Living Loving Breathing Boys

I was reading this book that was set around friends and a Cookie Exchange… and of course the thought came to mind that I must plan one!  How fun… as I invited people that I would usually invite… it seemed that the day that it was planned for was one that everyone was free!  Nice… except I was at 12 friends and counting… that was 144+ cookies each person had to make.  Yikes!  Since I am not a baker of sorts and don’t do this with any regularity to feel confident in my skills, I was a little overwhelmed.  OK.. that’s a lie, I was a lot overwhelmed.  I begin asking everyone I knew for a good cookie recipe.  I began googling Cookie Exchange sites and formed a few rules for each of us to follow… the main one was that all cookies or treats must be homemade and fresh!

As I got my act together to begin this process, I had another Idea!  If I am baking, I may as well bake for Sanj’s office’s open house!  I mean, why not?  Yes, I realize I have issues… and so I began…  I made Thumbprint Cookies (thanks, Debbie), Haystacks, Buckeyes (which I have to finish tonight)… and I still have a recipe I really want to try from my cousin, Tina.  Then, I also made homemade bread and soup for the boys.  Crazy eh?

Yesterday was the day of my cookie exchange.  This meant since it was a Christmas Cookie Exchange, I needed the house to have some resemblance of Christmas.  Since I was having company, the house, well the main floor, needed a major tidy.  And then I decided that  I wanted to make this a real dinner kind of party, with real plates and accessories instead of my go to paper plates.

I forgot to take a picture of the room all ready for my friends… but it looked so grown up!  I was impressed!  Saturday as I was working I became extremely bitch as no one was really being helpful.  Chatting around the table, I was glad to realize that many of my friends get this way too.  Not an excuse though….  Yesterday my dearest hubby was bit by the cleaning up bug and hung stuff up and helped totally make the house so acceptable for company.  Then he took all the boys to Oshawa to meet his brother and watch a hockey game.  I love this man.  I know he wanted to stay and enjoy the fruits of his labour… but he did the great dad thing and off they went for a supper of junk and more junk.  (The boys came back so wired it was almost funny… almost!)

As my friends ate, laughed and shared as only a group of ladies can, I was struck by the abundance of love and friendship that is in my life.  I often feel lonely or miss my friends of yesterday simply because that was a time we were so present in each other’s lives.  There was no kids, hubbies or real life to occupy time, just school, homework and sleep.  What I miss from those friendships is the openness I have with them.  Today’s friendships are beautiful in their own right yet life seems to get in the way.  When I had the opportunity like yesterday to sit and hang with my buds… my cup truly felt as if was overflowing.

What happens when you  have a dozen wives in the room?  The table gets cleared in record time and the dishes are washed, dried and put away before I could blink!  Love it!  This is why Sister Wives may be a workable idea! lol

We will make this a yearly thing… with this group of ladies… so much fun.

Here’s to a busy week… Hope yours a fantabulous!

It’s Friday!!!

It’s not a Friday that I will be spending relaxing though.  🙁  It’s a busy weekend…  I am spending the morning tidying up at home, so that when my cleaning lady cleans, it will look cleaner.  I hate that they can’t de-clutter for me. lol  I hate seeing the piles of stuff everywhere, just waiting my attention.  Sammy called and forgot his gym clothes and needs them by 1 pm… if possible.  What else do I need to do?  Sanj forgot his jujitsu bag too.  Jordan is on the volleyball team at school and they are playing out of town.  I feel the need to go and cheer him on.  It was easy to do with Sammy and Tyler, when they were his age, yet they seemed to have their tounements during school.  Jordan has his tonight and tomorrow.  Not really convenient… add hockey, lots of hockey and its a packed day.

Josh is begging me to go to the movies… Puss and Boots and what’s the new Penguin movie… Happy Feet 2 are playing.  I keep saying maybe…  He keeps hoping! lol

Yesterday Sammy and a friend had to make curry for an assignment.  I spent a chuck of time cutting chicken (which I hate) for supper and I cut half of their chicken for their curry.   They had fun making it, even cleaned up and apparently were a hit in their class.  Along with the curry, they served coconut rice and tomato/cucumber salad.  It sounds like the teacher is taking the leftover home! Sammy better get an A… is all I’m saying.

