Living Loving Breathing Boys

My phone rings off the hook with nonsense numbers. 1234567890… or 111222333… when I pick it up there is that all to familiar pause… just enough time to hang up.

Zachary and Jordan love answering the phone. It rings once or I don’t hear it even ring and I hear the footsteps followed by “Mommy, it is for you!” Annoying.

Today as my phone rang for the upteem time I found myself bubbling with annoyance. This time when I answered no one seemed to be there.

What a horrid job. Does anyone ever say yes to this form of marketing? I can’t imagine being a tele-marketer. You must have great self esteem to be hung up or said no to or other horrible things I sure people say.

I feel sad when I say no, and their voice is so despondent. I wish I could just give this person the money. Does anyone like this job? I am thinking I would rather work at Mcdonalds.

So what is the answer? Maybe when they are polite, they deserve respect back. Yet when they are obnoxious or pushy…maybe a hang up isn’t too rude. I don’t know the answer to this… but I saw this video and felt bad for the poor guy.

I had a “job” similar to a tele-marketer. It was the summer of my junior year in high school. My dad’s job for most of his life (when he worked) was to sell our church books and literature. This particular summer he had my brothers and I sell magazines that were published by the church.

He had these bib like aprons for us to wear… with pockets to hold the magazines and a place for the money. We were to say “I am working towards a summer scholarship buy selling these Christian magazines. Would you like to help me with my education…” Or something along those flowery words.

He dropped us off at different locations in town and would leave us for a few hours. The most effective spot he found was downtown Dayton. Third street and Hwy 48… this was a main intersection where the downtown sect passed through.

My dad gave us each a certain amount of magazines he EXPECTED us to sell. Kumar, being young, in elementary school was able to sell the most, being little and cute. When we did not meet my dad’s expectations, he would accuse us of not trying hard enough.

Can I tell you, this was a long summer! We hated it. It was stressful and tiring. But what I remember most was the dread of approaching someone, knowing you are bothering them. It is like I was a mosquito, buzzing around, in there way as they were dealing with life.

I hate tele-marketers. I can’t imagine that anyone would want to grow up and say “I can’t wait to be a tele-marketer. But I may be wrong… different strokes for different folks.

I was never in tele-marketing… but my little stint of selling Christian magazines on the sidewalk was enough experiemce with rejection to ever want a job like that.

I admire these people for working HARD and not sitting on welfare. So I try to keep this in mind as the phone rings… again!

This picture has already been posted… I know. But I am not sure how many saw my brother’s comment after the posting.
“I love the house. Lose the clothes lines!”

It is funny how childhood experiences shape us so differently. A line with clothes blowing in the wind reminds me of times when folks had a harder life… no dryer and hanging clothes was homely like the apple pie baking in the oven.

Before I offend anyone of my dearly loved friends, please know that I admire your appreciation for the scent of the clean outdoors and saving the electricity and all the other reasons I am sure there is to hang out the clothes. Please know that this is not a judgement. I understand there are reasons (maybe) to hang the clothes out to dry. I admire you.

Growing up, we lived on the outskirts of a trailer park. I actually drove back to the neighborhood a couple of years ago and was shocked by where we lived. But this isn’t about that. When I was just finishing high school, my parents had the great idea to start a group home for seniors. They converted most of the house to accomadate this idea.

For a misfit teen, this was very uncool. I was so not impressed with a bunch of seniors invading my space… my home.
Most of the seniors my parents took were suffering from Alzheimer’s. So often they were found roaming in areas of the house, confused.

This little part is off subject of clotheslines… but one I am sharing so you understand life as I knew it at that time. I had come home from university, and was sleeping on our pleather (no not a miss-spelled word) pink sofa. I was aroused by sounds of a tap running. As I lifted my head, there was Lettie, one of our very confused seniors, peeing beside the sofa.

OK back to clotheslines. We had a dryer. I am not sure if it was to save money.. but it must have been… We hung all our clothes on the line out back. And then when there was no room, they were lain on the ground. BIG PANTIES of somebody’s grandma… all over our backyard.

I was already a geek, ugly, lonely and add this … too much. So my brother’s comment is funny. Why… would anyone WANT to have a clothes line???

