Will Miss You!

Posted on 2009-09-16 by Reema

My kids keep asking… “Where are you going this weekend…”

“Away… to the women’s retreat,” I answer.
“Does this mean we are going to the Mandarin?” I get asked…
(Some sort of tradition with dad when I go away).
They don’t sound too broken up that I am going.
Sanj… hope you know what you are in for! Have fun!
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Me…

Posted on 2009-09-16 by Reema


I had such a busy day. It was very full… but I felt good.

I got a haircut… my haircuts don’t vary too much… bangs… grow out bangs… layers… grow out layers… that is about the most I get as far as excitement goes.
I wish I could chop it all off… very short… unfortunately the one time I did it… my 30th birthday… I looked awful… I want a Halle Berry crop cut… yet maybe forgot that I didn’t have the Halle Berry face to go with it! Bummer.
Over the last year, at least, my hair is falling out. OK… I know that every one has hair that falls out. But this is major hair loss. It’s thinning… I am so stressed that I am going to be a lady with see through hair. I know ladies that have this problem and they are so graceful about it. I wouldn’t be.
So… I went and got my hair cut shorter and with shorter layers. I am hoping to trick myself into thinking that my hair is healthy again. I am also going to take gelatin caplets… apparently they will help… and I am praying that God could spare a moment to the petty problem of my hair loss.
I enjoyed the time in the office. I think I enjoy messing of the computer. I always wanted to be a teller and play with the cash machine when I was a kid… maybe this is fulfilling that long lost desire!
I realized that not every one likes me… today. OK… really… what is not to like??? I realized that two people didn’t like me. Actually maybe they are both threatened… by what I don’t know… but I don’t like the feeling of not being liked… especially when I KNOW I didn’t do anything!
I went and looked for a couple of outfits for work… I like getting dressed up. I like shopping without little people opinions (although last week when Josh and I went work clothes shopping… he told me “You look fabulous!” Boy I love that kid!)
I am trying really hard to convince myself that I dislike food. I want to look like I see myself in my head. I have to pick up Tyler from youth group in a few minutes… and all I can think of is a quick stop at Tim’s for a sprinkled donut or a hot carmel sundae from McDonalds. I have issues.
I got three loads of laundry done today. I was impressed with myself… maybe the busier I am the better I will keep up with the laundry… We’ll see! I can always hope!
I am reading a good book… one that draws me into the character right away! The Book of Negroes… how do people write like that? Wow… I wish I could learn to do that … but I really believe that it is just a gift…
I am going away this weekend… a women’s retreat from church. I am so looking forward to it. I am just looking forward to being… just being… I am looking forward to being with friends… and I am looking forward to reading…. eating (of course) and sleeping!
It is just all about me… in this blog.
Wow… I still can’t believe that there are people that really don’t like me!!! lol
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Sleeping with the Boss!

Posted on 2009-09-15 by Reema


OK… I never thought that I’d be one of those kind of girls… but snuggling up with the boss seems to have its perks!

Today was day #1 of me being back in the work force … well Sanj’s office. It was good.
I had lunch was the big wig then worked a few hours and then was off.
Tomorrow I begin my day with a haircut… and then off to the office with my new do!
Perks… I will be seeking them out! lol
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Life’s Mysteries…

Posted on 2009-09-15 by Reema


The first time I knew that living with abuse was not normal was watching Oprah. I didn’t even know it was called abuse.

