Living Loving Breathing Boys

Out of my tribe of boys, I have one son that is “the coolest kid.” (O.K. that was a direct quote from him)!

Max is a quietish child that can be found playing quietly with his little action men. I use the word “quietish” because like the rest of them, he can get really riled up! He has such a gentle soul. He is extremely thoughtful and kind.

He is the child that often gets left behind! Simply because he is so quiet. I actually have to count and make sure each child is accounted for.

A few summers ago… well actually many summer ago because Max was still in a car seat… we went to one of the boys soccer games. It was one of the HOT… VERY HOT and HUMID days! The temperature gage was in the 90s without the humidity factor.

All the boys were out of the vehicle. Sanj had grabbed the chairs and all the boys were off. I was grabbing something from the back and ready to shut the truck door when I hear a movement.

I was not sure what I hear so I said, “Anyone in there?” I hear this tiny voice… “I am!”
Max could not undo himself from his car seat and was waiting patiently. Sanj and I both assumed the other had let him out.
I can’t help but shudder of this poor child of mine locked in the car in that heat.
“Max! Next time YELL … Say SOMETHING! Get me OUT!!!” I advised him.

Yes there is a next time. Quite a few, I am sad to say! There were a few time were would sit down to lunch and suddenly realize one was missing! WHERE IS MAX? Oh dear! There he is patiently playing in the front seat with the steering wheel.
“Max… This is a horn! HONK next time!”

Then there was the time when he was not too young. We were in Maryland, visiting my brother. I would take the boys for a week while Sanj stayed and worked.

We were going to do lunch at Olive Gardens. (It is one of my favorite places to eat)! We all went in… (at this point, Max had to go to the bathroom… which I am sure he went with one of his brothers… but obviously got ditched). The wait was way to long. So we left and went across the street to another restaurant.

As we are waiting to be seated, my brother says, “Where’s Max?”
I thought he had rode with my brother ( as he had on the way there).
Quickly we realized that we left him at Olive Gardens.
Prayer goes a long way in this situation.

My brother runs over and Max is just being to wonder where we are seated.

My sweet Max has guardian angels working overtime!

Being the fourth child in a house of busy brothers. I often have to stop and make sure that I shower this sweet, lovely boy of mine extra hugs and kisses. He is such a joy and delight. He is also learning the art of becoming a pesky older brother!

Now when we get in the vehicle we always count. When we have 2 vehicles… we hold up or signal how many children we each are driving away with.

As the Rescue Heros say, ” Nobody gets left behind!”

If you walk around my house, you will notice a scent. Usually that isn’t a good thing. It leads me to each bathroom until I find the one that has not been flushed… ew.. yah.. but this is my world. Sometimes it leads me to nasties.

Lately I have been smelling a different kind of smell. Not stinky in that unflushed toliet kinda way but rather a mixture of old and spice.

My boys (the older two) have discovered body spray. Do guys wear cologne anymore? Sanj has never been a cologne guy. His brother was when he was younger but not sure if he still does now. Is it just that one can’t be bothered as they get older?

Certain scents take me back… Obsession… the lady’s perfume always reminds me of my roommate, Shelley! When I smell it now a day it is usually an older lady wearing way to much!

Then there was my favorites in the line of men… Drakkor… well that is the only one I remember.

Now… my boys are walking around with the good ole scent that reminds me of my father. Old Spice after shave was what he used to wear.

Boys to Men! Not sure who they want to smell so pretty for… but I will have to take a trip to the mall and get them something not so nostalgic. Oh and that lesson… a little goes a long way will have to be taught too!

I love watching the changes… some things are timeless… apparently like Old Spice!

I had a $100 gift card to one of the kitchen stores in town. There is not much that I can afford as a lot of it is for those that utilities a professional kitchen.

With 7 males to feed, it is not like I can’t use one of those kind of kitchens… just there is always my Wish List.

As I wandered through looking at this and that… I was taken by the knives. Do you ever watch those cooking shows… that skill of chop, chop, chop without a finger being added to the mix has always impressed me. I have a fear of sharp objects… you know when you nick your finger… even just a paper cut that sharp pain… fear has made me respect objects that can cause such pain.

