The Letdown

Posted on 2011-08-18 by Reema

Free Falling…

Have you ever put some one on a pedestal?   Then you realize that they don’t deserve to be up there?  I suppose you realize your folly of even putting them up there.  Yet, they are just that kind of person, too good to be true.

Then you see the humanness in them.  They mess up.  They let you down.  Are they even real?  Have those words that come out so easily really meant anything?

I saw someone fall from that pedestal.  It kind of sucks.  They seemed so good.  They seemed bigger than life.  (That should have been my first clue).  They just seemed to fill those big shoes.

Then they didn’t live up to my thoughts and expectations.  They weren’t big expectations.  And yet, they failed.

I found myself questioning all that I thought to be true.

There aren’t that many people that are like this.

It’s kind of sad.

It’s a letdown.

🙁

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And The Winner Is:

Posted on 2011-08-12 by Reema

Summer Contest Winner Is


CINDY FERGUSON!!!

Congrats Cindy!!!

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Cool, Rainy Days Make Me…

Posted on 2011-08-11 by Reema

It’s one of those cool, grey days.


I have to say that I love this kind of day every once in a while.  It’s the kind of day that I don’t mind doing laundry or hanging out at home.  It is the kind of day I find myself daydreaming a lot… of things past and future.  It’s the kind of day that I love to snuggle with the boys and watch a movie … and if the movie is too testosterone filled, I’ll read a book while they watch.
Oh yes, I love a day like this every once in a while.

Today, it almost feels like fall is around the corner.  Even though there are still a few weeks left, I find that my mind is racing with all the Back to School stuff.  I find myself thinking of the committees I am on that I need to prep for.  The bathroom… the boys one that we raised money for, is still not quite finished… and I find this frustrating… especially since I know that every one is volunteering their time… but I am tired of this project hanging over my head.  I keep looking at Josh growing and wondering how I will find pants to fit his ever growing frame.

Today I am thinking of looking for a bike for Josh… since he has this fear or intolerance of movement… quite possibly stemming from all his ear issues,  riding a bike has been a challenge.  Um… and quite a frustration for Sanj.  While I worry about potty training and all that stuff, my husband stresses about teaching the boys to ride a bike and skating.  All the boys learned to ride on this now beat up green little bike.  Josh will not be amoung that group.  He towers over it.  He still will need training wheels… but I am sure he will get there!

Poor Child, he seems to have a lot of challenges!

I am so glad we packed it up and came back from camping a day early.  It would have been a rough night!  That said, I was thinking that next year, I would get the yurt and the boys could bring a friend and set up in the sight next to me.  How fun would that be!

I am feeling restless.  My spirit is unsettled.  I focus so much on my relationships in my life and yet have this unsettling feeling when they are not reciporcated.   Then I start the barraging of “What’s wrong with me or us?”

I was chatting with a friend not to long ago and she was telling my how she had been praying to God for a best friend.  This is such a hard subject.  How many are looking for that best friend?  I have a best friend, actually two girlfriends.  When we get together, my heart is so filled.  I can talk to them about anything and everything.  I miss them so much.   They are my Gayle, as in Oprah has her Gayle.  It is not they same, though.  We are so far from each other.  Oh we chat.  When we chat, we can talk for hours.  It feels so good and yet it leaves a  longing.

I yearn for the reciprocation of friendship.  I yearn for the daily chatter… or the dropping in for a visit, despite what our houses look like.  I miss having a best friend.  I often feel a loss of not having a sister.  I remember when my youngest brother was born and the nurse came into the room we were waiting in and said that we had another brother, how I cried and cried.  I can still see that room, the sofas, how they were arranged.  I had prayed so hard for a sister.

I have a great baby brother.  I love our relationship… he told me we are like Oprah and Gayle.  That is quite a compliment.  I love him.  Yet he is still not a sister.

It seems to be a common thing… the hunt or yearning for a best friend.  I stumbled upon a blog of a lady in the Big Apple searching for her best friend.  She was single and obviously had time to devote to this.

Moving into Peterborough, over the years, I have a great group of ladies that I am blessed to call friend.  I love them.  I know that they are their if I need them. Yet they are for the most part settled.  Many have grown up here and have their roots… their groups … their buddies.

Last night Sanj and I went and saw Crazy Stupid Love, great movie, by the way.  It was one of those movies that made you look at relationships… at the place that I am now… 40 something, no babies, married.  Is your marriage all that you thought it would be?  Is is fulfilling?  It tossed around the word soul mate.  Are you married to your soul mate?  And does it matter?

Movies like that leave me pondering…  Sanj is my best friend in so many ways.  Yet, I have all these insecurities too.  I wonder if he gets bored with me?  (Yah, I know, hard to imagine! lol)  I am not athletic.  I am not outdoorsy.  I am not musical.  I think golf is a stupid waste of time.  I am not an intellectual.  I get bitchy when I am cleaning.  I am hyper.  I hate being still.  He craves this.  I hate that he needs this.  He is always worried.  I can be childish… which he hates.  He has always been an old soul.  I love Mickey Mouse.  He likes his alone time.  I love being with people.  Oh the list goes on.  We love each other.  I know that.  Is love enough?  Sometimes I get scared.  What if it isn’t?

We as a society never really just talk about our insecurities.  We seem to just give the world the picture that life is grand.  I got a message from someone while we were in PEI.  They were looking at the pictures of our trip on Facebook.  Part of what they wrote was “The pictures tell the tale of a family of love and respect for each other, a family that can laugh ,play and just plan enjoy life to the fullest and all of God wonderful creation. So glad you had this time.”

