not sure what I did.  I really don’t think I did anything.  One day you called me 6-7 times and then all of a sudden…nothing.
Or after seeing you in a long while and asking if you got me emails and messages … which went ignored… you give me a weird shrug and move on.

Or suddenly finding money does change ones life… seems to have changed the kind of friends maybe you want.
So… to all 3 of you… I write… you hurt me.  I realize that ultimately you don’t care… but I was true to you.  I have called you friend and treated  you as I would a friend.
I am so sad that I meant nothing… that obviously our relationship meant nothing.  I am in disbelief.  
So I am writing this letter.  I wish you a broken ankle, or that you fall into a ditch and get mud on your face and I wish you a broken heart.  Oops… that is my inside voice screaming out on paper.
I can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me?  It must be me.  How can 3 people that I called friend ditch me… with no words or regrets of our break up?
Maybe my idea of friendship is different.  Maybe…  Maybe I was your friendship mistress until someone better came along.  Guess you found them.
I curse you with rainy days, zits on the middle of your head and nose.  I curse you with running out of gas, a weak bladder and food poisoning and oh… a fly up your nose!
So there!
Farewell my fair-weather friend.

ps  I am just kidding about the fly up your nose… I am just hurt and really did love you.


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Tuesday… and counting…

Posted on 2010-08-31 by Reema
It’s 9:39 a.m. and most of my older ones are still sound asleep.  How in the world are we going to wake up on Tuesday for school is beyond me!  I even sent them to bed last night at 9 p.m.  This is why I love summer!  No pressures!

This weekend past was a little crazy.  The boys summer hockey came to a close with the playoffs.  This meant 5 of my boys, who play on 3 teams had 12 games over the weekend.  RIDICULOUS!  How crazy is that?  So Saturday we lived at the rink.  I was running around with the boys that had breaks to grab food and what not.  Sanj was stationed at the rink doing skates and watching with the enthusiast that only a true hockey lover can have.  It was a long day!

Sunday evening we went out to supper with friends and then went to a Lacrosse game.  I have never been.  I didn’t have any clue about the game except that they use sticks with nets and it is a very physical game.  The Peterborough Lakers were in the playoffs… and it was a very  exciting game.  I quite enjoyed it.  Whenever the Lakers scored, this little old lady would swing this sexy red bra round and round in the air.  Josh thought this was hysterical!  Not sure I would ever want the boys playing the game though, as I really did not feel they had enough gear to protect themselves taking into account the physicalness of the game!

It is a scorcher of a week.  Yesterday and today, Sammy and Tyler are in  the Ryder Cup… this is between the two clubs in Peterborough.  I played “golf” for the first time too.  It was a mixer of sorts for the school… board members and staff and spouses… we each had to draw for a club (I had to play with a 7 iron…) and a putter.  It was fun.  I felt the pressure on not wanting to be the suckiest player there.  I had fun.  Thankfully we didn’t really keep score.

For someone who has no interest in sports… it has a lot of space in my life.

I went to get a pedicure before the golf thing… I went to my usual place… it is owned and operated by a lovely group of Asians.  There is a young lady there… who was pregnant… who was back to work.  I asked her about her baby… she had a girl.  I just assumed the baby was in the back… as there is another 4 year old boy often there.  She said no the baby was in Toronto with her mother-in-law.  The baby is 6 weeks old.  Of course I had to refrain myself from asking more … the lady in the chair beside me asked if she was going to go to Toronto tonight?  The girl just kinda shrugged.  Wow.  I can’t image…   It broke my heart.  How come her mother-in-law couldn’t offer to come stay here at least for a bit?


Yesterday Sanj had a patient come in… They were  the owner of the house we used to rent… our first little house in Peterborough.  She recognized the name… must have been from mail they got after we moved.  Sanj, I am sure did not hold back on all the funny stores he had from that house.  See, despite a million folks that have no issue of sharing their homes with critters… you know what I mean… now RATS are pets… ugh… LORD HAVE MERCY… I am not one of those folks.  In past, as soon as critters have taken up unwelcome residence… We are outta there!

One day, while we lived in this house… I had just taken the boys up for a nap and was coming down into the kitchen to make a bottle.  As I was coming down the stair which gives me a view of the kitchen table… I see something I am not suppose to see.  I freeze on the stairs… and stare…  Yup… I am seeing but not believing.  There, standing on his hind legs is a fuzzy tailed squirrel… feast on a donut that was left on the table!  OH MY GOODNESS!  We made eye contact.  We both freeze.  I am honestly not sure who is more scared… yet I would lay money on this that I was likely the most freaked out.

I screamed so loud.  I am really sure for years a squirrel was racing around town from the high decibels that pierced his ears.   I ran back upstairs… slammed the door and was freaked out!  All four of my boys were staring at me, not sure whether to be scared or not.  Sammy was 4, Tyler, 3, Jordan 2 and Max a babe….  there wasn’t the promised bottle in my hand… and I am sure my eyes were crazy.

“Don’t move…. and don’t open the door!!!” I told them.  I called Sanj in panic… he was in Port Hope working this day (about half an hour from home).    He didn’t see the stress… “I’ll take care of it when I come home… just open the window and it will go out,”  he said.  

OK… he was nuts…  I couldn’t believe he actually thought I would even stay in the house.  What about his dear child?  What about rabies?  No, staying in the house was not an option.
I called pest control of sorts… $100 was the price to come rid me of this beast.  Sanj let me know that I better not pay $100 to rid us of the squirrel when he could do it for free.

Now what?  I threw a laundry basket down the stair in an effort to barricade the path between the kitchen and the stairway…  told the boys to RUN not walk straight out the door to the van.  I remember losing it when one of them was whining about not finding his shoe.  “YOU DON’T NEED YOUR SHOE!!! JUST GET OUT!!!”  Did they not get it?

I finally got the kids to the car… this was before cell phones… and made my way out of town to my in-laws… an hour away.  Sanj was in disbelief that I had left town.  He did not see the evil in Mr. Squirrel’s eyes.

All’s well that ended well, sort of.  My Nature Man husband came home… of course all signs of the  Mr. Evil was gone.  “He’s gone,” Sanj announced.  I didn’t fall for it.  Just because Sanj didn’t see him, didn’t mean he was gone!  

Sanj showed me the hole in the screen of the window and convinced me (but not really) that he was freaked out by this  crazy human and left.

I had no other choice but to assume this to be true.  The boys and I moved back in.