Then I learned about being a battered woman. I learned this on Oprah too.
Today I watched the interview with Oprah and Whitney Houston. I love Whitney’s music. I listened to her through my teens as I daydreamed of my crush of that hour.
One of the things I have been so hard on my mom is that she lived with the abuse. She didn’t choose to escape. I really never got that. I didn’t understand how she could allow herself to be beat and emotionally battered time and again.
As I became a mother… I vowed that no one would ever hurt my kids. No one. It was one of the reasons why my father was removed out of my life. I didn’t want my children to experience that roller coaster ride of hurt and confusion.
Today I watched Whitney Houston… someone who had it all… tell about how she lived with abuse. Yes, there was drugs… but it doesn’t change anything. How can someone who had it all at her beck and call live a life of being abused?
I was slapped across the face… so to speak. May it is just something I am lucky to not have had to live through as an adult. My man respects me, adores me and loves me.
Whitney said that Bobby Brown was her drug. She said that she was determined to keep to her vows.
I can’t help but wonder if someone with all the money and power is so helpless… how my mom must have felt. Whitney had her family… always ready to help her… she just didn’t accept it … till later. My mom had no one to turn to. When she did… she was turned away.
I guess I have been associating it with love … I always thought if my mom had loved us enough … she would have left. Yet… I watched Whitney allow her daughter to lived through some ugly stuff…
I know my mom loved us… and did the best she could. That is where humanness comes into play…. maybe.
I watch as my mother still goes to my father… to help him out… now. I don’t understand it. I maddens me. Yet … who am I to judge?
I can’t. I shouldn’t. I have to accept that some things are and will be one of life’s mysteries.
It was quite a wake up for me to hear Whitney Houston live with these choices… her choices… and now her realities. It is also her daughter’s reality.
It makes me see my mother in a different light. It makes me really not want to judge. It makes me want to just be… to accept the life I had… and grateful for survival. Now… grateful for today and the gift of my life now as I know it.
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Makeshift ER

Posted on 2009-09-13 by Reema


Last night we were over at friends for a party. All the boys were with us except Jordan, who was invited to a friend’s house.

All is well until I get a call at 7 p.m. Jordan took a fall and gashed his leg pretty badly. They were going to take him to ER.
I am not a blood and guts girl. If my kid is hurt… I am more of a hinderance than help… unless I really have to step up to the plate.
Thankfully we were at two doctors house… who graciously said… they would stitch him up rather than us wait at ER for 4+ hours no doubt.
Jordan did really well. Me… if I ever need stitches… PLEASE knock me out first!
3 stitches later… flesh and blood under control… we were good!
Thank you Dr. Chandra x2!!! You are both awesome.
When the boys were born… we decided to have them circumcised. Back then, they would take the babe away and then return them a bit red and yet all good.
After Zachary… the doctor said he was doing them in his office. So I went unsuspecting… to have Zach look like his brothers. Little did I know… I was his helper. I was standing over Zachary as he looked so trusting into my face and felt things being snipped off… I am barely able to type… this.
I am so not cut out to be cutting or stitching any body parts.
It was a very traumatic experience. When Josh came along, I made sure that Sanj was booked off and there holding his son while he had pieces of tissue cut off… Maybe that is why Josh is the last one!!!
Poor Jordan is seemingly always the one that gets hurts… when he is away playing. He was a trooper! All is well that ends well!
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Meet Mat…

Posted on 2009-09-13 by Reema


Ever since Sammy was in JK with Mrs. Herder… the class is introduced to Matsitsi … a little Kenyan boy whom they sponsor as a class. Each child is asked to work for some money… that they bring in each month.

Josh brought a picture of Matsitsi home this year. He excitedly shares his pictures with his brothers… as Sammy pips up… “Matsitsi must be rich… we were sending him money when I was in JK!”
lol
If you are interested in sponsoring a child… I have 6 that are available… lol or check out the many organizations…
Compassion International
REACH Canada
World Vision
These are the ones that pop into my head… so much need in this world.
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It’s That Time of Year Again!

Posted on 2009-09-13 by Reema


This weekend I signed up 5 of my boys for hockey!


Let me tell you that soccer moms have nothing on hockey moms. It is another whole world. You must know your equipment… the order of which the equipment goes on, the art of tying skates… getting used to the smell of the locker rooms and hockey bags that also house odors… and then there is the bone chilling cold of the rink that you learn to be prepared for.


Then there is the cost… the younger ones pay $350 or so and the older ones pay $ 450 or there about…

as I write the check… I think of all the shopping hours this could be supporting…


Then there is the check list…

Sticks (2) in case on breaks… this cost would shock you… Tyler’s dream stick cost $230…

Skates … again… shocking cost… Tyler’s dream skates are $700 + Nike Bauer 195

Shin guards

Hockey socks

Athletic cup (don’t leave home without it)

Hockey Pants

Elbow pads

Shoulder pads

Gloves

Helmet with face mask

Jersey

Mouth guard

Throat protector

Underwear

Tape

Water bottle

Let the season begin! I do love watching some of the boys games… I love the victory of shooting a goal! I love the imitations of the little guys of the NHL players. I love the french fries the make at the concession stand… those are going to have to be off limits this year!