It was a lovely comment.  Yet, a part of me felt fraudulent.  We aren’t perfect at all.  My kids fight all the time.  They don’t seem to respect each other.  The only time someone isn’t fighting is when they are asleep.  There is someone always bothering a brother or saying something hurtful or pushing or …    All the time.  I am not a patient parent.  I find myself irritated with the constantness of having six boys … siblingitis… the irritation of having sibling.

Then I hear a mom tell me her kids never fight.  They are 3 years apart, each of them and they kind of ignore each other.  Another tells of her two sons, a year apart, are each other’s best friends.

What’s wrong with my kids?  I suppose I love snapping pictures of my boys because pictures are quiet.  They aren’t fighting.  They aren’t being short with each other.  They are still!

Oh.. it’s a grey, cool day outside.  Days like this make me ramble…. on and on.

Posted in Boys, choices, Family, General, God and I, love, Marriage, moments, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran, relationships | 1 Comment

Camping 101

Posted on 2011-08-10 by Reema

I was unplugged for a few days.  So were my boys.


This was my favorite part of camping!

I loved that within minutes of parking at our sight, they were off on their bikes, exploring.  They don’t do this as much at home.

The yurt was great.  Definitely better than a tent.  It wasn’t luxurious, especially after the first night, my back was groaning a bit from those ‘beds.’  Yet it was definitely easier to keep things a bit more orderly.  The BBQ provided an easy out for cooking… so that I didn’t have to bother with our camp stove etc.

My boys loved  the fire.  I saw the fire shoot up… and heard giggling… that was the time they sprayed bug spray into it.  Then there was the monster marshmallow that ‘fell in’ and exploded into a creature of it’s own.  I’m sure the boys can teach a course on all things that fire will consume and all things it won’t.

There was the friendly chipmunk.. that Josh screamed in fear of.  Seriously, this child of mine, (insert my head shaking), you’d think was being raised in the city!  Max’s reaction to Josh’s fear, “Josh, your feet are bigger than the chipmunk!!!”


The boys caught salamanders (gross) and spotted a mole… which, in real life, is not so cute as the ones that are depicted on cartoons!  Jordan, in keeping with his character, went off fishing and caught 2 fish.

They played.  You know like we used to when we were kids… with sticks, making games up as they rode their bikes, explored why one of the “bathrooms” had caution tape closing it off… (apparently because someone really missed by a long shot… so gross).

They spent hours in the water… swimming out to the dock, jumping off, scaring me a few times as they bobbed their heads in the water, making me wonder if they were really in distress (they weren’t), as I wouldn’t have been happy to swim in that dark water to save them… though of course, I would have!

At night there was the shadow puppets, the typical fighting with sharing a bed, the discussion of why I just don’t go pee around the yurt, “no one’s looking…” and the moment they thought I was peeing around the corner, I heard, “Quick, get the camera!”

lol

I had a really hard night the first night.   I knew sleep would elude me.. as it does when I am in a new place.  At one point, I saw this huge shadow in our window.  I sucked my breath in… a bear!  It smelled my fear!  I was petrified.  Do I scream?  It could be in the yurt in seconds, as it’s sharp claws could make the screen that separated us disappear without effort.  “

Dear God, What was  I thinking?  I am not a outdoorsy person!  Why did I think I could be that kind of mom?  Please Jesus, HELP US and KEEP US SAFE!!!


Since I am home, safe, blogging… God heard my desperate cries and keep the bear from having us as a snack (the bear or the shadow of the tree branch).

Thank You, Jesus!

My boys discovered their mom pees a lot.  One asked, “Is it because you had so many of us?

My favorite part was the moments around the campfire first thing in the morning.  I loved the quietness, the smell of the smoke… was like being wrapped up in a warm blanket.

My least favorite was the rain.  Yesterday as I was making supper, it down poured.  I sucked it up and carried on.  This morning in the middle of breakfast, with food out on the table, it again downpour.  Yuck.  I don’t like that kind of wetness.  When we made the decision to go home today as the forecast called for more rain and cooler temps, the rain kept us company as we packed up the gear.  This wasn’t fun.  There is muddy messy in my van, on the bedding, everywhere.

It’s all good though.  I really did enjoy it.  I enjoyed that time with the boys… though I am sure the ladies camping beside us weren’t sad to see us go, as the boys voices seemed to carry.

We came home to a bat flying about.  My poor sweet Josh was truly petrified.  He didn’t want to come in the house again.  Bats are truly such ugly things! Ugh.  Satan should have been represented by bats rather than snakes. Tyler was the hero… and whacked it good and got it in one try!

Ah… Camping … It was good.

Being home is good also.

xoxo

Posted in Boys, faith, Family, General, God and I, love, moments, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran, relationships | 3 Comments

Heritage…

Posted on 2011-08-07 by Reema

Oh My Goodness, I am TIRED!


I cooked up at storm today.  Chicken curry, cauliflower and potato curry, coconut rice, white rice, mushroom and green pepper curry, plus I made a tomato salad… and then an Indian dessert.

My in-laws, all of them were coming over.  Plus, Sanj’s cousin from India has immigrated her, as has her aunt and family (which is made up of her husband and 2 sons).  We met them last week and Sanj invited them over today for supper.  When I asked my MIL if I need to do Indian food, she said yes.