It was some time later… the boys were in bed, I must have been putting a load of laundry in before going to bed…. this house was a back split.  The family room had a stairway going down to the dungeon part of the house.  As I was heading down, I saw and heard this huge thump thump thump going down… and eye see the end of a brown HUGE bottom.  HUGE… like a groundhog.. and I am not exaggerating.

I ran up, SCREAMING to Sanj!  Oh my goodness.  We can not live here anymore…  It was huge and scary.  Of course my husband come down, checks out the place and sees nothing.  Sanj is of the mind set that if he doesn’t see it then I am imagining it.


We slept with all the doors to the bedroom shut.  I am not sure how soon but it was very soon after we moved.


The lady told Sanj that when they had the house inspected that there was signs of a critter.  Last night Sanj said it was probably a ground hog.  Do you know how big those are?  The critter was as big as one of my babes.


I can’t believe he made me live with a groundhog!  I am glad that this gave him a topic to talk to his patient about.  Obviously this lady is much braver than me.


So far this house of ours only has critters outside.  Yesterday we drove up the drive and there was a deer hanging out.  So beautiful.  


One week from this morning we will be doing the first day of school bit.  Yikes… I am in such denial!  I’d better getting at it… but after we go swimming this afternoon…  🙂



























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The Marriage Lease

Posted on 2010-08-27 by Reema

This is something that I coined up for Sanj a few years ago.  Let me preface this with “I love my husband very much.  The good in him I love to death.  The bad and the ugly I tolerate.”  

Being married 16 years… we both have changed… he has changed a lot since I said I do.  Over the years he has become more and more like his mom.  I am not saying that is good or bad but rather stating a fact.  Over the years, Sanj has grown more and more to only see a cup half empty.  He is a pessimist to the end.  Having to be social in his profession, at the end of the day he is happy to be unsocial.  He is a person who is full of contradictions.  He has high expectations on himself and therefore has that in fact demands that from those he live with him.

Over the years as he has changed… I will often say to him… “Do you know how hard you are to live with?”  I will often challenge him that even he wouldn’t like living with himself. lol

One day I told him that he is on a twenty year lease.  That is it.  At this point, renewal will be an option but not a given.  It is a joke between us as his 2o year renewal date comes up.  July 3, 2014 is the date.  At this point… I will have survived living with my polar opposite for 7,300 days!  Wow, that is a lot of days!  

Imagine my surprise when I goggled  Marriage Lease to find it a hot topic!  There is even a book on this… which I plan to go out and buy today hopefully, if it is in stock.  Marriage Lease…  If we did not assume that we would be together till death do us part  would we treat our spouses differently?  Would we treat with more respect?  Maybe truly cherish them with our actions?  Maybe we would live more as if we are courting each other daily… rather than taking the other for granted.  Maybe we would listen… really listen to what the other is saying.

I see spouses treating others such as a co-worker with more thought then they do their spouse or listening to them intently.  I see how polite one can be to those that they did not promise to love and cherish.

Why is that?  The other day I told Sanj that I am forever working on my marriage.  I think of his needs, even the smallest, most basic.  Last night he was coughing up a storm… we were already in bed minutes to sleep.  I thought of what I would want from him (not what I would get from him…) and got up went down and made him a hot drink.  That is the key, I think… to do what we would WANT from our spouse and not what we GET from them.  Oh wait… isn’t that the Golden Rule?

I am not sure what Sanj really thought when I said this… he replied something along the lines of  “you don’t think I work at our marriage?”  Actually no… I think that men just DO… that they don’t’ really think of it.  We operate so differently.  This is an assumption as he didn’t really say much more… no surprise there… again … we are so different.

We, as men and women are so different.  We operate so differently.  This isn’t a fault but rather a fact.  A sucky, stinky fact.  

So… if we operated on a short term lease… every seven years… as one website said… would that change how we treat each other?

Sanj often jokes that he will wait till he is at year 18 or 19 and then put on his A game…  haha.
Not really funny.  See, if we were really renewing a lease… it is best for men to remember that women do not have problems with memory… we remember everything!  An example would be … remember November 18, 1997?  I do.

So… leasing vows… I promise to love and cherish you till 2014.  Would that make marriage easy?  What do you think?

As I read this blog to Sanj before I hit publish… he gets from it that I am mad at him… THIS Isn’t ABOUT YOU!  lol  THis is just such a fascinating topic to me!  He is also trying to figure out what he did on November 18, 1997! lol

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The Office!

Posted on 2010-08-26 by Reema
As I am getting things in order, I am getting excited about the possibility of structure in my life!  🙂 Structure in  my life may actually be a successful possibility!  🙂  Sanj apparently read my “schedule” for myself and asked me when I thought I would be coming into the office?  Ugh!  I don’t like being in his work space for many reasons.  It doesn’t hold an appeal that it once did.  I probably had romanticized what it may be like working in his clinic.  Naw.   Big Letdown.  So it really is going to work.

He pays me so I must put in some time.  So I decided that on Mondays that Josh can go in with me… I can bring something to occupy him for an hour and bit and do my token job.  I still have held on to my Tuesday – Thursday for me to write.  I was thinking that I could even stay in town a couple of those day if need be and work at the public library or Starbucks, both of which have wi-fi, not that I need  wi-fi really, when I think of it.

I went into Chapters today and threw down a chunk of money on a bunch of different authors.  I love that store.  I love, absolutely love being surrounded by books, looking at authors pictures on the back of books imagining their journey and believing in myself.  I feel empowered there.   I could stay for hours.  I love the vibes I feel there.

That being said, this brings me to the title of this blog… THE OFFICE!  No, it has nothing to do with the show… though I really do like Steve Carell very much.  I think he is cute, actually.  Here’s the thing, my husband has a office.  He has a real space at work called HIS OFFICE.  At home he has his space called DADDY’S OFFICE.  I don’t.

I want and need an office.   I really do.  I need a place to lay out my pages, etc.  Here’s how it started… I am pretty sure that even Sanj does not remember my gift, that has now become my curse.  Let me start of by saying my husband is very spoiled.  I love him to death.  Always have.  I would do and do everything I can to make his life a wonderful as it can be.

Thus said, I only have me to blame.  Our first house in Peterborough was little thing.  I always drive past it and wonder how in the world we ever fit in there.  Sweet memories, though… anyway, Sanj often would complain about having no place of his own.  He has his keyboard and equipment but never really had a place to set it up.  For Christmas one year, I had the idea to give him a gift of SPACE.  A space that was just his own.  Down in the very bottom of the house was a little room.  It was one of those rooms that was roughly made for a teenager.

I bought paint, a computer table, a cozy chair…  and tackled the room.  Looking back, it was hideous.  The paint job was pretty bad, the lighting… etc but it was a space all his away from 3 toddlers and a babe.  He was very happy to have a space.

