Living Loving Breathing Boys

Someone mention the non-summer like weather we have had. Personally, thankful for my natural tan, this weather is perfect packing weather! It STORMED this afternoon…. actually it is again. While I pray that there is no flooding, I am grateful for the perfect backdrop to stay home and do laundry… and pack.

The boys have mentioned a few times their concern of not getting this house packed in time…

We’ll see… Thanks to all the friends for you offers of help. I will call, if I need to. I am purging a lot of stuff while packing.
That is something only I can do. Yah me!

Last night we took the boys to the movies. I really was not keen on this movie as it looked like a total boy flick. I was pleasantly surprised.

“The Journey to the Center of the Earth” was great. It isn’t just a kid movie. It was a bit scary (for me) in places but not for the boys… so I may just be a big chicken.

Anyways a definite one to watch!

I have watched my mother’s relationship with her siblings over the years. Despite the fact that they are in their 70s, they still act the same… sibling rivalry. They love each other, fight with each other and then it starts over again.

Spending the week with my brother, Kumar, made me wonder will our relationship ever change? We never really fight. Maybe we are too alike. Maybe we respect our differences. We have never lived in the same town since I left for university. We are also 5 years apart. Maybe all this plays a role.

I love my brother. I enjoy spending time with him. Seeing him as an adult in his different role…husband, father, pastor, is weird at times.

Yet he has turned into a good man despite the odds. I am thankful for his presence in my life.

As I watch my sons interact with each other as brothers, it makes me pray that they will all know that pleasure of friendship with each other.

I pray that they learn to accept the differences in each as well as embrace their similarities. I hope that they will cherish the specialness that can be between brothers.

I do not know a lot of brother to brother relationships that are close and call each other friends. I am sure they are out there and it can happen.

Siblings can be such a special gift. They are the people that can say they have known you all your life… the good, bad and ugly. It isn’t a obligation to like your sibling… sometimes loving them can be even harder.

I am forever encouraging the boys to “love each other” “be kind to each other” “treat your brothers as you would your friend…”
Yet I realize that some people and personalities click while others just can’t pretend to like each other.

I am blessed with a brother, that despite his crazy eccentric self is family that I LIKE and LOVE.

I have been thinking of how my children learn to love God. For the most part, it seems that as little ones they learn the story of Christ and simply believe and love Him without questions. As they grow older, I look for different ways to foster their relationship.

I am with my children pretty much most of the time. Especially over the summer months, we spend 24/7 together with the exception of when they are on the golf course etc. I found myself wondering if my children see Jesus in me? I am the one person that is a constant. Do they see Jesus through my actions, how I love them, how I treat others?

I am sure that 75% of the time it is a safe yes. But what about the other 25% of the time?

I left Zach and Josh literally banging on pots and pans in the kitchen. They are playing drums (despite the fact that there are real drums in the house)! Now they have followed me … BANGING THE LIDS!!! Hum… WWJD? (What Would Jesus DO?”)

I need to work on that. I need to really show the love of Jesus to my children consistently through my actions.

I know I will get reported if I put the picture up… so I won’t. But Zachary and Josh had just taken a bath. I was helping Josh dry off.

I looked up to see Zach spread out his towel on the carpet and was laying down, naked, on his belly. “What are you doing???” I asked him. “I am getting a tan!” was his reply.

I am not a water person. I wish I could just dive into a body of water and enjoy the experience.

Nope. I have always had issues with wearing a swimsuit. (Can we not come up with better swimming wear?) I hate cold water… tip toeing into the water… to cool down. I really hate the feel of chlorine in my hair and need a shower right away. I hate the whole bit of changing after… with the little ones needing help too.

Issues… my biggest issue is not seeing the bottom of a body of water. Shallow swimming pool water I can handle… that is about it.

While in Maryland, it was 100 degrees plus with humidity. YUCK… also I was there with the 6 boys… so I got in the water. Yes I do LOVE my boys! The boys were shocked… “Mommy, you are coming in???”

For our anniversary, Sanj gave me a underwater camera. The boys have had a great time learning to capture that perfect underwater picture. Something that is not that easy to do!

