Living Loving Breathing Boys

I got a package in the mail from my cousin in Texas. A Coach purse! It is funny how some people are always in your life. We may not talk or see each other for years. And then my cousin appears in my life at the most unusual yet critical time. He is there … really there.

We grew up together, a month apart. We fought over toys and later on boys. He is the kind of person that you would say is born gay. He was always more girlie than me as little kids. He lived with us for a bit when his family couldn’t cope with his differences.

He was always so crazy. I was in the mall with a girlfriend and we were trying on clothes. In the dressing room next to me, I hear this male voice saying “could I have this in a size 9?” Then I see my 6’6 (Ok not sure, but he is VERY tall)… peering over the top of my dressing room wall… grinning. He was so crazy!!! He looked better in girls clothing than girls did!!!

Two summers when my dad was in the hospital, in a coma, my cousin and his partner show up at the hospital in Tennessee. Just like that… “I knew it would be strange being there, so I thought I would come.”

He doesn’t have much… he lives in a house they built that is litereally 200 square feet… with no bathroom. They go to the father’s house across the way. He gave up life in Florida, where he had it easier to run away from money issues. He said,” I don’t want my parents money. I just want to be happy.”

He is so wise. Life for him is simple. He lives to love and be loved. He works at IHOP and works hard. He calls his mom every day. He does the right thing as he knows it.

He has had hurts, big ones. Living as a gay man is not easy. So he has learned survival skills… yet he is what he is. No apoliges.

I often think of all the Christians I know. How would we treat him… my cousin, a flaming homosexual, if he walked into our comfort zone… our church or school?

Then I think of Jesus. How would Jesus treat him? Would he label him? A sin is a sin. I have learned that I can love
my cousin, simply love him. That is the best way I can show him God’s love. Acceptance of him which does not mean his way of life.

I love my cousin so much. He is one of those people that is real to the core. In many ways, he is a person that I can learn so much from.

I am not discussing the rights and wrongs of a homosexual in this blog. i am just thinking of whom Jesus ministered to while He was here.

I am ashamed for the embrasessment I felt when I was growing up with him… when he was at the mall with me being so crazy. I just wanted him to be normal… I guess I never thought that maybe he wished for that too.

I love you, Ujjal. You are one of the rare gifts in life.

My house is SOOO quiet right now!!! 3 are asleep and 3 are on their way home from Youth Group. I am enjoying the rain outside and listening to the wind!!! Oh yah, I can hear my laundry tossing around too.

Today I didn’t have to pick up the boys from school. Sanj grabbed them on his way home from Port Hope. What a nice break that was. It just gave me that little extra hour to get ahead start on my supper and tidy up.

I had quite a day with Josh today. He is very obsessively compulsive. Most days I can handle his corkiness but today I was ready to go over the edge! He HAS to have his jeans pulled over his cowboys boots or shoes. Emphasis on HAS TO! He knows the second they ride up… and stops whatever he is doing … needing them pulled down.

Today I was at Winners and got him a toy. Iron Man and his car. Well I thought this would occupy him a bit while I did some errands. NOPE!!! Iron Man would not sit in the car way that Josh needed him to sit. He was so bothered by this that he really did not enjoy the toy at all and my afternoon was shot with his discombobulation.

He hates his hair wet after a shower. He cries and says “tell Helena (our hairdresser) to shave it off.” Then 10 minutes later, when it is dry, he will say, “its all better, my hair is not bothering me anymore!”

He loves dress shirts and ties. He needs the top button done up for all his shirts. He can not handle it any other way. He has to hold a banana a certain way… so his hands don’t get messy.

He hates when someone touches his food. Don’t mess with his plate. Hands off!

The list goes on. I love him to death. He loves me to death!

But I am so glad for the quietness that bedtime brings!
And then there is tomorrow….

We sold our house, made a little bit of money to pay off bills. It is a good feeling. We paid off our/my piece of junk van … so it is offical. We paid many dollars to own a piece of *&^%! Oh well… it will feel good to not have the payments every month.

Anyways, back to the bit of money sitting in our bank account. Sanj decided that “I” needed a get around town car. This would be pratical and we would be able to save on gas. This all sounded good… despite the fact that I really do not NEED a car.