Thus it began.  Sanj seemed to always have a SPACE after that.  The music room was really what it was.  In each house it was in the basement.  Our last house, Sanj had the whole basement… it was a pre-made man cave.  It was decorated as an English Pub.  Once again, I decorated this room for a gift… it was pretty snazzy.  He loved it and was very proud of his man cave.

Now we are in the present house.  We looked at this house and was pleased that the office was on the main floor.  We never even discussed it… it was just Sanj’s space.  Hum…  it never bothered me to have a space of my own… yet now… I can think of so much I can do in it!

My friend and an editor by profession came over the other day… “You are a writer,” she said. “You need a space… an office.”  She also mentioned that Sanj is done his doctorate and really doesn’t need this space.  Hum… how right!  I am a writer… I am working on my master piece… I am working on being successful… maybe even having a  blockbuster hit…  ohhhh!!!

Sanj said he would make me a space in the basement.  I don’t do basements.  I don’t like dark places.  I find them depressing.  I need light and bright!  Sanj is a melancholy creature.  He thrives on dark and dreary.  He loves picking out “Georgia…” on the piano.  He loves melancholy songs, the blues… me… not so much.  I find it depressing.  Of course there are times I want to alway the sadness I feel to come out and then “Georgia” is more than appropriate.

  
So… I want a office.  I actually want the office space Sanj has.  I WANT IT!  I already have it decorated.  The picture above is of the office space at  home.  See, I would paint it red.  I would have built a beautiful window seat by the loves huge window.  It will be full of throw pillows and a perfect reading spot.  On the corner wall (where the computer table is right now, I will have a corner unit bookshelves to house all the books that are laying on my bedroom corner.

The wall where the keyboard is… will be where a huge flat desk/table will be to allow for me to spread out sheets of paper… pictures when I scrapbook.. Ohhhhhhhh… I am so excited!!!  Above the table will hang a board for all my ideas… my dream board… above it will be a few rows of shelves… hanging pictures…

The little corner where the guitars are being hung will be an arm chair.  The fabric will match the window seat.  The floor will have a rug… bright with red hues in it.

My heart is pounding.  So I better get busy dreaming up a cool room/office for Sanj in the basement.

I am so excited.  I will love this room!  It is a girl’s room.  It is a mom’s room.  It is a writer/dreamer’s room.  My best work will be done here.  (NO PRESSURE … Sanj!)  

Here’s some pictures…  this picture is the red I love!  My room has wooden floors too so it is perfect!

This picture is a great window seat… not really fancy on the valance but it is a lot like my window.

I’d like just a simple long  table that will back nicely against the wall.  A chair of this kind with a colored fabric will go nicely in my corner.

OK.. I, of course could go on and on. Yet… you get the idea.  It will make a great room for writing and being creative.

Now… I just have to get Sanj on board!  I have the perfect spot for him… the bedroom that we made for Tyler… is perfect…. big, quiet and shuts out warm and fuzzy for a musician.




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Sorry! I’m Really Sorry!

Posted on 2010-08-26 by Reema

Oh, What a Night!  This particular expression usually leads to a story of what a night in a good way… right?  Wrong.  So, last night, the 3 middle boys had hockey camp in the evening, during this time, Sanj and I went to have dinner with friends and Sammy was dropped off for his work party.


Ground rules were laid.  Sammy was suppose to meet us at 9 p.m. after we picked up the boys from their camp.  Not surprisingly, he was no there.  Being the social child that he is… he was not paying attention to the time and was surprised by us annoyed at his lack of being a no show.

I drove the rest of the family home… dropped off the babysitter and headed back to town.  My son texts me saying, “Mommy, I went in to grab a bit and the limo was gone.”  (The restaurant had limos going back and forth all evening and the party was in another town that I was not familiar with).  I am annoyed with him, angry, even.  In my head I am yelling at him, his immaturity, his thoughtlessness, thinking of all the possible grounding…  I sit there and read my book… which added to me annoyance since it wasn’t really too interesting.

11 o’ clock… 12 o’clock… “Mommy, I’m REALLLY SORRRRRRRRY.”
I get even more annoyed… wander off to McD’s and fill my belly with disgusting, weight gaining carbs and not because I am hungry!

“Mommy, the limo is here… I’m on my way.  I am so sorry, Mommy!”

I am feeling brain dead.  I am exhausted for various reasons… but ultimately, it is past my bedtime.
1:15 am the limo arrives… “Mommy, I am here.”

I am past the point of furious.  I am past the point of all the screaming that was needing releasing in my head.  I am past the point of even talking.


You ever do something really dumb?  You ever have to think for the last 2 hours or so of the consequence of that dumb action?  

Sammy gets in the cars.  Apologies are oozing out of his mouth and heart.  His face is tormented.  “Mommy, you can take my phone.” Me:  “I don’t want your phone.”  “Mommy, you can ground me from seeing my friends.”
I realize that this child is really trying as those are the two worst things that can happen to him.  His friends are his life and his phone, his lifeline.

I am beyond tired.  I am beyond parenting at this point.  I look at my son… “Do you realize that I sat there from 9:30-1:15 am?  Do you realized how tired I am or that I had things I wanted to do?  Or that I felt unsafe sitting there alone?”

“I am really sorry, Mommy.”

I said, “I am not going to punish you, because this is about you learning to be responsible.   This is on you.  You need to think of how to fix this.  What can you do to make this right?  (He is looking at me clueless…)  Exactly, you need to figure this one out.”

We are on the highway.  I can almost feel my pillow.  Then, 1 km from my exit, I see red lights.  Brake lights, traffic is stopped.  I see a police car and the flashing lights.  SERIOUSLY???  It is 1:40 a.m.

We sit there, we get out… no one knows what is happening.  Ever feel like you are going to lose your mind?  I almost pull to the side and walk home.  ( I am scared of the dark, though).  FINALLY the cop comes over… it is a Rhema mom that is the cop.  I smile.  “I just wanna go home,” I tell her.

There is a truck that lost control and if off in a ditch or something.  They are trying to figure this out…. we are allowed to go slowly… I am able to get to my exit.  

2 a.m. I pull in to my driveway.  Pooped.

Sammy is again apologetic.  “Thank you, Mommy.  Goodnight.”  Ummm…. it’s actually Good Morning!

I get into bed.  I can’t help but wonder if I was a bit earlier if I would have been in that truck’s path.  Random thought.  I say a prayer of thankfulness all around.  I feel the weight of parenting teens.  I feel breathless thinking that we are just at the beginning of this journey.