The pressure.  My mom is an excellent cook.  In fact this is a huge part of her identity.  Everyone loves my mom’s food.  It has taken me years to really twik my own Indian cooking.  First, I had to develop the interest in even cooking Indian food.  It just seemed so overwhelming and a lot of work.  After getting married, there was an abundance of Indian restaurants, literally around the corner from us and it was so cheap that I really wondered why bother cooking when buying it was the easiest option.

The foods that surrounded us when we lived in Scarborough (a part of the Metro Toronto area), were all totally different then what I grew up with.  There were so many different representations of India.  It was my first time having Butter Chicken… and it was delish!  It was from this little hole in the wall around the corner.  When I think of Butter Chicken, this is what I compare it too, though of course there are so many variations.

I then never worried about missing my mom’s food, as she moved in with us and lived with us the next 5 years.  Why bother learning?

Eventually that need, want, desire, came and I discovered the amazing vast world of the Indian curries.  It’s crazy how different each aunty’s curry is.  Everyone has and uses their own preferred curry powder.  Everyone has their own taste they are going for.

Since I learned from my mom, using my mom’s curry powder, the standard I set for myself is always “How close to my mom’s is it?”

Indian food is work. Or at least it is to me.  If I am in the mood to cook, I actually quite enjoy it.  Today I was feeling the pressure of performing… I mean I am cooking for real Indians that just came from India.  Yikes!

My father-in-law looked at my spread and asked if I bought the food?  lol  I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or not!  I decided to take it as a compliment.

I think I passed my own test, as there wasn’t much left… well really there was just some of the veggie curries left… who really wants that much vegetables? lol

Everyone is gone.  Bellies are full.  The day is over and I am tired.

Since meeting this family, I am constantly reminded of what it means to immigrate.  I mean, it takes me back to my parents and the sacrifice and adventure they had leaving everything and everyone behind to come to this land of milk and honey.

My mom tell the story of passing a store and seeing the sign, “Pants… $1.99.”  So she tells my father.  Upon checking it out, they discover that pants… to be dry cleaned are only a $1.99.

My girlfriend reminded me that I, too, am in immigrant.  I forget that sometimes, since this is the only world I know.  I was 2 years old when my parents came here.  I feel as American/Canadian as my neighbour.

As I watch this family find their footing in this new place… I am so grateful to my parents for all that they went through so that I know life as I do.  At the same time, I look forward to going back to India someday and discovery all that is part of my heritage.

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Let’s Try This Again…

Posted on 2011-08-05 by Reema

We’ve been jinxed!



Well, at least the last two times, we’ve attempted to go camping, something huge came up.  The first time was when my dad was really sick and I ended up in Tennessee for a week of craziness and he rose from the dead.  The second time was last year, the van packed, literally and we were all set… and Zachary ended up having  his appendix removed that day.

Jinxed.  Maybe.  I was so grateful to be in town when Zachary’s appendicits decided to turn ugly.  I was so glad that God was watching out for me… in the big plan.

Once again, I am planning to take the boys camping.  I am not really a outdoorsy kind of gal.  I need and prefer luxury accommodations, no bugs, not being hot or sticky or wet.  Yet… the times we have taken the boys camping, I loved the fact that they could play with sticks, stones, bugs and water.  I loved the idea of camping.

When we were at the Bay of Fundy, in the down pour, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for wading through the muck, tolerating the rains clouding my vision, all for a moment with my family.  Then I passed these folks, females, who must have been backpacking, all their belongings resting on their backs as they trudged through the woods, not seeming to be  discombobulated by the weather.  Did  they sleep in the rain?  Well, I know they probably had some funky tents that popped up and rolled up small to fit in their gear…

I had a thought…

Could I possibly be one of those kind of girls?  What do you wear?  Or pack?  I remember my brother going on a hiking trip of sorts and packing underwear telling me that real backpackers just turn their underwear inside out.  Is this true?  (My brother isn’t a real outdoorsy guy either, so they, whomever they was, could have been pulling his leg, but ewww).  I had this thought… how much would Sanj, who is a true outdoorsy guy, love me if I surprised him with a backpacking trip?

I could see myself with my hair braided, a cute little ball cap, some army fatigues, they would hide the dirt and look cool too, a few tee-shirts, definitely enough undies for every day, some cool hiking boots…  THIS would require a shopping expedition… lol  That wouldn’t make Sanj happy.  Maybe I should just see how camping by myself goes with the boys, first.

There is always retirement…

Last time we had the tents all set to go.  Sanj was coming to help me set up (for our safety) and then I would take it from there.  This time after a friend’s suggestion, I booked at yurt (a circular, domed, portable tent used by nomadic peoples of central Asia, that many parks offer). The rest I can do.  They have beds or imitation of beds, I’m sheltered.  It’s all good.  Sanj gets a few days away from us… which I know he really does appreciate, although it looks like Sammy may stick around, which may not be a break for Sanj! lol

(A yurt, not sure if mine will be as nice… but we’ll see).

So… I will be off, 3 nights… roughing it.  I am really excited.  I am trying to not think of the lack of luxuries, like a grocery store, or a washing machine.  I am trying not to think of being hot, sweaty, wet and eaten by the bugs that just love me.

I am focusing on the sticks my kids will chase each other with, the energy they are sure to expend at the beach, the yummy ridiculous amounts of marshmallows we will consume (a favorite of mine).  The delicious smells of the campfire in our hair, bedding and belongings.