But he had his eyes on the prize. See, in real life, MY HUSBAND is the real shopaholic! Except he shops for big money items!!!
So we are the proud owner of a car… a couple years old Infinite 35 of some sort.

Back to the bit on saving gas…etc… here is the kicker. I went to pick up the keys and the lady was giving me the low down… and says “this vehicle takes does not take regular gas but rather SUPREME GAS!!!”

Today I wasn’t feeling a 100%. My head hurt and my body felt very shaky (likely the diabetes) but I was eating and being healthy.

Oh well. It was a day that I had so many little things to do. The List! I had to renew my license, phone the utilities company, the insurance company, do some banking, get groceries, pay for a car that my hubby bought (see next blog)…

Actually it goes on… but really who cares. We all have this list. Accomplishing my list was a bit more tedious dragging Josh around, with his “I can do it all by myself” attitude.

But the list I would have liked to have accomplished would have been something like this:
Finish my book, had a massage, found decorations for Thanksgiving and decorated the house, called a couple of friends, made muffins, went out for supper and I am in bed by 7:30 p.m.

Oh well there is always tomorrow! Drop off the boys, must go to thegym, get the groceries for Thanksgiving (last year I couldn’t find a turkey…), do laundry and put it away, work on decluttering and unpacking the boxes in the basement.

Thanksgiving is at our house. I am not sure if the rest of the family (Sanj’s family) cares about the day. But for me it is important to have these family moments so that MY children will have the memories and place importance on family and time together.

While I contemplate this, I have the battle of wanting a hallmark thanksgiving (if there is such a thing). For me that would mean HOURS in the kitchen, place settings for everyone with real plates…and all that stuff.

But in reality, unless a maid or a little Indian man appears rather soon, it will be paper plates. As much as I love the holidays, I like being a part of it too. Which means, why add to the dishes, with plates, cups and silverwear? What takes hours to prepare… is gobbled up in minutes, with the cousins waiting to be excused.

So … thankfully the dollar store has the “pretty” paper plates and dinner will be more enjoyable when there isn’t the long stance at the sink afterwards.

This is when I feel homeless. I wish my parents had a “home.” It is when I miss being part of a normal family. It is when I wish I knew that “going home for the holiday” feeling rather than my home being that for others.

Oh well… so back to my list…

Groceries for Thanksgiving dinner:

Turkey
Stuffing
Cranberries
Gravy Stuff
Potatoes
to be continued!

Jon and Kate have nothing on me today!!!

My house is buzzing with activity of a dozen or so kids. After the walkathon, my 12 passenger was loaded with a bunch of boys… they are off playing, chasing and hopefully getting really tired! 🙂

Today the boys were up at 6:15am…. why can this not happen on a school day?

I didn’t sleep well last night. SO I am feeling the repercussions of that today!

We also have a permanent resident in our garage. Maybe more than one… and it seems to be a skunk. There is fresh poop… there from this morning and then more from just a bit ago. OK… I am not pleased about this.

They obviously like it in there… because they don’t leave!!!

At least let’s hope that none of the kids get sprayed!

Did you know that To neutralize or deodorize skunk spray, the chemicals in the secretion must be changed to a different type of molecule. Tomato juice does not work .

For pets that have been sprayed, bathe the animal in a mixture of 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide (from drug store), 1/4 cup of baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and a teaspoon of liquid detergent. After 5 minutes rinse the animal with water. Repeat if necessary. The mixture must be used after mixing and will not work if it is stored for any length of time. DO NOT STORE IN A CLOSED CONTAINER – it releases oxygen gas so it could break the container.

Apparently this is country living 101.. now you are in the know!

What can I write about today? How about my morning so far?

Sammy was exceptionally cooperative this morning even hugging me at Subway (their lunch for the day). That was great, but I have to admit I really didn’t want a hug at that moment because I was still feel highly annoyed with his moods from the day before!

I went to the gym and worked out. Baby steps.

