A Perfect Day!

Posted on 2009-10-08 by Reema


Have you ever had a perfect day? For me, that entails great weather, being with people I love and

being part of something awesome. A perfect day comes with its drama… but that only adds to the mix.
One of those days was my wedding day. I really don’t need to explain, do I? If you know Sanj, my hubby, you know I found my prince charming. It was one of those days that was magical with its share of discombobulating moments.
Today was a perfect day. I have to say I am feeling 100% back to me. Our school is a place where magic happens. It is the kind of thing that is so hard to put into words, but let me try.
Today was a day we threw a Old Fashion Thanksgiving Dinner. Our guest were seniors from the Peterborough community who are lonely, alone or just were sent by God to be there.
There is this amazing group of moms… the Good Neighbor Committee… they are a group committed to being a Good Neighbor to our community.
It is a day that starts with donated food brought in by parents. Turkeys, stuffing (actually killer stuffing), gravy, veggies, potatoes, cranberries, rolls, pies (some homemade from scratch), juice, coffee and/tea.
We cook, cut, slice, heat and serve.
We have a lovely morning of chatting, worrying about enough food, pink turkeys, and working hard.
There is a team of ladies who set up tables, decorate the tables, put out all the dishes and cutlery (NO PAPER PLATES here!!!!).
There are moms who worked with the grade 4s to make lovely fall pins for each senior that comes. There are moms that worked on making lovely centerpieces for each table.
Then usually 30 minutes before time, the seniors start to come in.
The 8th graders come down, dressed neatly, coming to be dinner guest and eat with the seniors.
It is show time! Food is served, conversation is taking place… it is so lovely.
Then there is entertainment. You won’t find a better dinner theatre around.
Grades 1, 2, 3 and 4 come in and sing songs of God’s love.
If you missed it… it really was an indescribable moment. Beautiful. Lovely. Angels were beaming. Really… if you missed it … it is what Websters would have as a perfect moment. It is why I send my children to this place. It is a place where God was smiling down.
Suddenly, as I watched our principal, staff members, students and parents… all part of this moment, I knew God has the future of our school in His hands. All that rough stuff, annoying stuff… it is all good. God has got it in His hands.
Everyone is engaged and having a good time. There is enough food! Staff and the 8th graders enjoy a yummy meal too.
I was in the bathroom and overheard some ladies… “What a lovely meal. And the lovely lad that was at our table was just delightful. What a lovely time.”
What a great group of 8th graders. They were polite, engaging and thoughtful. One girl took her table of seniors on a tour of the school, all on her own. How awesome, isn’t it?
As it all comes to a close, it seems as if some of the seniors are reluctant to leave.
God, please bless this lovely people that came today. May they have been blessed and seen Your love in this day.
Then the 8th graders amaze again. Without being told, they break down the tables and chairs. They are in the kitchen doing dishes and drying. They are an awesome group!
There are dishes… lots of dishes. LOTS OF DISHES! lol
There are many dishpan hands tonight.
There are smiles of contents. This day was perfect only because of the willing hearts of lovely ladies. They just give. They are an inspiration to me. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.
They feed my spirit. My spirit is overflowing.
It was a perfect day because of the willing hearts of staff, teachers, students and an awesome principal.
This is a place filled with God’s servants.. and it is what made a special day a perfect day!
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Seeking Success…

Posted on 2009-10-07 by Reema

Tonight I went out into the dark, cold, windy, rainy night to hear a real published author speak.

Lawrence Hill, author of The Book of Negroes was at Trent University.
I was taken by the normalness of him. I want so badly to be a somebody. What I mean is I have never been really good at anything. I never really knew what I was good at. At the age of 40 + 1
I realize that I can learn to be good at something.
I would love to be a famous author or photographer. Famous? I had to think about that. Not famous as much as successful. I would like to be successful in one or both of those passions, yet not give up being 100% mom either.
I was inspired tonight as I realized that maybe it is obtainable. Success is a definition that is different for each, is it not?
I went to Trent with a young lady that babysat for us since she was 12 years old. Now she is 21 or so and a lovely lady. She asked me if turning 40 was hard?
For me, it really wasn’t. I felt like I had succeeded in life and was happy with the place in life I was at… at that point. What was my success? My boys. Have you met them? They are pretty special, each so different and unique. Each of them my work of love for the past 14 years and counting. So 40 was good.
What will the next 10 years bring? How will I define success? I am not sure. I felt pretty good today though. I came home to an email about someone that read my confessions of melting down. She mentioned how our family seemed so perfect. I guess reading my reality made her realize she is not alone … in her tiredness of being mom and 1001 other things.
Sometimes I question my lack of censorship with my writings. Yet, really, this is me.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
So thank you, friend for writing me. We, my family, are no where near perfect! LOL… literally!
We are so far from perfect… it is scary.
But the bottom line is that we really do love each other. If you have that, love, then you will make it.
As far me seeking the satisfaction of success… it is a journey I am on.
I can’t wait to see where it goes.
Step one… in the journey… a photography course and a course on using my camera.
I am so excited! The school part, not so much, but ready for that ride!
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www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com

Posted on 2009-10-07 by Reema

It is Thursday, 10:00 p.m. and I really should be closing my eyes and going to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day… I’ll blog it tomorrow… but it is one of my favorite Rhema events.