A half a dozen duffle bags, a few sleeping bags and pillows, iPODS, gameboys, movies to last many hours, 6 kids and a mom slamming the doors to the 12 passenger van full of very expensive gas all equals a ROAD TRIP! The boys and I headed to Maryland to visit the cousins in our neighbouring nation.

With only packing head of us for the next weeks, I figured that boys and I would take a mini trip before the madness began. Two new cousins to meet, many more to play with and lots of uncles and aunts to kiss, and Grandma’s food awaiting… Maryland seemed to be the obvious destination.

We left early Saturday morning…counted the hours down and finally reached with most of our sanity. The boys were exceptional great. They were actually quiet most of the trip. I kept looking back to make sure they were all there!

We left Sanj home to keeping bringing in the cash so we could spend it! 🙂 We also left him to enjoy some quiet time and reflect on bachelorhood a bit.

We met and thoroughly enjoyed Baby Wilo (my brother’s 3 child). The boys enjoyed holding her and remembering the days of babyhood ruling our household. We celebrated Jaelin’s 5th birthday… many times. Eli had a house full of boys to romp around with. I think all the kids had fun hanging out though I think the cousins were worried about the boys eating them out of house and home!

The days were full of different activities… and seeking ways to survive the crazy 100+ degrees weather! YUK! The boys enjoyed the pool times a lot. We had lots of good food, Grandma’s truck load of food, Aunt Reg’s famous lasagna and yummy French toast. We had Crispy Creme donuts… and lots of cake…. birthday cake!

We ended the trip abit short after being totally tucked out! The last day was spent with Sanj’s cousins, their husbands and all their little ones at the pool. We had a great time.

Then before we knew it… the 12 hours back to HOME!

I prayed all day for no rain… actually for the rain to just hold off.
It was touch and go all day!

6 p.m. it was perfect! 30+ kiddies, lots of food and a chance to catch up on friendship.

We left minutes to 9p.m.

9:05 it is a major lighting storm!

9:23 pm a major rain storm outside!

Thanks for those that prayed. Thank You God… for hearing my small prayers.
Thank you for hearing me.

Thanks for caring about the small stuff too!

The boys are FULL of energy. Their level of energy is never a shortage. Yesterday we bought up all the winter clothes up, sorted and boxed. The boys wrapped all their trophies and packed them up. Total of boxes packed… 8! Now only 800 more to go!

The boys were great. I love their energy and enthusiasm about the move.

They are more motivated to pack then I am.

I love it. I may as well cash in and get stuff done with their unending supply of energy.

Tyler even gave up golf to pack! WOW!

As we were packing and sorting the clothes, we made sure the clothing still fit. As stuff was passed on, it was like a treasure being found. Max getting Sammy’s favorite hockey sweatshirt! Zach getting Max’s stuff… hand me downs is awesome! 🙂

Hope this continues on as they become teenagers!

My brother Kumar and I often talk about the blessing of coming from a crazy household and making life as an adult as “normal” as we know. We often have talked about what helped us. One of those things was the special people God placed in our lives.

It is such as blessing when people “love their neighbour as yourself.” It was these people that made impactful impressions on our lives. There are so many people that I could name that had a hand in my future as an adult.

Mr. and Mrs. Canther… they were our Pathfinder leaders in Orlando. They loved young people and God. They were such real people who gave the greatest gift of their time. They believed in me and took an interest in me. They were such a role model of leadership, service and Christianity. I don’t even know if they are alive… yet hope that I will be able to let them know how much they touched me.

In Ohio, there was Dr. and Mrs. Agard. These are my girlfriend’s parents. They always treated me with love and kindness I can never repay. They have big hearts and helped me realize that there are good people that don’t mind stepping up to the plate when others fail too. They will always have a special place in my heart.

In Michigan, at Andrews the people that changed my life was the Knight Family. These special people taught me about family. The good and the bad, about loving, forgiving, and accepting all of each other. I lived with them for 4 years and a bit. They became my home (away from home). They loved me. They worried about me. They hurt with me. They nurtured me.
They were proud of me.

I felt safe. I felt cared for and wanted. I felt needed. I felt appreciated. I was loved.