My head hit the pillow.  It is the best feeling ever.

Parenting… not for the weak at heart or for those that need sleep!




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Desperately Seeking DISCIPLINE!

Posted on 2010-08-24 by Reema

The countdown is on… BOO!!!  2 weeks and my babes will be off to school, back to routine, homework and lunches.  BOO!!!


I have so enjoyed the summer with the boys.  I am not in a hurry for school to start.  I love the leisure life… I was made to be a princess, loved and pampered!  Sigh… maybe in another life.  There is something so great about not rushing in the morning.  None of my babes are really morning people, especially if we have some place to be.  Breakfast around 11 a.m. suits us all.  Usually the afternoon is spent out somewhere, the park, fishing or catching crayfish.  Suppers are the only really planned meal… and again there isn’t that rushing involved.

OK… enough of the whining!  The school year is coming whether I am ready or not and unless I am thinking of homeschooling them… which would be a real disaster… I better deal with the reality of it being 2 weeks and counting.

Yesterday a  girlfriend of mine  came and spent the day with me form Toronto.  I don’t know why we don’t see each other more often except that we are in two different places in life.  She is an empty nester, busy worker and in another phase of life.  Me … well we know what phase of life I am in… kids… all around me  all the time! lol

I had such a wonderful time with her.  I didn’t feel the pressure of cleaning up, as I know she would never judge me or my mess.  I didn’t feel that I had to entertain her as I knew what we would talk as I folded laundry.  We went out for lunch… funny how all the kiddies wanted to come.  Then I had to take the boys for an orthodontist appointment… so we chatted in the car as they got their braces tightened.

After she left, I was overcome by sadness.    I love the fact that she is a bestie that I can share my true feelings with.  You know… Sanj is annoying my by… and she gets it as she has a hubby that can annoy her.  I can tell her my fears and stresses about the boys and she gets it because she has kids and knows that you can raise them the best you know how… and the rest is really up to God and hoping your children makes wise choices and all is good.

I love that I can be so real.  So, as she left, my husband was off at a meeting and what not, my boys at hockey camp, me in bed with Josh and Zach snuggling… I felt grateful for the moments that I have that are so meaningful my besties.  I wonder why I find it so hard to give myself permission to do things for me?  Why do I care if the dishes are done when I get back or if the boys brushed their teeth or if …

I really don’t consider myself controlling.  Bossy, yes…  Sanj gets annoyed when I tell him to do this or that for the boys… he looks at me with flusteration and says, “Do I tell you what to do?”

My reply is constant…. “NO.. Because I DO IT  all without being told!”  I really do wish I could stick my tongue out after this retort.

The problem is that being a SAH mom is that there is no job description.  As a SAH mom, what is expected of me?  Laundry, housework, meals, pick ups and drop offs… what else?  I really do wonder at some of my friends that really do stay at home all day and work.  Yikes!  Maybe they can make a list for me.  See, I get all moody when I clean and see stuff laying around due to the fact of laziness and what I see as disrespect.  Then I get angry.  I try to keep the anger in but usually when you have a husband like mine… he will inevitably say, “What’s wrong?”   I will answer “Nothing…” This is my standard answer usually because swear words are floating in my head.  (I know better than to say those words out loud)!


So what is this blog really about?  Being lonely about missing my girlfriends, being frustrated about being a SAH mom because I am not sure I am cut out for all that it entails.  Maybe it is about the new school year.   See my life is operated by the school calendar.  Our calendar starts August and ends in July.  I loved new school years as a kids, as I saw it as a do over.  Maybe this year I would get straight A’s.  Maybe this year I would read my Bible all the way through.  This year I would have perfect attendance.  This year I will keep my room clean and organized.  I never really accomplished those things but I loved the chance at a new start.


So in 14 days and counting I will have a new start again.  


Here’s what I see for myself… if I can find the discipline to do it…
6:30 am… up and shower
7:00 am… breakfast ready and get the trooper up and at ’em.
7:45 am… the high school bunch is off with Sanj
I hope to stick a load of laundry in … everyday!
8:00 am… work on getting us out the door so we are on time! 🙂
ON TIME for school… yah!


My day:
9:00 am  GYM  despite whether I have company or not
10:30… head out… grab groceries if needed and GO HOME!!!
Sigh.  HOME.
Make lunch… no more eating out with my friends except on a specific day…
Start supper
12-2 pm… write… write … write…


2 pm… head out to pick up the high school gang
3:15 pick up the rest of the tribe…
head home or to various places.


Supper, homework, lunches, be ready for the morning…
10:00 pm BED… except for Thursdays when Grey’s will be on!  🙂


Mondays are home days with Josh.. 
Fridays are play dates for Josh and me! 🙂


So… here’s to me finding DISCIPLINE!  
Wish me luck!
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Hook, Line and Sinker

Posted on 2010-08-19 by Reema
I had the most delightful afternoon yesterday.  What this means is aside from the usually fighting and whining, aside from wondering why I ever thought I could ever parent 6 boys… aside from my throbbing finger that got hooked and the headache from the door bashing my head…  I had one of those days that I hope I remember while rocking on my porch in my latter part of life.

The boys love fishing.  Most of them…  Sanj loves fishing.  I learned why my husband complains when he goes fishing with the boys.  He wants to fish!  You can’t fish when you constantly have a little fisherman frustrated with a tangled line.  You can’t fish when you spend most of the time de-tangling lines and problem solving.

Yesterday I decided to take the boys fishing.  Having boys, a husband who works to provide the living we enjoy, I decided that I better step up to the plate.  We got the fishing rods, went to the bait shop and off we went.  I am sure girls like fishing but my boys love it.

We got set up after changing locations once (having Josh, I felt unsafe fishing off the Lock with all that rushing water… it actually made me feel sick looking at it).  Some of the boys put the worms on and others can take the fish off the hook so I felt prepared. Never really having paid attention, I had to figure out what all the do-hickeys were for and where they went.  Example… the bobber… how much distance should it be from the hook… how do you put the sinker on… etc.  

After much time went by, I decided to rig up a fishing rod for me.  I decided to put the worm on my hook… how hard can it be?  Ugh… after Josh (who amused himself by cutting the worms for us… and he actually baited the hook at few times…) gave me a worm, I pulled myself together, did not throw up as the gunk began to come out of the worm’s body and began threading the worm like a sock onto my hook.  YES, I DID!  Yah me!  This may not impress many of you, but believe me, I impressed myself!    I did a fine job of casting my rod… and was exhilarated with the distance and smoothness that it went.