OK I am traumatized by ugly undies and brassieres that were all over our lawn.

This clothes line at the new house… I don’t know. Maybe a good volleyball net could disguise it. By the way… Bounce.. the fabric softener came out with a scent called the fresh outdoors… or something like that. 🙂

Every since I was little…I have had issues with my looks. I remember looking at the mirror wondering WHO was going to love this face. I had thick glasses and horrid buck teeth. When you add uncool clothes and hair it did not add up to much I liked.

Then in university things changed a bit. Glasses were replaced by contacts, the hair grew out and was permed (LOL), and I had more control of what clothes I wore. I was a skinny thing, too skinny. Yet still I had major body issues.

I found a picture of me in a swim suit in my 20s. What my issues were, I don’ t know. Boy I wish I had that now.

Here I am in my late 30s and I continue to have issue. Someone mentioned that I should put more pictures of myself up on the blog. Erk. I hate how I look in pictures. I can’t help but tear it apart. Somehow I look so different in my head.

How can I teach my children to embrace themselves… love themselves and be proud when I am not practicing that myself? I know that I have only myself to blame. Food … it is my blankey. Exercise is my dreaded enemy. I look at people and see them walking around with my body. How did that happen? I don’t want to be one of those people that “look great for having 6 kids.” Um that isn’t really a compliment.

So I am determined as I hit the big 40 to embrace all that I am. Love me. Appreciate my body for all it does. And quit whining about my issues. Do something or shout up!

So you will see that I am adding more pictures of me as is. It is hard to see myself aging. Guess I don’t like that part of life.
I still feel like 20 something so often.

So turning 40 is about me. Loving me. Continuing to grow in all the hard ways. Try to change that which I hate… mornings, body image, and laundry.

One thing that I did this summer that was huge for me was put a swim suit on. (Lord have mercy)! But I did it (really because Sanj wasnt here… and if I didn’t want my kids to drown, it was all me). I put the swimsuit on and was with people I knew. It was the hardest thing I did in a long time.

Yet the only thing my kids noticed was that I got in the water! Neat eh? SO… this is my challenge for myself … to take better care of me.. appreciate the amazing gift of health… and focus on making myself a temple of God.

Hopefully by the time I am 50 I will blog a picture of me in a swimsuit! OK just kidding!

Maybe it should be a commandment… learn to love yourself as much as you love and accept others.

It took me 10 minutes to actually find a picture … and I picked this one only because it is a picture of how I want to be about my looks… carefree.

It is late. Or rather very early. Hey, I am a morning person! It is 12:05 a.m. But I couldn’t sleep as I listened to Josh’s groans as he slept. His finger looks bad. So I will have to take him in again tomorrow. My stomach is weak at the thought… for me and him.

Josh… he is a child that brings out all sorts of crazy emotions in me. I can be very bipolar when it comes to Josh. It began in the womb. He was my last try for a girl. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be. But telling that to my soul was hell. Postpartum, thank God, there is a word to define the craziness I felt and lived with the first years of his existence.

And it was as if he knew my pain that he clung to me more. He literally suffocated me with his love. It is still that way. We love each other with all we have. Yet, he drives me to that brink of insanity that is so often spoken of!

Then today happened. It isn’t that horrid… children live thru accidents all the time. Yet he is hurt. As I listen to him sleep… I ache. He is so special. How honored I am and should be to be loved to death literally.

He says so often, “Mommy, I love you.”

I can’t type the emotion that comes from his heart. And when I respond…” I love you too,” he so often gets frustrated.

“No, I LOVE YOU!!!” It is as if he just want it to be about his love! He is 3 years old.

Love of a child. Love for a child. There is nothing like it. Really it is simply a gift.

God, today was a rough day. All of it… the cut, the noise, the boys in general drove me batty.
But it is over… today is over. And I truly thank you for each of my sons. You have blessed me… thank you for being patient as I continue to seek out all the blessing, one by one.

And did Josh learn his learn about not playing with the razor? He answer… ” I won’t touch it till I have a beard.”