I was blessed with all these people in my life to add to what me parents did give me. I always have a home away from home.
My children have learned to love the Knights as extended family members.

This was a gift from God. My brother has his own list of people that touched his life. God took care of us, had it all planned out despite the fact that we may have got the shorter end of the stick.

What a special gift… people who can love and welcome someone into their lives and love them.

I hope to pass that blessing on throughout my life. I pray that God uses me to touch lives and give back too.

Sammy and Tyler were at Hockey Camp this last week. It was a specialized program with 30 hours of ice time. They were on the ice 6 hours a day!

They would start at 8:30 a.m. and come home starving at 7:30 p.m. Sammy loved it last year and was ready again this year. He is in his element. Tyler begged to do this camp…. can I tell you… BEGGED. Despite our reservations, we signed him up.

Tyler, with his anxiety issues really struggled the first days. Not knowing anyone, not sure what they were going to do etc.. all the unknowns really set him off. But despite tears and all his anxiety, he did it! We are so proud of his efforts to overcome his fears and push forward. He really learned a lot and is ready for next year!

Sammy is a boy that is at home on the ice. He loves the game and is “able to see the game.” (Not my words).

Each year at camp they give a trophy out to the child that exemplifies good sportsmanship and behavior among other things.

Sammy was given the award. What a proud moment. Forget about number of goals scored, assists, etc., if my children can be remembered for their character… HOW AWESOME!

He is so humble about it too. He comes up to us (Josh and ) as I tell him I am proud. He looks at Josh and gives him a hug and says “But you are my favorite trophy!”

Tyler (who may feel in Sammy shadow at times) comes up and says, “Good Job Sammy!”

A proud moment!

Summer is a time that allows me to spend quality time with the boys. But during all that quality time… there are many moments during the constant teasing, fighting and nitpicking that I wonder if I am doing it right. Parenting that is. How can they find so much to natter about?

Then I am reassured that this is a part of childhood. In our house everything is multiplied by 6! The noise, fighting, mess, love, kisses, and “I love you”s.”

Then there are those moments when I wonder, do we adopt? It has always been a dream of mine, since I was little. But today adoption takes so long and all the hoops you have to jump through not to mention the money. It was always faster and easier to make our own. Can you tell I have issues with patience?

Yet then I think of that child out there that can have his/her life changed by being part of a crazy family.

We were teasing Josh about getting another baby. Then he WOULD have to be a big boy (something he is fighting). He loved the idea. “Are you going to the baby store?” “Can we get a yellow baby and a pink one?” He is thrilled. A baby store! Hum… if it was only that simple.

So this I leave in God’s hands. If this is meant to be… it will happen. I don’t think that dreams that stay alive in your heart should be dismissed easily. Maybe they can’t be dismissed easily. So often I count to make sure I have all the kids in the car or just accounted for and always feel like one is missing. I recount… nope all 6 are here. Maybe there should be 7?

Maybe I am just crazy.

Sammy and I are so much alike. We are more alike than we are different. I could list the great things about Sammy… such as his great personality, thoughtfulness, great big brother, loving, and so on.

We are told so often how alike we are. This drives Sammy crazy.

Sammy has the same fixation/addiction to sugary treats as me. So I was pointing out to him that since he is my clone, to be careful. Diabetes may in his life since it is such a heredity issue in our family.

Sammy: “How come I get all your bad stuff?”

Me: “Hey!!! You get my good stuff too!”

Sammy: “Like what?”

Me: “Um, YOUR GOOD LOOKS!”

Sanj: “Ha! She’s got you there!!!”

Sammy: Smiles 🙂

My life with 6 sons is summed up in one word… ADVENTURE!

You never know what you are going to experience or find.

Going to the bathroom can be an experience all in it self… sitting on the seat and sliding from the gift of pee left for me by the last visitor. Hum…

The things that humor them often leave me baffled. I stopped for gas on the way home… Max and his buddy in the car say, ” Mom, if you need gas, you should have asked. I have plenty!” This is followed by laughter that won’t stop and every time the word gas is said as in “I’ll be right back, I have to pay for the gas…” hilarious!

