Living Loving Breathing Boys

I mentioned that yesterday during Sanj’s office open house I met all sorts of interesting people.  This is the era where it’s not strange to hear that someone came from a family of 12 kids or someone had 6 boys.  I am fasinated to hear their stories and if their mama survived!  Of course it was a different time when having many kids was so different and a norm of sorts.

I love hearing of their Christmas plans with the crazy big families.  I can’t help but wonder what our lives will be like 10-20 years from now.

I think of the poor woman that will be the first … to pave way for the other women to enter and dare to stay in our lives.  Who will bring home the first serious girl?  And I already pray for her.  I hope she is strong in body, mind and spirit.  She is going to need it!

Today, as we came home, it was obvious that one of the boys had a friend over and she was a girl.  Apparently they aren’t dating but they hang out.  The rest of the boys are not fond of her… not sure why.  Sanj feels the same why. (FYI- everyone thinks I’m going to be the hardest to pass though… uh uh… it will be Sanj!)

Anyways, we are coming into the house, I hear Josh as he peeks into the basement window… “Oh they have the fireplace on.  Isn’t that romantic?  Huh?  What does he even KNOW about romantic?  I almost have a heart attack until I hear the other boys… “I have to pee… let’s pee on her car door knob.”  There then is more whispering.

Oh my.  Is this normal?  Again… I fear for the first true girlfriend that comes into our family.

Today Nelson Mandela died.  Age 95.  The news reports read… Africa lost their greatest son.  I am drawn to men like him.  Ghandi is another example.  Growing up with a father who was extemely strict about religion, we were not allow to go to movies.  Ever.  Then Ghandi came out on film in the movies.  My parents took us to the theatre for the first time ever.  I don’t remember if we had popcorn or even what theatre we went to, all I remember was the incredible story of the life of Mahatma Ghandi.  I was so inspired by his grace, gentleness and determination.

Mandela’s wife refused to paint him as a saint.  She said he was just a man who was simple and gentle.  I so often wish  for that to be gentle.  To make a difference.  Not in a famous way but in small ways.  I know my greatest calling is mother.  Yet so often I feel like I am failing.  I feel anything but gentle and kind many a days end.  I feel frazzled.  I feel not so gentle and kind when I see my boys being unkind to each other.

How did Ghandi do it?  Did he not every feel like losing it???  How could he choose not to eat… How did Mandela stand being in jail 27 years?  Rosa Parks… where did she get her courage that day on the bus?

Sometimes I feel like if I survive motherhood, with boys that grow to men who are kind to their spouses and can contribute somthing to society, then I would feel like I have accomplished something huge.

What was Mandela’s mom like?  What was Ghandi’s mom like?  What was Rosa Parks’s mom like?

Today at the Open House at the Ear Company I met some amazing people.  I met a few couples who were in their 70 year together.  Can you image being married 70 years?  Can you imagine the stories they have to tell?

I am inspired by the great sayings these men have left for us…

I hate hearing my boys say, “I hate you” to each other.  🙁  And yet I am so grateful that they really don’t understand hate.  Hate is so ugly.  Hating a person because of their colour, race and just being different is ugly.

I must be … if I want my kids to be.

Today we lost another great one.  How wonderful that he’s legacy will live on.

Today is a busy day.  Sanj is having his Open House for the clinic.  I am doing the food.  Just nibblies but non the less a little time consuming.  As usual, we are rushing try to get to school on time.  At the end of the highway is a set of lights… if we hit it, we are usually late.  Today, we made it.  Rhema kids made it ontime.  Now for the high school boys… who’s school is just down the road… 5 minutes tops.  (Did I say I am feeling pressure of being late with the food for  the Open House?)

There is a traffic jam on the 2 lane road.  There is a cop car in the middle of the road… between the two lanes.  At first glance I thought, uh oh, maybe an accident.  This always causes alarm because so many of the kids and their friends use this  road.