I went into town last night to pick up Zach from hockey and as we drove home, the highway was a whiteout!  SNOW!  It was actually scary driving home.  We live in a snow belt… so while there was bits of snow in town… we got a blizzard.  Winter is here!

Today there is no hockey!!! This is a rarity in the week!  Wahoo!  Wait, before I get too excited… Jordan has a volleyball game tonight out of town… as well as tomorrow.  This means we can all go and cheer him on tonight.  Aw… almost… I knew it was too good to be true!

I’m hosting a Cookie Exchange in a couple of weeks.  I’m so excited!  I’m looking for recipes.  I never really get to bake much.  It’s just not something I really make time for. Yet I am looking forward to it.

I saw the recipe for these cookies… don’t they look pretty and yummy?

They are sugar cookies… I love sugar cookies!  I also love fudge!  Oh, who am I kidding… I love sugary goodness!

OK obviously I have nothing to write.  I am just writing.  I hope your Friday-Sunday is wonderful!

It’s Wednesday evening…

Supper was stopping at the mall food court and letting everyone pick what they wanted and bring it home to eat.  There’s a newer place there, Extreme Pita… I love their food… especially the Buffulo Chicken… yummy!  Most of the boys got Subway or Thai Express.  We ate and then everyone is vegging, doing home work or relaxing.  I’m under my covers, freezing… trying to motivate myself to get up and do a few things.  Then it will be time to put Josh and Zach to bed and then I’ll head to town to our Ballroom Dancing class… and picking my Jordan’s birthday present (whose birthday is tomorrow).

Today I hung out with my friend… we went to one of the local nurseries and took a class in making an ourdoor Christmasy arrangement.  It really was so much fun!  It made me begin to get into the Christmas mood.  I’m so not a crafty person but it was kind of addicting!

Then Sanj and I was off to our ballroom dancing… I suck.  Sanj gets pretty frustrated with my level or lack there of, of concentration.  We are in this class with 2 of our other friends and seriously I’m there to have a good time… which, of course I do.  Yet when it comes to movement … this is an area of deficient, sadly.  Thankfully my husband loves me regardless… despite his frustrations with me.

Just for the record… men wearing pleated pants are out.  No, they are not coming back.  Feel free to rid your closet of them.  This is written to no one in particular… MARK!

lol

2 more sleeps and it’s my favorite day of the week!

Happy Wednesday night, all!

The 11th day of the 11th month of the 2011th year is my Max’s 12th birthday!

Usually I refer to my Max as my sweet Max… and that sweetness is there… but with the impending teen years causing havoc on his hormones… this child of mine has changed alot in the last year.

He’s growing up.  He has lots of opinions that he will verbalize whether he is approached or not.  He is still very funny and random.  Random is a great word to describe Max right now as you never know what will come out of his mouth.

His locks of crazy curl hair just add to his quirky personality.  I  often wonder if he gets that genius gene that his dad has which would then describe his unique personality.

Today is also Rememberance Day… giving thanks to all the men and women who serve(d) our country in the fight for freedom and all things that makes us glad to live in this land of ours.  There is that two minutes of silence just before 11 a.m. as we pause and remember and reflect.

12 years ago, I was in our little house on Woodland Drive, 9 months pregnant, in my bedroom when the frightingly sharp pang rang through my body signalling the approaching of Sukumaran Baby #4 to makes his way into our lives.  I called Sanj at work… feeling a little panicked with the intensity of the contractions… never really wanting to experience a home birth myself.  Sanj, in his cute yet oh not funny way said, “It’s the 2 minutes of silence!  I didn’t laugh.  Actually I didn’t laugh for quite a few hours later.  Yet I can always remember going into labour with my Max.

Max has been a joy… especially because out of the six siblings, this child of mine is quieter, calmer and likes his time alone.  He is a very bright boy that is often forgetful… He truly is the child that if he head wasn’t attached… he’s forever forget it.

Max is opinionated.  He’s funny.  He’s easy-going… and doesn’t demand much… yet is quick to point out favoritism unless it is benefiting himself.  He is a child that can’t make up his mind when given a chance to pick out a toy at Toys R Us…

It’s Movember!

Are you familiar with this hairy month?  Sanj has joined the ranks of men showing their support for the fight against cancer… specifically prostrate cancer.

If your husband one of those that never goes to the doctor?  That’s Sanj.  He never goes.  I can count on one hand how many times he’s gone to the doctor.