The knives I have a duller than dull. Thus it makes cutting and chopping a chore.
I replace the knives with other cheap knives and the cycle continues.

So… I decided to use the gift card on a knife. Wow… have you seen the prices of knives? Have you seen how the climb rather quickly?

So… I got myself a MAC… sharp… super sharp.

I took it out of its box and used to today for supper. Wow. What a difference. Of course I am still very tentative but it gets the job done! It does the job very well.

So my tip for the day is get a GOOD knife. It is an investment. And then… take care of it. Don’t put it in the dishwasher or use dishwashing soap to keep it in ideal condition.

A great gift idea. My mom and mother-in-law would love a great knife. Hum… (Kumar… I got dibs on this gift idea)!

The last few days I have been nesting. O.K. i am not pregnant but having been many times this is the term that comes to mind.
I have been feeling a sense (a scary sense) of motivation where my never ending laundry is concerned. It feels good and not too overwhelming.

I FINALLY tackled our bedroom which seems to beckon the dust as soon as I dust it off. I moved furniture, freed my poor Archie Bunker chair from the load of clothes that seem to collect endlessly. Wow… it feels so good. My room feels like a haven again.

Except the boys feel like it’s their haven! lol

I am ready to tackle their rooms too. Too many toys… bits of toys. Time to recycle much of that stuff!

So this weather… the cooler days with the uncertainty of rain has been good to me … making me feel the need for nesting.

Slowly room by room, I hope to get better organized as the start of another school year approaches.

Below is a comment posted on my blog from the post “Wow Mom… You so not cool.”

It was deleted…. because it was not a true assessment of Sanj. If and when my kids read my blog this is not an opinion I would want them to read.

Anonymous wrote:

I feel your pain Reema and can certianly empathize!

Do you think that we as parents are partly to blame for our children’s ingratitude. Do we try too hard to be our kid’s friend vs. their parent? Sometimes we think that if we’re more of a “friend” to them, maybe, just maybe, they might begin to like and accept us. Makes you feel like you’re back in high school, trying to fit in with the “in crowd”…AGGGHHHHH!!!

The best advice I can give you is to be a parent first; correct their behavior, this is paramount! If you don’t the selfishness, ingratitude and disrespect only snowball. More importantly, this one child is setting the tone for all his other siblings.

I typically find parents discounting this behavior as a “phase” that their child is going through….BIG MISTAKE!! I feel bad for you, because it appears to me that you must be their primary caregiver and therefore you “own” the burden of discipling them. Certianly your husband can give his two-cents when he gets home, but by then the tension has been diffused and you quite frankly, just want to enjoy the rest of your evening.

I truly think, hubby needs to make a stronger impression on the boy(s). Perhaps daily reinforce the significance of respecting their mother. It’s important that he lays down the law so that if even one morsel of disrespect is exhibited, there will be consequences. But most importantly, the boys will need to see and expereince the very respect that is expected of them modeled by their father.

You’re a wonderful mother and wife!

I agree with alot of what you say. I never really believe in being my child’s friend over their parent. I know that if it is not nipped in the bud… that disrespect and lack of gratitude… that it only becomes uglier.

What I don’t agree or understand is the last comments about Sanj. My husband is constantly letting it be know that I am not to be treated with anything other than respect. If they even were to lift a hand…. (and I mean my 4 year old…) they quickly learn that it is not appropriate. While Sanj is off to work… he does deal with issues when he is home in the evening. Further more… he does ONLY model respect and love to me. So please don’t “feel bad for me” because I share the joys and frustrations with a wonderful partner.

It is a daily thing.. the significance of respecting me… as well as each other. Of course there are consequences… yet I refuse to beat the @#$% out of my children. I know that fear has its place but not to that degree. Most have a conscience that make them feel bad after thinking of the hurtful things that were done or said. I am not sure I want my children to live and love with fear as the major factor.

So… as with a blog, I appreciate the comments more than you will know. I love to hear thoughts. But when a judgement is being made… an incorrect one at that… I have to let it be know. I also have to question where that comment comes from. If you know us… you know that my husband loves and is a active part of our lives. All he does… working his butt off is for his children.

So to Anonymous, I say, you got that last part wrong. I am grateful for the partnership that I have with my hubby in this adventure we can parenting.