Upon further investatgation, I see the cop, chasing something around his car and he seems to be flustered and losing the battle.  Only in Peterborough…. will you find traffic STOPPED while a crazy wild turkey was being chased off the road!!! Hilarous!  The picture doesn’t show what really happened because the cop came towards me and looked annoyed already so I didn’t want to push my luck.

I often get asked what my husband does for a living.  I answer that he is an audiologist.  Then usually, the person asking will say, “Say what?” Then I will usually put  a hand to my ear and say, “Hearing issues etc…” and inevitably, they will say, “Say what?” and start laughing.  The annoying part is I fall for it every time!!! Errrr… Sanj, who no doubt hears this a million and one times more than me,  always smiles and laughs.  Every time!

You know one of my girlfriends asked me yesterday about Sanj and his work.  Does he still enjoy his profession? Is  he happy?  Surprisingly, his profession is something that he really does continue to enjoy and love.  If he was honest, he’d probably say he’s wasn’t a businessman… but I do know that over the years he’s learned and continued to grow into a fine businessman and an even better audiologist.  He is a great audiologist.  He is a great student and seems so thrilled when he is off on one of the many conference with the knowledge that he comes back with.  I don’t get it.  lol  When he is off to some place other than Ontario, I’m always encouraging him to skip a class and go “play.”  He never does!  I think the classroom is his playground!!!

Here’s the thing… Sanj was made to work with people, one on one.  He is so great with the seniors that come into his door.  He is so patient.  He really feels for his hearing impaired patients and is always seeking to learn to help to the best of his ability.

He tells a story about a lady coming in to his office wanting hearing aids.  As he listened to her, she told him that she wanted the hearing aids to turn off the voices in her head.  After testing her, he told her that the hearing aids wouldn’t help her.  I mean, really?  A less than honest person may have seen this as a sure thing… a sale!  Not my hubby… he calmly talked to her, listened to her, slowly moved his chair to the door to keep it open to alert the staff that he had a special patient.

Truthfully he never puts a sale ahead of a person and their needs.  He always is willing to work with people and their needs.  He loves to chat with them… his patients and has learned so much from them.

Why am I writing this?  Well, I’m so proud of this man, audiologist, that I get to call my husband.  Sometimes good people need someone to toot their own horn!  Toot Toot!

You want to see what I mean?  Tomorrow (Dec. 5th) from 9am-5pm is The Ear Company’s Christmas Open House… Come check us out.  Pop in and say Hi!  Plus… free food!!!

The Ear Company  Click for their website.

They have Everything Related to Hearing!

My husband wrote a blog post …  (click here to read the whole post)…here is an excerpt:

As the Holiday season is upon us many a wife and husband start to become perplexed as they try to find the perfect gift. Many of my male friends and I have actually come to the same conclusion about what we would consider the perfect gift. Even moments ago I just had a conversation regarding this perfect gift.  The unfortunate part is that men and women tend to see the world differently and what a man might consider just perfect a woman may consider impractical, what a man might consider most practical and useful a woman may consider ridiculous. While this perfect gift exists it is the rare man that has ever had his wife get him one for Christmas or his birthday or another important special occasion. Yes men I do speak of the Backhoe. I have mentioned to my wife on more than one occasion that I need a backhoe.  The first question my wife asks is usually why? Well I may not be sure exactly what I might need it for but I feel the need for a backhoe. I am certain that many an outdoor job around my property would be made much easier with a backhoe. I could dig ponds, dig a hole for roasting Meat, move those piles of snow. I really could come up with a lot of things I could do. I am convinced that it would be the best gift ever. As a reader you have probably already guessed that I have not yet received this perfect gift. I do suppose that there are lots of gifts that we men feel we need that our significant others just shake their heads at. I think that specialty tools fall into that category.