Max watched me, I must have been beaming, because he looked at me and said, “You feel very good about that, don’t you!”  lol  YES, I did!!!


We didn’t have much luck with the fish, only two little sun fish were nabbed and a turtle.  Yup, you read right, a turtle.  It was tricky unhooking him.  These boys that came to fish helped in the task of freeing the little turtle.  I did feel bad for the little thing.

We saw a beaver swimming around and a blue heron too.  I was overcome by the peace.  I felt God amidst nature, the beautiful setting sun and the gift of being with my boys.  It was so wonderful.  The little things, such as fishing, hanging out with my boys and just taking a time out to appreciate all that surrounds us was such a beautiful thing.  I was blessed.


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Precious and Precocious!

Posted on 2010-08-17 by Reema
Today was a busy day.  The boys, 4 of them, are in ball hockey camp till noon.  Boy, getting them up and out was ugh!  The countdown till school starts is too soon.  I still have so much to do!  I felt like I was running all day. 

There is crazy amounts of construction all over the place!  I am not even sure what they are trying to fix… when the roads look fine!  Anyway, I spent much of my day dealing with very grumpy kids.  Early to bed… tonight!

Anyway, I had Zach riding with me to do some errands.  He is such a funny kid.

Here is some of  my conversation:

“Mommy, which do you think is worse?  Being fat or ugly?”  I really didn’t have an answer as he just left me speechless! lol

Then as I was getting groceries, he was really hyper.  “I don’t know why I am so hyper.  Maybe you should give em a piece of chocolate.  I think chocolate calms me down.”


As we were grocery shopping, I asked him what he wanted for breakfast since they  have to get up early and rush off…


Zach replies:  “I would like some crepes tomorrow morning!”
I looked at him, laughed and said, “so would I!”

I love this kid of mine.  He is so sweet, funny and tolerate.  He has such strength in his personality and character.  He is probably is perfect definition of a precocious child. lol
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Cry or "Coddle?"

Posted on 2010-08-16 by Reema


On my facebook wall, I tagged a link to an article called “Coddle or let the kid cry? New research awakens the sleep-training debate“ in the Globe and Mail.  You need to read this article that is attached to the link, as this is what this blog is about.  My friend asked my option on this… and so here it is…


First of all, I don’t like the word “coddled” as a word to describe a parent that does not let their child cry.  I never thought I was coddling my boys as I put them to sleep.  I didn’t read too many books on how to put my babes to sleep.   I was always a mom that loved holding them to sleep.  I needed that down time and so enjoyed that one on one I had with them.  I often made up a silly song just for them that was part of their going to bed routine.

I did hear of Ferber and did read his book out of curiosity.  It was not a process that I was comfortable with.  We did try it.  Everyone was talking about it and seemed to have great success with it.  I remember us trying it.  It was heartbreaking.  I just couldn’t find sense to sit outside the door and hear my babe cry.  I never had kids that cried for no reason.  I always felt that if my babe was crying there was a reason.

That said, this isn’t a judgement to those that believe in it and found success with it.  I remember being at someone’s house.  Their baby was 4 weeks old… it had slept through the night.  The mom said that since it slepted through the night, it must not need to eat and the next night let the babe cry till he fell asleep.  She told me she sat there and watched T.V.  I won’t lie, this broke my heart.  This child has grown up not wanting a lot of cuddling or comfort from anyone.  As a babe, it preferred to be put into the swing and sooth himself with his thumb.

I think that when you are desperate for sleep, when you are so sleep deprived you will do what you need to.  For me, having had three babes in 3 years… a husband that was not home often, I learned to do what worked for me.  I had them all fall asleep in our bed.  At some point we moved them.  Everyone got sleep.  

I am also the parent that had what is often referred to as a family bed.  It was not belief that had any baring except that we all slept.  Sammy’s little bed was on the end and when the babe woke up, I could feed them right there.  This is how I survived those days of being a blurry eyed being.

I have since understood that some people cannot go without sleep.  They cannot function.  It is those that have lived and breathed the Ferber Method.

I guess I am just a mom that never liked to see my babes cry.  I always felt that my job was to be there for this little babe, to see to their needs, no matter the cost of mine.  Whether this was right or not, it worked for us.

My kids eventually got to the point of being able to be kissed good night and sleep in their rooms without any trouble.  There was never any insecurities of even needing a night light, soother or blankey.  (I am not saying that the need of any of these items is based on insecurities… necessarily).

“In Dr. Ferber’s second edition, published in 2006, he added a preface clarifying the difference between his method and a shut-the-door approach. “Simply leaving a child in a crib to cry for long periods alone until he falls sleep, no matter how long it takes, is not an approach I approve of,” he wrote.

This  preface that he added is one I am glad of.  When I read his book, 2005, this was not mentioned and for this I did not agree with his thoughts.  Maybe he assumed parents would use their judgement in this but many a time parents may feel so unqualified to parent that they read and act word for word on the words of a Doctor rather than using the common sense that God gave us.

Most of us, love our children and will do the right thing.   Yet there are those that seem to be “done” at 8 pm and closing the door is a way of ending their shift to parenting.

SO…. as I read this article… I will say that I felt glad that there are writings on parenting the way I did… and that I was not weird.  Though as I was dealing with my infants over the years, I often found myself the only one parenting “differently.”  I am never one to push my thoughts on someone else… so I often hated the fact that others did not bestow that same courtesy on me.

I will end by saying that God gave each of us a heart and common sense.  If we listen to our hearts, we will no doubt do the right thing, no matter if it is different than others, when it comes to raising our children.
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The Other Side of the Fence

Posted on 2010-08-11 by Reema
Today I finished a book about this married lady who had an affair.  It was a bad book.  I hated that I needed to finish it but in the end I felt like I had wasted my time.

It is the typical story of a lady who has it all, cute, loving hubby, 4 kids, lovely house and even a nanny.  She was an artist, so she had time to release her creative energy.  As in many a marriage, she lost herself.  She worked, cooked, cleaned, passed all her energy onto her kids and husband and yet at the end of the day, felt lost and taken for granted.  Who was looking out for her needs?  Her husband wanted/needed sex 4-5 times a week.  Maybe he thought because he was being sated, his love language being met, so was hers.

She is then asked to be part of this committee and you know how novels are… sparks fly and boom… the affair begins.  Yet this book ended with her not being fulfilled in the affair either.  She “loved” but couldn’t have nor could she leave the life she had either.