And… while I blog… and complain.. it is a vent. It is a release for me to share my thoughts at that moment. I love the feedback that reminds me I am not alone. I love the encouragement. I love my boys. I love my husband. I love my family.

To my friends on facebook… yes, Cindy… my blog (www.sukumaranville.blogspot.com) does allow anonymous comments… for now. 🙂

I am not sure I am doing motherhood right. I assume that you tell your kid to do a chore or two and they know to do it.
Do I have it wrong? Please tell me… as I am looking to learn the ways of getting my teen to do what is asked of him… not once.

Then when I lose it… as inevitably I will… I get attitude. This is followed by “Wow Mom, you are so not cool.”

OK… the thing is I want to start acting out too. I want to give in to the tantrum that is brewing in me and stick my tongue out and sing song “Sticks and Stones may break my bones…” I want to get into a all out fighting match. I want to just go to my room.

OK… I admit … many a shameful time… I lose it… I stoop down to levels I am not suppose to.

But really… this one just PUSHES my buttons.

Why? I guess because he is never sorry. He is never really thankful. He never seems to get how good he has it.

He only seems to get when it isn’t about him.

This is year 2 of the teen years. I suppose last year, I would have been crushed by his words.

Today… not so much. Like I really have time to worry about how cool a mom I am or am not?
I am thinking that my days of wanting to be cool are over.

LIke it or not… I think I am cool. So your (not you, rather his) thoughts of me are irrelevant. Right?

Oh bother.

Lord, please, I am so new at this. New and Lost. Caring, yet not really. Loving but not Liking. Cool yet so uncool.
Just please give me strength. Help me to be rid of the irritation by morning as I am sure it will be a whole new ball game by then.

Lord, thank you that You believe that I CAN handle this.
WOW. Um…. could you please help?

This weekend I was at McDonalds with my boys and their cousins. We were eating in and waiting out the rain to go for a swim.

A older man stops by the table on his way out. He looked like a former Greyhound driver as he had a tie pin of that nature. He was a tall man despite the fact that he was stooped over.

‘Are these children all from the same family?” he asked.

“Well yes, these 2 are cousins and I have 6 boys.” I replied.

He looked nice. Then he spoke.

“I pity you” he mutters.

I looked at him and said with a smile “That’s not very nice!”

Other people are listening to this exchange including my boys.

He says, “well I suppose if they are good kids it is o.k.”

As I replied “Yes they are good kids,” and ended the conversation I couldn’t help wonder what was his life like?

If I were to guess, I’d say in one word…. Lonely.

What makes people so mean, rude and unmindful of other’s feelings?

I hope that as my boys reflect on these encounters that they always feel the love that is there over the hate of the small minded people in this world.

Today we went to the Cobourg Beach. What a great spot. Every other family obviously thought so too, as there were MANY people there!

We had such a great day. We spent it with Sanj’s brother and his family. There is something about just being together.
There is something to be said about playing together. There is something to be said about just investing that time just being.

I love it. The boys loved the “waves.” They were fearless and braved the cool waters and played. Then there was the fun in the sand. Sammy was the first to be buried. He was in there quite awhile. Impressive. I was getting claustrophobic just watching him. I couldn’t not imagine not moving for any period of time.

While Sammy was captive, I got him back with a bucket of water for his attitude that morning. Sanj relished “styling” Sammy’s hair too.

At one point, all the cousins were buried. It got quite still for a bit… then there was sand and motion everywhere!

Then it was time to leave… the yucky part of the day.

Within moments, there were a few melt downs… making a good day a normal day!

I love days like this. I love watching kids be kids. I love the energy that bounces around yet not causing chaos. I love how sand and water can make such lovely memories.”

This was one of my favorite days this summer!

In our house, clothes are the big issue. What I mean by that is, if you take 8 people and times that by the number of clothing a person has… it is a big factor.

So no surprise that there is always laundry, there is always clothing around.

As much as I would like to say we are a super neat, organized family… we are not.

There is always something lying somewhere it is not suppose to.

I went into the dining room and there was a pair of shorts on the floor. The DINING ROOM!

I picked it up and kept it.

Now I charge a dollar for the item to be returned.