Then I came to the office and instead of turning off the alarm, I set it off!!! The alarm company calls… and basically said good luck! After a number of tries, Sanj not answering his phone, people actually waiting outside the door as I drove in…
I (or rather God)turned off the crazy alarm.

On the positive side, the people waiting for me, probably had more damage to their hearing from the crazy alarm, that maybe Sanj will get some hearing aid sales out of the morning!!! LOL

It is only 10:30ish! Well my day can only get better, right?

Obvious office management is not a career choice!

Remember back in the summer when I was gushing about my oldest becoming a teenager? Well I am not gushing anymore.
I am not sure WHO has invaded the body of my once lovable child! Oh I see glimpses of him every now and again… but then poof… he vanishes!

Instead there lays a moody, broody, “the whole world is against me,” or “you never listen to what I am saying” impostor that I am not sure HOW to handle!!!

We are so alike. So we tend to clash much more.

I am tired and just want the homework, supper dishes and lunches to go away. I have 6 beings to get to bed, feel the pressure to at least TELL them to brush their teeth and all that stuff before pestering them to bed.

I just want to sleep. I am tired of being the bad guy. I feel that Sammy is 13 years old and I shouldn’t have to tell him the same things I have been nagging about since he was 2!!! But I do… or it does not get done.

Then it is the whining about me being on him all the time!

I can’t win. Maybe I need THE SUPERNANNY here. Maybe if he could see the butt whooping I would have gotten with half his attitude, he would pause.

He is a great kid most of the time. I love him so much. I see the awesomeness of his character and just wish that would come out more at home.

Tonight I feel like I lost the battle. And really for this moment, I can’t care or worry for today. I need to just escape.
Grey’s Anatomy would be a great way to do so… but no… the Americans are hogging the time with another debate!!!

Wish they would chat a bit on how to parent a teenager. I thought I had it figured out better than I do. After all, I was one not that long ago, right?

Hum… maybe there in lies the problem!

Have you seen the movie “Mean Girls?” Do you ever wonder what makes a person choose to be mean spirited?

Usually there is an underlining reasons that may be obvious but sometimes I believe it is simply the choice to be hurtful.

I am not sure why I had this memory but there was a boy in university that I had the biggest crush on. Ivan Baroya (yes, I am writing his name in the hopes that he reads what a &^%$$^&(*& he was).

It was my first year or so at school, in a multicultural environment. There were students from all over the world. This was new to me, coming from Ohio… I enjoyed seeing cute boys, even Indian ones, that weren’t related to me.

Yes, Sanj was one of them, but he was too busy being stuck up, at this point!

Ivan Baroya caught me eye. He was so cute. We all kind of ran with a similar group of friends so I was around him, much to my delight.

In truth, I expected nothing from him. If he did actually come and talk to me, I would have probably died. I just liked looking at him. It would have been nice if he would have been nice… even a simple ‘Hi’ would have sent me to cloud 9.

He was a bit older and realized that I had a crush. Well he would go out of his way to hurt me. The meanest thing he did was we were all at a party or something together. I was kinda excited to just be in the same room with him. He goes and sits on this mutual friend’s lap and starts to kiss her.

Weird. I was devastated. Hurt and rejected. I also felt stupid because I found out later (by the girl) that he did this just for my benefit and most people were aware of his game.

Since most of my feelings are on my face… it wasn’t hard for him to see the reaction he was waiting for.

I got over him rather quickly but never forgot that meaness. What was the point of it? To set himself higher than me? How can that possible make you feel good?

Well, obviously I have not forgotten his meaness. I hope that for his sake he has grown up. And I live with the promise of what goes around comes around. God takes care of vengence.

I am so glad that he did not give me the time of day!

This is something I am teaching my boys. You do not have to return feelings that someone else may have but you certainly must be respectful and kind. When someone has a crush or whatever on you, it is a compliment. You must never stomp on ones feelings.

Of course there are exceptions to ever rule… and that is when they need to pass the girl’s name on to their mom…

I will take care of business!!! Don’t mess with my boys!

Meanness. It is so unnecessary. A gracious heart is one that is going to be respected.

And as far as Ivan Baroya… I wish him the plague of clutter flies and mosquitoes!