One thing about childhood I cannot stand is the whole lose a tooth bit. It really grosses me out. I can still remember the feel of the wiggle of a tooth hanging by that last bit. Yuk.

Thankfully, all the boys so far have no issues with pulling out their teeth and taking care of business.

Yesterday Jordan had a tooth bothering him. It was loose and he said, “Can I just yank it out?”
“Well of course you can if you want,” was my reply. We were leaving the house.

I was making supper and see bits of blood around and bloody tissues. Yuck. I called him to clean it up. As I continueto make supper I see this thing on the counter… it does not look familiar. Upon closer examination I see it is a tooth. Gross.

Guess I forgot to tell the boys about the tooth fairy.

This picture is a few years ago when Jordan lost one of his front teeth on the airplane and one after we landed.

Growing up it seems everyone had a best friend. I didn’t have one till we moved to Florida… Heather Cavanaugh. We lived in the same apartment complex, went to the same church and school and in our free times played together. I remember she had a water bed! I was so envious. She was a only child and lived with her mom.

I loved going over to her apartment. Those three years we did everything together. She became part of of our family quite easily. I was so sad when we left Florida to move (for no explainable reason) to Ohio. YUK. We wrote often, talked occasionally and stayed friends for a period of time. She came for my high school graduation. I was so happy.

In Ohio, I wouldn’t say I had a best friend. I didn’t really have close friends. I had a friend, Donna Perry. We were both misfits with unshared issues at home. I think we were not “best friends” because this was a one sided relationship… I was the one always talking. She was a good listener. But never really shared much… till much later. We helped each other survive high school.

In university, as I have said before, life changed. I made lots of great friends. My girlfriend from high school became one of my best friends.

I have found that as an adult, that word BEST FRIEND can cause pain. What is a best friend? There in is were the pain can lie. Each person’s definition and expectations are different.

Best friends can change as life changes. My best friends are always there. I knew no matter what… I can call. I also know that we both will make an effort to keep the friendship alive since we are not in the same place. As I grow older, I realize how special my real friendships are. They are harder to develop as we grow older. Too many wall or defenses are in place, time becomes precious and our children’s friendships take over.

Zach had a friend over (the 3 kids we were caring for) whom he loves. He always says the Jake is his BF. Well on day 2, Max said something along the lines of “Jake, who is your BF?” Jake replies, ” You are.” Zach is my 6th BF.

Zachary’s heart was broken. The tears…(of course the tiredness of the day added)… he was so hurt. He has grown up with his brothers having best buddies. Now his best buddy was someone else’s.

What do you do when someone is says your their best friend and that isn’t your feelings? Only no good, hurt comes from those situations. I am trying to teach the boys that you can have a buddy that is liked very much, but people change. Friendships change. If you have more than one extra special friend, you are blessed. As you get older, friendships and the definition changes.

I have a lot of friends. Some I hang out with alot. Some I chat on the phone and others I email. Some friends I chat with evey once in a while. We get caught up and know we will talk at some point. There are friends that are couple friends, there are friends that are family friends. There are friends that come through in the most amazing way and make you realize that this IS a friendship, just a different kind.

I think as you grow older sometimes the definition of friendships change. Some friendships feed your soul. But I also think that God places some friends for me to nourish or feed. A balance is the keep in those relationships.

Sanj, is my best friend, in every sense of the word. He is there to see all of it, the good, bad and ugly. He loves me through it all. He listens to my heart and is my friend 24/7. I love that I have a friend all the time. (Of course I know I could call my friends too… but you know what I mean…).

I hope that my sons make and maintain friendships that stand the test of time. I never lived anywhere long enough to have a childhood friend. I hope that the boys learn the importance of friendship and how to be a good friend. I hope that they are friends with each other… I know all may not click with every one, but as long as they each have a brother they are close to, that would be awesome.

I am thankful for all my friends. I have become a richer person thanks to each my friends touching my life. I may not have started off with many great friends, but with each passing year, my list of friends continues to grow. I am blessed. I am so thankful. Thanks for being one of my special gifts in life. You are loved and treasured.