It’s been good because Sammy and Tyler have a select amount of clothing they favor. So they usually realize that the item is missing relativity soon. Then there is the “AHHHHHHH!” “No fair!”

Nope it isn’t. It will cost you a buck to get it back!

It is effective. They still leave stuff here and there but at least I have a buck to make me feel better! 🙂

Money is something neither of them like to give up, even a dollar, as they are saving for whatever. So each dollar lost hurts!

I am always willing to try … and hope the lesson is learned.

We were getting into the car to go do errands.

Zachary: “I get to ride shotgun.”

Josh: ” I get to ride pistol.”

I was laughing so hard. I love my boys. I love to listen to their minds working and learning!

Today I had to go to The Apple Store to deal with an issue with the iPhone. The closest one was the Yorkdale Mall about an hour and half away.

Always ready for an adventure, I thought I would drive to Whitby and then take the GO Train. Josh has been dying to ride the train and it just doesn’t happen. So I was really looking forward to taking him on this adventure.

Jordan and Zachary were my sidekicks as well. So we get to the GO and I asked for the tickets to Yorkdale. The guy didn’t tell me there was NO TRAIN! I just got a bus ticket.
By the time I figured it out, I decided we’d take the bus and catch the train back to Scarborough. How bad could it be?

Well.. 2 HOURS and 15 MINUTES later… we FINALLY reached Yorkdale. I didn’t realize that this bus stopped at EVERY stop all the way there.

Oh my gosh! The boys were great but highly annoyed. There were smells that weren’t pleasant floating through… (lesson on WHY bathing is IMPORTANT)!

Then an hour into the trip, Josh had to pee. Bad. Desperately looking around, I saw newspaper that someone discarded. I made a newspaper pee-thingy and told him to pee into it. All the boys were horrified and yet amused… I was praying that the newspaper was going to absorb the liquid. (Newspaper makes a great diaper/toilet in time of trouble!)

The boys were great. We FINALLY reached our destination. Pretzels and popcorn made for a great snack. We finished our business at the Apple Store in 15 minutes.
So we decided to eat at The Rainforest Cafe. Yuck. Great ambiance… HORRIBLE FOOD.

Back on the bus (as we discovered there were no trains … they only go to Toronto). We encountered a scorpion tattooed man… who sat beside us. As I said.. “Hope you are not looking for peace and quiet…” as Josh was very chatty, he smiles and says “Whatever works, Right?” There were NO TEETH visible.

Yikes. Another lesson… Brush your teeth! Well!

With a few more mishaps, we finally made it back to the GO station and to the safety of our truck!

Jordan said, “We could have flown to Tampa and back in that time.” lol

We had a quick stop at Toys R Us… a instant balm to a painful day.

We were home by 9:30 p.m. 8 Hours later… Lessons learned. Use your vehicle.

Sanj could only laugh and bring back the attempts of the Taj Mahal Cake. Nice.

I still do plan to do the train … sometime.

My bed felt SO good! All in a day in the life of being on of my kids!

All I ever wanted to be was a Mom. I loved children and babies. How I loved babies!

The big problem was needing a man to fulfill my dream of a home. I did worry about finding that man to make my dreams come true. It was a big worry for me even as a little girl.

Because I didn’t see love and marriage modeled for me, I was skeptical of this happening.

How would it all come true? Love and marriage? Was it possible?

I think reading love stories tainted my view of love and marriage. What does it mean to be happily married?
Never fighting, lots of loving, romantic dinners and trips… then add a bunch of kids that NEVER fought and this was my vision of marriage.

I didn’t know better. I hate that books have Mr. McDreamy walk in and all is perfect and happily ever after.
I hate that love scenes are depicted as perfect orgasmic unions where stars and rockets are scene after the togetherness.
(Not that this is not the way it is with Sanj… he is my McDreamy with the bells and whistles every time)! lol

How is a young girl (or boy) suppose to know the reality of marriage?

I wish I knew that a happily ever after DOES include heated arguments, hating each other in small doses, wondering what planet each is from… yet it also means being able to forgive and be forgiven. It means compromise. It means understanding and accepting your McDreamy’s love language even though it may not be your language.