Our little town of Peterborough is finally worthy of a Costco! Today was first day of the opening! On my way in to town this morning, I passed a very packed parking lot!
People love opening days and all the free gifts.

I am not a person that can handle waiting in line for hours. If it is free… I probably don’t really need it. Or would rather dish out the cash then wait in line.

So I will wait and maybe go check it out tomorrow. My mom was willing to wait in line for me… I have come to the realization that she is a shopaholic. Guess the genetics are strong, where that is concern. 🙂

Actually I never saw my mom as a shopaholic. But she probably didn’t know this about herself until now. She was always working and did not have time to herself.
Now, she never leaves a store without a bag of some purchase.

Costco is coming near us just in time. I can’t keep up with the boys appetites already. I can only imagine when they all become teenagers! OH dear…what a scary thought!

I love the little things that Costco has… great gift ideas. Books are usually at a great price too. And laundry deotergent… I can never keep enough around! Fresh flowers are a great price there too!

Peterborough is becoming a real town! Old Navy, Costco, Home Outfitters… these are stores I would drive to Oshawa to shop at…so I am loving it!

The next two days I am offically a working girl. Well, at least by society’s standards. (Not sure WHAT I do all day while the boys are gone)!While Sanj and staff are off having fun I am slaving away at the office.
Hum! OK I am not bitter!

I quite enjoyed “dressing up” and hanging out at the office. At least till the phone rings… and people NEED something! Or someone walks in… I have no answers! I am just the pretty face sitting here to take money or make you an appointment.

I also realized that my voice … the high squeeky one…isn’t condusive to hearing impaired seniors. What can I say? Sleeping with the boss has its perks! 😛 Freetime!

The office is very quiet yet very loud. There is some very loud machine humming beside me … I found this highly annoying. I would unplug it all if I wasn’t worried about it being vital to the running of the office.

I have sensitive ears. I hate the fan in the car on high, simply because the loudness is annoying. Maybe I will put a radio on after lunch.

Actually I have so much little stuff that I need to catch up on. Writing thank you notes for my B-day party… updating the calender (which I would already have done by now…), sending out address changes… the list goes on.

Then there is guitar lessons, soccer practice and buying needed hockey equipment… that is just tonight. Tomorrow there is judo and friends coming for a sleep over.
Then there is the school walkathon… that I am not looking forward to. Then the promised play dates. Sunday brings hockey practice (which always makes me grumpy)and a visit to the inlaws and dropping my mom off to go home.

Hum… did I mention Sanj is in New Orleans “on business?”

Now do you see why food ends up making me feel better?

All in a day’s work.

Sanj and his office staff are off to New Orleans tomorrow. I am feeling jealous that I can’t go. Well, I could have gone, but figuring out all the logistics as far as the kids go seemed like too much work. Being gone on school days makes it more complicated.

OH fine. I will just have a pity party for myself. Unfortuately that probably means food is involved. Comfort … at any price!

Not only is my husband going to a city I REALLY want to go and never have been… he has lost 30 pounds.

HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?

OK… I am jealous. I am jealous that he is born with discipline. He is so focused. He sets his mind to something and dada…
he accomplishes it!

OH well… jealousy is a green eyes monster. I’d better quit blogging about this because I am getting grumpy.

Have a good trip Sanj. Don’t call me though, while you are having fun!

I am struck by the self confidence that people have! I love it! And if the truth be told, sometimes it shocks me! At the Y (our family’s gym) I am shocked by the lack of self consciousness in the dressing rooms.

I am self conscious of the flaws of my body. I hate seeing myself in all its glory… that I would die exposing myself to total strangers! Yet women of all shapes and sizes… most far from that perfect body… are strutting around, blowing drying their hair or putting on makeup… NAKED!

Maybe I have a phobia of naked bodies. Or maybe I am just shocked at the reality of bodies in general. Is it possible that NOBODY has a perfect body? At least in the real world? I know there are people that work on their bodies as a job or it comes with the job such as actresses or models.

But… I guess when I see a girl/lady with a petite frame… cute little body that I didn’t appreciate when I may have had it… I just assume that under the clothes is naked royality.