The grass was not greener on the other side.  As I read this book, I felt like we have such unreal expectations of marriage.  Books and movies make the happily ever after seem as if there are not periods of discontentment, irritation and maybe even hate.  It doesn’t tell you that kids come and you will lose yourself.  If you are lucky, you will find what it takes to go from honeymooners to partners in life… still loving each other but it is different.   When I say different, you or your mate are not first.  If a kid is vomiting, your romantic dinner is put on hold.  Different is OK.  Different is good.

We age and our needs and wants change.  What am I saying?  I think that if we expect the changes that come with marriage, babies and age maybe we wouldn’t be so unhappy.  Maybe if books, movies and people in general talked about the ups and DOWNS truthfully, we would know we are a norm and not wonder what is wrong with us.  Would this help divorce rates a bit?


I dunno.  I just think that as I talk to my friends, as we make light of matters that are really bothering us or hurtful… maybe we wouldn’t feel so alone if we knew its ok… if we knew everybody goes through the rough stuff.  Maybe sometimes you have to settle for some dissatisfaction.  Sometimes you have to weigh it out… and hopefully the good, the tolerable and happy outweigh the bad, the really bad.


I don’t know.  My parents marriage is not a role model.  I don’t have a guide book to look at.  I do know that if I am happier and unhappy… it is a good thing and I am grateful to have a husband that makes me happy… that can ignore my moodiness and know when to walk away when he has made me very mad.


The point is… I found the book dumb… but it made me think.  Really think.  If you are unhappy, work on the problem.  Looking on the other side of the fence may just look better.. but isn’t likely the answer.


I am not sure this even makes sense.


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Raising Boys…

Posted on 2010-08-10 by Reema



Raising Boys… being a girl I feel as if I missed out on the handbook.  They are so different in so many ways and yet so alike.  Already I see the whole Men are from Mars coming out … and this isn’t a bad thing, of course, just different, especially when I am from Venus.
I bought and read much of Dr. James Dobson’s book, Raising Boys, a while ago, actually years ago.  Much of what I read back then, I found old fashion and almost sexist.  I remember thinking his comment about girls shouldn’t call the boys a bit ridiculous.
I know many read books on raising children as authority on this but as I read it, I really believe that God has given each of us the sense and wisdom to raise our children.  I hate the  too many people rely on “doctors of …”  to parent their children.  It is great to read others experiences and thoughts but it is so important to listen to your heart as you parent  your babes.  Just a personal opinion.
As said, I read this book years ago, when my boys were little ones, interested in their cars, mud and bugs.  I was not even in the vicinity of dating, girls and what may be proper.  I have said before, Sanj and I were both shy and cautious when it came to dating and acting on feelings for someone special.  We were both older, definitely older than our boys.
Tyler having a girlfriend came as a shock … I don’t think we really laid out rules for that even.  Of course I know.. if they like each other, one can not stop that but… rules such as you are too young to have a girlfriend… you can only go out as groups of friends… you know what I am talking about… right?  So, when I heard that my sweet little Tyler had a “girlfriend” that was quite the shock.  I think my heart actually stopped beating a sec.
Sammy has an abundance of girl friends.  They love him.  If you read his Facebook page, he is every girl’s bestie, it seems.  
Living out in the country seemed to isolate them from having neighbours to play with.  On one side is a, I am assuming, nice older couple as we never really see or hear them.  On the other side, was a grandpa with a daughter and couple of grandkids that seemed to visit occasionally.  The boys were kind of stuck to having each other to play with.  At times I felt bad that we were not in a subdivision for them to enjoy neighbours.  
Not to long ago, the grandpa on the one side sold his place to his daughter who moved in with her boyfriend and 15 year girl and the boyfriend has a 7 year old son.  Kids… next door… yah!???
The girl is very pretty. Thoughts went through my head.  I told those thoughts to be quiet.  Over the months, this girl and her friends have befriended Sammy.  They invite him to campfires etc.  They invited him to go swimming at a friend’s house down the road.  

After the swim, they all walked over here… they wanted to know if they could come in and see the house.  Is that weird?  I didn’t know.  So they came in, hung out for a bit and whatever.
Sanj told me that they hung out, the bunch of them while we were gone around the yard etc.  One night Sammy invited these friends and a few others for a bonfire.  I thought how cool of Sanj… he bought pop and what not for them. 
Sanj said that the neighbour girl’s boyfriend came over and they were all over each other.  Disturbing.  The night I got home, the door bell rand at 10:30 pm… our lights were pretty much off in the house as most of the boys were in bed.  The girls wanted to hang out.  
This was new territory.  Ok.. till 11 pm, we told him and we would have to lay some ground rules, after this.  The girls were loud, not considerate that others were sleeping and quite frankly, obnoxious.
I was a little distressed that these girls were wandering at 11 p.m. at night, their parents had not idea where they were and Sammy’s answer was “There parents don’t care.”
Exactly.  At 15 years old, freedom and parents that don’t seem to care is cool and the a coveted response.   At 40+, my response was a little sadness and panic.
Suddenly the words of Dobson came back to me about girls that are too forward.  Am I an old fuddy duddy?  I just think that making out in public at 15 is so distasteful.  Well, doing that in public at any age is kinda crass.
My kids are sheltered to some degree.  The school they go to, is a place where everyone know each other.  If you don’t know someone, you can just ask someone about them.  High School… it is a whole new story, sure.  I don’t know all of Sammy’s friends but for the most part, they are all the same sort of kid.  They may use a bad word in the efforts of trying to be cool but for the most part, they are good kids.


I worry about the forwardness of these kids.  Yet, when I watch their models, it is almost a no wonder.


I guess there is a line between equality, modernness and all out forwardness with a touch of sluttiness.


I hope that my boys can hold of becoming involved in serious relationships till they are done high school.  I think that intensity in high school comes with pain and so much hurt (usually).  


So, I was thinking of all the things I fear for my babes, drugs, sex, violence, being kidnapped, hurt… and now I add GIRLS to that list.  Scary girls!  Yikes! Sigh!



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900th Blog

Posted on 2010-08-09 by Reema

As I have been writing, I have been eying the number blog I am on.  I kept seeing 889… and seem to be stuck forever to get to 900!  This is my 900th blog!  Yah me.  Of course this is a huge accomplishment for me simply to stay on task with a particular thing.  Every time I have a lull in my blog, Sanj begins to nag.  “You haven’t blogged in two days… what’s going on?”

This is something I have managed to find enjoyment and fulfilment in.

So I have set myself a goal… Yikes… Yes, I am writing it down…
By the time I reach my 1000th blog post… I will have written my book… whatever that takes shape as.

I have a thing for numbers.  900… that is a lot of writing!  
I am proud of me.  
This makes me smile.
Yah me!

900 blog posts!