I think that most people see things in their parents marriage that they do not want to duplicate. That is normal and part of breaking cycles. It is how we find what is ours!

What has me writing is the fact that so many sell themselves for less. I would watch the Bachelor and wonder how these beautiful ladies could all sell themselves to fight over one guy? The desperation for the love of the “perfect guy” always saddened me.

Why do we need to settle for less? We don’t. And I think that we are a society need to instill in our children that they are special just as they are. They do not NEED someone to complete them. I think that we need to teach our children that one must be what they expect in a mate. One must work on improving ones character every day.

I know that people marry all the time without love in the picture. Arrange marriages work on this concept.. but it is different because they marry and then make the effort to date each other inside their marriage… they have a lot at stake to make it work too.

The older I get the more I understand that marriage is an agreement to love each other, keep charming and wooing each other in the marriage. It is an agreement to cherish and treat the love of your life the best you can each day. It is promising to be selfless… thinking of that person before your own needs. It is accepting, changing, compromising, forgiving, laughing, complimenting and living those vows each day. You don’t get to take a break from being married.

I think of accepting and appreciating change is a huge one. I am so different than the girl that Sanj married. I speak my thoughts more, challenge his more, and have found the person I am meant to be… and even still continue to change.
If Sanj did not accept my changes, it would have been rough. Not only does he accept my changes, but he is proud of them.
I love that about him. I love that he sees me as a unique, totally out of the box nut job.

The changes in him over the years are one that I have to accept too. Maybe I am not as accepting as he is but his changes have been hard on me. He has become determined to not let people walk on him as they have in the past. I hate the hardness that has crept into him. Yet, if it wasn’t for his wariness… we would be hurt a lot more.
So I have learned to accept the changes. His loving has never changed. I love that. I love that his love has deepened over the years. How lucky am I?

The years have been full of rough spots. There are always there… taunting and teasing. The key is to be able to focus on something together and move towards it. Aware of the toughness, yet still living, laughing and loving.

So as I think of my own sons, I hope that they view marriage as a promise of constantness of loving, dating, accepting and forgiving. I also hope they see it as an adventure as one never knows what will pop up, yet knowing together as promised they will see it though. I hope that they will understand that Happily Ever After is the possible ending with few twisted along the way.

And yet while Happily Ever After is what we all hope for, there is that time when one must walk away. What courage it takes to do that. How much hard it is to this with children? How much courage it must take to say “I am not going to let you hurt me again? I deserve better… I hope this for my sons too. Courage to do the right thing … even though it will always be the harder thing.

I saw this picture on a blog… the title was “Child Abuse?” It was a picture of a large (obese child).

“Obesity in children has become a top priority for health professionals in the United States. More than two-thirds of Americans are overweight and 30 per cent suffer from obesity but there has been a dramatic increase in childhood obesity. In the United States, the percentage of overweight or obese children has doubled over the past 30 years to 25 per cent of the under-19 population.” (Taken from the website Better Health USA)

Pretty much anywhere you go, you will see a child that is obese. Does you mind not wonder about the parents thoughts on the matter? Obesity is an obvious concern. But do you ever think about the child that is just bigger and heavier?

It seems that it is so easy to make the assumption that if one just stops eating, the weight will stop too. It is an easy judgement.

It is easy enough to think that if you just put your mind to it, you can do it.

I have 6 children. Each of them is built very differently. Sammy has always had a speedy metabolism. He is a child that in over the top with energy. As a teen, he eats ALL THE TIME! While I wouldn’t use the term skinny to describe him, he has always been slim.

Then there is Tyler… he was my biggest boy, at 7 lb. 9 oz. He has always been a big boy. I was forever buying him pants to accommodate his build and cutting off many inches to fit his length. He has always had big feet and wide shoulders.

As a teen, he has size 10 feet and broad shoulder that can compete for his father’s tee-shirts.

Unfortunately, he has had too hear comments his whole life about his size. People use words that constantly give the message that his size and built are not acceptable. He has heard this from his brothers being mean to his own grandparents.

If you are not a slim trim lad, you are going to hear things.

Tyler approached me to help him lose weight a bit ago. He is always conscious of his body. With each year, that consciousness continues to grow.