Today I realized that maybe this isn’t true. There was a YOUNG girl… who had not had children and was a cutie in her clothes. But being one of the strippers in the change room, I was surprised to see that underneath it… there was obvious flaws!

The truth is I really hate my body. I wish I could just blink my tummy away and have a back that hurt people’s eyes to see me in my backless dress. Nope. And yet I really do want to achieve this. SO … I keep trying to eat right or exercise.

But unfortunately for me, I am not disciplined by nature. I am easily distracted. I am so ADHA. I make myself believe the excuses I come up with.

But I want to love my body. I really need to appreciate it for all it continues to do, despite how much I abuse it. Think of how much stress 6 babies did to me. Yet my body still acts like it is all good. Despite all the junk I fool myself into believing it wants, it still forgives me.

So as I stare at the different kinds of bodies parading around the change room, I can also appreciate that we are all there in that building trying to take care of our bodies, even if it for that moment.

More power to you naked folks! I admire your love for yourself

Could you just not sit anywhere naked?
Thanks!

Today I was struck by the realization of sin and just how mush that bite of the apple cost! Just one little bite on Eve’s part changed everything. Sin is such a small word to describe the devastation that has resulted. Many of us have been blessed with a minor scratch in our lives.

Yet today as I thought of my day, I was hit with the PAIN… raw pain… in people’s lives. One of the worst things is watching your child suffer. Whether it is of cancer or some other illness… it sucks. And usually all you can do is be there. Today I had lunch with a friend who is going thru this. What can I say? What can I do? I can only imagine the helplessness that she feels. And simply pray…

Then I was looking at the pictures of a boy that graduated… his mom died of cancer some years ago. How do you even began to live? I can’t imagine ever leaving my children. And when we are discuss who will take care of our children if something ever happens… I get sick… really sick in the pit of my stomach thinking of WHO WILL LOVE THEM?

Heartache and pain is everywhere. I feel the weight that must rest on God’s shoulders as He watches and listens. How sad He must feel. How He must ache.

I think of how much I hurt when Tyler didn’t make the soccer team. He was so disappointed. I hated that he had to experience that feeling. And yet, there was nothing I could do. A hug, words of reassurance and yet I am sure it really didn’t change his pain in that moment. This is a small hurt… but at the moment, his pain was real.

I am learning that God has to let the consequences of sin play itself out. He does hug us with the gift of friends, gift of strength and miracles we do not even know HE has orchestrated. He is in such control. Only know do I see answers to prays I prayed so long again, prayers I gave up saying… Yet He was faithful … just in His time.

What can I do to keep my boys from experiencing broken hearts, life disappointments and simply the breaks in life? Not much. I can prepare them with all I know. I can teach them that they are amazing beings and no matter what someone does or says… they are gifts… precious, loved and treasured.

But the reality is one day I know my love will not be enough. My words will likely not reassure them and my kisses will be wiped off. I am still there loving them… yet know that the day will come when it will be their choice.

They will have to walk thru the valleys… to come to the top of the mountain. But I have to believe that they WILL reach that top of their mountain! Simply because I believe in them. I love them and will be there to encourage and guide when I am asked.

How different is this with my relationship with God? Not different at all. I just hope my sons figure it out better than I did. I hope they KNOW and FEEL and BELIEVE that just because they can’t always see me or feel me… I am always with them. GOD is always with them.

It really boils down to FATIH and having belief in the RELATIONSHIP!

It is knowing that even when I don’t see His Footprints beside me, He is there. He is just carrying me!

Sin sucks. So much about this life sucks. But He is giving us all we need to get through this journey! If you are one of my friends that is really suffering right now… Please know tonight I am going to pray for you. I am going to pray that you FEEL God there by your side.

It is OK to be scared. It is OK to be mad, yes even at God. He has big shoulders and can handle it. He gets your hurts and fears. It is OK to feel the emotions that come with pain, hurt and disappointment. But just don’t give up on God. Why go thru it alone?

Isn’t it better to believe that a High Power has the master-plan? I would rather have faith then doubt it all. I don’t have anything to lose.