Ok… this is just an excerpt…  but here’s the thing… a backhoe?!!  I mean for what?  I know he mentions things above that basically mean it’s a toy to play with.  First of all, Sanj does not have time to play. I mean first he works, 9-5 and then he has meetings for hockey or praise team practice or one of the younger ones has hockey (which is his thing, if he’s free).  Then if he has free time he usually is holed up in his studio “playing.”  When will he play with the backhoe?

Then there is the fact that it’s 10k+++.  Hum.. maybe he needs a back hoe as much as I NEED a fully time housekeeper (scratch that … I really do NEED a full time housekeeper)…   He needs a backhoe as much as I need a Tiffany’s diamond ring… lol

Here’s the thing, boys will be boys.  Men will be big boys.  I suppose it is something you just gotta love about them.  I so wish I could get him a backhoe.  How amazing and jawdropping a present would that be?  Oh well… back to reality for Sanj and me… since I am not getting that full time housekeeper any time so.

Do you have an extravagant wish?

It’s been a crazy busy week.  And then there was tonight.  Thursday night just seems to be a repetitiously busy night.  Of course, it doesn’t help that it’s one sleep from my favorite night of the week.  Sigh.  Home.  A lot happened this week.  A lot of stress.  I hate stress.  I hate decisions that require an exhausting amount of emotional energy.  I hate things that disappoint my babes.  I hate when the reality of life becomes a reality to my babes… you know, when I can’t shelter them from hurts and disappointments.

 This week I was told I’m an ALL IN OR NOT person.  Hum… what does that mean?  I was told that I love all the way.  Not half way or with limits or boundaries. Hum… this assessment of me surprised me.  And made me question that assessment.  I suppose if I am committed, I’m in.  If you have an idea or if I am an idea and it fires me up… look out… here I come.  I’m IN.

Over the years, I’ve felt that passion. I’ve given it to the boys school for many a years, to our community, to my boys, my friends and my family.  I have also been burned.  (I know, who hasn’t).  And yet sometimes it catches me off guard.  It shocks me that others don’t do Friendship the way I do.  I won’t lie…. there are a few relationships in the past years that have deeply wounded me.  Part of the hurt is not knowing what happened.  My brother, Kumar said to me, “Sometimes people to need to let go of every thing or every one in order to move forward.”  (I’m paraphasing because I can’t remember his word for word).

Do you love all the way?  Are you an ALL IN kind of person?  What do you do with things that need boundaries?  How do you set them and yet still be you?

If you know… please tell me.  I’m all ears… and TGIF- tomorrow!!!

It’s the weekend!  I love a day home with my family.  Yesterday was a PA Day for the younger crew.  We had a birthday party to go too, grab two extra boys and hit the local pizza joint for the buffet, thinking this was an easy lunch.  While there, we bumped into Tyler with some of his friends.  “Mom, can I bring home 8 boys for supper?”

Why not?  Tyler is my most introverted son, so bring friends home is a nice change.  What do I make for a totally of 15 boys?  Big Boys? They requested tacos.  Nice.  Done.  I ended up making a crazy amount of taco stuff… and all of it was gone… 20 large soft tacos and 30 hard tacos.  Wow.

I was happy to hang out with Josh till his favorite show (not really a show most 8 year old watch unless they have 5 older brothers).  Sanj took Zach to hockey. Max and Jordan had friends over too and Sammy had work.

This morning everyone slept in except Sanj, who hit the gym and Josh, who is an annoying morning person.  Breakfast and then I went up to read my book.  One of my favorite things is when my boys follow and hang on the bed with me.  I love this.  I love that they want to be with me.  Even if I win the lotto (which in my dream last night, I did and had a baby girl)… this is one of my favorite things that money can’t buyToday is is white and bright.  Here in Millbrook, there is snow and sun.  Most of us are vegging … Josh is looking for what he wants for Christmas.  (Sigh).  I am really trying to do nothing but know I should spend a little time doing this and that.  Then I am going to make sushi! 🙂  Soon the day will be over and there is hockey tonight in Whitby so that means a trip to see my inlaws

OMG Love his little heart and taking things literally.  SO sweet!!!