We went our doctor who was great about it. He should him on the growth chart where he is and where he would be if he continued to grow as he is.

He talked about food choices, healthy choices, about metabolism… how unfair it is to have a sibling that eat the same thing yet can be built totally different. He talked about exercise and what was appropriate. He talked about diets … being accountable for what you ate.

We left there. We talked about what route we would take and begin the journey.

I have learned so much watching my child on this road to learning to take control of his life. You will not believe the self control Tyler has found. While his brothers may eat ice cream… he just says no thanks.

He knows and is understanding this is a life change. He understands its OK to break from that discipline, but also understands the consequence of his body.

He is learning too eat to fuel his body rather than eat to feed his emotions. He understands so young that life isn’t fair.
He is already made such strides and experienced success! He has of course experienced disappointment too.

But as I watch this young beautiful man of mine, I am learning along the way.

What l am learning is that talking about ones appearance constantly is just not approbate. Why do we need to talk about ones appearance?

When we say… “You look like you have lost some weight and look great…” What is understood is that if I gain that weight back, I am not acceptable.

I want my boys to learn how to treat their bodies as temples of God. I want them to accept who they are, big and small. Short and tall. Likely, they will all struggle with that yo-yo of weight at some point in life.

I have learned that this child of mine has a great strenth that will see him through many of life’s hard lessons.

Is it child abuse? As a parent that sees how life is unfair… I would say no. But it is really hard to do the HARD Stuff with your child. Yes, I know, Love isn’t easy. Parenting isn’t for the weak at heart.

I write this with Tyler’s permission… and thank him for letting me sharing this journey. I write it simply to encourage parents that it is time to bite that bullet. Today we are equipped with tools to fight the things that haunt our kids.

It isn’t easy. A bag of chips is so easy.. isn’t it? Planning ahead to pack a bag of veggies or fruit isn’t the easy way when I am not an organized kind of gal for such things.

So we are on this journey together. Child Abuse? In most cases, I think not. Rather it usually monkey see, monkey do.

Time to make a change…

Tyler, my sweet boy…
I love you no matter how big your feet get! 🙂
You are one special boy!
The biggest thing on you isn’t your feet or smile… but rather your heart!
It is a wonderfully huge heart!
i am so glad you are mine.
I love you.

P.S. I am not wearing your hand me down shoes… Daddy might! lol

Today I had lunch with a friend. As we were catching up, it occurred to me that marriage is such a complicated thing.

When you think of living with a person (forever or as long as you can) that is a long time. How many people have a mate that is perfect?

First of all, just living with the opposite sex is a mystery with no manual. Each sex is so different. We really are from two different planets.

Then you have to take in personalities. You also have to take into account that personalities CHANGE. That really isn’t fair… how are you suppose to know who you are marrying if they change? I never really thought this through before… but look at the parents is what I would tell me kids.

I am so much like my mom in many ways. Sanj often says, “You are becoming like your mom…” Yup, I guess that is what is in the cards.

I never really understood my mother-in-law even from the get go. We are very different personalities. Yet we always had one thing in common… loving Sanj. Yet we even loved him differently. But now looking back, I am able to just let her love him the best she can… maybe it is not my way or his way but I have to just accept it is her way which is the right way for her.

Sanj, as he ages, has changed almost 100%. He is becoming so much like his parents. It isn’t a good thing or a bad thing but it is a DIFFERENT thing! I am not sure I would have had 6 lovely wonderful busy boys with him… if I knew the Sanj of today…
only because he has become very OCD.

An example of this is our sand box… we just put up the sandbox on the weekend and the sand was delivered yesterday evening. The boys LOVE their sand. All of them play in it, fight in it, throw sand and come out wearing sand. The obvious result is that there was sand everywhere.

While I don’t like the mess that sand brings, I love the quiet that it provides. I actually had to go make sure the boys were in the sandbox this morning because it was so quiet! I love the creative energy that is flowing in the box. I love the togetherness it is fostering between them.

No I don’t like the mess but I feel like I can sweep and vacuum. Yet my hubby was yelling out of the bathroom this morning… There is sand in my sink…” A minute later… louder ” There is SAND in the shower…” And then… “THERE IS SAND EVERYWHERE!!!!”