I worry about all those things that men never really want to deal with… you know, like a physical and thinking about Mickey Mouse, for example…

In a Norwegian study, divorced and never-married male cancer patients and 11 and 16 percent higher mortality rates, respectively, than married men.  And a UCLA study found that people in generally excellent health were 88 percent more likely to die over the 8-year study period if they were single. (Men’s Health)   The link between marriage and longevity is much stronger among husbands than wives, however. A 2007 study that looked at death rates among European people over age 40 found that the rate was twice as high in unmarried men as in married men. The disparity in death rates was far more modest between unmarried and married women.  (Fox News)

What am I saying?  I love the concept of promoting men’s health… in a fun, manly way!  Sanj can grow a moustache without trying.  Then there is my Sammy, he put his face two inches from my and said, “Check out my Movember!”   I think my stache had more on my face… which was in desperate need of waxing.  I did contemplate a Movember myself but Sanj discouraged it! lol

Anyway… I love seeing all these men participate.  I know there is always a cause.  Yet if this is one you want to support… grow a moustache… this promotes awareness as folks ask about your normally not there facial hair.  Or donate.  Sanj’s link to support his team (which is just him since he just works with a bunch of ladies) is Movember (just click on the word.

Here’s the cool thing… Canada has the most participates world wide with 208,484  and $11,728,909 and counting.  How incredible!

So I challenge you to help change the face of cancer for men!

Check out www. movember.com

Email me your moustache for Movember and I’ll post any I receive.

It’s Saturday… and I have nothing to do and no where to be!!!

( When they were younger, BJ… (Before Josh)

Well, let me tell the truth, Sanj is in Florida at a conference ( yes, I know, he seems to have an awful lot of those, eh?).  Yesterday was a brutally busy day… but I survived it and enjoyed it.  Today, Zachary did have hockey practice at 8 a.m. but since I didn’t even get home till after 11 pm… and when I did peek a look at Zach, he was fast asleep, we skipped. Later tonight, 9:30 pm, Sammy and Tyler have hockey.  Yet that leaves me all day to just do absolutely whatever I feel like!

You know what they say, “When the cat’s away, the mice play…” So while Sanj is away, I had our bedroom painted… it was much needed.  It looks fabulous!  New bedding, totally de-cluttered the whole room, got rid of all the dust bunnies and other yucky stuff hiding under our bed and made an absolutely fabulous haven!  Love it!  I just have a few more things to do, curtains, pictures and 2 other nick nacks to purchase.  Now, yes, I’d much rather be reading a book or being absolutely lazy… but knowing the results of vegging in my bed tonight keep me going.

Last night was our school’s Fellowship Dinner… this is a night where just the parents come and hang out have relax.  It was potluck… my favorite kind of meal.  I love trying new recipes of yummy comfort foods.  We had a Dessert Challenge for the men… desserts from scratch… it was truly incredible the entries… delish!  As one of the men said… Absolute Food Porn!   (You had to be there… but Yum!)  The evening was a lot of fun.  I had a date… another sister from another mother… whose husband was gone too.  Lots of laughter… lots of other stuff!

I have a huge bruise on my tibia.  Huge… as I slipped and hit it against the bed as I was trying to move it myself.  OUCH!  I wish I was more handy… I really want to hang up the curtains… but I am so scared to drill a hole in the wall…   🙁  And I hate that I have to wait for Sanj to do it.  Sigh.

Love my room… it’s cozy and comfy and clean!  I hope I can keep the clutter out!!!  Part of our problem is we love reading and have too many books!  Guess this is a perk to read on a iPad or Kindle.  Yet I think I would miss the feel of a book… I don’t know.

The younger two are laying on my bed watching some fishing show and they keep using the word “spawn.”  It’s a word that sounds evil.  Just random thoughts coming out of my head.

I was looking for some pictures to blow up and put on the wall in our bedroom.  Going through  the boxes of pictures is such a favourite thing.  It just takes me back … they say a picture is worth a thousand words…  My boys were the cutest, truly beautiful babes.  Guess that’s why we kept having them.

Sammy came home from hockey having someone slash his wrist… it looks like a trip to the doctor is in order.  (Please Dear God… Let it NOT be broken… please).  It’s amazing that I have six boys and the only broken bone was Sammy’s arm when he was a year from falling off the sofa wrong.