I have a lot to say and I am not sure I will even be able to type all my thoughts…
First of all, I am feeling more like myself. The happy pill is working. Thank You, God, for modern medicine, for carrying me when I couldn’t walk at all. How much I love you!
I didn’t see it, The Oprah Show today but I did read the article. http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090924-tows-stephanie-plane-crash

The first thing I read was that she was a mommy blogger with a great following of her life as mother of 4 children. Immediately my thought was … “How come I can’t be a successful blogger?” I admit, jealousy flashed through me… as I continued readying… I was immediately filled with shame. Please read her story.
If you are a mom that struggles with the ho-hum of everyday mommy stuff… just watch her video of fighting to do the everyday stuff for her children as much as it hurts her physically.
I was struck my how she said that she had to say goodbye to herself. How many times have I wanted to say goodbye to me… and all I know? It hit me that life and the pressures that often send me over the edge are pressures I and only I put on myself.
I have to learn that it is OK to say NO to things that will send me over the edge. Sometimes the person I have to say no to is my own child. And I have to be OK with that.
Tyler had a soccer tournament 45 minutes from here. I was guilting myself that I should really have gone to watch. Yet, with the Thanksgiving Dinner happening tomorrow at Rhema (OK, I told you…) I just had so much to do. My house needed attention, I had to track down table clothes, makes phone calls, and on and on it went.
So I didn’t make it to the tournament. I felt really bad. Part of it was really selfish because I really didn’t want to stand in the cold rain and freeze.
I was the only one feeling bad. Tyler didn’t even give it a second thought. He had a great day.
I need to appreciate all that is what my life is made of. I don’t have to like it all, but I do really need to see each day as a gift… a gift I so often take forgranted. The gifts that each of my children are… despite the pain in the butts they can be too.
This lady had to say goodbye to herself. Talk about counting your blessings… one by one….
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Fishing Without Fear…

Posted on 2009-10-06 by Reema


This is an article that was posted in the Peterborough Examiner a month ago:

Hate crimes cops are investigating the case of a 12-year-old boy accused of pushing a Toronto angler into the water in Kawartha Lakes, police said yesterday.

A 46-year-old Asian Canadian man was fishing with his family from a bridge on Canal Lake when police say the boy came up from behind and pushed him into the water on Friday afternoon.

The boy was found by police nearby and charged with one count of assault.

Given the recent history of Asian Canadian anglers being pushed into Ontario waters, the case could have much deeper implications.

How ridiculous is this? A 12 year old that has learned to hate and discriminate against another person because someone looks different. How humiliating for the angler that is minding his own business to have been pushed into the water. How frightened his family must have felt.

As a minority, living in Peterborough, I, for the most part, forget that I am ethnically different than most of my peers. I didn’t usually see races. People are people.

It made me sad to hear this on the radio yesterday…

The news was saying how signs are posted along the Trent-Severn Waterway between Lock 19 and Lock 26. Eight of the signs will eventually be posted along the Trent-Severn Waterway between Lock 19 at Lansdowne St. and Lock 26 in Lakefield, said Jack Alexander, director of operations for the waterway, and the three others will be posted at popular fishing spots such as the Little Lake marina and the Lakefield marina.The signs read “Fishing without Fear” in English, French and Chinese and have the number for Crime Stoppers at the bottom.

We all have red blood running through our veins. When will be stop judging a book by their cover?

How often am I guilty of doing the same? Too often. I am often put to shame when I get to know that “book” and see its real content.


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The Perfect PJs!

Posted on 2009-10-05 by Reema

Enough of my pity party. Thank you for loving me… just as I am. I am starting to feel a bit more of myself finding my groove again.

This weekend we went to the one of the boys favorite stores… Hockey Life. There is thousands of square feet of just pure hockey. (Insert rolling of eyes).
They built one closer to us… so all my boys were thrilled.
As I was wondering, I saw this …. an one piece body suit of some sort, jock included… so all one would need to do is add the necessary hockey equipment.
I called Sanj over…. “look this is perfect… ” I said.
He said… “for what?”
I said… “You new pajamas!” I was really laughing… especially at his look!
Talk about instant birth control! lol
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Lost and then Found!

Posted on 2009-10-05 by Reema

This is how God reaches me. I just posted my blog about me being lost in blackness.

I didn’t write about how lost I am feeling. LOST. I need to feel God is there for me. I NEED TO FEEL HIM IN CONTROL!
The phone rings. I have ignored the phone today. I pick it up. It is Sammy.
“Mommy, I got my phone back. They paged me to the office. Someone found it.”
I knew as I prayed for Sammy’s phone to be return that it was a long shot. I knew as I posted on my status on Facebook that God would have to do His thing… a miracle to happen for this to have a happy ending.
It’s Monday… 11:11 a.m. God knew I need Him. God knew I needed to see Him. There He is!
How much I love this God of mine. I am not alone. I can feel Him now. I know that I will make it.
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The Meltdown…

Posted on 2009-10-04 by Reema

I am not feeling well. Of course this is all my fault. Once my medication runs out, you’d think the natural cause of action would be to run to the pharmacy. But if you are me, you put it off. I still feel OK so I tell myself that I will do it tomorrow.