My children are loud. Actually they are very loud. ALot… most of the time. Is this normal? I wonder what someone walking by thinks of the decibels coming from our house?

Sanj was in the basement studying and commented on the noise of our household. Actually he complained about it. He was funny is his description of the sounds… describing a banshee sound (that would be Max) and all the other yelling and probably laughing.

Jordan talks loud all the time. Maybe he needs his hearing checked. (hum…..)

Max has a banshee screech when he is excited and hyped up.

Zachary yells when he is losing a battle.

Tyler and Sammy are just loud.

is this normal?

I was in the grocery store today… the boys (4 of them) were antsy. The lady behind me says, “It does get better.. 4 boys.”

I said… “Well I actually have 6.”

Well that was the end of her conversation with me… she and the lady behind her began…”Well poor thing… I at least had a girl somewhere in there.” blah blah blah.

Where do I go with this? My boys are busy, very active and loud boys. What am I going to do? Get rid of a few? Try a muzzle? Shock collar?

I think that they are normal. If there was 2 of them it would seem sane. Normal. But that normal level of volume is multiplied by 6 . Nothing is normal. Everything is amplified.

I feel so lonely. I wish there was another mom of 6 boys that I could bouncy this off of. I have no normal. I feel so often we are own walking freak show. Look at that family!

I have to cling to what so many older than me have said. Boys are hard work now. They get easy. Girls are easier now.. they get harder.

I love them so much. I feel bad when I am driven to crazy. Today it is a good thing I have my crazy pill.

We are going out to supper. Then it is a early bedtime for everybody!

What a day! I was on the phone catching up with a friend while the boys were playing hide and seek. Zach comes running in…”Josh got cut with a razor!”

Yup… blood everywhere… a nice ugly gash on Josh’s pointer finger. I do not do well with the whole blood and guts thing. You would think with 6 boys, that I have had my share… but we have been fortunate. Only a couple of incidents that required ER… both for Sammy.

Well getting the blood to stop was the biggest problem. We did go to ER as the cut was quite a gash… but 1.2 hours later, Josh having fallen asleep and the bleeding stopped, I left, making a stop at the drug store for gaze, etc.

All in a day’s work. This child of mine if a walking ticking time bomb. He finds trouble. He is drawn to trouble.

I am tired. I need a nap. All that nervous energy needs to be put to rest. But no… it is time to make supper.

One of the greatest blessings in my life is friends. I have an abundance of great friends. I appreciate so much the fact that I am never alone. I don’t mean in a physical sense as much as in a life sense.

Take this move, for example, I have offers of help constantly. Help and encouragement. Last weekend, one of my friends took all 6 boys, and kept them for the day. The boys had a great time and I got so much done!!!

We have had offers of help for the actual move… now you know THAT is a good friend!

I was helping set the gym up for something at school with a friend one day. She looked over and said, “I love you.” That felt so good. It was just a no reason I love you. Those are the best!

As I get older I realize that life is too short to be critical. People are people. If they are willing to offer the gift of friendship that is huge. The older we get the harder it is to find true genuine people. Everybody has corks… it is what makes them unique.

How great it is to have these special people to go through life’s journey with. Family is the constant. They are the good, bad, and ugly. Friends are the icing on the cake. They add the mostly good.

There are so many lonely people out there. Sometimes it is hard to reach out… it is scary. Sometimes past hurts makes it impossible. It is one of the things that hurts me so much. Lonely people. Maybe because for a good part of my life I was lonely. Funny… but as I keep getting older, that “good chunk” of my life is slowly becoming a small chunk of my life. (Another blessing)!

Lonely people. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely or left out. It isn’t fun watching the world from the side line. Each year I encourage the boys to come home knowing the “new kid’s” name and inviting them to play. They don’t have to become their best friend but making them feel welcome is something you would want others to do for you.

Siblings are the family you have no choice… they are yours. Yet the sibling that is also a friend? What a gift. I wish this so much for my sons. The best way to have friends is to be a friend. I am forever telling them to treat their brother as they would treat their friend. It is a hard thing to live by!