So… we signed up… we are ready for the hockey season 2009-2010!

Nothing But Net!

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Learning a Lesson in Grace

Posted on 2009-09-13 by Reema

Over the summer I wrote about how Sammy and I have been clashing… which was his attempts of separating himself from me. I didn’t handle it with any level of grace. I was just hurt wondering why this child I love so much is pushing me away.
Then we had an incident which was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The worst thing that could happen to Sammy right now is too lose his phone… his connection to his world of friends.
Gone. I took his phone away. He was more sorry about the lose of the phone than his actions.
Over a period of a few weeks, Sanj spoke to him about being really sorry and asking for forgiveness. I basically focused on my other boys and stayed out of Sammy’s way.
While taking his phone away would serve as punishment for his actions… I wasn’t sure it was really teaching him what I really want him to understand.
He did apologize. We moved on.
What I noticed is that he really still needs me but just didn’t know how to do that in a cool acceptable way.
It made me realize that so many times we tell our children to do something, yet never realize that maybe they just don’t know how.
An example of this is Sammy and Zach. There is 7 years between them. Zachary copies Sammy… looks up to him… and simply drives him crazy. I am forever nagging him to just be nice. It hit me that maybe he needs help with this. Zachary just wants Sammy’s attention… so he does irritating things to get it.
My suggestion to Sammy was do the little things. Sammy got a new BMX bike… to do tricks etc… Zachary wanted to try it… Just say yes… to him and let him have a chance. Buy him a lollypop. When wrestling with him (Sammy’s idea of attention) add in an “I love you, Zach.”
Sammy and I made a contract together. The phone is mine, period. Yet he can have it from certain hours if he full fills the items on the contract. He was willing to do anything.
A few things off the contract are:
Hugs for mom a couple of times a day.
I love you, Moms… thorough out the day.
Make a conscious effect to connect with Zachary in small ways in his day.
There are other things obviously… yet these are the ones that are most important to me.
OK… you may think this is ridiculous. But it works. I think he just needed an out to love his mom the way he always has. Sometimes he will come and say “love you mommy… there, that is one time…” as I am cooking… I am good with that. Hugging… receiving it and accepting it… I am good with that.
It really has made a big difference. I have had to take the phone away when he does not do his share… and it is a reminder that we have an agreement.
When I was first stating my demands… Sammy laughed and said… “I want my lawyer to see this!”
I am grateful to connect with him… even through a contract… yet I am grateful that he has found a way to have me… mommy… when he needs it… as he does still need it.
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Smile… It Really Isn’t Hard…

Posted on 2009-09-11 by Reema


Today was a day that I had running around to do … we are selling one of our vehicles to the business… and the business vehicle is being sold to us.

How hard can that be?  Well let me tell you… from 11 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I ran around getting the necessary signatures and what nots from lawyers, mechanics and the insurance company.  I had Josh, who was a real trooper, running with me…
After the last paper was completed… I went to the Ministry of Transportation to hand it all over… and waited to feel that feeling of completion.
I only left there extremely frustrated and was told that I had it all wrong.  I still am not clear of what I have wrong… and how and why they need the original bill of sales from 1999… I am pretty sure we don’t have!
I left there really needing a good cry… needing to yell at Sanj, that he does not pay me enough to cover the frustrations and emotional trauma I suffered… and will continue to do so until I figure it all out!
He is working on his Doctorate…  maybe he will have better luck figuring it all out.  I am only mommy.  There are limits to my talents!  lol 
OK… as I was living this day of frustration, I was truly baffled by the workers  at the license bureau.  Now I am generalizing and I am sure there must be exceptions to the rule… but at least in Peterborough… why are the workers there so scary?
Most of them have very ugly, scary expressions… that certainly don’t say… “How can I help you”  (especially since that is what they are being paid for!!!)   
They seem to take pleasure in letting you know you do not have all the stuff needed… they seem to say the least amounts of words possible…  These are government employees.  They have good jobs that many would give for… with benefits, holidays… lots of fake ones… and really have hard is it to simply be approachable and smile?
It is known to avoid the Peterborough Bureau and drive down to Lakefield office…. where they are kind and apparently go out of their way to help you.  It is worth the extra time to be served with a smile.
So…  nothing was accomplished off my list.  I am frustrated.  I suppose this is all in a day.
I start again, Monday…  
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Remembering…

Posted on 2009-09-11 by Reema

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What Will I DO With All My Spare Time?