Of course tomorrow is never today. Then it happens. Well really this is the first time it is this bad. Last time when it was this bad it was called Postpardum Depression. But now it is called CraZy!
Yesterday we were going to church. Max had a hockey game so Sanj took the youngest three with him. I was to follow with the older three. You would think I had the easy end of the bargain.
Yet on the Sundays that we go to church… it is without fail the day that the Devil descends on me. He just grins, laughs and takes over my beings.
It begins with Tyler… age 14… saying “I have no pants.” How is it possible since the age of 4, every church going day he has no pants? For 10 years… it is a constant. He has issues with wearing anything accept jeans, teeshits and topped with a sweatshirt. Every time to go to church there are tears and drama. EVERY TIME!
So the devil comes out and I lose it. REALLY LOSE IT.
As I am looking around for his pants, I see on a ledge as I am going down to his room that there sits a pile of his laundry that he was too lazy to put away. There lay the missing pant.
It suddenly hits me that perhaps I am not crazy. But rather that I am being driven crazy by the seven people that I live with.
It goes down hill from there. I have totally lost it. I drop the boys off at church. I drive across the road to Mc Donald’s order crap and park in front of the grocery store.
I feel the pressure. I know if I give in to the pressure, it may never end. I am having a full on meltdown. I have bad to feeling alone. VERY ALONE. I am back to feel like a loser. I am back to feeling that I must be all to everyone one yet have no one to give me that. I am having a major pity party. I let the tears come. Finally. The dark thoughts are back.
It is funny because when I am at this point of falling… I know that I still have to pick myself back up. So I guess I teeter on the end. Sometimes I do wonder what it would feel like to actually just fall.
I get out of the car, to grab groceries, and realize I better get my meds refilled.
You may not understand this but when I am at this point, the thought, much less the act of refilling is overwhelming. Loblaws (where my prescription sits) is the other side of town. I just can’t seem to go there. Then it hits me that they can send it over to this grocery store.
Thank you God. Despite the fact that it actually took 50 minutes of drama to get that to happen, I left with the prescription in hand.
I was 30 minutes late picking up Max from hockey. We had friends coming over for lunch. A good thing, as I had to hold it together.
It was a long day. It was good. I took that first pill. I know that in a few days I will be back to normal. Yet it frustrates me that I am so fragile without it.
When I get to this point, I have a major pity party for myself. All the woes that I normally try to put aside come flooding out. I feel resentful of those that let me down. I feel so unable to just find that one positive thing.
But today is a little better. I am tackling laundry… which is scary in it self. But I am trying to focus on things that I love… food, Thanksgiving Dinner, a new book, sleeping tonight…
It is getting better… it is better than yesterday.
That is a good thing.

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TGIF

Posted on 2009-10-02 by Reema

I felt like I was having a pity party. Really, I am not.

I am just trying to figure out why my head works this way. It never used to.
I love life and love living the gift with my family and friends.
I felt so sad in the midst of having a great day. I hate that. If there really was a reason to feel sad then I would handle it.
I had a great day with Sammy and his friends. I saw my son has been growing up … without me really realizing it. I saw the beautiful man he is becoming and I felt so proud. He is going to be fine… he is a great kid/ becoming man.
I love being with my kids, especially when they are not driving me crazy.
I love shopping. I love sharing that experience with Sammy. Boy, he can shop. Must be in his genes! lol
It is a busy weekend. We have our school Walkathon to raise monies. It is a busy morning. God listened to the prayers for no rain. It is calling for a cool and cloudy morning… rain in the afternoon. So awesome!
Max has hockey this weekend. 7 a.m. Saturday and Sunday morning. Thank goodness Sanj is on it!
Our heating is messed up. Not happy about that. This is the third night with no heat. I know, some of you have not turned yours on yet. But I don’t like being cold. (This is not usually my problem). But I do worry about the boys kicking of their covers and being cold.
I am not looking forward to hearing what the problem is. Especially the part of how much the problem is going to cost!
I have so many ideas and projects buzzing through my head… many of them are school related.
This Thursday is our 5th (I believe) annual Thanksgiving Dinner at Rhema.
A bunch of wonderful parents come in and help cook and set up a traditonal Thanksgiving Dinner. We invited Seniors from the community to come and join us for a free dinner, with 8 graders usually coming down and joining the Seniors, the younger grades making a gift for them and putting on a performance for them.
It is a busy yet wonderful day. My only sadness of this day is that this is the JK/SK Pumpkin Patch Trip. I don’t think I missed one yet. Josh will be on his own this year. That makes me a little sad to miss it. There are three JK moms on the committee so we are out of luck. Bummer.
Oh well.
It is a rainy and cold night out. I can smell the fire burning, one of my favorite smells. I am laying in bed, totally comfy, about to pick up my book. A perfect evening.
Josh was a typical little brother today. Sammy is so good with him. Being little is hard work, so he is snoring beside me.
I am just typing. It feels good. I realize I have nothing exciting to say. So I am off to read my book, but hope that everyone’s weekend is great!
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The Woes of Being Reema…

Posted on 2009-10-02 by Reema

Today Sammy has no school so two of his buddies came over for the night.