I love the picture of God, my Father, waiting for me to seek Him out. Calling me…begging me… Wiping the tears on my face away. Holding my hand, ready to walk me through this valley.

I can’t wait for heaven. For the pain to be gone forever. For you and I to understand true happiness and peace.

So if you are struggling, in a valley… hang tight!

Just call out… scream out… “Father HELP ME!!!”

Jesus even did… on the cross. So why would we not? What is there to lose when all hope is already lost?

I am sure that the answers will not always be immediate… but then again maybe it will be!

My mom carries her purse or handbag wherever she goes. She always has it with her… even if she really doesn’t need it. It is her sidekick.

I do not carry a purse or handbag by nature. Maybe it is simply because for 10 years (literally) I carried a diaper bag. So when I am alone, I don’t want to have anything on me or with me. I also like to shop, so why add to the number of bags I will be lugging around? Maybe I am just not a girly girl. I make use of my pockets… all I really carry is a bank card and my cell.

I have many purses in my closet… and I love buying them. But they are like a necklace or a bracelet… an accessory.

My mom is a small person. 5’3 and has a small frame. Tonight I weighed her purse. It weighted 7pounds 4 ounces. I do believe that is what Max weighed at birth!

So we took out all of the contents to see what my mother carries with her… daily!

2 blood sugar meters
ear drops
Tylenol
US change
Canadian change
a cell phone
a D.C. magnet
insulin pen
hair brush
always a book or two
candy
a single M&M
an address book
a wallet
a change purse
nail clipper
a bus pass
5-6 pens
and her keychains…

OK let’s talk about the key chains…
she has 4 of them… and she is a real grandma… so she collects items for the keychain to amuse children.

The key chain is a collection of:
animals that make sounds or light up (a frog, monkey, pig, duck, dolphin)
a flashlight
a calculator
a measuring tape
a little DVD keychain with pictures.

Did I mention that this handbag weighs over 7 pounds?
Oh I forgot the section with the reciepts…too.

My brother has a “man-bag.” He swears by it. Kumar even bought one for Sanj for Christmas one year. I just found it in the basement with a bunch of other miss matched stuff when we moved.

I wish I could use a purse diligently. I did buy one today… (Sanj will be so annoyed)! But I bought it because it went with the boots I needed!

So I will keep purse-a verving! Haha.

Country living is full of adventures and challenges we have not encountered in the city. The latest is the critter that has taken residence in our garage… a skunk! He is in control and seems to know it! Sanj was out banging around to try to scared it (but not too much) out of the garage. It would seem that he had the upper hand as we awoke to the garbage torn and tossed around.

Tyler came home saying we should put powder on the garage floor… so we would know when he left… smart eh? Well this was actually his teacher’s creative idea!

Other annoying things we are sharing our house with are flies. They are called cluster flies… and there are a LOT of them… all over. Apparently this is seasonal. Thank Goodness because they seem to multipy in a blink of an eye!

Then there are the frogs and toads…my kids are thrilled with the capture of this little critters… Poor things… the critters, I mean! Hand washing has taken a whole new meaning to me!

Oh and then there is one of the real neighbours who is defintely an interesting character… with a dog, Sasha, who keeps pooping on our lawn!!!

Hum… The boys are enjoying cutting the lawn on the riding lawn mower… we’ll see how long that lasts.

They are waiting with hopeful hearts for the toys they hope to get… someday. Thank goodness we have an uncle and cousins with the toys that we can check out!

I have been extremely busy or too tired to blog lately and have really missed it. I love putting pictures with my blog so I was at a disadvantage because the camera cord was packed away… till now! So here are a few blogs with life the last 2 weeks!

One of my favorite things we have been doing on the weekends is a campfire. I love it. There is something about sitting around the fire… roasting marshmallows (one of my weaknesses), trying to keep the pyromaniac in me and my kids under control!

I find it very relaxing. I don’t feel the call of dishes or whatever while sitting by the fire. I love the way it makes us chat and hang out with famiiy and friends. So cool… and I don’t even need to go to bed in a tent afterwards!

My life for the past 8 years or so has been one that involved the boys school in a huge way. It was a place I loved and wanted to do whatever it took to spread that love and specialness I felt being a part of it. I loved that Rhema was a place that I knew my kids were being nurtured and yet so was I!