Posted on 2009-09-10 by Reema

I was asked this question at least 3 times today.  It was annoying.

After dropping off the boys (on -time) at school, I filled out the many forms needed by the office.
At 9:30 I went to a meeting.  This lead to another meeting at 11 a.m.
In between, I went to Sanj’s office and did a deposit… which took a LONG time as the man ahead of me had many requests, which he seem to think of each time he was done!
After my 11 o’clock, I went back to the school  to grab Tyler for his 12:10 ortho appointment.
Then it was a quick rush home to tidy up for company coming for supper.
Back for some groceries, quick run into Chapters ( my one me thing)… and then it was back to the school to pick up my boys.
The day passed a bit too fast!
Josh is having a great time at school.   I felt a little lonely and wished he would cry a bit so I’d have an excuse to snuggle with him! lol  But no, he had a grand day of having a mystery tour around the school among many other things.
So I guess I have figured out what to do with all that time… I’m busy doing all the things I  didn’t have time for in the first place!
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I Have to Tell…

Posted on 2009-09-08 by Reema

The boys are home… lots to tell and share! I love it!

Sammy was non stop talking! He had a good day.
I was asking Josh about his day… He replies… “I love my class. I love my teachers.”
Wow. Can I ask for a better answer?
I love his teachers too. I love that staff… you are awesome.
I am feeling blessed all around… great boys, great teachers and staff… great school!
And…. a first… he ate his whole lunch!
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I Made It!!!

Posted on 2009-09-08 by Reema


Today was the first day of school for all the Sukumaran boys. It is almost over and I can go and get them!

I am fine. Apparently Josh is fine… yes I did call and check!
It was hard. I didn’t cry but really wish I could have as I would have probably felt better.
I had a headache and felt heavy and stressed for the most part of the day.
I did breakfast with a bunch of moms. I then went and got stuff to make lasagna for supper.
Things I discovered today… every one seems to notice when I am alone… from the waitress to the check out person at the grocery store!
I went into the regular bathroom stall… instead of opting for the handicap one so we can both fit without touching too much!
Grocery shopping is fast… very fast and cheaper done alone!
There is little ones calling “mommy” EVERYWHERE!
You never stop being mom even when your kids aren’t there… there are other people’s kids… it is just instinct!
My van is very quiet and big when I am in it.
I like being with people.
I like being home. Instead of shopping or what not I came home and found it comforting.
I came home and saw that there was a phone call from Sammy’s high school… (OH MY GOSH… I have a kid in high school!!!)… my heart stopped a moment…. thinking he called or needed me.
Nope, just a girlfriend, thinking of me!
The craziness is about to be thrust upon me… I am actually looking forward to it. Well for today, anyways. The spelling list, memory verse, reading… will all be overwhelming soon enough and then I will be looking to sneak in a mom day with them!
Happy School Year… One down… how many more to go?
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Sorry… but just a few more!

Posted on 2009-09-08 by Reema





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Today…

Posted on 2009-09-08 by Reema






My babies… 4-14 years old are all in school today!

This is the first time in 14 years that I am on my own… not on purpose!
I have to say that the teachers and staff are so wonderful!
They get it. They are so understanding.
The picture on the stairs is a traditional groaning … first day of school picture.
You can tell by the faces how has done it many times!
Then there is the picture of my oldest and youngest. Aw…
Then there is Josh… my baby. I think he was more excited about this outfit he picked then anything.
Of course there is Zachary, my big man in grade 2 and Max… looking at me with his… “really is this necessary…”
That is all I got. By the time I made it upstairs… the doors were shut and I didn’t think the boys would like me walking in saying “Cheese!” lol
I’ll write about my day in another blog… I just wanted to show off my beautiful boys.
Thank you, God, for the last 14 years!
How much I love my boys.
Give them great year!!!
Only 2 more hours till I get to go get them!
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I’m Up!

Posted on 2009-09-08 by Reema

I have been up since 5 a.m.  Oh if this could be a habit!