They are hilarious to listen too. They were having a conversation about Jon and Kate +8.
Boy One was saying…” Kate is hot.”
Boy Two… “She has 8 kids! Who would want that? Jon is cool.”
It went on… hum… then it was a conversation about ex’s… they both had a girlfriend last year in grade 8… it was about whether you can be friends with your ex?
Today we are going to Toronto to a real mall for the day. I am really looking forward to hanging out with them
Sammy called me yesterday, very upset, asking me to cancel his phone (his first love)… someone stole it. He is devastated. Especially because he saw the boy in the hall with it.
It sucks to see my child get hurt and see the badness in people out here. So I am praying that God will touch this boys heart. Not so much for Sammy’s sake, but how troubled he must be…
So I am praying for the return of the phone as well as for this child.
I know God has so much to do… but…
I ran out of my happy pill. I have been feeling really depressed. I found myself feeling really sad for no reason. It scared me. I am so often on the edge of sanity. What is wrong with me?
I know my doctor wanted to wean me off… yikes…not sure that is a good thing.
Maybe I am certifiably crazy. Nothing wrong with that, is there? It is in the genes. That is why there is a happy pill, isn’t it?
Yah… the woes of being me.
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Nightmare!

Posted on 2009-09-30 by Reema


Last night I had an assortment of dreams. There was no reason or rhyme.

But the last bit of my dream was a reoccurring nightmare.
A bunch of my teeth fell out! Oh my gosh! Why do I keep having this dream?
I heard this is common… others told me that they dream this too.
It is so disturbing to me.
I haven’t been to the dentist lately. Maybe this is my reminder.
I don’t wanna lose my teeth!
So I googled dream interpretation of loosing teeth… here is what I found… although many websites had various meanings. This is found from www.dreammoods.com:
One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Sadly, we live in a world where good looks are valued highly and your teeth play an important role in conveying that image. Teeth are used in the game of flirtations, whether it be a dazzling and gleaming smile or affectionate necking. These dreams may stem from a fear of your sexual impotence or the consequences of getting old. Teeth are an important feature of our attractiveness and presentation to others. Everybody worries about how they appear to others. Caring about our appearance is natural and healthy.

This is interesting enough because I am always nagging myself about my health and exercise. I am forever thinking Monday will the a new week!!!

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety.

I feel this way while at work at Sanj’s office. Everything is so new and intimidating. Since I know there are people there waiting for me to fail (no not Sanj… lol), it only adds to my agitation.

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth represent power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream is an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the value of your own opinion.

Hum… again, perhaps in the work environment again. Lately I have been having thoughts of being the Bitch that I know is in me, waiting to come out and blow up. Tick Tock…

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. This may be related to getting older and/or feeling unattractive and less feminine.

Traditionally, it was thought that dreaming that you did not have teeth, represent malnutrition which may be applicable to some dreamers.

Other Perspectives

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicate that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

It has also been said that if you dream of your teeth falling out, then it symbolizes money. This is based on the old tooth fairy story. If you lose a tooth and leave it under the pillow, a tooth fairy would bring you money.

Hello Lotto 649!!!


Well… I can say all sorts of stuff on this … but I am really trying to listen to God rather than man.
I don’t have any sick loved ones that are going to kick the bucket… that I know of.
I am not telling lies… except to Josh about Santa. OK I have told a few white lies here and
but that was in the interest of everyone! lol

Calling the dentist for my cleaning and check up that I didn’t have time for!
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When I Grow Up, I Want To Be…

Posted on 2009-09-29 by Reema


When I know I have to get up, I don’t sleep well. So at 5 a.m. I am up… asking Sanj if he is going to the gym? Not today.