To my friends, I love you. I cherish all that you have added into my life. I love that I am never alone… not really. Thank you for your gift of friendship. I treasure you and all you are… yes even the annoying parts! 🙂

Just 3 and a half weeks before we move. I am so excited! Wednesday of this week, we went to see the house again. This was the boys first visit inside. It was very exciting! They were gone, checking out the yard. Jim (our wonderful agent and friend) said it takes Josh 17 minutes to walk to the end of the property ( in his cowboy boots)!

They enjoyed exploring the house with too much fascination about the laundry shoot… that comes from their bathroom upstairs to the laundry room). Bets are happening on who will go down it first!

I can’t wait to have our friends over… I can’t wait to sit on the porch. This is the kind of house that my little girl dreams happened in. Weird, eh?

I love the basement for the boys. MIni sticks, with no mom saying enough already! Just simply, “Take it downstairs!” Ahhhh… life is good.

I love the family room with the cosy wood stove and hanging out with a good book or movie.

I don’t even mind the fact that “eating out” won’t be as convenient. The kitchen is so bright and the center of the house I feel surrounded rather than isolated.

Good Stuff! The driveway is FLAT!!! Our present house has a incline circular drive… one I could NEVER get up on winter days, regardless of snow tires. So this was a must… no hilly drives. Perfect for street hockey, roller blading, skateboarding, basketball and learning to ride a bike (one more to go)!

I am so excited. I am happy. I am looking forward to HOME. I feel it.

I am not one to quote scripture, but as I read Matthew 7:7 it was a summation of my feelings.

“Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened for you. Matthew 7:7 (International Standard Version)

I liked this version. KEEP ASKING (but I would add… Keep listening). KEEP SEARCHING…(but don’t except to FIND immediately). KEEP KNOCKING (but be patient… I AM COMING TO OPEN THE DOOR).

I have felt so much of my life I was asking. Yet I was probably to young to see all the answers. Or they weren’t the answers I wanted. I am FINALLY seeing answers and realizing that answers aren’t picture perfect. Or they aren’t my answers. The knocking…I am ready to just keep that door open. It is useless to do otherwise.

There will always be wanting. It is part of living in this imperfect world. I will always want a real daddy. I will always wonder what it would have been like to have a daughter. I will always be seeking to be a size 4 again.

It is human to want. But the wanting keeps us needing … God, family and friends.

I can’t wait to move in to our new house. I really feel in so many ways I have waited for this moment… coming home.

Thank you God, for all your blessings. But I realize that I am even more grateful for the trials. It is thru the trials I have found appreciation for ALL my blessings. My biggest being my husband and my children.

The first picture is of the front of the house… and the other is the back!

Zach has been going to Vacation Bible School this weekend at Ferndale Bible Church. He has loved it! He is up, bathed, dressed and ready by 8 a.m. Today was the finally day, ending with a BBQ for the families. It was well done! He can’t wait for next year.

I had to run to Zellers before going home. It was time for a socks and underwear run for the boys. I let each child pick a SMALL, CHEAP toy. Zach picked out this $29.99 thingy.

NO… was my reply. It’s just a small treat! I gave him a few choices. Then the little devil inside him spoke… I don’t even know WHAT he said… but it was HOW he said it.

Done… NO TOY! You just lost the privilege to get a toy. My only excuse for what followed is that he is overly tired.

My 6 YEAR OLD son threw himself on the floor and WAILED LOUDLY while crying… “I want a toy!” Thankfully he didn’t fight me as I took his hand to lead him to the cash. The whole way down the isle… wailing… ” I want a toy!”

If I was watching someone else, it would have been funny. It was just so classic. My nightmare.

Thankfully Josh picked this moment to behave. So all I had to focus was on child #5 while everyone stared.

It was straight to bed… although I was informed 6 year olds don’t nap. “Well you weren’t acting like you were 6, now were you?”

All in a day’s work.

Today my mother turns 72! She has lived an interesting life… and I am sure that God will grant her many more years filled with peace and happiness.

She is a great grandmother… Ammama to my kids. They love her and her cooking. There is never a shortage of what they want to eat when she is her.

She is the first person the clamor in bed with in the mornings and fight over who gets to sleep with her at night.