There is a crazy fly buzzing around me… driving me crazy.
I have had a bit of a tension headache since last night.
Josh came into our bed around midnight.  That was a little gift.  I needed to snuggle with him.
I had a dream that I was forced to go on this horrid roller coaster.   I hate those things!
Yet I had to get through it.  I had tears when I came of it… but I survived.
Maybe that is how today will be… yet I will survive! lol
It’s 5:37 a.m.  I best get my act together so I am not going crazy in an hour!
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Ready or Not…

Posted on 2009-09-06 by Reema

There is never enough time in the day… it seems!

Happy Labour Day Weekend! Yesterday we had friends over and enjoyed hanging out till late at the campfire. Today… my in-laws will all be over to do much of the same!
I spent much of today trying to be organized for tomorrow (when everything closes down… annoying) and then the much anticipated and dreaded Tuesday.
I find myself really sad about the beginning of school. Maybe I am sad at the end of a season… staying home with my babes. I am feeling my heart races every now and again as I have been going through my day. (Maybe I am having a heart attack and ignoring it)!
I am really excited for Sammy… as he is really excited. He doesn’t seem to be too stressed.
He doesn’t seem to have the fear of being beaten up ( that seems to be a fear expressed by kids of my friends… sad… scary, eh?). So I am excited for him. I am not letting my fears and insecurities over take his readiness. So funny, as I watch him, occasionally… this kid pops out of his teenage being!
None of my middle crew are stressed or excited. School is school. Actually Tyler said… “10 MONTHS of homework! Yuk!” ( I kind of agree with him… too bad summer couldn’t last a few more months)!
I finished the last minute shopping… forgot to buy one more tennis ball… needed for his chair… it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t forget something!
I have little nic nacs for the first day… lunch stuff bought… will organize the clothes tomorrow… most of the back packs are packed… just the waking up and being there on time… with no yelling will be a dream!
I asked Josh, “What will mommy do while you are at school?”
He asked Max…. “Could you stay home and be with mommy while I am at school?”
Aw… how I love him. I am going to miss him. I am not sure what I will do all tuesday…
it seems like a long day already!
Breakfast with other moms is all I have planned.
Wow… they are ready.
How much I love them!
2 more sleeps!
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Posted on 2009-09-05 by Reema



I had a good day with the boys yesterday… busy with last minute errands, last shoes to buy, last of the school supplies that were needed and got in a game of mini golf. Zachary got a couple of hole in ones as did some of the others!

I am sad summer is almost over. It was a good one this summer. We did a lot of water trips… beaches, creeks and pools. I realized that this activity … water… bridges the age gap of my boys.
All of them have fun… nothing like getting wet, catching frogs, crayfish and other critters.
Josh has discovered the game boy. He gets a little too focused on it.
Sammy was off hanging with friends and seeing a movie. A true teenager… now.
The weekend is here… we squeeze a few more days of relaxing. Then it is time for routine… school… homework… lunches…
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My Sweet Zachary!

Posted on 2009-09-04 by Reema


Zachary’s going into a grade 1/2 split. He doesn’t get it. I heard him telling someone… “I am going back to grade 1.”

Aw… my sweet boy. He is my big boy in a little boy’s body. He has so much energy and zest of life. He is always wanting to do and try stuff.
School has been hard for him. Yet he persists… everyday. Friends… he feels he doesn’t really have close ones. He told me that the one little boy invites him probably because his mom told him too. Aw… my sweet boy…
He is really trying in school… but it is coming slower than he would like. I know it is just going to hit him one day! Boom! But does it have to be so hard?
Dear Jesus…
My sweet Zach… How I love him… what a gift he is!
Help this school year to be a great one for him…
Help him make friends that feed him …
Help him with the hard stuff… can it be a little easier for him?
Bless his teacher … she is wonderful!
My sweet Zachary! Thank you for him!
How I love him!
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MIA

Posted on 2009-09-04 by Reema


Josh had a great time yesterday! It was so exciting to see… he loved his classroom(s) and teachers.

He also loves the bathroom.
This is the sink in the little boys bathroom… WHY?!! You have to step on this thingy on the bottom and then it sprays out!
Max asked Josh if you liked the sink… Josh replied, “Yes, it’s like a hot tub!”
If Josh is M.I.A check out the boys bathroom! Oh fun!
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