Do you ever have moments that you wished you had on tape?
Last night after hockey, the boys were chatting in the truck on the way home…
I am not sure how it came up but someone asked Max what he thought of the talk (how babies are made)?
Max told them, “It’s not what I imaged. I just can’t see Grandma and Grandpa doing that! And Mommy and Daddy had to do it 6 times!”
Oh, to keep his sweet innocent self for the years to come!
Can you image having to do that?
lol
Do you have a favorite day of the week?
It’s Friday night!!! My favorite night of the week!
It is a busy day, like the rest of them but I think what I like about Fridays are that I can usually sleep in on Saturdays. Do I sleep in? No… because Josh is such an alarm clock and up at 6:45am telling me he can’t sleep anymore. Sanj is long gone to the gym so he isn’t there to occupy Josh. Yet I love the idea of just laying in bed. I don’t have to worry about breakfast and lunch and being on time all by 8 a.m.
Fridays are the day my cleaning lady comes… so this plays a part in my liking Fridays. I love coming home to a clean, tidy house. I LOVE IT!!!
If we ever become rich, that is my first item that I must have … a full-time housekeeper. Just someone to pick up after the boys! Ohhh, how I would love that. A couple of hours every day… tidy up the house, wipe off the pee, do a load of laundry.
Friday nights we usually go out to supper. So by the time I get home, I can put on my pajamas and head up to my bed… book or movie in hand. The boys usually crowd in bed with me… knowing that they better be quiet or they’ll get kick out!
I love my Friday nights.
So many reasons to love …
TGIF!
Enjoy your weekend!
xoxo
I am stalling.
I have the ground beef in the crock pot… made myself lunch and put a load of laundry in. Funny, when I awoke this morning, I was so sure I would get the whole house tidied. I was sure I would finish and put away the laundry. I was sure I would even clean toilets.
So far… I haven’t done much. I am feeling the need to write. Or maybe I am feeling the need to make excuses from the work. Hum… I am doing a good job.
This morning while in the grocery store, I bumped into a dad from our school… he was tackling their grocery list too. We started chatting…
“So, will you go back to teaching after all your boys are in school full time?”… this is a question I am asked often.
How do I explain and not come across as a loser?
Teaching was a means to an end. I needed to have a focus in university. Teaching seemed to be my passion at the moment. I loved kids. I thought of all the times I pretended to play teacher as a kid. I was born to be a teacher. For the moment.
Then I married… my true focus in university (I’m honest) and had babies. Teaching was now a back up if I had to work… We chose for me to be a stay at home mom. Yes, it was hard. One paycheck… that had to stretch a long ways. Starting a business from scratch… all that made those early years challenging. Then add 3 babies in 3 years.
I was in heaven. I really was. I loved babies, my babies. I loved being with them every minute of the day.
Teaching took a back seat.
Then I realized that teaching wasn’t a love anymore. Oh, I would have done it if I had to… but I was nurturing other interests.
I was realizing that I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Now I do, sort of.
It involves writing, speaking, challenging, encouraging, changing, growing, being.
I really need to stop worrying about what others think. I need to hold on to this time of discovery… finding me.
I really shouldn’t care if someone understands this journey I am on. I mean, really, sometimes I don’t even understand.
The journey… it’s about self-discovery. And then… it’s about being discovered.
Maybe…
What are you having for supper tonight?
We are going to have a Mexican theme night for supper. I love Mexican food. I don’t get to eat it too often as we don’t have a good one in our town. I used to love Chi Chi’s! Their deep fried ice cream was so yummy!!!
Tyler is bring a few friends home tonight to hang out and then go to youth group after. I have been really trying to encourage him to dig deep and branch out socially. He doesn’t have a friend that he would call his best buddy. He has lots of friends… but I think is really missing having a close one.
Many of his friends are gamers. They love their video games. Tyler is not a gamer at all. He loves his hockey and golf. He is developing a love for working out.
He is my child that stuggles with anxiety. I have to admit that I suck at being empathic. I just don’t get it. He gets really overwhelmed at a task even before he starts it. The other day he came home with a book that he had to read for the next day. (I am not sure if he precrastinated or if the teacher really gave them overnight to read it).
He could not just open the book and begin reading. He was so fixated on the number of pages the book had. He kept asking, “How long will it take to read ___ pages?” He got so worked up that he was literally paralyzed.
I was highly annoyed. How hard is it to pick up the book and just start reading? I found myself ignoring him… the tears and the drama.
Later in the evening, he came to my room and apologized for being so freaked out.
My poor sweet boy.
This is life for him… hard. He didn’t learn to skate till he was 8-9 years old because he couldn’t even get the motivation to even go on the ice. He fell and failed and then he was convinved he couldn’t do it.
It took Sanj taking him to a rink and bribing him… for each time he went around the rink, Sanj offered him X amount of money towards a Montreal Canadian jersey he wanted. By the end of the hour… he was skating.