How he gets up this early is beyond me! I am so not a morning person. I was really stressed today too. I just didn’t want anything to go wrong. I didn’t want Josh to be too scared. I didn’t want he to be in too much pain. Since there was nothing I could do, I just prayed and worried.
He is so sad to miss school. I am a little sad about that. I really want to just lay in bed and snuggle with my once momma’s boy.
Tyler and Jordan had soccer games during school today. They had fun, played hard and I felt bad to miss the action.
I haven’t been to the office in a bit. I think so far I have only worked 3 days! Good thing I have an in with the boss!
Over the last year, as the time came for my kids to be off to school… I heard so many comments about being a stay at home mom.
Things are changing now, but not to long ago, it was not the minority that stayed home. When Sammy went to JK at Rhema, the program was just T/TH till noon. We loved that. Just to dip their toes into the big world but still they were home with me.
Times have changed. Now Rhema has JKs 3 full days… which accommodates the working family. The families are now more moms that work or moms and dads that both work and share the responsibility of children at home.
I remember one mom who had found out that she was pregnant around the same time I found out that I was pregnant with Zach. I was delight. She had been on birth control and was not happy.
We were walking one day, and she said to me (her children were 5 and 2 years at the time)… “Don’t you want to enjoy your children?” The one thing that I hate about myself is that I don’t have a snappy reply right away.
She was talking about the fact that my first three are a year apart. Then Max is 2 years younger and I was pregnant again.
She is a mom consumed by her career as well as making her kids something… which is great but at this age, they seem to be missing their childhood.
I never said this because I didn’t think about it till after and it haunts me that I didn’t. But my answer is that “I do enjoy my children. That is why we have made the choice of me being home with them.”
How dare she criticize our choice to have a baby or to expand our family? It was to our house that her children came to play all the time. Did she not have that million dollar family? I would not question her decision to be a working mom, so why question mine to be home with my kids?
I assume that most sane people will do what is best for their children. Some moms are not meant to be stay at home moms. Some dads make great stay at home dads. Some couples have it so that both are able to do both.
Where is this coming from? Maybe as this year has come and I wondered what I want to be when I grow up, I really have found that I love being mom. I love what I do. What do I do?
I couldn’t even begin to tell you… as each day brings on something totally different.
I guess I wonder if I am lazy? But then I can say that I don’t usually have a free minute… because I have so much that needs to be done. But then I get a call from one of the boys… don’t forget to come and watch my game. Or today, Sammy asked me if I could come and have lunch with him… How can I say no?
Don’t I want to enjoy my children? Very much, every minute of each day possible. With 6 boys, there is always one that needs a mom to hang with or cheer for.
I guess this makes my time in the office, enjoyable too.. as it is a change to. Dealing with adults comes with its own set of challenges too! Sometimes I am lost, as the kids rules seem simpler.
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My Exercise Time

Posted on 2009-09-28 by Reema


I don’t think I have anything of interest to write about today… except that I need to write.

I wish I wanted to exercise my body as much as I need to exercise my fingers!
It has been a very rainy day! One of the major streets lost power from lunch time on.
Sanj’s office was one of those business effected. Bummer for him. This caused him added stress to the pressure that was there already. He has new software that needed loading and has to be learned. Since this program runs pretty much everything… it had him stressed out.
Josh and I were in line at Chapters with new books in arm, ready to pay for, when the power went off. I was so disappointed. I hunted down two of the books I wanted at another book store yet will have to get the third one tomorrow, hopefully. The one I didn’t get was the one that I wanted to read first, of course!
I loved The Book Of Negroes. It was a great read, if you haven’t read it. My new purchases today were Benny and Shrimp and White Tiger. They come highly recommended so I’ll let you know what I think.
There is nothing better to listen to then the pounding of the rain and deep breathing of one of my babes on my shoulder.
Tomorrow Josh goes in very early for the repairing of his ear drum which has a hole in it. We are glad to finally get this fixed, as it has hindered him from water activities, especially swimming lessons.
This past week, 2 babes were buried from a neighbor church. It reminded me of the fragility of life. It made me cling to my children and realize that life with them is never to be taken for granted.
I hate having one of my children go under. Tyler, who was 4 years old, had to have his tonsils out. He was a big boy for his age and I believe the anesthetist gave him a dose according his to weight.
Tyler came out of surgery, ate the suggested popsicles and was doing well. The nurse told me that once he finished another couple of ounces of his juice we could go home. It was busy in there, lots of little ones recovering.
Tyler started to make a funny noise… I called the nurse over to ask her if he was OK? She called out for a passing surgeon and climbed on the bed as the wheeled him away.
Sanj had just left to go back to work. OK… I don’t do well under these kinds of circumstances. I am not a calm and cool mom… if I don’t have to be.
They had to rush him back to the O.R. and bring him to. With the dose of anesthetic given,
and the added meds after he came out, it was too much for his little system to handle.
Tyler had to stay over night and didn’t wake up for 21 hours. It was very scary. The frustrating thing about this experience was the anesthetist didn’t just say sorry I may have messed up. He insisted that Tyler had sleep apnea.
Whatever. It was one of those things that everyone knew… in fact years later we learned that he was being sued over this very thing. So after that experience, it is always scary to have one of my kids go under.
I love our ENT and have faith in him. He is very loving, gentle and has great bedside manners.
I know this is a minor thing in comparison to many things other children have to go through.
But he is my baby. He is such a trooper. He is actually excited at this point!
Josh said, ” I am going to have surgery. Will they say ‘Clear’?” Lord, I hope not!
Sammy is exhausted after school. So often he falls asleep in the van. What is up with that? Is high school that much work or stress? Maybe. He goes to bed quite early… usually before 10 p.m. for sure.
Tyler is dishing out some attitude. I miss my sweet Tyler. But I am ready for him! Tough Love!
Jordan’s stitches came out of his leg wound and was doing well. But now it is looking nasty again. Gross. I am going to have to take him in again. Yuck!
Max is Max… nothing up or down… just Max. He is looking forward to playing hockey on a different league this year, with his friends!
Zachary… is asleep beside me. How I love his spirit!
Josh… well I better not start! lol
That is my update or writing exercise for the evening!
All in a day…
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Slapping the Other Cheek… Oops, I mean…

Posted on 2009-09-26 by Reema


The older boys had friends over for most of the day. The younger ones were happy to just be with everyone.