It is freaking him out!!! I feel bad for him. How hard it must be to just want order and calm and yet live in a world of disorder and constantness. I know that he wants just areas that are kid-free zones. Yet it is that area that the kids are drawn to the most.

Today we drove the truck “Daddy’s truck” because I was worried about exposing my friend to the disarray of the van. As we got into the truck, one of the boys said…”Oh oh… there is sand in here!”

Another mom that lives with a husband with OCD tendencies said, “It is really hard, sometimes. It is stressful.”

Back to my point about marriage being work. It is work to deal with anyone outside our selves. Isn’t it? Each one of us is perfect inside of ourselves. If only we could make others function they way we do … it would be perfect.

I feel a bit cheated because Sanj was anything but neat when I met him. If there was an opposite of OCD that would describe him. So is it fair… 6 kids later that he become OCD on me?

No.

But I suppose that can’t be helped. I am sure if he could pop a magic pill that would allow him to relax, release and refresh himself… he would. (Well he wouldn’t talk that pill… I tried!)

So we all have to accommodate. He has to deal with sandy floors, messy vans and a noisy home. And we have to deal with the on and off complaining… that we learn to turn off.

So as I went to lunch with my friend, I am reminded that I love his man… OCD and all. I would rather him in my life than not. I don’t mind the work that goes into my marriage as I get much more out of it that isn’t work.

I am committed to loving him for the long haul… even though he becomes more and more like his parents. I guess I will only draw the line when he starts wearing moo-moos like his mom!

As I called my dearly loved OCD hubby to say hi… I wrote a blog about you… He replies… “Oh boy, after today it can’t be good!” How I love him.. At least he seems well aware of his short comings!

The ride of the teenage years has been nothing short of adventurous! I never know what ride it will be today… is it Space Mountain… where it is a constant of ups and downs that you are kept in the dark all day?

Or is it the Bumper Cars… you just keep bumping heads all day?

Or maybe if I am lucky we will be in the paddle boats… working together nicely and smoothly.

It can be very tiring. Somedays I just don’t care. I really love them but I am not going to try anymore tonight.

Somedays can be just plain funny. Well if I didn’t think it was funny, I’d no doubt be balling!

Hormones. What a scary thing! That is why God gave sweet delicious smelling babies to hook us. Then after years of snuggling, loving and being the best thing to them… WHAM… it changes.

Wow!

I love my boys. Yes, even the teenagers. I wish I COULD kiss it better. I wish I could get close enough for that snuggle.
Then it is 11 p.m. In bounces one, “I am NOT TIRED! I am going to lie here for a while.”
This drives Sanj NUTS…. who is not a night owl like the rest of his family… and just wants his space and sleep.

I am actually going to go to Chapters to look up some books on the teenager and the hormones that invaded them.

But while I complain of the woes of my 13 and 14 year old… I look out my window and see this picture.

My heart swells (literally) with pride and love as I watch my oldest cutting the grass with his youngest, taking time to protect his hearing…

How I love my boys. Do they drive me nuts? Yes.. 99% of the time! Does that 1 % make up for the 99%?

Yes!

I was born in India. I sometimes forget that. What I mean by that is I am so American/Canadian that I sometimes forget that I am different from those around me. Color is only skin deep. Some people truly don’t see color… yet most do. It is always there… the differences… that awareness comes out with little comments. Comments that are not meant to be hurtful or offensive but yet still point out that there is a difference.

I was thinking of my parents and what they have lived through. Sometimes I forget… they had a whole life in India. They left that life to seek a new and maybe different life. I can’t image what it was like for them to move to a new country and have to learn life over again with a totally different owner’s manuel.

I get annoyed at their corks because for me being here is all I know. Yet for them it is and has been a learned skill set.
I can have this life as I know it simply because they gave me this life as I know today.

I can’t even imagine what it must have been like coming to Canada in the early 70s, leaving behind all their family and friends.
I wonder what it must have been like especially for my mom. My dad was not her dream husband, so she was all alone emotionally too.

It must have taken such strength to take on that adventure of a lifetime.

So many things were new and strange. My mom tells of how my dad and her saw a sign saying pants… 99 cents. They were quite excited. As they went into the “store” they were to discover the Dry-cleaners!