We have had to really work on not letting his fears stop him from trying. He has had to learn and continue to learn to not let his anxiety overtake him.
It’s a hard thing… over coming anxiety. Yet it is an even harder thing to not live life to your fullest!
I love this kid! He has had so many obstacles to overcome as a kid already that I really hope that life throws him some easy passes!
So… back to my yummy supper… enchiladas, then I have wraps… with beef and all the sides and Mexican rice. Since I can’t make fried ice cream… we’ll end it with brownies. Yum!
Happy Thursday! Tomorrow is TGIF!!!
Today I am ridiculously tired! I can’t even begin the post with a question.
(Max… upon learning how babies are made… lol Not really).
Last night we awoke to the house being extremely hot. Apparently, instead of no heat, we had an abundance and the heat would not turn off. This made sleeping extremely hard to do. I felt like I was sufficating. We opened the window a bit, but my hubby that loves the heat, was scared that it would get too cold. NOPE!
Then, around 2 a.m. I found my mind going overtime. I have been making a list for my book… an outline of sorts. Yesterday, while I was working on it, I was drawing a blank. At 2 am in the morning, I had plenty of thoughts yet was battling with whether to get up and write them down or fight them and try to sleep.
Well I didn’t get up because I was well aware of the business of the day ahead of me. Yet sleep continued to elude me.
Today was the day I took Max out for lunch and chatted about the facts of life…well, some of them, specifically the birds and the bees.
Funny, how birds and bees never came up. He was so sweet and innocent and I was feeling bad taking that innocence away from him. He looked quite appalled when I told him the basics of how babies are made.
I have been struggling with Max growing up. He is the 4th child. I always classified the boys as three oldest and then the three youngest. Max was always my oldest youngest. Does that make sense?
Next week, he is going with his class to a winter campsite. It is a bill of rights. Every boy has gone, so far and yet now that it is Max’s turn, it seems wrong. Soon he will be going on the Grade 7 camping trip and then before I blink, he will be graduating grade 8.
He is one of my youngest. How is it possible that I am chatting about s-e-x with him? Is he old enough to go on this 2 night trip?
He is growing up too fast.
I don’t like it.
Today, as I told him about how babies are made, I whispered a prayer that he will be safe… his heart will be safe from hurts and pains.
Max is such a sweet boy. He has a temper and can be impatient with his brothers yet… he has such sweetness in him.
I pray that sweetness is never tainted.
It was an emotionally exhausting day. At the beginning of the month, Sanj and Max will go on his 10 year trip. A father and son trip… to bond, hang out and chat a bit about life… women and respect. There will be fishing and hockey. There will be a cool car. This is a time to just be together.
My Max is growing up.
Sigh.
I am not ready for this yet.
Have you ever been in a crowd and been lonely?
I have experienced this on occasion and am always surprised by that emotion. Loneliness is such a powerful emotion.
Today the heating guy was back in… we still didn’t have heat last night. It isn’t so bad at night but try getting up in the cold. Brrrr. My whole being rebelled against the crazy idea! Anyway, the heat is on! Let’s hope it stays on.
The man noticed my blog magnets (want one? email me… they are so sweet!) that the boys put on the fridge… so I told him I was writing a blog… but my fingers were so cold I had to stop and fold laudry to warm them up! 🙂
Anyway, he mentioned the that he went home last night and told his girlfriend that he met a lady with 6 boys. He said he told her that he felt sorry for me having to take care of 7 boys.
OK… if you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that kind of comment gets my feathers ruffled. I hate when people look at my life with my sons as something they should feel sorry for.
I said to him, “I am teaching them to take care of me!”
It’s a thankless job… but one that I take seriously. I love my boys. I love the craziness that comes with them I love the sound effects that are constantly coming out of their bodies. I love the roughin toughin attitude that they pretend with. I love my boys.
Yet… here’ s the God honest truth… sometimes in the midst of the noises and smells and actions… I find myself feeling lonely.
I said this to my girlfriend who has 2 boys and she said that she can relate. They … males are so different from females. Of course I know this is suppose to be the case. Yet… do they have to be that different?
We were sitting in the living room… and the boys are all talking around me and over me. I could here the words hockey… it’s all about hockey. They were talking through me.
I felt a lump in my throat. I felt lonely.
I am very grateful for my life… don’t get me wrong… I love all the smells, sounds and messes that come with my guys…
Yet… what was God thinking?
I can’t wait to ask Him.
WHY? Why did He think that I could raise 6 boys to men???
I am not a girlie girl. Yet I love being a girl. Sometimes in the midst of all the testosterone in this house, I find myself getting lost.
Thankfully I now have a red room I can escape to and hang on to the bits of me that are left.
Life… it’s so funny, eh? You never know what is going to be handed to you.
So… yes I am living loving breathing boys.