Then there’s tomorrow… thinking of having friends over… but that requires clean up.  So we’ll see.  Happy Weekend to you!!!

***Just added this picture of what wasn’t too many years ago on Sammy’s birthday… Doubt Sanj can do this with him now. Sniff sniff.

I am gullible.  It’s something I am told alot.  I believe.   My dear hubby has been suffering forever with his own diagnosis of post nasal drip which means he coughs alot especially at night.  And he snores… LOUD ( the snoring is an extra bonus, probably not related to the post nasal).  I’m pretty sure he has sleep apnea but in order to really find out, he’d have to visit a doctor… (ok I won’t mention that his last appointment was like 10 years ago).

It really does make me feel sorry for him ( and myself since I sleep beside him).  I saw this somewhere …that Vicks rubbed on the soles of the feet then covered with socks cures coughing. Ok… you have to first understand that Sanj is NOT A BELIEVER of very much.  He is actually a skeptic.  So, I knew in order to try this, I’d have to be really good to sell him the idea.

I started to research it and remembered the Snope website.  I was so pleased to actually find the page about Vicks being rubbed on the soles of the feet.  So excited that didn’t realize that I skipped over the part of whether it was proven or a lie… on to the next section about it talking about it being 100% effect!  Bam!  Proof!  Sanj, despite the fact that he had you are crazy all over his face, begrudging let me try it.  I slathered the Vicks on his soles and put socks and  waited.  While waiting, I went back to the website.  OH-OH.  I skipped the big bold print that said:

UNPROVEN

Oops!  Sanj looked at me, knowing that I messed up.  I skipped the NOT PROVEN part and was reading people’s emails about their thoughts and experience.  OOPS!

Being the good sport that he is, Sanj left it on and feel asleep.  Ok.. sure he coughed a bit.  Yet I am pretty sure it wasn’t as bad as it usually was.  AND…. guess what I noticed… while the Vicks reduced his cough, he didn’t SNORE as crazy as he usually did.  I was thrilled.  I woke him up to tell him.  And then again, I woke him up.  Well, let’s just say the third time I told him, he was not really happy with me.

Here’s the thing… he doesn’t have to sleep with his snoring self.  I do.  And Vicks seemed to help out.  OK, I know that you have to test things out a few times (or more than a few times) before  you can conclusively say it’s a discovery.  Yet I’ll be investing in more Vicks and some stretchy socks today.

Can Vicks slathered on the bottom of ones soles reduce snoring that is really off the charts?

YES!  Not sure what Snope says about that.

It is October 20th, almost a month since I posted.  I miss writing and really need to find a way to make it part of my life daily.  Today, we went to church, a different one, which was a nice change… where Sanj, Tyler and Jordan played on the worship team.  I love worshipping thorough music. It’s just my way, even though I am not musically at all.  I have no clue what was preached … but that is normal, for the most part as it is a big part of my ADD mind… going in many directions at once.  It may be time that we try a different church… sometimes change is a good thing.

It is a real fall day… the leaves are now falling and the weather does require a layer or two more.  I love the weekend… and today especially was great because after church, we went to lunch with friends that I feel we had not connected in a while… and had yummy chicken wings to boot.  We talked and chatted over 3 hours!!!

Sanj came home and gave up on going to the dump, putting the boards up for the rink or giving in to his need to do 1001 things on the weekend.  Rather he is lounging in bed with his one of many great loves, football.  This means I am not feeling guilty as I give in the the pleasures of sweatpants and my book.

I already wrote this as a status on Facebook but retelling it here so I’ll have it for memories years later…

I was telling Sanj and that I need to get a wax on my moustache… my sweet husband replied without missing a beat… “Well Movember is around the corner!”  Haha ..