As I live life as only I have known, I have to stop and realize the sacrifices that my parents made so that I do enjoy life as I know it.

My List was getting a little ridiculous. Everyone needs me to do stuff for them. Yet with all the little things that demand my attention in a day.. it never gets done.

Yesterday Sammy was saying… “Mommy… when are you going to take my phone in…”
Me: “Tomorrow… Sammy… tomorrow…”
Sammy and the boys… “Yeah, right, just like you are going to ….”

So today it took 3 hours to get my list done… but it is done.
0. Pick up boys from B-Ball Camp.
1. Lunch
2. Take the boys to the golf course… yet no golf as to a tournament.
3. Zellers for toothbrushes, shampoo and sandbox toys.
4. Order the sand.
5. Stop at mall to deal with phone issues.
6. Butchers… pick up some steaks for supper.
7. Bank… deposit and cash checks.
8. Call the service people to fix my dishwasher (again).
9. Call phone people about my answering machine issues.
10.Stopped by the computer place to pick up my hard drive.

That is a lot of stops. But I was determined to get this stuff off my list. Check! Check! Check!

Yah!

Families Are Forever. I have this wall hanging in our family room. I am not sure why I bought it except that I thought maybe it was to remind the boys that no matter who comes and goes in their lives, their family will always be there.

But I have always felt discombobulated about this saying. It is a hard one for me.

You are born into the family you have. There was no choice in that matter. Most of us make the best of that. Many of us learn to love and overlook. We learn to accept and deal with the cards handed out. If you are really luck, you are blessed with a family that loving them is just easy.

We went to some friends house for a swim and the mom was saying how the two boys who are Sammy and Tyler’s age are best friends. She always had them do things together. I wondered how that is achieved. How do brothers become friends?

I don’t think that it is something you can force. I think that it has to be a natural thing that occurs.

Most of the people I know are siblings but not necessarily friends. They do the family thing and like each other well enough, respect each other but are not what I would call best buds.

Then there are those that I know that are great friends. They chat, hang out and like being with each other.

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about loving. My cousin mentioned that there were also people that you love but don’t like.
How true this is! If it wasn’t for that blood that ties family, would some people be in your life?

I struggle with that.

Family. I like the saying “Every family tree has a few nuts.” As I look at my boys, I long for them to have a lifelong relationship that goes beyond being brothers.

But I know that a lot of that depends of life experiences and the people that go and come into their lives.

Sometimes family can be unhealthy. Some of those people you love can be unsafe. Some of them simply cause pain.

Where do I go with this in the way of family?

My friend told me that I needed a new definition of family.

She gave me a wall hanging. It said;

family n.
1. people who share a common start
and grow to share a common heart.

I love that. We are family who share a common start, we have a history. Yet it is up to each one to choice to continue to nurture that start to grow into a beautiful friendship.

As I watch some of my boys, their mixing is reminiscent of mixing oil and vinegar. They are two totally different entities.
No matter how much I try they are not going to mix. Yet they can choice to appreciate their differences (is my hope) and develop a mutual respect towards one another.

And some of my others boys are each other’s shadow. They play, fight, play and would be lost without the other.

Family… it is o.k. to have to grow apart despite the common start. Sometimes life just demands that. Yet how wonderful it is when it is able to take that common start and grow to share a common heart.

Saturday night we were treated to dinner at some friends home.

Upon arrivial, we were greeted with a menu of the night’s dinner on the door.

Dinner a la Sukumaran et Chandra

Baked Brie with Caramelized Onion and Pear Compote

Veggies and Dip

Chandraburgers

Homemade Macaroni and Cheese

Braised Beef Short Ribs Au Jus

Alsatian Onion Tart

Wilted Baby Arugula

Blueberry Coffee Cake

Homemade French Vanilla Ice Cream

Coffee & Tea

Yes, this was dinner at friends. I was feeling like I was at a fancy 5 star restaurant! I always leave rethinking the whole paper plates and pizza or burgers thing.

Do my friends feel less important or loved with my hole in the wall 1 star dinner?

We had a lovely time being spoiled and left feeling special and very full!
Thanks you Chandra family for a lovely time!