Thank you God, for my boys.
Help me not to hurt them!
lol
Love you, boys!
Are you content with your life?
I used to be very content with my life. I loved having babies and doing all things that involved that stage of life. Play dates, gymnasic lessons, music classes, going to the gym, being a huge part of my child(s) life. I was content.
Lately I have wanted to spread my wings. I want to fly! I want to be the best me that isn’t mom and wife and sister and daughter and friend. I feel my heart beating faster every time I think of it. I feel that possiblity there.
What that is I am not sure. Yet I feel it! I want it! Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Many of you are in a satisfying career. You already know what you want to be when you grow up. Some of you are satisfied with never growing up. I have a bit of that in me, too.
Tomorrow is the day that I wrote on the calender to start writing my book. I have been working it a little bit here and there. Yet now I am making it an active part of my day. I started to do so a bit today and as I sat at my computer, I drew a blank.
WHAT AM I WRITNG ABOUT? Where did all my thoughts go?
There is a bit of panic happening in my belly. What if I fail?
I have my office. It has finally been broken in a bit. A first it was perfect, neat and clean. Now finally, my white chair has a smudge of chocolate (I really hope it’s chocolate) from one of the boys hands. There are books a little crooked. There is bits of paper on my desk. It’s all there … just waiting for me.
Insert a huge sigh here.
Could you pray for me?
Sometimes I write a post and then re-read it. I am impressed. I smile. Then I pause and know that God is writing with me, as I couldn’t write like that. So, as I go into this… writing with the plan of a book someday… could you say a prayer for me… that God writes with me, that someday… all this… my life that I am sharing… will be helpful and life changing to someone.
God… please help me.
I don’t want to just fly… I want to soar.
May Your will be done.
Amen.
Brrr? Are you a naturally hot person or cold?
I am usually hot. I never have socks on my feet or a sweater on in the house. I love being in shorts and a tee-shirt, even in the winter. Of course I don’t do this… yet I am a warm soul.
Sanj, on the other hand, is cold. He is forever wrapped up in the biggest, most suffocating sweater he has. He will live in it and even sleep in it. I am hot just writing about it!
Our heating system is still not working. It is cold in here! The oven is on, the dryer is on and I have socks on my feet! It is 64 degrees in the house… usually it is 72! I am expecting snow to fall from our ceiling any minute. I thought about putting that channel on TV that has the fireplace going… just to give my room a warmer feel!
Thankfully the fix-it man is on his way. This happens every year to us around this time. In another house we lived in, the heat had gone out. We were freezing! All of us were huddled in one bed to keep from freezing. It was a holiday… probably New Years and no one was making the calls. We couldn’t even run out and buy a little space heater.
The next day the fix-it guy came… we were being charged overtime because of the holiday. He checks the system out. On the way to the basement is the light switch and beside it is the switch for the furnace. Someone had flipped the wrong switch off.
Expensive lesson!
So, as I freeze, I want to take a moment to thank God for the blessings of a warm home. It is something I take for granted every day. Yet… there are many that don’t have the luxury of the everyday comforts that I take for granted.
Thank You, God for heat!
Thank you for clean water. So much water that we can wash dishes, clothes and our bodies. We can flood a rink. We can wash ourselves in a warm bath.
Thank you for a roof over our heads. Thank you that we have a roof that covers an abundance of space that we even have privacy.
Thank you for food. Thank you for the blessing of wondering what should we eat today? Thank you that we have the luxury of making a list of foods… the needed food and the wanted foods.
Thank you for clothing… so much clothing that there are piles that are dirty! There are clothes that have no tears and holes. There are clothes that have tears and holes that we paid to be there!
Thank you, God, for this life of abundance where in this world there are those that suffer from wanting the basics that we can take for granted.
Lord, bless those that have less. Bless those that need. May they feel Your warmth… Lord please come soon and end all this wanting and needing of so many.
I love You.
Amen
Have you ever been in a role you had no idea what you were doing?
Today is very cold out. I am still trying to thaw from being outside. We were at hockey… the theme of a weekend. Sanj was running late getting to Zach’s game that he coaches because he was with the other boys coaching. One of the other dads was going to coach for Sanj. Then this man looks at me and asks if I can do the time.
“Ummm… OK, but I have never done it before,” I told him.
He told me it was just a button and not to worry. I was worrying. Why me? I had Josh… and was stressed at the thought of being responsible for the stats of the game etc.
Well… long story short, this particular arena had a newer time box machine and even the men didn’t know how to run it! Oh bother.
Here’s what I learned: To speed up a game… run the clock! lol OK… I didn’t do it on purpose… the first period… I was just so distracted with Josh, telling me he had to poop and we were in the middle of the ice so there was no exit for him.
I did OK. I have to admit since the guy didn’t tell me what to do… I am thinking he really didn’t believe me when I said I had no idea what to do…!