Josh, being in the room with us, looked at me, in all seriousness and said, “Mommy, you don’t need a wax… you look good in your moustache.”

Have I said I love my boys?  Yes, they drive me crazy and yet the things they come up with… hilarous!

It’s finally here!!! September 23!!! It’s my most favorite day of the year!

If you follow me on Facebook, you will know I’ve been counting down.  What’s so special about today?  Well, I like to think of it as All About Me Day!  My birthday!  I just feel so happy.  I am 45 years old…probably officially middle age if I am lucky to live till I am 90!  I don’t get hung up on age…  I love life, my life for the most part and am grateful for all I have.

There is so much around us … so much suffering and I am so glad that God has blessed me with 6 boys that are for the most part healthy and can choose to be happy.  I have a husband I adore.  I love that this man that I crushed on forever is finally all mine and that he loves me and lets me know everyday in his unique ways that I am adored.

(Last night I had a dream that Sanj had to choose between me and someone else and he chose me… and we had an awesome wedding and I remember feeling sorry for the other girl in my dream that she lost out).

Friends… they really make the world go round and you know what?  I am blessed with an abundance of special people that make me so happy.   I love my girlfriends.  I love knowing that I can call up any number of people and go to lunch.  Or go shopping.  Or just chatter for hours.  I love knowing that many that I miss so much (due to working now) are just a thought away.  I love Facebook to peep into the lives of my girlfriends that are not in my area.  I love my friends.  I love that God has blessed me with beautiful friendships.

I can’t lie.  Today is also about gifts.  I love getting gifts.  Big ones, small ones,  it really doesn’t matter.  I love gifts!  I love the thought that goes behind them.  Sanj was out of town so I knew the younger boys wouldn’t really get a chance to shop for me… and it was obvious they wanted to.  I gave Zach some money and the boys went off to the mall.  It was the cutest thing.  Pandora (which I love) was what Zach wanted to get me… we went to the mall and there was a huge line outside the shop.  My sweet Zach was ready to stand in that line.  I love this child!  Fortuntately for him, the store across had the same promo… and a sweet sales lady let him cut the line and helped him out.

He got this sweet charm on a chocker necklace.  Love it and Love Him! (He got it from his brothers and himself).  I love the excited of how he couldn’t wait to give it to me!!! (He gets that from me… lol)

Max and Tyler got me this:

I love this shoes… Wonder Woman shoes.  When I was little I used to pretend I was Wonder Woman, spinning around making the noise that went with it and wala… I was Wonder Woman!

And then since Sanj was in Las Vegas we will party on the weekend! 🙂  He also bought me back a Pandora bracelet from Vegas.

(We seriously need to buy some stock in this company!)

One of the things I love about my birthday month is the weather.  I love fall, the changing of the leaves and the cool days that call for sweater weather.

Today is also my brother, Rajiv’s birthday… despite the fact that we are not twins we share a birthday.

Today I am grateful for my parents for making me, my mom for having me and for giving me all they did.

Dear Jesus… To You, I am most grateful.  For all I have and I give You thanks!  I love you!!! Amen.

Genetics is such a crazy thing!  I have six boys and they are extremely different from looks to personalities.  Yet they have many similiar traits that one can likely say, “Oh they are family.”  This week Max cut his hair shorter than normal (kind of unintentionally) and off went his curly locks.

Max is known for his locks.  He has beautiful hair, thick curly locks that are so much his dad’s hair.  As the shears went at his hair, suddenly his appearence looked so much like Jordan!

I was looking at Jordan’s hands and was struck at how much they looked my cousin’s hands.

Sammy and Tyler, being 12 months apart, are the totally opposite of each other.  In every possible way!

Zachary and Sammy, as much as they are different are more similiar then any two boys.  They are both very active, athletic, social and love to eat new things.