Just a nice day to hang out … do what I wanted to do, even though it was really cleaning… I wonder if I didn’t have 7 hockey playing men in my life what I would really do with all that free time?  Hum… something to ponder!

It’s Friday!

(My Josh was always snugglicious!)

That’s my favourite day of the week!  I love a Friday night when there is nothing that requires my attention on the calendar.  I love the option of friends over or going out … or even just laying on my bed, usually surrounded by some of my boys, reading a book as they watch a movie or hockey.  Today is a little different.  Sanj is off to sunny Fort Myers for another one of his conferences.  At school, it’s our annual Fellowship Dinner ( a dinner only for the parents where we can get to have adult time with each other).  This means that I am setting up for  it this morning.  Then there is the countless little things I need to do and then after school there is jujitsu for Zach and Tyler, hockey for Max ( if I find him a ride) and I need to be at the school for 5:30 pm to help.  Phew!  It’s 7:10 am and I feel tired already.

This week Josh had his ear drum repaired.  The doctor took skin from behind his ear and went into his ear drum and repaired the hole/s that were in his ear.  Josh did great.  Max, having had so many IVs has kind of made IVs (and not crying when you get them) cool.  When Josh came to, after waking up, he was proud of his IV and that he didn’t cry (even though they put it in him after he was asleep (thank goodness).   He woke up calmly this time from the anaesthesia (last time he screamed like a banshee till I came in and even still he continued his scream just to make sure we got the point that he was not impressed).  He was extremely chatty with the nurses.  Soon another little boy came into the recovery.  His mom carried him in and sat on the chair holding him.  Josh was watching intently.  When he saw the boy’s IV, he pulled his own IV hand out of the blanket and rested his arm out so the other boy could see that he too, had an IV… as if they were all part of the same club.  So cute!

The doctor said, “Josh will likely sleep for the rest of the day, we gave him quite of bit of anaesthesia.  Keep him still and resting.”  Hum… Josh has a paradoxical reaction to the anaesthetic.  It makes him extremely hyper.  Extremely.  There was  no calm resting the remainder of the day.  There was extreme behaviour… constant chattering and very active moments.

Sigh.

My youngest has a gift.  This boy knows how to snuggle.  It’s an art.  He could teach a class in this.  He’s a big boy.  He is squishy with all that baby fat.  He lays as close to me as he can get.  One arm is thrown over my body and pulled in real close.  The other grabs hold of a piece of me and he pulls me in for a real hold as he oozes with love and warmness.  It is a real special treat.  I think that I am thrilled each time he says, “Mommy, I want to snuggle,” because I realize that clock is ticking and soon, probably too soon, that will be gone.  He will outgrow it or rather want a girl that isn’t mommy to snuggle with.  lol… but not really!

Josh is a big boy.  He is almost 80 lbs.  I can’t pick him up anymore.  Yet he is only 6 years old.  He towers over so many of his peers and even those older than him.  Zachary is just a bit taller than him at the moment with Josh rapidly gaining height.  They wear the same size clothes for the most part.  There is a down fall of being a big boy.  People don’t cut you any slack.  They expect you to behave older.  There are many kids that are smaller, some quite a bit smaller and they get the break of being or acting really young because look 4 rather than 6 years old.  It’s kind of a rough thing… being a big boy.  Then you add being the youngest and it has immaturity written all over.

Oh well… there are perks… such as going on rides most kids your age can’t. lol

All in a week…

Thank You, God for all Your mercies over all my babes especially those that have had to have surgeries and procedures.  Thank you for blessing us with the doctors that studied and know their stuff!  You have blessed us with such incredible bodies that are able to great things!

I love You! 

Amen

I am feeling great! 

Well, I feel back to myself.  Yesterday, I attacked my closet and drawers and rid myself of bags of clothes that I haven’t worn in years.  I am not sure what it is that keeps me from giving stuff away… but after I do it, it feels so good.  Our closet looks fantastic.  I know it won’t last but for now my clothes (and Sanj’s, since I felt guilty about his looking like such a mess) are co-ordinated.  Short sleeves, long sleeves, colours, pants, skirts (mine, of course, lol) etc.