It was a good experience. Yet if you are ADHD like, it is really hard to focus on 5 things at one time!
It’s Sunday night… everyone is tired from a busy day and gearing up to face the new week.
Hope your week is a good one!
It’s Saturday afternoon… what’s your favorite thing to do?
I love hanging at home if there isn’t the pressure to clean, cook or do laundry.
Well, of course there is always that pressure but today I did not cave into the pressures of being Susie Homemaker and it felt pretty good!
I finished a book… House Rules by Jodi Picoult. A good read. Anyone read it? What did you think of the ending?
I finished my book as it had totally consumed me. I stayed up last night to read but at some point had no idea what I had just read and so I finally let my eyes close. This morning I let it be know that it was every one for himself (except Josh) and finished my book.
It’s cold outside and I suppose that made me think of food … comfort food. Mash potatoes came to mind… which brought meatloaf. OK.. as mentioned many a time, I am not a huge meat lover. We have not had meat loaf too often… yet the times I made it, the boys liked it. Meatloaf… mashed potatoes and brocolli (since I have a big bag of florets from Costco in the fridge).
Then I felt like company… so I invited friends we have not had over in a while… and the men will be off to hockey in our little town.
I love cooking for others. My family… isn’t often appreciative of my efforts in the kitchen. When this happens, it makes me grumpy.
I am making a veggie dish for me… it’s called Special K loaf. If you grew up Seventh-day Adventist then you may consider this a comfort food. Yum! Google it, if you are curious… I am surprised to find all sorts of sites on this recipe!
So, I suppose, I love to spend a Saturday home, cooking, reading and being warm. Our house is cold right now. Something is wrong with the thermostat… and Sanj has been bugging me to get someone it. I didn’t and now the temperature has dropped and the house is a bit chilly. I went and bought some firewood and those firelogs that I just love.
So, company’s coming, a menu is already, did a quick shop to get any missing ingredients and I am ready.
The only thing that is missing to make this a perfect Saturday is a chick flick. Usually while Sanj is off playing hockey tonight, I watch a chick flick. Have you seen an good ones lately? I rented a couple but didn’t see the rating.. one is 18+ and so totally raunchy and not my kind of thing. The other is 14+ and seems semi raunchy.
I have a few books sitting here in my office that have my name on it. One is A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay. She wrote Sarah’s Key and I loved it. I haven’t heard anything about this new one. Another one is Rohinton Minstry’s Family Matters. I read his book, A Fine Balance and find it a good read but very disturbing. I needed him, as the author, to give one of his character’s a ounce of happiness!
Did I mention brownies with ice cream is for dessert? Nothing like a little bit of home cooking to heat up the house! 🙂 It’s funny, I ended up being Susie Homemaker after all!
Happy Weekend!
Do you ever wonder what it is like to be famous?
Last night I took my mom, who is a die hard figure skater fan, to see Elvis Stokjo in his Rock the Ice Show, which came to Peterborough. My mom was so excited. She just kept grinning! Cute!
I took my three youngest… um… that was a mistake. LOL… they were not that fascinated with the show. True hockey players to the core… they found the show a bit silly, I am thinking.
I wonder at the discipline it takes to put your everything into something like this… whether it be figure skating, gymnastics etc. What makes a person have that kind of drive?
I wish I had a bit of it. Can you imagine being the best at something? I can’t. I wish that I had the stick to it thingy that is required to accomplish something something major. I keep seeking that with just my health… working out, being fit, blah blah blah.
I used to take pride in being a mom… I was a good little kid mom. I really suck at being a teenager mom. It is hard work. I don’t really like it. I wonder if maybe I should have put some of my energy into a career of some kind so maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a failure.
Being a parent to my teens seems to be an uphill battle. I hate climbing hills.
I hate that my 5 year old is repeating words that sound horrible coming out of his mouth… “I hate you”… hum… and he doesn’t even mean it. Oh sure he means it for one minute and then he is back to loving again. I wish it was that easy with my teenagers.
I feel like parenting which I loved and put my whole heart into for years has suddenly turned into a class that I have no silibus for. I am failing at it.
Sigh.
The problem is the self absorption and selfishness that oozes out. I just don’t get it. I can’t comprehend being so self-centred. Even when it was all about me… (and really that was never the case growing up)… there was always that factor of thinking of others. Maybe this was my survival skills. I couldn’t just think about me because I had a parent that was always thinking about himself.
I wonder if it is too late for me to try that method?
lol
Probably.
Don’t get me wrong… I love my boys to death. It’s those losing moments… Sometimes when I am fighting with my oldest I feel like I am 5 years old and can’t control myself. When he spits out ugliness, I want to spit back. Sometimes I can control myself and other times I suck at it.
Back to being the best at something… I don’t crave fame. I can’t imagine living in a world that I didn’t control. Yet I do crave success. I am not sure what that means to me, yet. I suppose this year, I am out to define that for myself.