Tyler was quite a baby and toddler.  He was a perfect baby to break me into motherhood. The boy had all sorts of peeves, from how his shoe strings had to fall on his shoe to wearing the top button of his shirts had to be buttoned up all the way, his gloves had to be tucked into his coat, his attire was Old Navy jeans, all the same shade and teeshirts (cotton).  The list continues… he was such a unique child.  He wasn’t being bad, it truly bothered him.

One of the biggest dramas was cutting Tyler’s nails… OMG!!!  I really should have videoed it at some point.   He could not stand the feel of them afterwards.  I would actually have to hold him down to cut them.  Then there would be tears for quite a while afterwards.  The funny thing was this was a real issue… the feel of his nails really bothered him.  He would walk around the rest of the day, his hands held like a claw, as not to touch them.  He did this in his sleep too!  As Tyler grew he learned that cutting his nails in the evening was the best.

Here’s the craziest part… Josh has this same issue with his nails!!! Funnier is Tyler watching him get his cut!  At least Tyler can laugh and at the same time understand Josh’s angst.  Josh walks around with his hands like a claw too, after cutting his.

Genetics is such a powerful thing!

Growing up, in high school, our school had what they called Youth Rally.  (This was actually more during my brothers time)… it was a weekend for youth, speakers, singing and activities just for youth.  It was usually a time to meet Jesus and find yourself filled with the Holy Spirit and wishing for Jesus to come, NOW.

The boys have their own version of this, called SERVE.  This year our town (our church along with another church is hosting it).  Serve is a week where other youth come and SERVE in our city.  Painting, building, working in shelters and food banks etc.  There are then activities, beach day etc and then the evening is worship.  Worship for just youth… done by youth for youth.

I would love to be part of this but I have never gone because I want my boys to have that unique experience and know that this isn’t totally possible with their mama. This time, here at home, all three of my older boys have been active in it.  They haven’t been home all week.  They have come home (when they come home) exhausted and yet I can see they have had a great time.

Sammy told me, “If you want to see SERVE, you should come to the service tomorrow night.”  So we went.

Not much has changed from my teens.  I loved the speaker, the songs… the true praise that happened as they sang their hearts out to Jesus.  I couldn’t help but wonder why we can’t have this every weekend.

The theme was Just Be… and then there was open mic.

We were there till midnight.  Josh on Sanj and my lap, sprawled out, snoring.  Zach was sitting with his friends, front row.  Max and Tyler in the back row… Sammy and Jordan with their friends…

I have to tell you I left with a pounding headache- a huge one.  Not much has changed since I was in high school.  Kids are hurting in such a big way.  Bullying is such a issue.  Loneliness is huge.  Not being one of the in crowd… yup, still happening, that hurt.  Then there was the tears … the huge ones… of homes and families hurting… of parents failing and leaving this poor babes heartbroken.  HEARTBROKEN.

It broke my heart.  I wanted to release my inner pain for these babes and let go and cry the ugly cry.  I wanted to follow these babes out and hold them.  Just hold them.  Maybe even bring them home.

I wanted to reassure them that I get it.  I understood that pain from needing the grown ups to be all you need and not getting that.  I understood wanting to be a daughter … just a daughter… and not have to step up and play adult so many times.  I wanted to promise them that God is there  and yet at so many stages I didn’t always feel Him there.  I wanted to promise them that He is LISTENING.  He is hurting with them.  He IS…

I watched as a few of them ran out of the room, sharing and then broken.  My head hurt.  My heart heart.  And yet, I can say that just from my own life, God is so faithful.   He may say Wait… and waiting is hard.  Yet …. He is so real.  He is our Father.

I sat there with Josh snoring, watching so many eyes wet, wondering how Jesus handles all this.  I wonder how it must hurt Him to see and feel all this hurt.

And yet, the last songs, these hurt babes sang with their hearts, hands outstretched … and I hope left with the knowledge that soon and very soon… We will be going Home.

I can’t wait.

It’s been 10 days since our lives were normal.