I love this picture of a bunch of grandkids fighting over spots on Ammama’s bed!

Happy Birthday MOM! You cup is overflowing with love!

What is the definition of happiness? The dictionary says, “state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Well I think that happiness can be a choice. Nobody has a perfect life. There is always more you can want or need.

But choosing to be happy is a decision. Despite it all, I will make a choice to make the most of things. Look for the positive. Be positive. No matter how bad you may have had/have it… rest assured there is someone else out there with much worse circumstance.

I think of all my worries… and then I couldn’t help but think of children across the world who would simply like water… clean, drinking water. It is almost clichés to say, “Think of all those starving children in Africa.” But really think of it… I have to simply stop and be thankful, be grateful. Be happy.

There is so much I would LIKE to give my children or do for my children. But then I have to stop and realize they have all the basics and then some. They have so much to be grateful for… yet have I made them stop and BE THANKFUL and APPRECIATIVE?

A happy home. It is such a easy thing to simply take for granted. Yet all around us, in our own school are families breaking up.

Pain is around us… a constant, it seems. So if I have the life worries… money… bills, bills, bills… I am and should be grateful.

I am choosing to be happy through the tortures of moving. The positives of moving is all the purging that is so cleansing. Finding a missing something that you didn’t even know was lost! Be gone baby stuff… YAH! Organizing DVDs, books, clothing!

I am happy. I am happy that God has provided us with a home that will meet the needs of our family. A bit smaller in size yet more functional. A bit farther to drive yet property to run free. A lot of grass to cut yet quiet time on a mower (i think).

Happiness is a choice. Enjoying the now… whatever that includes. Hockey, golf, swimming lessons, judo, guitar, youth group, making lunches (grrr… I am working on this), all that comes with motherhood of 3-13 year old.

I keep hearing people say, “ENJOY IT… it goes too fast.” I hear it over and over. So I am trying to enjoy it. To love it. To let this NOW be my happiness and contentment.

I choose to be happy.

Thank you God for happiness. Help me to seek that state of mind more often. Help me to appreciate it and cherish all my blessings…. my biggest being Sanj and my sons.

Thank you for my happiness. Help me to never take it forgranted.

I am home alone. Silence. Outside is my favorite sound of thunder and flashes of lightening. Beautiful!

Sanj and all 6 boys are off to see a movie. Usually my sidekick Josh is hanging on, but not tonight! This is a first for me.
Weird as it is, if I have time to myself all alone, I go out. I am not one that likes to be alone very long. But tonight I found an appreciation for it.

I watched a movie, sat in silence and listened to the rain. OK I admit as it got very dark I did look outside for the boogie man. I am a big chicken in real life. Especially at night, that is why I would never really stay alone by myself.

I like it. The quietness. The stillness. But I have had enough.

Oh! Perfect timing. Here they come!

It has been a good summer overall with the boys. Golfing, swimming, checking out some movies, seeing friends ever once in while… hockey camps… a trip to Maryland… not a whole lot of excitement but just enough.

Packing has kind of put a bit of a cramp in the summer plans. But that is OK. Now with 2 weeks till school, it is time to take on a different frame of mind. Start training the body to wake up earlier, find routine again.

I have really enjoyed the boys this summer. Of course we have had our days where I would have like to hang them on the totem pole… but for the most part it has been good. My relationship with the older two especially is growing into a friendship where by choice they chose to be with me. Very Cool. That may change… but for now I will take it.

I used to think that summer was a time of free time and allowed us to hang out with friends and just be. But I am realizing that summer is busier than the school year. Every one has different things on the go, and to hang out with friends or make that time work for everybody… is hard.

So… the boy have missed their friends, and I have missed mine. Despite the yuckiness of making lunches, homework… there is an appreciation for routine and the rhythm of the school year. I know that I will see most of my friends in the pick up circle… making plans for coffee isn’t hard and the weekends are for being together as a family and as friends!

So I will miss summer… especially since I am going to be a morning person come fall…but I will welcome all the positives that comes with back to school.

I am looking forward to hanging out again… my dear friends!