What does success like look to me?
A while ago, it looked like having a husband I loved and that loved me back and a happy family. Happy is a relative word, I have learned. I wanted a house that was a home. I wanted to feel safe and secure.
I do feel this… and so in this sense, I have succeeded. Yet… there is more… I know that now that my children are not needing me the same way they did 5 years ago… now that I have time that is mine a bit in a day… what does that mean?
What am I looking to fill that space? What is God calling me to do? What is next in my life… what I will seek to achieve success in?
This is my quest.
Do you want an idea of how to lose those extra pounds from the holiday?
Come over! Inhale the bugs that are crawling around our house and get a good dose of the stomach flu! Suddenly all the goodies that are laying around look gross. Everything tastes like saw dust… and you have no appetite.
Of course you feel weak… very weak. The dishes pile up… in our house every single dish is dirty. Sanj mustered enough energy to yell at the boys for being so thoughtless and did a quick tidy of putting everything in the sink.
When both parents are sick… life falls apart. I haven’t felt this sick in a long time. Throwing up is the worst thing… I hate throwing up. Of course if you try to hold all the crap that needs to come up in … you feel just as disgusting.
Yet, the good news is as I stood in the scale this morning, I was down the pounds that creeped on over the holidays.
Ha… the silver lining.
I think every kid has had it now… maybe just Jordan is left, or maybe he already had it too. I am feeling really bad for those that came to our house and hope that this didn’t get them too.
It’s one of those days that everything in my house has been used and dirty. Today I need to summon the energy to tackle some of it. The dishes, the laundry, the decorations and the biggest part is making the boys be an active part of the process. That is the hard part… the nagging and urging that everyone must help.
I am looking forward to getting back into routine. I can’t believe I actually said that… but yes I am.
Happy First Monday of the New Year!
Happy New Years!!!
Welcome 2011!!!
How fitting that this is my 1000 post!
I have such big dreams for this new year… as I do every year.
I am not going to bother listing a bunch of resolutions as I never seem to stick to them.
Yet I will say that this year I will attempt to make more dreams come true.
This year I will live as best I know how.
This year I will love with all my heart.
This year I will not give up on dreams but rather work hard to make them my reality.
This year is going to be a good year!
Jesus,
Thank you for another year of life!
Thank you for all the blessings that came with this year… the biggest being my family.
I ask You to help me make each day count!
Thank you for a New Year!
I love You,
Amen
What do you do on New Year’s Eve?
Do you party? Do you have a party? Do you have a tradition? The last few years we have had a New Years Eve party. The boys invite a friend or in Sammy’s case, 5 of them… for a sleepover. There is lots of food and we just hang out…
This year I was tired. I am tired! I wanted to boycott the party. I was overruled! So… I went into the craziness called the grocery stores. You almost needed a drivers licease to navigate the traffic in there.
I didn’t let myself get worked up… lamaze came in handy! lol I didn’t even make a list… which is something I never do.
On the menu…
Clam Chowder
(I don’t eat seafood… but my men love it… so I looked up recipes and added this and that… and I must say… it is delicious! Don’t ask about the fat content!!!)
Pumpkin Soup with Ginger
Meatballs in Sauce
Pigs in a Blanket
(specially requested by the boys)
Shrimp
Mini Hor’dorves
Dips with Crackers
Carrot Cake
Cherry Cheese Cake
Of course this will grow over the evening as people will be bring stuff too.
My feet are killing me. I guess I do love cooking when I am not concerned about calories and the health factor. 🙂 Having people over means that Sanj went nuts cleaning and hanging stuff up.. Yah, my office is officially done!
I hope that my men all have a great time as I am really ready for my book… I am reading Saving Cee Cee Honeycutt and really enjoying it.
Of course once my friends come, I’ll get right into the mood of hanging with my friends.
Do you do anything special?
Happy New Year’s Eve!
Be Safe!
Do you ever have days that are endless?
I feel like I lived a whole week in the hours I have been awake. It didn’t help that last night Sanj and I stayed up to watch Inception… quite the movie! I had to be at the clinic by 8a.m. Being that I am not a morning person, this was not pleasant.
Josh is a child I am not sure how to parent. This boy has no social fear. He will just be obnoxious to everyone. Adult and all. My other children were always very reserved with others and certainly adults. They would never do things that Josh does in a million years. Teaching them to look an adult in the eyes and say “Hi” was painful enough.
Last week I had to take Josh into our pediatrician’s office for a quick exam before his surgery. Our doctor was being silly and trying to distract Josh while examining him. This interaction obviously made Josh quite comfortable and the next thing I know, Josh was walking to him, the doctor and stepping on his toes! Really? I was a little horrified with his forwardness.
Who is this child and where did he come from? I have no idea of how to parent him! Of course he gets punished, reprimanded etc., yet he is such a unique person, I am not sure what to do with him.