I have to admit at noon yesterday as I looked at my room, it looked like my closet and drawers had thrown up.  It was such a mess.  I had only two hours left to get it all back into order.  That was a little overwhelming but I did it.  There was even a box that had sat for 3 years… since we moved into this house that was just full of junk, really.  Amazing how much room was added to our closet once that box was disposed of.  It felt so good!

Have you ever watched those shows of hoarders?  Scary, really how things can just accumulate so quickly!  One of the things I found was my box of some of my journals.  One in particular, my second year of university was so funny and painful to read.   I had such crushed on some guys.  And then there was Sanj… how much I like/loved him.  He was off to DC doing his Masters, he was there hanging out with two other friends, one my cousin and the other a mutual friend of ours.  This was my posse of sorts the last year Sanj was there at my University.  I had so much fun with this group of boys.  They were safe to me… one was my cousin, one was like my brother (I’m sure he hated that I thought that) and then there was Sanj, who was emotionally not available and constantly letting me know that.  Then there were the other boys that made my world go around just by passing them on the sidewalk, or seeing them in the cafe.  The hours (seriously hours) my roommate and bestie spent pondering boys were so amazing.

As I poured over my journal, I almost felt stressed at the drama that made my world.  Life was so simple!  It was all about boys (and school, yes, some) and going to Taco Bell or the mall or hanging out with my friends.  It was about who would be the love of my life.  It was about will I find anyone to really love me?

As I read some of my gushing, I was thinking of what the boys would think if they read this someday.  I always thought that this would be so great for my daughter to read someday.  Would my sons care?  And somehow it made me a little anxious thinking of them reading some of the thoughts since they know some of the “crushes” from my days long ago.  Weird and very weird.

lol

I read some of my heart felt words about my feelings for Sanj from such a long time ago.  Did you know that I pretty much had a crush on Sanj from months after meeting him?  My journal is full of words to God… begging Him … but not really wanting to tell God … but at the same time hoping that I would have a future with Sanj.  Sanj was so busy trying to keep me at bay.  He was nursing a broken heart at this time and no doubt liked me well enough as a pesky friend but I apparently never  contemplated anything past that.  Well, so he says. lol

Sanj was “touched” as I read him a few of the things I wrote but I was blushing even reading it to him as it was so …. I don’t even know what the word is!  He thought that it was pretty cool that I had this… my coming to age.  Wow… when I thought of that, that is what it was.  I loved reading and seeing myself growing up.

Years later, 1987-1992… when we made that leap from friends to more… it was weird.  My girlfriend asked me today, “What was that first moment like?”  As I thought about it, it really wasn’t like the books says.. stars and all that.  It was actually scary.  I was getting over someone… and here was this amazing moment that I had prayed for years… and I felt freaked out.  In fact, the first time Sanj kissed me, I actually looked up and laughed and said, “What are you doing?”  because Sanj had trained me over the years to not expect anything more.  We were just friends.  I was so freaked out that this friend… that I loved so much was changing the rules.  His rules.  I didn’t want to lose him as a friend and experience taught me that there really wasn’t much friendship when a relationship ended (at least from my pathetic history).

We both, obviously got over our fears and as they say, “The rest is our history.”  I love that our history has such as a great story.  I love that in those years that we were friends, our worlds were still connected.  My journals talk about Sanj going on a date with this girl, or about how Sanj called while I was going through something or how we just talked or hung out while I visited DC.  I love how he knows my family, my aunts and uncles.  He was always part of my world, sometimes  in a distant way.  He was friends with my best friend and hung out with her while they both lived in DC.  He was so part of my world.

I love the whole plan.  God had a plan from day one.  The first time I met Sanj, ( in a copy room at Bell Hall at Andrews), I remember thinking he was so stuck up.  I smiled at him and he just ignored me.  I was not impressed.

Funny, how over that first year God changed my mind slowly.  I love that I had time to crush and like and get to know my likes and dislikes as Sanj “ignored” me and this allowed me to grow.  I love that there was always a plan.  Looking back, I am so grateful for the plan.

I love all the memories we made, lots of pure, uncomplicated, fun as friends.  We really got to know each other.  This was part of the plan.  When it was time… God’s time… we were both gun shy but with all the years behind us, we could only we real with each other.

Cool, eh?