It is cool and rainy… it’s time to figure out supper. Yuck. I am feeling kind of on the verge of getting something. I want to say it is allergies but I feel chilled and kinda achy. I got a couple of movies… Sanj has hockey tonight, the younger ones will be off to bed early, the older ones are watching a movie.
Sanj has been building his master piece all day. It is 5:45 and he is off with the younger ones to catch some fish since they didn’t have a friend over. What a good dad! Let’s hope he doesn’t bring fish for supper. I am not in the mood for it. It feels like a soup night.
I am almost finished the Book Of Negroes. It has been very disturbing to me. I never understand meanness in people. I don’t get it. How could humans treat each other like that and be OK with it? How is that even humane? Think of the holocaust? I sometimes think that there is a good thing there is a hell.
I see meanness in little girls and boys. How do they think like that? What makes them want to be exclusive … leave out others knowing full well it will hurt someone?
I think of people that are mean and I think that it boils down to insecurity. Insecurity is such a nasty thing. It is a horrible thing to need to prop yourself up at someone else’s expense.
I have been the “victim” of meanness. It is a result of insecurity and feeling threatened. I have her talking behind my back. She puts me down. She demeans my attempts at being helpful.
She is so threatened and yet so fake.
Lord have mercy. I really don’t have time for games or her issues. And really they are her issues. I am there to accomplish a task and do my best. I can’t be bothered by the pettiness of others. Yet I am.
Meanness. I hate watching it play out in front of me. I hate seeing kids act ugly to another.
I wonder why girls/women are meaner than men? Are we? I have seen my boys go at it, beat each other up and then they are over it, playing together the next minute.
How come we aren’t like that? I don’t think all women are like that. But we do protect our own. Those claws can come out.
So, as I finish the Book of Negroes and reflect on the history of slavery and intolerance… I remind myself to focus on all the blessings. Let go of the pettiness.
I am going to turn the other cheek as long as I can… but I would so love to just slap that meanness out of her! Oops those were my inside thoughts coming out!
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Chillaxing

Posted on 2009-09-26 by Reema


Last night was a great night. There is nothing I like better than getting a group of friends together and hanging out!

One of the favourite things I love about fall is the cool weather, colours of fall, campfire, coffee
and lots of children. OK… it was a bit chilly… but still lovely.
There were so many parts of the night that I loved. My favourite was as the adults were chatting by the fire, the teenagers sat with us. They were so funny to listen to. Mini adults… reciting movie lines… actually almost whole movies… Elf was my favourite.
Their voices so deep and yet not mature quite yet. I loved hearing the talk of lockers, tests and people in their lives. They are such a lovely group of young people. My Sammy is growing into a great man. How I love him and am proud of him. (Thank you, God!)
There is something about a comfort zone with people who live and believe like you. Those relationships are not to be taken for granted. They are gifts from God, these friendships are!
Last night at 8:21 p.m. ( or something like that) we saw a space station passing over us. Apparently it does this every night at this time! So cool! I really want to get a telescope… maybe astronomy could become a hobby!
Then after all was said and done… the last little person put to bed… it was good night all.
Until 3 a.m. Sanj wakes up acting like he is in labour! I am puzzled and scared. Maybe he is having a nightmare. Maybe he is pregnant? Maybe he is crazy! I knew it.
He had some crazy charlie horse type thing go through his leg. He couldn’t stand for the longest time… writhing in pain.
Two thoughts went through my head… 1) apparently his own body doesn’t like his discipline of working out… his own muscles are complaining. 2) I am pretty sure I went through this 6 times for hours at times pushing out each of his babies.
He ended making it to the shower and waited for the contractions, I mean, spasms to settle.
This morning he was off to the gym, bright and early to “stretch!”
I am loving the morning… a few of the boys had friends sleep over, so the house is peaceful… amazing how added kids make them behaviour better! I smell the fireplace burning, I have croissants in the oven, hash brown delish baking… yum. This is why my kids love company… their mom hides the cereal boxes for a change! lol
It’s going to be a good day!
Welcome Fall!
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"All About Me" Day!

Posted on 2009-09-23 by Reema


Happy Birthday to ME!