Sammy and Tyler live on the golf course. The longer they can stay in a day, the better. I often wonder WHAT they can do all day!!! Today was the Peterborough Golf and Country Club Championships. Max is in the Divots Program. I can see the bug has bit him too.

He looks forward to playing and came home with a gold medal around his neck! Way To Go, Max!!! (OK there was only 3 in his division… but still, a medal is a medal)! He is looking forward to playing Juniors, so he can hang out there too.

Sammy and Tyler both had great games. They are their own worst enemy. I enjoyed watching them. Such intensity and concentration. I think Sammy came in 2nd… and Tyler 4th but they are still awaiting the verdict.

As I hung out there, at the Club watching and waiting, I was thinking that maybe I should give this sport a try. There isn’t the fear factor, as in skiing… (which terrifies me the thought of flying down a hill… with the potential of breaking all sorts of bones…).

Golf…I may likely suck at time… but that would be the only torturous factor.

Hum… they do have lime green clubs, cool clothes and shoes… I’ll have to rethink the whole golf bit!

Boys, I am so proud of you. I love your good sportsmanship, fair play, and drive to better yourself. You are a great example to me!

I love watching the Olympics. I love the stories of getting to the top. I love the tears and emotions. I love living vicariously though someone amazing for a moment.

Micheal Phelps… WOW. What else can you say? I loved watching his mother. It must have been so wonderful to watch her son reap the rewards of his efforts. He put up with a lot of teasing and bullying as a child. He was labeled not smart. He was labeled. Now the labels are words like phenom, the Michael Jordan of swimming, even his ADHD label is a positive one.

I love his devotion and gratitude for his mom. After a race, he was mouthing, “I can’t find my mom…”

Proud moments. It is what parents live for.

There are others that I really enjoyed watching. Guo Jingjing get gold for diving. Her intensity and concentration wowed me.

Usain Bolt wins 100m gold at the Beijing Olympics … he is just to calm, cool and collective!

Then there is Dara Torres, 41 year old mom of a 2 year old… who gets silver! WOW! I put the usual pictures of the other athletics I was taken by, by how could I not put this picture of her?!!! Again, WOW.

All I can say is this is all proof that if you put your mind to it, your God given talent, nothing really can stop you.

I better stop making all the excuses I do for my self!

Our house looks very discombobulated! It’s great! I got a LOT done today! It feels good. I feel like I will reach my goal… which is to have most of the house packed by Labor Day weekend so that we can enjoy the first day of school together!

I am getting excited about the move. We get to see the new house next Wed!!! Can’t wait. The boys haven’t been inside yet. So they are looking forward to that.

We are planning a Garage Sale the long weekend. YUK! But we have stuff we need to rid ourselves of … that worked for this house but not the new one. I have a beautiful Pier1 Imports sunroom furniture that is only a year old. Not sure if it is for sale… but if the price is right…

This lala land is hard for everyone. Josh is concerned WHERE all the stuff is going. Poor guy. But what a pain to pack with. I pack, he unpacks!

Anyways … I am full swing ahead! Most of the boys rooms are done, family room, closets, bathrooms, book shelves… (we had a lot in this house)!

I feel good. Can’t wait to get going again tomorrow!

As mentioned, three of our boys are in Hockey Camp this week. It is quite a reputable camp with NHL players there donating their time to work with the kids. People come from literally all over such as Belgium even to be there.

My attire of late has been sweat shorts, tee shirt and my Crocs. Moving and packing attire, not to mention it is quite comfy.

Yesterday I went to hockey camp and was feeling extremely conscious. Was it my imagination that every mom was decked out with cool clothing, heels, and all seemed to be a size 2?

Suddenly the ashiness on my legs was troubling… I felt like I had walked in my P.J.s

Do I really care? Well maybe a little.

Hum… maybe this calls for a visit to the mall… I love Hockey!

My brother Kumar has a blog…. wonderingaboutgod.blogspot.com. He was my inspiration to begin blogging. I was on his site reading his profile when I noticed that he had another blog… Dixitisms (our last name… Dixit). You had to be invited to view this blog. My initial response was to be hurt that I was not invited. Then I was annoyed.