Today, I asked Sanj if he thought maybe Josh has a personality disorder! Sanj gives me the same answer he always gives when it comes to Josh... “He is a spoiled child.”
Well… thanks a lot.
Today was the day of his surgery. Again, in true Josh style, he was unhappy with all the steps that had to be done before hand… weighing in, blood pressure check, etc. He was not an easy patient. He is also at least 60 pounds and so isn’t light to physically handle. As they laid him on the table in the room to give him the mask to send him to sleep, he began to fight. His hands and feet were flailing. He was not impressed. It took a few people to restrain him and the sleep doctor to rapidly turn up the dial to send him off to sleep land.
That was all bad enough… yet the worst was that moment when he came to in recovery. Josh was screaming. He wanted me. He didn’t want to be in the bed but in my lap. Once this happened (dumb me, wore a white sweatshirt for him to rest his bloody mouth on)… he was screaming to go home.
Dude! My hands still feel weak with the helplessness of that state. I want to grab his mind and reassure him that it was all good. Yet, he was too distraught to comprehend anything that was coming out of my mouth.
There was blood all in his mouth. Being weak at heart, this was causing me great discombobulation. His beautiful mouth… was full of stitches and blood.
And… did I mention the screaming? I guess this in itself was the most distrubing part. It was exhausting emotionally. I tried singing to him, bribing him, beating him… (lol, no not really)… he was just so agitated. The nurse said this was normal. I am not sure that was really true.
Then the sleep doctor comes out and asked if he had anything to drink… an accusation. No, he didn’t. Apparently while under, he aspirated. More drama. Only Josh. The doctor commented that with all the hollaring Josh was doing, he likely brought up whatever was in his lungs. Let’s hope! We left with the doctor letting me know that Josh would be drowsy likely the rest of the afternoon. I saw this a bonus!
Then there was the carrying him down the steep flight of stairs… this child is heavy. We made it. We stopped at Sanj’s office for a quick snuggle… Josh got one too… lol.
After we got home, we all found spots on my bed and put a DVD in. I feel asleep for a short nap. I was exhausted.
Sanj called a bit later and upon the discovery of my napping mentioned that I needed a stronger constitution. Here’s the thing… that is not a smart thing to say to me… after being through what I went through. Did I mention that this kind of stuff makes me sick? Sanj is the one that works for money… so he is not there for this kind of thing. Yet, next time Josh is going in… and there is a next time… I’ll be sure that Sanj gets the privilege to accompany his son. Then… we’ll have a chat about the strength of ones constitution.
Ha. That comment did not make me a happy camper.
That nap for Josh never came. It would seem that Josh was experiencing a paradoxal reaction. He was hyper and bouncy as ever. He was constantly eating food… he is moving non-stop.
Upon observing Josh, the sleep doctor did mention that he can come home for a fee… a big fee… and work his sleep magic… lol… some things are worth every penny, I’m thinking!
Today while at the office, I got a couple of more cards!
I love hearing from you, so thank you for taking the time to drop me a note!
I just got back from taking the boys to see Yogi Bear… cute movie. The 3D part was pretty cool. I could hear and see Josh moving to avoid being sprayed or hit. lol
The weather is changing drastically. It is warming up extremely for New Year’s Eve. This means no skating on the rink. So much for the outside part of the party!
Thank you for your feedback on the first part of my book. I am not sure if that will be what I use, but it is what I worked on for now.
I have so many thoughts running through me… I read a blog by Michael Hyatt… (CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing). I find useful suggestions and ideas as I pursue writing as a career. I also find hints on living life in a productive manner as he is a leader and father full of insightful information.
One of his posts was about reviewing the last year. He had a bunch of questions that one could ask about the last year. Here is one that I thought was kind of neat:
If the last year were a movie of your life, what would the genre be? Drama, romance, adventure, comedy, tragedy, or a combination?
What would your answer be?
As I pondered this last year, I had to stop and simply thank God for his mercies and faithfulness. I can honestly say that life this last year was good.
Of course, there was drama… I am living in a house with 3 teenagers. Drama is part of my daily life.
Romance… yes! I am living a love story with my best friend. Sanj keeps life funny, stable, reassuring and full of love. (Don’t worry, there are plenty of other adjectives but all in all he is a great partner in my life journey!)
Adventure? Living life with 6 boys is an adventure daily. One never knows what the day will bring.
Comedy…. I think that if we (I) didn’t choose to laugh at some of the misadventures, life could be very stressful. Raising a houseful of boys is full of laughter that could easily turn into tears. They are the funnest beings. They are full of craziness that one has to make the choice to laugh… or it could be very hard.
Tragedy. I would have to say that life this year has not had a tradgey that was earth shattering. For this, I can only say, thank you Jesus.