I love birthdays!!!
I love my birthday!
To say I had the best birthday ever would be hard… because since this wonderful man has come into my life… I have had many an awesome birthday!
I believe that birthdays are so special because for one day… It IS ALL ABOUT YOU!
I have loved teaching that to my boys. Everyone gets a special day… all about them.
My day started off around 3:30 a.m. Maybe because I wanted to make the most of it… but I think I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep.
As the morning routine was happening I could hear the excitement of card signing, rustling of paper… shhhhh… all that good stuff happening all the while pretending it wasn’t happening!
How I love my family. The boys got me some lovely jewelry that I proudly displayed today.
Then they gave me a note that said…

In order to find what you seek you must wait to be called. Once you are called you must follow the directions given. You will attain that which is precious to you by practicing the patience that age has brought you this day.

Happy birthday from us.

Sanj, Sammy, Tyler, Jordan, Max, Zach, and Josh


First of all…I am still not patient so they were torturing me! I was then given a envelope that said I couldn’t open it till I got a phone call. Well I spent the morning in the rain watching my sweet Max run his heart out in the cross country run. As he was about to run… I got a phone call!

It was Sanj, telling me that I could open the envelope. Welllllll… I ‘d left it in the truck. So I had to wait to watch Max’s run… patience is a virtue, they say!

I went to Sanj’s office to open it… and there was a receipt for the coveted camera… waiting to be picked up in Oshawa!!!

Sanj had a meeting last night, left it early to drive all the way to Oshawa (where a real mall is), got there 5 minutes to close, discovered they didn’t have it in stock… so told them they’d better get one in for his wonderful wife by the morning! lol And they did!!!


OK… really a birthday isn’t about the gifts… but really who am I kidding… it is a little! lol So as I dashed off to Oshawa… speeding all the way… I couldn’t stop thinking of all my blessings. How I begged God for Sanj so many years ago… (while he was pining for another woman… good thing I saved him!) lol

How I love that he loves me so much. He is thoughtful, creative and all my heart’s desire. What else could a girl want? Well today… nothing! 🙂

Then to add to my delight… Sammy had offered Sanj all his hard earned money that he has been saving for his dirt bike. All of it! Wow… that is a gift in itself. How I love my boys.

Today as we were at Costco wasting a few minutes while Sanj was done work to go to supper… a lady says “4 boys?” The boys replied, “No there are 6 of us!”

She says… “Oh wow… I feel sorry for your mom.”

As I replied to her, “Actually they are pretty wonderful…” I wished that people could see the beauty of my boys.. They love me with a passion. They think of my needs and feelings … they love me. They really love me.

So as my birthday is almost over, I had this special day to think of all my blessings. My cup is running over with love from my friends and family.

Thank you God… for the life you have given me.

Yes, today I am thankful for all of it.

I am so grateful for all the love.

It is really what makes me world go around.

I love you, God.

Thank you for being so faithful to me.

Thank you for my gift of life!

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Baby Love

Posted on 2009-09-21 by Reema

What a busy day I had! I thought it would be a stay at home and catch up day… but after Tyler called that he forgot his guitar… it was a day out.

Josh and I had a good time visiting the animals at the zoo. He loves going there. I guess when you are 4 years old… what’s not to love?!!
Today he told me, again… about how he wished he had a baby brother. What?!! WHY?!!!
I told him that he has 5 brothers!!! He said… but I don’t have a baby brother. Baby Love… must run deep in the genes.
I asked him if he would like a baby sister… he said no… unless it was Madeline! (That is our principal’s daughter). How sweet is that?!!
It was a good day together! I have had so many comments on being a stay at home mom for so many years… It is one of my biggest blessings.
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Peace Be Still!

Posted on 2009-09-20 by Reema

I have so much to write. I missed my laptop… I fingers missed expressing my thoughts as they flowed out of me. I went to the Women’s Retreat this weekend from our church. The place we were at was just beautiful.