Well I have still not been invited as apparently it is his site to blog “cute” stuff his children do or say.

Well my Sukumaranisms are here… for you to read. If figure if you are not interested you’ll skip it.

So here is my Sukism for the day… Zachary was a huge cowboy fan. He had the boots and whole bit. Well Josh has followed his fascination and insists on wearing these cowboy boats that are too small. Except he wears them all day… day after day. The other day, I could barely pull them off, as his feet were shoved in there so tight.

Yesterday, I took him to buy a pair of cowboy boots. The boots he had at home were a size 8… he wears a 12!!! OW!

Anyways, he is so cute and proud. He got a hat too and just struts around town with shorts, boots and hat. Hum… if he was my first child, I would have been mortified! Now… whatever!

This morning we went to the grocery store… as he got out of the car, he could barely walk. “My foot is hurting!!! I need to take my socks off!” Annoyed, because obviously he really was hurting and I was begrudging the money spent for a pair of boots worn one day… we stop. He sits right on the floor and takes off his boots.

I am expecting to see the socks bunched up or something. As I pull his boot off, out falls a little wrench that he was carrying around. He must have put it in his boot for safe keeping.

I was relieved that it wasn’t the boot and then laughed because Josh is such a character.
That is my Sukism for the day for anyone who cares!

I will post a picture as soon as I charge my battery!

I am approaching the 40s with appreciation that I have made it through some rough times and in anticipation to the next 40 years. As I have been packing and purging, I have come across some stuff from yesteryear. Stuff that takes me back to being in my 20s. It is so weird to look and read things from that age. I felt so grown and yet not grown enough at times.

I think that ones 20s are a great age. There is so much out there waiting for you. I loved the anticipation of all the possibilities. I loved the independence and freedom. Life was very dramatic.

But if I could go back the one thing I would try to do is live in the moment. I have always wanted to be married and be mom. Maybe not very high aspirations to some, but I just wanted a happy home. I wish I had known it is going to be OK… just do the stuff I wanted to do. Don’t wait to be happy.

I am in control of my happiness. I wish I REALLY understood that then! Of course family and all those factors are always there, affecting and influencing… but in my 40s that is true too. Family is a life factor. You just learn all about boundaries and learn to set them and live with what makes you comfortable and happy.

I was 25 when I married Sanj. Really that is just a babe. I can’t not fathom my boys being married at 25!!! (Of course I realize that is a possibility but hopefully not a probability.) I will encourage them to live, travel and BE young. Life is too short to start being old too soon.

Don’t wait to be happy. I wish someone told me that. I wish someone told me “It is going to be OK.” Because despite what life hands you, You will find a way to deal with the cards you are given. It is never perfect. It can always be better. But who cares… I want to learn to be happy in the now.

This evening was Zachary’s first day at Hockey Camp! It was a big moment!

He is such a trooper and does not let size keep him back.

Two summers ago a certain four year old INSISTED that he was old enough to do hockey camp. Hum… being the parents we are… (whatever kind that is… suckers maybe) we signed Zachary up.

He was READY!!! He was EXCITED! He was a future NHL player!!! Bring it ON!

I am not sure if you all understand that hockey equipment does not go on in minutes. YOU ALWAYS GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU GET DRESSED!!!

Well it was time to go on the ice. Zach was on the ice. Then he was off. “I have to go poo-poo.”

Sanj took him, undressed him, waited. No poo-poo. Back on the ice.

Off the ice again. My turn. “I got to go poo-poo.” No poo.

Well many tears later, we were off the ice and that was the end of hockey camp.

Graciously the hockey camp allowed Sammy to do another session… then loss that money. (Our family keeps them in business!)

But the story of Zachary’s hockey camp has be told and retold over the last 2 years.

Here we go again. We made sure to have a good BM this afternoon… even a little nap…

He is ready! He is excited! He is on the ice!!! HE IS GREAT!!!

What a beautiful sight. He was so happy. He loved it.

Now day two… I am sure he is going to be awesome!

Way to go Zachary! You have such an amazing spirit!

I am so proud of you!

This is a picture from this past winter… because I forgot my camera tonight.
I will capture him in all his glory tomorrow night!