I will pray for a big moon so that the darkness doesn’t freak me out.  OK, I’ll be sure to just take a LOT of batteries for my lantern.  I will pray that bears (are there really bears) will be busy forging in other places.

Camping.  OK… I know people do it all the time.  I want to be one of those people.  I want my boys to see me … as a strong woman that can do all that caveman stuff.

lol

3 nights!

I can’t wait!

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An Update on Max…

Posted on 2011-08-05 by Reema

Update on Max:

(Max, getting a good soaking at the Bay of Fundy)

Thanks for asking… I suppose Max and I are sick of the “How’s Max?” question because he is the same. 🙁

Well, I shouldn’t say same… because he is keeping a percentage of his foods and liquids down enough to not be dehydrating.  He still throws up a few times a day… and if we are really lucky, can go a day without throwing up, but those are few.

Monday, we have an appointment with the GI Doctor.  Finally.  Then on the 26th of August, Max will have a GI scope.  Please pray that they will see what needs to be seen and we can find a “fix.”

In the mean time, my Max continues to be a good sport for the most part.  He seems to get headaches quite often but his MRI can back normal.  I think that his headaches and overall “I don’t feel good” are attributed to when he hasn’t been drinking enough.  Usually a bit of Gatorade is often the fix.

So… this is where we are …

Thank you for asking.

Thank you for continuing to remember my Max in your prayers.

xoxo

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PEI: Prince Edward Island

Posted on 2011-08-04 by Reema

Vacationing was the best!

The down side is that it must come to an end.  🙁
It was a very sad moment as Sanj and I stood on the porch of the cute beach house and put the key back into the lock box.  All done.

It was a perfect vacation… despite all the drama that accompanied us.  We really need time to be together as a family away from all the distractions that comes with the rat race.

Oh there was the never-ending fighting that comes with having 6 boys…but there was also the moments of play and  smiles.

I loved driving to the little towns… just the drive it self was so beautiful.  It is such a different kind of life there.

(Photo taken by Josh… Great entertainment for my 6 year old during the drive!)

I find myself wanting to stop and just snap picture after picture of the beauty that passed by.

I loved the wind mills.  They just added to the setting as did all the little white country churches that seemed to be every few miles.  They were so well kept and looked so inviting that it made me want to go to church.

We drove one rainy day to the North Cape of the island where some of the boys braved the rain and cold and watched seals in the water.

There was the lobster cooking, tasting and even playing.

The deep sea fishing was an experience in itself … with the choppy waves, thanks to the weathers the night before.  I was scared.  Those waves were big!  I had a little taste of what Jonah must have felt like…  It was fascinating catching all that mackerel … one after another.  I never did find my sea legs… and found myself happy to stay planted to my spot as much as possible.  And Sanj did a great job cooking it up for us!

The beach that was our view for the week was fabulous.  I loved the red sand.  I didn’t even have to bother with the famous PEI red dirt shirts because we seemed to have bought home many pieces of clothing stained.

I loved the freedom to walk way out with the tide out.. not worrying about sharks (as this is a real worry for me… as was tidal waves.. )… to watch the boys collect those poor crabs and other creatures they found.  I love the peacefulness of having a beach all to ourselves.  I loved seeing the Bridge from the bend of our beach.  I loved that it wasn’t too hot.

I loved the hot tub… the time that we just sat in burning hot water… unless I got to it and lowed the heat and feigned ignorance when Sanj complained about who lowered the temp.  ( I love that word-  feigned).

I loved that our boys still choose to be with us.  This little bit makes my heart sing.

I loved trying to get that “perfect” family picture or the perfect X-mas card shot of the boys… and they tried really hard to “pose.”

I loved the little stops we made on the way… at a friend of Sanj’s from high school… whose family is now our family’s friend.

I loved the Bay of Fundy… seriously a gorgeous place. I love that rain can’t stop us from having fun… that I felt that child-like sensation as I walked in the pouring rain to see a this beautiful place, that I hope to return to someday.

I love that there are places that make a shopaholic’s heart sing… Freeport, Maine.

Who says girls love to shop?  Umm… my boys have the bug too!

There’s nothing like a bag full of bargains!

I love that Home is wherever I am with my family.

I love that God kept grabbing my attention through all the beauty that surrounded me.

I love that I am never alone… even when life throws a curve ball… I know that I have a partner here on earth (Sanj, in case there is any doubt… lol) … who is always by my side.  I know that I have a Father in Heaven that has my back… all the time.

Vacationing was the best.

Life, real life, isn’t so bad, either.

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The Curveball…

Posted on 2011-07-24 by Reema

Have you ever had an experience, that upon surviving it, left you wondering if you where somehow in another world?


How do you find the words to express that kind of experience?  I am not sure I can do this story justice… but here is my best shot…

This trip to PEI has been one I have dreamed of for a long time.  The boys are all older, independent and potty trained.  There is not a diaper bag but rather each can pack a back pack of their treasures to bring along.

I had a few apprehensions… such as … Did our beach house really exists?  Hope it wasn’t a horrible scam.

The day finally arrived… after spending $1000+ to fix the A/C on the van, have all the belts and fluids checked… we left home in some crazy heat… (105 degree F).

We drove and drove and drove.  Sanj’s Type A+ Personality wouldn’t allow for us to stop before we reached his calculatored stop.  This meant we didn’t stop till 2 am.