I am such a people person… and so usually I love just being in the mix. I hate going to bed because I just don’t want to miss anything. Yet this time… I was craving time to just be. I needed solitude which kind of scared me a little. So not me.
But I rested… really rested. It was so beautiful outside yet as I sat enjoying the other ladies and the beautiful view, I found myself needing to just go in and rest. I rested. It was such a good rest. I slept a bit but when I was pounced upon by friends… I felt so good!
There is always pain and hurt at weekends like this. That was overwhelming at times and yet such a reality check to the gift of life, family and love that is in my life. It doesn’t take the pains away… but just put things into perspective.
There is a mom that lost her daughter 3 and a half years ago. I have had to keep a distance because I felt that pain do deep. Even as I type my hands go numb. She spoke… today… shared. Brave, so beautiful and yet amazing.
There were two other babes that died this weekend at another church family. A two year old… sick with fever and what not and then suddenly died. Another mom, pregnant in the last trimester… discovered the baby is died. This morning she was still in labour.
How do you comprehend that kind of loss? It haunts me. I needed to come home and hold all that I love with all my heart. We don’t know how long we have with those we love.
I spent time really finding things that I didn’t realize about myself. For example… how do I worship? Sanj worships through his music. I wish I had a voice to shout out my love for God.
But over the years, with enough friendly insults of the voice I lacked… I have always shied away from singing out. Yet that left me so unsure of how I worship.
I realized that I do not sing to others. I am singing to my God. I find worship through music too…even though I am not musical. I find God thorough song. It was so freeing! If I need to raise my hands in praise to God… then I am going to do it. It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t raised that way… I feel it then I need to do it.
I have found myself really questioning God over the last year. As my social circle grew outside my Christian comfort zone… so did the questions. I never really understood how someone could doubt or just not believe in God… I can’t imagine a day going by that I don’t connect with Him with my chats. I appreciate knowing that He is in control of ALL things. I appreciate knowing that there is SOMEONE there… there is purpose and hope beyond this life.
I found myself questioning a lot this year. Questioning is good. It made me move out of my comfort zone. I really had to seek answers for ME … only me. I believe in God. I believe in a heaven. I believe in Jesus! I am so glad that He is so patient with me.
And yes, maybe I believe in all these things because I need to believe. Maybe if my life was perfect… with a great childhood and parents I could count on… I wouldn’t need to count on my God or believe in My God… but I will never know that. Life for me was so full of imperfections that I am so grateful that my belief in God gave me strength… hope … help!
So i am seeking my worship with God. I am seeking the things that work for me.
I was in a workshop about Quiet Time with God… or something of that sort. I realized that I am really who I am … and God made me. I am hyper… I can’t help who I am. Be Still and Know that I am God. I have discovered that it doesn’t mean for me to be still physically. I really don’t think I can.
We were lead through steps … part of it being still with our eyes shut for 5 minutes. Only five minutes… I started to fall asleep. How sad is that? Does it mean I can’t be still and worship for 5 minutes… no … I think it means that I chat with God all day. While I am driving, showering, cooking… it is a constant thing. I chat with God through music… the words… and He chats with me.
I feel His nudges to do things or say things. I admit sometimes I am not sure if it is Him or just me talking to myself… but when I follow the prompting of my own conscious… I often know when it was God.
I have decided that I can’t compare to others who say they hear God’s voice or felt His touch… I wish I could really Hear Him… in His awesome God voice.. but I am at this place in my walk. I have to be OK with our way of communicating.
I have to feel good about MY relationship with God. It is, after all, mine. I am unique. He made me. I feel so good… I feel better.
I want so badly for those I love to see God for all He is. Yet I realize that I can’t force it. So… I can only be aware of my actions and ask God to make Himself real to those I love in His time.
I guess I learned and found a lot of me this weekend. I think maybe this is what Peace Be Still was suppose to be for me. I like it.
It was a great weekend. I found so much … so much I was missing.
I found my way to Peace…
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Ideas???

Posted on 2009-09-17 by Reema


7 sleeps till my birthday! 41… big ones. Since I just keep getting better with age… (haha) I say… Bring it on!

I love birthdays! Everyone deserves a day to feel special!
I found the perfect gift… well really I am coveting… today I got to feel, touch, use a Nikon D300!
What a beauty! I can’t even explain the dance we did… my hands, its body… perfection!
So … anyone have a few thousand dollars… and want to be my fairy god mother or father…
I’d love you forever!
OK.. for real… it is my thing to do this school year to take a class… learn my camera inside and out… and then… go from there. But that is my first step!
I am really intimidated about school… So really I am just scared. I don’t want to know that I am still a horrid student.
Someday… soon… Oh… I can’t wait!
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Blessed…

Posted on 2009-09-17 by Reema

Today I spent some time catching up with some friends. Good stuff! I love my friends… I love so many of you who just inspire me, encourage me and love me.

Can’t get much better then that, can it?!!! Well… yes it can… I am going away this weekend!
I am getting more excited each minute! I love being with people… and yet love being able to have time to relax, be feed, sleep, read and hang out.
I am also really inspired to plan one for the ladies at our school this year again. I am just motivated again. It feels good! I love our school… OK I know I say that but I really do.
I get such energy there…
I am back on the Good Neighbour Committee. I missed it. I didn’t know how much I would miss it. This is a committee of people who have a giving heart and spirit. We think of things to do that will give back to our community… and teach our children through our actions, how to be a Good Neighbour.
We make a home made Thanksgiving Dinner… turkey, stuffing, cranberries, pie… and NO PAPER PLATES! lol I have people that keep me in line! This is for seniors who may other wise be alone… or for people that just need to be there.
It is a great day… I can’t wait!
Anyways… I am really looking forward to working with a great group of ladies… and getting to know the new members!
There is something about doing for a cause or person with no intentions of any kind. It is the kind of thing that takes people off guard.
I have ideas… oh, so scary! Lots of ideas! It is all good!
We are so blessed. Each of us… even with the struggles in each of our lives… don’t lose focus of all the blessings! Just being alive is a blessing!
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Just For My Sweet Cousin… Cynthia!

Posted on 2009-09-17 by Reema


OK… it is near the end of the day, the fluff of my hair is gone for the night… but I do love it.

I feel like I have bounce! I am not sure if the picture really shows the difference. But I love the short layers!
I HATE pictures of myself… so Cynthia… I really love you … because I am doing this!
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