There were the misfortunes such as a broken dryer for weeks, or Sammy breaking a hand or Zachary getting his appendix removed…but these are all mixed blessing. See, while Zach and I went through the strain of surgery and hospitalization… we were safe. If it had happened hours later, I would have been alone with the boys in the woods camping. I can only imagine how complicated doing an emergency appendix removal with a butter knife would have been.
2010 was a good year.
As we kiss it goodbye, I am grateful for all that blessing and trials that came with it.
I am looking forward to 2011!
What genre of movies would your life from 2010 be?
My cell phone rang. I was getting my youngest out of the van. I glanced at the number, as I was already running late. My older boys were at summer basketball and this was the last day where the parents came for the BBQ. I didn’t recognize the area code and number. Normally I would have ignored it but for whatever reason I picked up.
“Is this Reema Dixit?” a stranger asked on the other end of the line. This question alone caused me to pause, as I had not been called by my maiden name in a very long time.
“Yes, “ I replied hesitatingly. The words coming over the line were words that I had only previously imagined. My dad was on life support and they needed family to come and make decisions.
So many thoughts went through my head. Why was she calling me? How did she even get my cell number? Did I want to go to TN where my dad was? Was I ready for this, a moment that I played out in my mind a thousand times?
I took her information and told her I would get back to her as soon as I called the rest of the family. Why in the world did she call me?
I called my brother, Kumar (who lives in Maryland and is 5 years younger than me) and told him what was happening. I didn’t want to tell my mom over the phone in case she reacted badly. I felt it better if my brother told her in person.
I called my husband and burst into tears. I wasn’t sure how to do this. I have 6 boys that needed me, it was summer time and they were all home. My husband is an audiologist with a busy clinic that doesn’t allow for much flexibility in closing the doors on short notice. So now what?
I knew I had to go. I felt that this was something we all had to do together.
Within 24 hours, Kumar and my mom were flying to TN. My other brother rode with me as I rented a vehicle to drive the all-nighter to get there from just outside Toronto. It was a long ride. I was overcome with so many emotions. Was I ready to come face to face with my dad whom I was estranged from since the birth of my babes 10 years ago?
Nothing could have prepared me for the moment I saw my dad. My dad had hurt me in so many ways, that just the sound of his voice caused absolute terror to flow through me. I didn’t know that the sight of him, laying there, his whole body, swollen to odd proportions from the fluids and what not, tubes coming and going through all parts of him, would break my heart.
There is a fine line between love and hate. I stood on that line right there at the threshold of his room. I am not sure I can even begin to write the emotions that went through me as I looked at this man that had such a huge part in my being in this world. I felt such love that was buried so deep, under layers of protection. He is my father. I realized that I had love just from that fact… this man was my father. As much as I wish I could have erased all that love that he was so not worthy of, there it was in my heart, making its presence known.
I felt such pain, raw physical pain, at the sight of him, lying there almost not human. I was so shocked at the shell of a human he once was. I had to look into his face to see just bits of him left, that I recognized. I had to look at his hands, hands that were so familiar to me, hands that hurt me, hands that I spent a lifetime yearning to be held in. I had to look at his feet, those feet that I would always recognize as they were feet I wished that had tip toed to my room to kiss me goodnight rather than the stomping of anger that sent me running.
He had aged so much and not well. His face was so swollen. I think I found this so disturbing as he didn’t look like my dad. My dad commanded a room. He demanded the attention in a room and yet this time he just lay there.
I found myself running out of the room, tears flowing down my face, my heart just breaking. Have you ever had someone hurt you, really hurt you and turn your world upside down? Have you ever had someone that was supposed to love you and protect you turn around and hurt you more than you thought possible?
This was who my dad was. He was the first man in my life. He was the first man I would love unconditionally and yet he turned around and betrayed that gift. He hurt me. Almost from the beginning, he hurt me.
Post 994… Who knew I had so much to say?
I know that 1000 posts doesn’t really signify much in real life but for me it is a milestone. As Sanj says often, he is surprised I have stuck with my blog for this long… and for that matter, him… as I get bored and usually move on to the next thing.
Silly man!
It’s Tuesday… I am feeling unsettled. What does that mean? Well, the boys are home, puttering, playing with their games, working off some of that energy that on the rink… then back looking for food and then the cycle starts over again. The older 2 have friends over and so this is keeping everyone behaving.
My mom is here. She is a workaholic. That means she never sits still. It was great in the beginning… but now I am ready to just lay on my bed and read a book and yet she is there doing laundry, making a batter for dosi… and it goes on. So I feel I am not able to sit either!
We are having a New Years Eve Party… it is very low key… just a few families… and the boys invite their friends over for a sleep over. I am busy planning this in my mind. I usually make something new… this year I am thinking of a seafood medley. (I am not a lover of seafood… yet my family loves it). Any recipes?