We continued in the morning… stopping almost near the border of Maine and New Brunswick… for gas and snacks.

Sanj started the van and then exclaimed, “What’s wrong with the van?”

The brakes and power steering were gone.

Dear God in Heaven…. NOOOOOOOOO!!!

And then the endless nightmare began…

We were literally in the middle of NOWHERE.

CAA, well really AAA since we were in the US… was called.  The tow truck came within minutes.  Then the shuttle from the GM dealership came… why there was a dealership in the middle of literally nowhere was a miracle.

Everyone was still relatively calm…. a least on the outside.

Inside, I was just devastated…  I had my share of crapmobiles growing up.  I thought those days of breaking down in random places, before the days of cell phones, was over.  Apparently not.

We went to the dealership.  They said they would fit us in.  It was 1 pm… we sat in the waiting room.  We watched as car upon car was taken in… we watched as the mechanics took their smoke breaks.  We waited till 4 pm before they took us in.

Can I just say…  the boys were just fabulous.  They sat there and behaviored.

Thank you, Jesus.

The verdict:  The power-steering pump was broken.  This is a part that apparently NEVER breaks.  This booneyville town didn’t have the part.  They wouldn’t have one till MONDAY.  It was minutes to closing everywhere… Friday.

Then began the brainstorming.  There wasn’t even a hotel in this town … at least not for 45 minutes away.  The closest car rental place had no vehicles for rent till Wednesday.  Soon the other customers were in on trying to help us with our predicament.  Across the border was  rental place … the guy had no vehicles to accommodate our family… not even a regular mini van that we could crowd into.  He had two cars for us.

Then the dilemma of how to get there began.  There was apparently only ONE TAXI available.  Where were we?  How can you call a place with ONE TAXI a town?  It ended up that they called in another taxi to take us across the border.

The kind man at the rental place waited for us to get there.

Awaiting us in the lot was the Mama-mobile and Papa-mobile.

Here’s the story of what happens when a family of 8 breaks down.

We loaded the two vehicles up and continued on our journey.

In the midst of all of this… there is always a silver lining… gratitude that God protected us from the brakes going out while we were driving on those mountainous roads…  Gratitude that we broke down by help.  Gratitude that we were able to continue our journey… in a bit of a different way … yet never the less… not missing a day of vacationing.  We will pick up the van on the way back.

God is Good… All The Time.


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Fear vs Faith

Posted on 2011-07-16 by Reema

I’m Home Alone!
Yahoo!

(Photo unrelated to blog post).

OK… really it’s likely for a couple of hours, in which I am suppose to be cleaning.  Sanj has been gone an awful lot with his practicing for his performance tomorrow… so today I shooed the boys off to go fishing with him.

Summer time is a hard time for me.  It is full of contradictions… see I love summer time, the freedom it allows in our lives, hanging out with the boys and playing.  Yet… I suffer from a form of SAD this time of year.  I miss my friends… I miss the adult time I have during the day… catching up with the girls.

I find myself wanting both.

It’s a scorcher outside today.

Our air is down.

Yesterday, Max went all day without throwing up.

I was so excited!

I was sure that this was the miracle that I was/am praying for.

Sanj cautioned me to just wait and see.

This morning Max threw up his breakfast.

I am not devastated.

See, I see him holding down foods more than he was 2 months ago.

Here’s the thing about parenting… there is no room for fear.

Do you know what I mean by that?

I am not a strong person.  I am not one that handles blood, vomit, IVs, the on slaughter of big medical words that doctors spew out without breathing.  When I go into the hospital, I go into a mode.  It is a persona… my emotions shut down and I begin to function in that mom mode that has to deal with things.  There is no room for fear.  There is no room for panic.  There is only one mode… functional parent… because my kid is counting on me.

When Max had to go for his MRI… there are all the sheets of paper that you have to fill out.  When I asked if I could go with him… they gave me more paper to fill out.  One of the questions was about your eyes… “Did I ever have bits of metal in my eyes?”  I answered no.  But then I began to worry.  Did I?  What if I did and don’t remember?

Max was having trouble keeping still, apparently.  They told me to go and stand by his feet and hold them… to keep him still.  I won’t lie.  This freaked me out…  WAS THERE ANY METAL BITS IN MY EYES?

I survived the experience.  So did Max.  It really wasn’t that pleasant.

Here’s the thing… I am praying for a miracle.  A healing.  Do I want answers?  Sure.  But really, I want my kid to eat and not throw up.  I want life to be as it once was for him.

Last night as I was thanking God for a day of no throwing up… I found myself crying … fearing the unknown … all the questions that are ahead of us.  I found myself fearing the future.

(Sanj hates when I do this.)

I know that miracles happen.  I also know that sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want.

Last night as I lay there, I felt God holding me.  It made me cry harder.

Here’s what I realized…

If I don’t hang on to FAITH… all I have is FEAR.

It’s rather profound… don’t you think?

A few years ago, my faith was shattered.  That had never happened to me.  At the lowest of lows, in my life, I always had faith.  Then there was this thing… that happened and it shattered my faith.  I was so angry at God.  I thought I heard a promise… but apparently I didn’t get it right.  I was devastated.  That was when God had to carry me… that was when there really was only one set of footprints.  He held me.  He coaxed me into picking up the broken pieces and finding that little mustard seed of faith and hanging on to it.

It took time.  Slowly I chose to believe again.

I am back at a place where I have to chose to believe in my Faith…. in my God, that He is working it all out.