There have been so many changes I am not sure I even know up from down! We got a new principal… with that comes a huge change. What once felt grounded now feels shaky. Change is good and I suppose even needed. But suddenly all that seemed safe and secure isn’t.

It is a whole new territiory yet there is no map.

It is funny, but I remember when we were getting involved in the school, I used to think that the “older” families were uptight and had serious issues with change.

Suddenly WE are the older family. The younger families have a new principal and new ideas and it is not a easy thing to deal with.

But the seasons are changing. I made the decision to step away from my duties at the school. Since the leadership at the school was changing I felt this was a good time to let someone else come in with new energy and ideas.

I know that now is the time for me to focus on other things… find new things that feed me and challenge me to grow as a person.

I still plan to take the real estate course in the next couple of months. I am giving myself a few months to get us settled and a handle on keeping myself organized.

So many things are changing. Most are for the good but there are those desires that I wonder do I persue? Adopting a child… for example… life changing for our whole family. Yet this keeps coming up… to adopt a child … to change a life. What a wonderful life lesson for the boys… to see the impact that we can make on a child.

Yet I don’t know. I will have a child in High School next year. I am not sure I am ready for that. Again big changes… all good hopeful yet a bit scary.

Change is good. Yet just as with the changing of the seasons, there is beauty yet it can be messy.

I am a dreamer. I have dreams pretty much every night. I can’t not even imagine not dreaming. It is all good except when I have reoccurring nightmares!

My worst one is that my teeth have all fallen out. It freaks me out! I don’t want to be toothless. It makes me brush my teeth with diligence.

Another one is tidal waves. I have this dream that we are on vacation and a HUGE tidal wave crashes on shore. I hate the dark waters where I can’t see bottom. So a nightmare that I could be washed away always leaves me freaked out! After the tsunami, we had gone to the Dominican for vacation. It was a constant on my mind. What would I do? And my kids…. I can’t even go there.

One I had the other night is that I am pregnant! I am not aware of this and then I feel the baby move… you know that foot kicking out kind of move… and I know (in my dream) that I am pregnant! Oh my gosh!!!

Nightmares. These are just the reoccurring ones. I have ones that I am being chased or attacked… usual by my father or that he is going to get my kids. I have the boogie man dreams. I especially hate the dreams that are so scary and then I wake up… know I am dreaming and then try to shake it off. Yet when I fall back asleep… it continues.

Dreams/ nightmares. What is the point of them? I wish I would have dreams that would answer some of my life questions. Ones that maybe there are no right or wrong answers.

I would like a good night’s sleep with no dreams. Maybe that would be the definition of a great night sleep!

You may have seen the shows where they show dogs and their owners … and how so often a dog resembles their owner or vise versa. How odd or how interesting.

Well lately I have noticed couples… married couples seem to easily be each other’s siblings. Their looks… their mannerisms…just something makes they seem like one! Maybe it is because they are in sync or maybe I am just crazy…

But look at all the couples you know and see if I am not right!

Today I turned 40 years old! The number does sound old!!! I remember old people turning 40 and thinking … wow… I can’t imagine life when I am 40! Tada… I am 40 years old. I actually feel fabulous. I am happy, healthy and loved. What more can I really ask for?

I had a great weekend. I hate surprises (probably because I hate not being in control) so I planned my party with Sanj!
I was a FUNd raising in leu of gifts… by a ticket to my party … a dinner cruise on the local Liftlock Cruise.

It was a great night! And we raised $2200 dollars towards the playground equipment for the boys school! How great is that for one evening? And we had a wonderful time!

My kiddies got me an Apple Air… which I am making good use of… and my hubby got me a Omega watch… one that I will have for the next 40 years!

I had lots of best wishes and calls and felt the love that blesses my life daily!

So it has indeed been a happy birthday!

Thank you God for being so faithful and present in my life. Even when I did not know it, I am so glad YOU are in control and so patient!
I love You for all YOU are … a constant in my life! Thank you for the gift of my life. May I use it everyday to bring YOU glory and honor.