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Spiraling…

Posted on 2010-08-09 by Reema
I am falling… I can feel it.  The first question Sanj will ask is “are you taking your little white pill?”  Truth?  No, I haven’t.  I didn’t take it the last few days.  Why?  Well, once in the cabin, I didn’t have water or the energy to dig it out of my suitcase.  Then coming home, I was too lazy to get it out of the van.  OK… I got it.  I have to put it in my mouth tonight.  I know.

Really though, it can’t just be about my little pill.  I feel so out of control of so many things.  I hate that if I am feeling down, my thought goes to “is my med not working?”  Maybe life just sucks at the moment.  Maybe there is so much overwhelming me right now.  Maybe I just feel so much like I am drowning and there isn’t much around to grab on to.

I miss my peeps.  I like that word.  I know, Max, I am too old to use it, right? lol I don’t care.  Peeps.  Yet at times I wonder who are my peeps?  Where are they?  Why do I feel so alone so much of the time?

I am feeling my age.  What that means is I really miss being “young” and worry about getting older.  I miss my youth.  I wish that I had confidence and believed in me back than.    I am a 40+ and feel like getting older is a bit frightening.  I do know that age is just a number and it is all about the mind.  Yet, I am feeling the process of aging a bit frightening.

Then there is the God thing.  I miss feeling so connected to Him.  When I was younger, it was so easy.  I always felt Him there.  We were so connected.  It was easy maybe because it was just me… me and God.

Now there is a husband, a bunch of kiddies, life that is all consuming.  I talk to God all the time… but I wonder if He hears my chatter as whining.  I need to get back to the basics.  I need to find that Me and Him…  it’s like my pill… I just need to do it.

I felt a mix of confusion this weekend.  Going back to Indian camp made to go back to my roots.  No, not just my Indian heritage, although that was nice to do so, but it was going back to the Adventist church.  It is always such a familiar place to go.  It is like going home for a visit.  There is comfort in familiarity.

Does that makes any sense?  I always feel a little torn… as I wish my kids had that culture… of Adventism… vespers, all the lingo.  Yet I know that where we are does not make this possible.  If we lived for example, near a functional church that fulfilled us as a family, it wouldn’t be a question for me.  Yet, we have been there.  There is not church near us that feeds us or allows us to be as we should be.  Guess there is always judgement, in this kind of a decision.

My girlfriend asked me a little bit ago… “Do you still consider yourself an Adventist?”  I don’t know what that means anymore.  My biggest struggle is the Sabbath.  I do believe that it is the seventh day.  That has never changed for me.  The rest… I don’t think that doctrines will keep one out of heaven.  I want my boys to first and foremost have a real relationship with God, Jesus.  I want them to have a real relationship based on love.  I don’t want my kids to constantly be worried about their “works.”

Sigh.  I guess the other thing that goes with that question is … where would that leave our friendship is I said… no I guess we weren’t SDA anymore?  Sad, eh?  Yet, I know that most of our SDA friends seemed to disappear when we decided to do what works best for our family.  Many never even asked the questions… just did what I am sure I did many a time years ago… assumed that we were lost.


I guess maybe I am selling my friend short.  I hope I am.  I guess I just wish for all the simpleness of once a upon a time.  I can’t help but second guess all these choices.  


I need to find my one to one with my best friend… again.  I am never alone, I know that.  Yet I wish that He could send me a letter, personalized to me… yes, I know… that is what we are to find in the Bible… but just once … I wish God could send me an email.  🙂  Wouldn’t that be great?


I am dreading school starting.  I know, I am jumping topics… but this is all about me, isn’t it!
This year some very special friends will not be a Rhema anymore.  I am so sad about that.  I can’t imagine how it is going to be.  I feel like running away… though that reality is that I know life will go on.  I know our school is God’s school.  Yet… knowing all this, I am sad.  It will be so different.


I feel all these things weighing me down…   I feel the weight of others burdens too.  I wish that money was free flowing.  So much in this earth is weighed down by the lack of money.  That is so frustrating.   I saw a woman putting back stuff today, counting change to pay for her purchases.  As I offered to cover her funds she was short, she was embarrassed.  “I thought I had a $20 in here.”  Money, friendships, God, religion, relationships… sigh.
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One LIttle, Two Little, Six Little Indians…

Posted on 2010-08-09 by Reema



Home Again!  We were off for 10 days… Maryland and then off to Pennsylvania.  We went to Indian Camp.  What is Indian Camp?  In Maryland, where there is an abundance of Indians, they have their own Adventist church.  They rent a camp and for 4 days have a retreat of sorts.


It was a little intimidating going.  The only people we knew was my brother and family.  I had a lot of reservations… and yet at the same time felt like this was going to be a learning experience for the boys.

Sanj and I both grew up in places where we were minorities.  Weird how this is what my children are experiencing to.  Not a conscious decision, of course, just how things have worked out.  I believe that God brought us to Peterborough.  So I trust in His plan.


Being with others that are just like you is a great thing.  The boys enjoyed the luxury of Indian cuisine for every meal, with the option of the kid friendly American comfort foods.  It was yummy.  Someone was cooking constantly, it seemed.


The boys learned about IST which is for Indian Standard Time.  Time kind of takes on its own life with Indians.  Supper was never before 7:30 pm.  Everything usually was at least an hour later and this was just a given.

Everyone is an Auntie or Uncle.  This was weird to the boys at first but soon they saw the logic.  Everyone is family… it is the tie that binds.  You never need to worry… there is always someone willing to be “family.”

One of the funny things that came out of their mouths … “Mommy, everyone here is Indian but not one has a red dot on their head.”

I learned that some of the eccentricness my father was cultural.  It was funny to see many other “uncles” singing and being as obnoxious as my dad would be up front.  Everyone wants to be a pastor, it seems.  lol

The boys had a good time.  I was proud of them.  It’s hard being in a totally different environment without knowing anyone.  By the end of the weekend, they were ready to come back again next year.


As the boys getting older, they are learning more about their heritage and things that make them unique.  I love watching this and appreciate the eager steps that they take to embrace their history.



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Reality of Life…

Posted on 2010-08-09 by Reema
Back to the realities of life again.  It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to forget that I was ever in vacation mode.  For me, a vacation is not having to cook, clean or do laundry.  Being off with the boys is busy as usual.  Life with them is busy.

I am feeling a bit panicked that school begins in a few more weeks.  I think that this summer was the faster yet.  I have not yet recovered from the grime of the school year, lunches, homework, this and that.  I miss seeing my friends but I am not missing much else.

So much is going through my mind.  I have so much I worry about.  Sanj thinks that because he doesn’t hear me verbalize my woes or concerns, it doesn’t bother me.  WRONG.