I read of how much I loved Sanj back then.  Yet, today, as I look back… that was such puppy love.  Today… the depth of my love is unmeasureable.  6 kids later, living and dealing with the stresses of life, making a life that is all ours together… it makes for a love that is undefinable…except  love… in God’s time… is a special kind of love.

(Don’t get me wrong… it’s not perfect… he drives me nuts, always has, like no one else can… that’s love too!)

I used to think that being in high school was so hard.  

I was wrong.

I think being a teen today is harder.  There is so much that young people have to deal with at such a young age.
We ( society) push our children to learn SO MUCH at such a young age.  There is so much that is expected of them.  They put so much pressure on themselves, alone, much less what society adds to that.

I’ve been watching a child slowly stop believing in himself.  It really sucks.  No one really believes when their parents tell them that “their special… their smart… their loved.”  This is something they have to find themselves… in this big world … for them to believe it.

I was reading this blog of this boy in Ottawa that committed suicide.  He was being bullied for being openly gay in his school, among other things.  It broke my heart.  I can’t imagine his parents pain.  I can’t imagine the frustration of his friends.  I wonder what it is like to be a Mean Kid in high school.  Do they ever feel sorry?

I used to sit in my classes in high school and wish very physical hurtful pains to people that were mean to me.  Mean to me because I sucked at gym.  I wanted them to truly feel pain.  Now years later, as I hear of some of the pains some suffer, it doesn’t really feel good… partly because they didn’t get it.  They hurt me.  They never said sorry.

Sounds childish.  I know.  I am just saying that I can’t image how much I would want to hurt someone if they hurt one of my babes.  I find it frustrating when parents don’t parent.  I hate that there are children needing help and yet their parents are clueless.  Truly clueless.  Work, school, projects occupy so much of their time that they are not present in their child’s life.  I see so many grandparents trying to parent… they did it once.  They are tired.  My mom lived with us for 5 years.  It was not a role that worked for her or us.  It is exhausting parenting… add the factor of older age… and really it’s not fair.   Is it?  One auntie who watching her grandkids said “I work harder and more now… babysitting my grandkids.”

Where am I going with this post?  All over.  I was talking about my child that is slowly losing all his confidence that he once saw in himself.  It really hurts me.  I have set up boundaries and demands that I expect of the boys… much more sterner… our after school routine… with the hopes that as I push… he/they will see the fruits of their labour on their own.

I am praying that God is in control my boys lives.  I know He is.  It’s that trust thing… you know?  I have to believe that God is seeing them through it all.  I have to trust that through the rough bits they will find their strength… and see God’s hand guiding them.

It’s so hard to watch.  It’s so hard to know the right thing to do.  It’s so hard to know the right thing to say.  It’s so hard to know when to release and pray they soar.

I am not sure what or how I thought I was capability of parenting one child much less six!!!

I can only fall on my knee, cry out to heaven and beg God to carry my babies forward into the world as they get ready…

Sigh.

It’s 4:50 a.m.

For me to be up at this hour any day means I am stressed.

I will be showering and heading to the hospital in a bit.  I have to be there at 6:30 a.m.  I was grumpy at the earliness of the hour but since I can’t sleep, I may as well get this over with.  I just hope my doctor isn’t too sleep and IS a morning person.

Thanks for all the well wishes.  I am a little freaked out now.  I felt kind of numb last night.  This morning I have a very rumbly tummy.

Maybe I have seen to many ER shows, where patients go in for a routine surgery and don’ t come out on the other side.  That would make me so sad.  I have a good life.  Be it, it has its’ ups and downs but it is a life I like living.  So, if you can pray for me… 8 a.m. today, I’d really appreciate it.

I have felt love from so many of you.  Thanks for the notes, calls, plans of meals, rides for my babes.  It’s all so overwhelming.

I am sure I will pass this event with flying colors.  I am looking forward to testing out my pain pump.  Apparently I can’t over dose on it! Lol.

Dear Jesus,

Here I am, ready (well, not really ready but…) to take this step to freedom from my monthly pains.  I am scared.  Actually, more than scared.  Please… give me strength and courage.  Please don’t let the IV hurt too bad.  Please may the recovery be easy peasy.  Please take care of my babes. How much I love them.  Please give Sanj the extra this and that he will need.  Thank you for my friends and family.  How I love them all.  I love You, Jesus so much.

Amen.

Well, here I go…