Then there is the surgery… looming over me. Thursday, Josh will be getting his front four teeth pulled. He has been blessed with bad teeth as a babe. This child has cavities… probably from all the fruit and veggies he consumes. None of my kids ever had cavities until later and then not that many. So I am stressing about him… going under…
Then there is Sammy’s impeding surgery. The surgeon’s office is closed till school starts. Meanwhile, Sammy keeps asking if he can play in the hockey tournament that is this week. It really does seem like a no brainer
to me.
I went and ordered two love seats to put in our eat-in dining area. It is the place the main floor TV is and I just want to make it more comfortable to hang out there. This will force us to use our dining table … for what it is meant for… eating!
So, I am so excited. I love decorating. I love getting a great deal. These aren’t even real leather sofas… thus the ridiculous price… but it is only till I can save enough to redo our kitchen and make it a space that works for us.
Our house is cold today. I am not sure the thermostat is working properly. I am never cold and the last couple of days, I have been freezing.
Yes, I know, I am rambling. I just wanted to write. I am going to post the first part of my book… not the first chapter but what is it? The Preface? Love to hear your thoughts…
That is the next blog… so stay tune!
Happy Tuesday!
Do you like getting something free?
I have a little something for you. I already have your name and address if you entered the draw and didn’t win.
If you would like to recieve a free little gift as a thank you for reading my blog… just send your name and address to my email:
sukreema@hotmail.com
I’ll be mailing them out the second week of January… as I had to order this something special!
☺
I am trying to increase my readership, so if you would pass on my web address I would really appreciate it!
(www.livinglovingbreathingboys.com)
Happy New Years!
It’s Monday… Sanj is off to see a patient…
a child who is being fitted for hearing aids for the first time. As much as I hate when he does this on his day off… (because everyone has an emergency)… this is pretty neat.
Josh is up. That boy is such a morning person! Thankfully, my mom is here to amuse him as she is a morning person too. The boys are enjoying a breakfast only their Ammama (that’s what they call my mom) can make.
So… I am at 993 post. I had thought that by 1000 I would have finished my book. Ha! Here’s the thing, this year was so busy. I took on projects that were extremely time consuming. I was hardly in my office except to write a blog.
This is the year… January 6th, the boys are back to school. I am sorry but that is the dumbest thing… going back to school on a Thursday? Who comes up with this stuff?
Yet… I am feeling myself gearing up… getting ready to write… my heart seems to pound at a faster pace just thinking of it. I feel like I have lived a full life and yet… I feel like babe about to be born and take my first gasp of breath of the new life ahead of me.
I had the greatest present from Sanj… of course he always gives me fabulous gifts. He is very creative and thoughtful. Every year, he surprises me.
This year, I had no idea what I would want. I am the kind of person that if I need it, I go get it. Clothes… I hate being bought clothes… I am weird sizes and it varies depending on the store.
Totally off subject… here’s why I hate others buying me clothes…. a few Christmases ago, I had been working out, lost a bit of weight and came home bragging that I could fit in a Lululemon pair of pants, size 4.
Sanj, bless him, heard the Lululemon part and size 4.
Imagine my surprise and discombobulation when Christmas morning, among other things, there was SIZE 4 sweatshirt. Um…. I haven’t fit into something that itsy bitsy since I was 12 years old. As I held it up to me, I looked at him and said, “This doesn’t even hold one of my boobs!”
lol
Anyway, I will admit, I am a very hard person to shop for. I wondered what in the world he had come up with, especially since he looked so pleased with himself.
Christmas eve… I got pajamas. I buy everyone pajamas for Christmas Eve. Yah, Sanj!
Then… there was a series of packages numbered.
#1… socks (I always buy Sanj funky socks every year… going back to a time when that was all I had money to buy him).
#2 A Beautiful Cross Pen
#3 2 Leather bound notebooks… (this is a fetish of mine.. I love funky, cool notebooks and pens).
#4 A printer… OK… I did ask for a printer for my office.
#5 A backpack to hold my laptop and gear.
And then…
A Bunch of Papers… inside the backpack.
A TRIP TO FORT LAUDERDALE TO A WRITER’S CONFERENCE!!!
Oh my goodness!
Time away, someplace warm… and to write and be taught, mentored… (I refuse to call it school… ugh!)
How much I love this man! OK… I loved him when he bought me a size four top… yet what I love is his faith in me. He believes in me. He helps me fulfill my dreams. He dreams with me… he lets me dream big! He gives me room to be me… and sometimes that requires a lot of room!
Sanj is all I ever really want or need for Christmas. As Jerry Maguire said best, “He completes me.”
Dear God,
Yes… I am dreaming big… I am going to write my book, I am going to be published and I am going to make a difference in somebody’s life.
Jesus, this is my prayer. Oh, and May Your will be done.
Amen.
PS… Thank you for my blessings… the biggest one being Sanj!
I love you.