I am choosing to have Faith to Max’s healing.

I am choosing to have Faith in God holding me and giving us what we need through this time.

If I don’t hang on to FAITH… all I have is FEAR.

I know that this is little compared to many things others have to carry…

I am grateful for a child that is so good natured about it all… the throwing up, the IVs, the tests, the unknown.

As I hang on to my little seed of faith… I am grateful to have that… choice… and not be taken over by fear.

God is good.

All the Time.

*** Don’t forget the Summer Contest… Go Here… to read more.


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A Contest!!!

Posted on 2011-07-11 by Reema

It’s a summer contest!


I want to have a summer contest!  I loved all the entries I received from the Christmas card contest.  It’s also a small way to say thanks for reading my blog.  I love my readers!

The winner will get a package of some my favorite summer things:

*** my favorite book from last year, “The Help”  (if you read it, I’ll replace it with another favorite book)

*** a $25 Dairy Queen Gift Cerificate (my fave is the Reese Cup Blizzard)

***and a surprise!

_____________

Here’s the contest:

1.  Tell me your favorite blog post from my blog and why.

2.  How long have you been reading my blog and how often.

3.  Your favorite thing to do in the summer.

4.  Have you read “The Help?”

All entries must be received by snail mail by August 1st.

I’ll pick our family favorite and post the winner  here on August 5th!

Entries can be mailed to:

Reema’s Blog

c/o  The Ear Company

745 Lansdowne Street West

Peterborough, ON K9J 1Z2

Good Luck!

xoxo

(Any questions or nice comments… feel free to email me at sukreema@hotmail.com)




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Happy Birthday, My Sweet Tyler!

Posted on 2011-07-10 by Reema

Today my Tyler turns 15 years old.

I miss him.

He is away in Michigan at Serve ( a mission trip for Youth of sorts).

It feels weird not being about to hug him.

It feels weird not being able to say, ” I Love You!”

And yet… I am sending him all the love I have across the way.

I remember his birth…  I was prepared for the long haul.. since Sammy took 12 hours to come out.  I remember after labouring for just under 4 hours, the nurse came in and said, “Here he comes…”

I was so shocked and delighted!  I think it made me love him even more! lol

My Tyler was born with a big heart.  It is his greatest quality… his ability to love, to say sorry, to feel others hurts, … this child of mine is such a delight.

I miss you, My Sweet Tyler.

Happy Birthday my dearest boy.

I love you.

May God bless you with an incredible year.

I hope today was special for you!

xoxo

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Calling All Mars-ions!

Posted on 2011-07-07 by Reema

Lately, as my boys are growing up from gibber jabbering about everything, they have become tight lipped males that seem  to grunt answers.


The grunting and one syllable answers are highly annoying.  It makes me become an annoying female that continues to ask questions… and in return irritate them.

Two of them… my boys, have asked me, “Why do you ask so many questions?”

Um… HELLO… because I care!

Apparently, I was told that when I do this, “this” meaning converse with them… it makes them withdraw from me.  Of course, me, being the ultimate conversationist in our family, finds this way of thinking ridiculous!

My brother, here visiting a few weeks ago, suggested I read Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus to better understand my men.  As said before, Sanj is not the typical kind of guy that withholds emotionally.  I am not used to this behavior.

So, I bought the book and began my study into the minds of how men operate.  Interesting enough, men go into their caves when they are dealing with something… or processing something.  Interesting.  Hum… this is what the boys do… they are so quiet and I suppose in their cave dealing with their thoughts.

Oh, frustrating.

Where as we, women, talk and share.  This is how we process and function.  (Certainly a way better way, if you ask me!)

When men do talk, they are not looking for us to fix their problems.  They want us to just listen… very hard… and believe in them.

Oh brothers!

Very hard to do… and I’ve been messing up.  Really, I have great advice… really!  Why would I keep all that in when I have the answer? lol

This is my destiny.  God’s joke on me.  I have 7 males… all who just want to retreat into their caves… grunt mono syllable answers and want and need me to be quiet.

Sigh.

Seriously, it is no wonder that I seek out my girlfriends.  I need to converse.  I am always amazed at how Sanj will come home and listen for lengthy periods of time about my day… the smallest things I can share… and he is content to just listen, laugh in approiate places (or I call him out) and let me chatter.

The book says that (I’m paraphrasing) while men are in their caves they can still “hear” us… at least 5% of what we are saying.  Thus you will often hear, “I’m listening.”

After their time out in their man caves, they are fine to come out and be part of the world again.  I have to say, I am so glad that I am born a female.  I think that being a male would be so exhausting!

While regurgitating what I read… the man (no names mentioned) said,
“The book should be called Women are from Mars and men think with their p___is.”

lol

Out of the man’s mouth the truth is spoken!

I have a lot to learn.

Lord, help me raise good, honest, kind, emotionally healthy men!

Help me to be patient.  Help me to keep my mouth shut when it needs to be.

This is going to be my challenge!

I love my men.  Thank you for each of them.

Help me, though!
I am going to need it!

I love You, Jesus!

xoxo

***All materials mentioned taken from Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. 

Posted in Boys, Family, General, love, Marriage, motherhood, Parenting, Reema Sukumaran, relationships | Comments Off on Calling All Mars-ions!

Maximus Vomitious…

Posted on 2011-07-06 by Reema

Ok… My Max is still vomiting.