I am needing a fairy god-mother right about now.  I am feeling the panic of things eating me whole.  School hasn’t even started yet.  Breathe.  In and Out.

It is a hot one today.  I am feeling tired.  I am back with my oldest for less than 24 hours and already we are combative.  I wish him 6 daughters.  Yup, I do.

I still have kids that are sick.  I wish they would all just get the bug and be done.  Yet it is taking its time, one kid at a time.  Max is sleeping with a fever.  Josh has a major disgusting runny nose which is oozing green stuff out. Ugh.  

I hate having sickies.  I really hope my mom doesn’t get it.  She was in the same room with all of us and usually picks up the littlest bug… and then has a really hard time shaking it off.

I am just writing to write.  I have lots to say yet don’t feel like I know how to verbalize it.  

I was thinking of how some people are stuck up.  How some people feel like they are superior to others.  What gives them that idea?  I am astonished at how someone can walk around with their nose turned up.  I hope flies go up there.  I met someone like this.  She really bothered me.  Rude.  Harsh.  Her husband was very sweet.  Poor man.

I also was fascinated with the world of working moms.  In Peterborough, working moms or not, family and children come first, for most.  In the bigger cities, where it seem that everyone is trying to keep up with the Jones and Smiths, people seem to actually have children because it is the thing to do.  Or maybe because the Jones have 2.5 kids, they need to.  Weird.  I think that some people look down on a SAHM.  What I think is that looking down is because they can’t do it.  Not that can’t do it financially, that is not what this is about.  They can’t do it… as in they can’t handle it.  No one judges you for being a career, why judge someone else who chooses a different path?

I got an email telling me that my nemesis is on a committee with me.  I am not sure I can do it.  I can get along with most people.  I don’t think that I can keep my sanity with a person that follows the book to the letter when it isn’t necessary.  I don’t think that I can work with some that has all the “right” opinions and yet does not get their hands dirty.  This person has be the bane  of my existence as she has made so many people I care about miserable.

Is it a cop-out to quit?  It isn’t a committee my heart is is.  I could just help as needed.  Does that sound pathetic? Sanj thinks I should just say I can’t work with this person.  Me or them.  I don’t consider myself indispensable… so I know it will go one with or without me.  What to do?

I sound like I am in a downer of a mood, don’t I?  Hum, wonder if I am?
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A Day in DC…

Posted on 2010-08-03 by Reema






Today was one of those days that so much happened that I want to blog just to have the memory for the boys!  It was our day in DC… I was not really looking forward to it as it was very hot, I have all ready been to the Smithsonian and it it the kind of event that makes me a little stressed just about safety, not losing anyone, that kind of thing.




A big thank you to my brother for taking on the role of tour guide and did a fine job.  I was impressed with his knowledge of all things DC, history and politics.
First we went to the Metro Station and took the train.  This in it self was an adventure and fun the boys.  Josh found the poles fascinating  and occupied himself with that.

After taking the red line and then the blue line, Metro lingo… we headed down to the Museum of Natural History.   We had not been here in a very long time.  I think Zach was a baby when we came years ago.
The boys saw the movie “The Night of the Museum”  and so Josh was freaked out through half of the walk through, thinking that the things were going to come alive!  Of course his brothers had great fun feeding his fear! lol
It was fun to see the expressions on my babes faces as they saw things that one does not normally see.

 
Being caught in this scary creature’s jaw!

We had lunch there where six pieces of pizza and a glass of pop cost $62.
Ouch!
Then we were off to the Capital Building…

We stopped to cool down with some ice cream treats and then took a “rickshaw” pulled by a young person on a bike to get us to our destination!  This part was a little adventure and lots of fun.
The Capital Building is an impressive sight.  The boys were quite taken with the two police we saw that had some sort of machine guns in their possession.

We went in to check out the new visitors center.  The kids and adults were all troopers.  We were tired, a few of the kids weren’t feeling well and we had to walk alot.
As we walked to the rear of the building, my brother notices a Senator.  As the Senator comes our way, my brother went up and asked if he would pose with us for a picture.
I have to admit, I had no idea who he was.  Senator Chris Dodd, of Connecticut was very friendly and charming.  He came to each of the boys, shook their hands (he has a very firm hand shake) asked their name and chatted.  He did not seem in  hurry and was delightful.  It was very exciting.


Upon checking out his site, I learned that he is a fighter and champion for children’s issues.  His website even has a kid friendly page that kids can learn about the Congress and his issues.  Very neat!

Last but not least was the inside of the Capital building.  We were lucky enough to catch one of the last tours… not too exciting.  Then, we were able to secure the lucky tickets (due to the fact that we were international visitors) to get a peek into the Senate in action. 

Phew!  Tired, hot and yet a very full and busy day!  Back to the Metro, experienced a bit of rush hour… and that was the end of a day in DC.

Special thanks to Uncle Kumar for all the adventures due to his DIxit personality!  🙂
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DC

Posted on 2010-08-02 by Reema
I am in  DC, well, technically, Columbia, Maryland which is where my youngest brother lives.  It is home to my mom and numerous cousins as well.
The drive here was uneventful, which is always a good thing, when a mom is driving with 5 boys.  Traffic was ridiculous!  Ridiculous, with a capital R!    It took us 1.5 hours to get through 5 miles due to construction.  Did I mention the van has no a/c?
Moving on, we arrived in good time and the boys did great.  Saturday we went to my brother’s church… so weird seeing him act like a grown up and pastoral.  🙂  
My kids went to spend the night at Auntie Tina and Uncle Raj’s house.  They had a lovely time… and I was kid free!  Wahoo!  Josh hung out with my mom and it was a night off for me!  Did I say… “Wahoo!”
My brother and sis-in-law went out to a gospel concert, “JJ” Hairston and Youthful Praise…  Despite “JJ” and Crew being 2 hours late… it was church!  I loved and miss having that in my life, at least once in a while.  Maybe we are going to have to make more effort to check out the Toronto talent more often.

We left the concert early… at close to 11 p.m. to go get some food.  I have not been out this late in a long time!  Out and about after midnight and no kids to wake up too.  (Thanks Tina and Raj, Reg and Kumar).
Today we went to a pool splash park with the cousins… this meant a dozen kids under the age of 5!  What a hoot!  Even the rain and cool weather and dark clouds did not hinder the good time!
Nothing like family and fun… cousins and chips… water and and more water!
We are having a great time!
Tomorrow is shopping!  We are hitting the outlet mall and gonna shop till we drop, literally, or run out of money!

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