I remember growing up with plants around us. When we lived in Toronto in apartments, I remember (more through pictures) of all the plants on the window sills. I can remember going to Edward’s Garden in Toronto with my dad’s sister and family. And “crimes” my uncle and mom would try to get away with… breaking a piece of whatever exotic plant or flower caught their attention. They would bring it home and place it in water to try and get the roots to come.

The Jasmine Plant was a favorite for my mom or the curry leaf plan. Someone would smuggle it from India and as it grew they would pass a piece to transplant. Gardening or plants was a memory I associated with my mom. But as I grew older, it became a memory that I attached to my dad.

Maybe my mom was busy working (to provide for us) and my dad was around. But gardenin was a soothing balm for my father. He spent literally HOURS in the gardens. It was not a small one either. He would use stakes and string to make rolls… very neat rolls and make paths to walk around the vegetables. He really missed his calling as an landscaper.

He would stand for hours in the evening watering the plants with the hose. He would wake up at 5-6 a.m. and begin the tedious process of weeding. When I think back, gardening was so natural to him as breathing. The last 10 or plus years he has been living in Tennessee, this is what he does during the warmer weather. He lives in an apartment and has landscaped the whole front of the buildings. He gets donations from various green houses and pretties up the place. Then on the side of the building is a huge area that is his garden! He was given an award or something my the city persons for making his community better!

The front of our house in Ohio was covered with some creeping plants covering most of the porch.

Now… I, the other hand, did not inherit my father or mother’s green thumb! Or maybe it was being awaken at 6 a.m. in the summer mornings to go WEED the GARDEN!!! I would get so TICKED OFF!!! This was my teen years, so obviously I needed to sleep in but no, the garden was calling! My dad’s reasoning was to be there and get the job done before it was too hot.

My kids so lovingly bring home these plants from school, every year for Mother’s Day. Now they bring it, say Happy Mother’s Day, and then say “It’s OK it’s going to die. Maybe you should give it to grandma.” Sanj’s mom has a green thumb too.

Sad, eh? I just can’t keep things alive that don’t speak up! “Mom, FOOD!!!”

So this new house is on acreage. About 2 of it needs mowing. The lady there says it takes 4 hours!!! Sanj has passed this on to me… as time is limited on the weekends. He even went to put a deposit on a riding lawnmower. I am thinking that is what I have 6 boys for. I will have to keep the number of our handy dandy yard guy now. “Billy… our lawn needs mowing.”

“Hey Sanj… look at the great job I did on the yard.!!!” 🙂

OK, so this house has a beautiful wrap around porch. The curb appeal is great. But mainly because of all the flowers and greenery that is surrounding it. HELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Who is going to do that next year? I wonder if these flowers are annuals or is it perennials … I don’t even know for sure… but what I mean is the plants that come back on their own each year… annually… right?

My thumbs are brown. Some things even genetics can’t help!

I had an interesting conversation last night in regards to my blog. I love feedback. I love when you agreed and yet even when you disagree. Most things I write are just thoughts passing thru at that moment or that day. My thoughts and emotions change constantly.

My blog has been a great source of release that is enjoyable to me. I like being able to come back and see where I was a month ago verses now. I appreciate the feedback and grow from your thoughts and comments.

I hope that some of the stuff is helpful to others. I hope that maybe someone else that is hurting will realize that you are not alone.

I am in a good space. I have really tried to grow up my relationship with God. I have really tried to stop the temper tantrums. I would never have gotten away with them as a child, yet never think twice when I am mad at God. I guess this is where His unconditional love is so real. I never question His patience and understanding of my bad behave.

Lately, I have been embarrassed by some of my past temper tantrums. It is so hard to simply say, “OK, I don’t understand, but I surrender.” I am not good at that whole giving up control. Or when I know I have messed up so badly and then beg Him to bail me out. Example… having premarital sex and then begging to not get pregnant.

I am the kind of person that will usually jump into something and then think later. This usually gets me in all sorts of trouble. Then I wonder WHY my kids are that way!!! Hum…

So a grown up relationship… what does that look like? Sometimes I look at people, such as my brother who is a pastor and can recites verses, pray up a storm and sound so adult (remember to me he is my little brother!) or other friends that read their bible faithfully and seem to worship as they breathe.