Crazy, eh?  First of all, we have all the confidence in the people at Sick Kids Hospital… (it is one of the top 5 children’s hospitals in the world).  After being discharged, they have been active in looking for an answer for my Max.  Yesterday we went to Toronto for his barium swallow test.  Tuesday we go in again, for a MRI.  Tomorrow I’ll have made contact with the paediatric GI specialist who will be on his case.  So… if I add all the prayers being sent our way… I’m sure my Max will be on the road to recovery sooner than later.  Yet I must say, what a trooper this child of mine is.

Yesterday Max said two things, in particular that made me laugh so hard… and a little concerned his brain cells were oozing out as is his food.

lol

After his upper GI test, Max was starving, having not been allowed to eat anything after midnight… and it was after 11 a.m. when we were finished… so we went down to the main lobby to meet his brothers… we decided to eat at the Subway there, before we hit the streets of Toronto, playing tourists.

Max looked at me and said, “Instead of the 6 inch turkey sub (his usual), I’m going to order a 12 inch… that way half will stay down and I’ll have had my usual 6 inch!”

Lol… my poor sweet boy!

The boys and I did the CN Tower, among other touristy things.  It was a  LONG wait… 45 minutes till we made it to the top of the tower.  Lots of people!  As we were in line, my Max comes to and says, “I just heard a guy whistle “Oh Canada” in French!”

I just looked at my Max… a little concerned.
“Max,” I asked, “How do you know it was in French?”

Max is still arguing that is was in French…. hum not believing that of course whistling “Oh Canada” is the SAME in French or English!!!

***To Mr. Savoy… You’re obviously doing a great job teaching French!


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Summertime…

Posted on 2011-07-06 by Reema

It’s summer!

It’s my all time favorite season… but not for reasons you would think… as the heat really does get to me and I never seem to be cool enough.  I love summer for the lackadaisicalness that it allows in my life.

I love the freedom of sleeping in… though  that hasn’t happened yet this week.  I love the freedom to say to the kids, “Let’s.… ” and we go and have an adventure.  I love that we can hang out with friends… especially me being the social creature that I am.  I love lazy meals of watermelon and BBQs.  I know this is going to disgust many… but I do love a hotdog… but know that they are made of things I probably don’t want to know … so I only have them every once in a while.  I love that we can run away on the weekends to mini vacations, if we choose.  I love wearing my summer uniform… shorts and tee-shirts with my flip-flops.  I love the cold treats… ice cream, freezies, slushies, popsicles… lemonade… actually I have a fondness for pink lemonade… yes, there is a difference!

I love summer.  I love all things that remind me of my carefree days of being young…especially my growing up years in Orlando… with my one time lost.. but found, thanks to Facebook, bestie, Heather.  We had so much fun.  I loved those years… ages 10-12… I had so much lightness…while I was playing… a break from the heaviness I’d often feel while I was at home.

I saw the ice cream truck, yesterday, while in TO with my younger boys… we were being tourists.  It was the last thing we did, stop at the ice cream truck… and the ice cream man was just like the ones that came by our neighborhood… he was so friendly and happy.  He was very wrinkly and grey… and yet he seemed to be playing rather than working.  I love him… and his obvious joy.  He must have been  retired and did this for fun.

(This is for sale… under $20,000… I mean Sammy gets his license in a few months… maybe this could be a joint adventure for the brothers… Hum…)

Seriously… I’d love that as a job.  Can you imagine driving the ice cream truck around… that happy music playing, kids of all ages looking at you, pointing, asking if they can have one?

Ok… I’m sure if Sanj reads this, it would disturb him that I have aspirations to be an ice cream truck person… but really it would be a hobby… so don’t worry, dear… I’m still working on the best seller! 🙂

Summer… How I love you!


Posted in General | 2 Comments

July 3, 1994

Posted on 2011-07-03 by Reema

17 years and counting…

July 3, 1994, I married my best friend.

I married the one who makes my heart beat a little faster, even now.

I married the one whom I want when I am sad.

I married the one whom I want when I am mad.

I married the one who knows how to make me laugh, even at the corniest things.

I married the one who shares most of my dreams.

I married the one who helps make my dreams come true.

I married the one who helped me make beautiful babies.

I married the one that I can only image growing old with.

I married the one who drives me crazy.

I married my best friend.

I love you, Sanj, with my whole heart.

❤❤❤

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Boys Being Boys!

Posted on 2011-07-02 by Reema

Yesterday was one of those days….

Boys Being Boys!

❀❀❀

Posted in General | 2 Comments

July 1…

Posted on 2011-07-01 by Reema

Happy Canada Day!

It’s funny, but 17 years ago, this week,  was my wedding weekend.  It’s funny how the weekend lands the same way.  We picked this weekend because it was a long weekend for both our Canadian as well as American friends and family.

17 years seems like a life time ago, and yet in many ways seems just like yesterday.

The weather is gorgeous outside!  Max and I are so glad to be home!  I slept till 10:30 this morning… apparently I was much more tired than I thought.

Yesterday while the GI resident was in talking to Max and I, he got to the point where he was going to examine Max.  He looked at me and said, “Max is old enough to deserve some privacy during an exam… so would you mind stepping out in the hall?”

I knew the guy was going to quiz Max on stresses.  Max said the GI guy asked what his parents were like?  Max said, “Oh, they are fine.” (Really, Max, just fine???  You should have said, “My mom rocks”… or “my mom is awesome!” Daddy could be “Fine!”)

lol

He asked if his brothers were mean?  Max replied, “Only when they are grumpy!”  lol

He asked Max if he had had sex.  I can only imagine my Max’s face! lol  I mean, my sweet boy just found out about sex!