I am not sure. My relationship has always been very simple. For me, He is just someone I talk to all the time but not in that way of on my knees for periods of time. But rather just talking to Him in my head. This is what I did as a child and have never changed it. I actually feel when I pray out loud that it feels weird and fake. I am always looking for the words to express my real thoughts when praying aloud.

Then there is church. That is another can of worms. But I wonder as I take my kids to church because I know I should for all those reasons I know… if there is a right or wrong way to worship or be in relationship with Him? Who are we to judge some else’s ways?

Sanj is a musician. His way to worship is through his music. Whether he is playing or writing music, it is the way that he worships. Sermons just go right through him as he is sitting there tapping his fingers to some song or tune in his head. Is that the wrong way?

I am thinking that there is such a norm that we are comfortable with as modern day christians. But I think that it is not something that works for everyone. And who are we to judge… Maybe it makes us uncomfortable to see something different. But different isn’t bad or wrong.

We were each made to be different in God’s image. So I can’t pray on my knees like my mother- inlaw does. Or no I don’t read my Bible daily. I wish I did. But that doesn’t work for me right now. What does my grown up relationship with God look like…
Hopefully you see it in my everyday life. It is me growing a bit each day, even once in a while taking a couple of steps backwards… talking it thru with Him and working it out.

I am working towards my ideal. I appreciate the people that have that “grown up” relationship with God. But I appreciate people that simply just want it. It is a great thing to strive towards… a grown up relationship. But thankfully He is my father and He accepts me just as I am … childish, growing and seeking.

I love Sanj. Yes, there is the BUT his Type A personality is highly annoying 90% of the time. It is the way he handles stress… or rather DOES NOT handle stress. When HE loses his keys, he freaks out 100% knowing that if he relaxes and breathes… it will turn up.

Usually I just ignore him… it passes. Sometimes I let him know how crazy he is. Other times I am passive aggressive. The great thing about Sanj is that he usually apologizes when he is wrong. I forgive him but there is usually the consequence of my wrath. I hate when I KNOW I have been treated unfairly.

I know Sanj’s weakness is chips and chocolate. Usually after supper, he moseys into the kitchen. Da da.. magically the chips or chocolates await his lack of control. I don’t know if he feels better, but I do. Tit for tat. OK I do realize the Bible says to turn the other cheek. Trust me, there are many times I do, other wise he would be wearing much bigger size pants.

Yesterday, his Type A (for annoying) personality took over again. I was really annoyed and hurt. While I went out for 45 minutes, I picked up a bag of macadamia chocolates. He even knew what I was up too. As I walked by, I thought he did not give in and eat them. Darn. But this morning the bag was empty. I felt better.

I love him. Just stop messing with me. You won’t win.

In my dreams, I am a mom that has lovingly prepared 3 meals and couple of snacks each day for the troops. In reality, cooking is annoying. I don’t mind it every so often, but the everyday drudgery of “WHAT are we going to eat?” is the biggest frustration. Sanj always says, “I don’t know!” The boys would pick different things but usually ordering out is the option of choice.

But until I get that Lil’ Indian man that is going to do all my cooking, cleaning, laundry etc… (this is a running joke… getting my live in domestic assistant) I am left with figuring out the menu and getting meals on the table.

One thing I absolutely hate is cutting up fruit. I am not sure what the aversion is but I truly dislike it. My kids goggle up the fruit. So once I cut it, it doesn’t even last for me to enjoy looking at it.

I made dinner last night. Then I painstakingly cut up 4-5 mangoes. My kids were delighted. It was gone in moments.
That was my gift of love to the family.

My dad would buy boxes of mangoes when in season. Then he would stand there and cut the mangoes into bite size pieces. They were cut the same size. He would put them in bowls and bring it to us. We loved this treat. I don’t think I ever thought of it as a treat, but rather took it for-granted.

As I stood there yesterday, cutting up the mangoes, not caring about whether the were bite size pieces or not, I thought of my dad. This must have been a gesture of love.