As we drove home in the standstill of endless cars… (I don’t know how people do that everyday)… we were chatting.  A Chris Brown song came on and I mentioned to Max I didn’t like Chris Brown… and replied that he was a woman beater, when Max asked why not.

“Mommy, how come it’s not ok for guys to hit girls but it’s ok for girls to hit guys?”

So, we had the discussion.  It’s not ok to hit anyone.  I reiterated that as a boy… never hit a girl… even if a girl hits you.

It’s interesting, as my boys grow into men, I see the difference in the male/female  so much clearier.  Sanj is a pretty emotionally guy compared to most men I know.  This means that he talks.  I don’t have to beat out things from him… unless I ask him what he’s thinking, and he replies, “Nothing.” I reply, “How can you be thinking of nothing?”

My boys find my questions endless.  This is a recent discovery. “Why do you ask so many questions?” they ask, as I search for answers.

I realize that they find my questions… that I ask out of interest and love, annoying.

🙁

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. My brother suggested I read this book to understand my boys better.

Hum.

Happy Canada Day, All!!!

xoxo

p.s.  To my readers who have been praying for my Max… and don’t even know me… thank you so much.  It means so much.  Please keep praying.

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I’m OK With That!

Posted on 2011-06-29 by Reema

Today has been a better day.

(Thank you, Jesus).

Max had an ultrasound today that came back normal.  They are going to do a MRI at some point to rule out something more serious that can be associated with vomitting and headaches (which Max seems to get with more frequency).  When this will happen, they are not sure… but I’m ok with that.  The doctor told me she’s willing to  bet money that it comes back fine.  It’s just a precaution.  I’m good with that.

I feel confident that this team… Team Max will keep going till he is fixed.  Back that up with all the prayers coming our way… Max will be fixed.  They are so kind and gentle folks here.  There are so many sick kids here.  It really makes my heart hurt.

It makes me desperately want Jesus to just come.  Now. Please.

My boys are great at home with my mom.  Thanks, Mom.  Everyone is a little off with me gone.  I hear it in their voices.  Tomorrow I have everyone farmed off for a playdate.  I am so grateful to all our friends of offers of help.  I will call, if we need it.

I/we are so blessed.

The hunt for McDreamy continues. 

Even McSteamy would be cool.

Actually even House.

I’ll keep looking.

lol

p.s.  Could you keep praying? Thx!

 

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All In A Very Long Day!

Posted on 2011-06-29 by Reema

Max and I made the long trek into Toronto, fighting with traffic and ill mannered drivers till we found ourselves in this very different world.  Max looked at me, as we entered Sick Kids and said, “This is a hospital?”  I thought that too… as my shopaholic senses sniffed out the stores that were around me.

We ate a Subway sandwich and headed into the ER department.  No linc.  Yah.  As we were being checked in, Max vomits his sandwich right on cue.  We are taken in and given a room.  The doctor came in and ordered blood work and hooked Max up to an IV.

(Here, they do IVs in a very kid friendly way. Max’s IV hasn’t bothered him one bit).

After waiting a long while for the blood work, the doctor came back and said the blood work is all normal (which I could have told him) and they were sending him home and with a referal to a specialist which he will likely get in in 2-4 weeks.

The doctor left.  I called Sanj totally freaked out.  I called the doctor back.  I was on the edge.  My tears came in earnest, not listening to my voice commanding them to stop… I did the ugly cry.  Ugh.  Balling, I told the doctor that he can not send Max home.  We can not have him throwing up another 21 days before someone sees him or helps us.  It is not acceptable and I told him that I am freaked out.

I reached for his hand… which I think freaked the good doc out and begged him to admit my Max.

He looked at me and said, “OK, I’ll call the admitting doctors and tell them your case.  And we’ll see what we can do.”

I had to work hard to stop the ugly cry.  I didn’t realize just how scared I was.  I didn’t realize how vunerable it feels to be in a country where there is an abundance of care and yet I am dependent on a stranger for the care of my child.  It is a very scary place to be.

I looked down at Max, who, I think, responding to my tears, had tears rolling down his face too.  Oh, my poor sweet baby.  I am pretty sure he is scared too.  I am pretty sure that seeing his mom lose control like that was a frightening site.

At minutes to 11 pm, 10 hours later, we were admitted.  The staff here is PHENOMENAL.  The nurses are so kind and gentle.  The place is loaded, making it kiddy heaven.  A young man, is playing video games with Max right now, as I type, in this lounge call Marnie’s Lounge.

This morning, the door opened and in walked “Our Team”… just as in Grey Anatomy.  It was pretty cool.. the Big Doc and all her people.  The chief resident gave an over view of Max’s case and then, just like on TV they did their thing.  The only thing that was missing was McDreamy!  I’ll be keeping my eye out for him! lol

Sigh.

In all seriousness… I feel more at peace.  I feel like we are finally being taken seriously.  I feel like there is a team here that will be looking for answers.  I feel the prayers of all of you… and ask that you continue to pray that Max is healed and makes a full recovery and is back to being that great kid that has energy and strength.

Thanks, everyone, for all the love and support.   I’ll post as I can.

xoxo

Please excuse spelling errors.. I can’t seem to make this spelling check work on this computer. 

🙂

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