10 days ago was my father-in-law’s birthday.  It was a day he spent in the hospital bed.  He hasn’t left that bed since.  He has leukemia. Just like that. Father’s Day he was happy and healthy on the outside.  Two days later he wasn’t.

I’m not sure that he will leave the hospital, as it all looks very grim right now.  He’s 80 plus years old and has had quite the life.

My relationship with my inlaws has been an interesting one, to say the least.

Yet over the years I have learned to admire so much about my father in law.

(From here on out I’ll be abbreviating father in law with  FIL).

*** He has such a incredible devote love for his family.  He will do anything, literally in his power for those he loves.

My FIL had polio as a young boy causing him to have some crippling and deformation.  His father died at a young age and shortly after, he was kicked out of his house saying he was a burden. ( I just can’t image this!!!) He lived in a beggar’s home for a while until one day a missionary saw and took him under his wing and sent him to the Adventish boarding school where he was educated.

Where bitterness and resentment my have developed, my FIL simply took the higher road that went back and educated each of his siblings.  Today 3 out of his 6 siblings are chartered accountants.  Over this time, he sent and continued to send money to educate his nieces and nephews in India, making sure that each of them was taken care of and well educated.

I can’t help but think of Joseph in the Bible and how despite what his family did to him, he took the higher road and helped them when they need him most.

***My FIL is a man that loves his God but doesn’t put it in your face.  He lives his faith.  

I think he so appreciates the hope we have in Christ.  He understands that gift for what it is, especially since he grew up Hindu.  I love his gentle ways, his words of wisdom and how he just wants so much for us.  He wants more for us then he had.

*** My FIL is not a judging person.  I love that he trys to accept all people just as they are.

I think that when you come from where he came from, he understands there are so many paths that one can take.  He understands that gift he was given by the missionary, by God… and passed that gift on 10 fold.

***Why complain, it doesn’t benefit you.  I know that over the years, my FIL has had many ailments and challenges with his health.   Yet we never would hear him complain.

*** Age is just a number.  He never let his physical age make him old.  He has kept busy with just as much as before he retired.

If you walk to the doorway of my FIL’s house, you can’t help but notice all the gardens.  He is always fiddling with tools in the garage.  He still volunteers for REACH CANADA.  He is active with yoga every  morning… standing on his head longer than folks half his age.

***When you are wrong or wronged someone, say sorry.

I love this about my FIL.  I love this about my own husband.  He will say sorry when he is wrong or been hurtful.  I also love the my FIL for being humble enough to do this.

*** My own husband feels deeply.  His heart is huge.  This he inherited from his dad.  They both love BIG.

I could write a long time about my FIL.  He is such a good person and I am so glad that my children stand a chance of inheriting many of his qualities.

I am glad that I have his love and have been blessed to call him Dad.  He’s been a good dad… and he leaves his imprint on many lives.

I haven’t written since Easter… I miss blogging, writing and yet maybe it is just the lack of time or maybe I am just consumed with all that is my life right now… I don’t know but I miss it.  I have written many post since then but never published it.  I guess there are so many things I wanted to post and so I kept waiting till I could do so.

Oh well, that may never happen, the getting caught up. If it does here are some things I want to write about…

– My trip with my brother, Rajiv to England and India…  Such an incredible time!

-Working

-Our new Pup

-My boys and where we are today.

-My first prom

Oh well, one of the things that happened while in India was revisiting the idea of adopting  while there.  My brother said he’d help us to see this through as it is over $20,000 to do this.  I find myself excited as we visited a home of children in India.  I was amazed at the happiness these children have with each other and the simpleness of life.

Upon my return, I began to look into what we would need to do.  Of course the first emotion past excitement was overwhelmingness. Sigh.  I have such a need for immediate gratifation.  A huge fault of mine. 🙁

I was always contempating if this is really what I/we want now at this point in life?  We have six boys, two sitting on the edge of taking the leap of leaving home in the next two years.  My youngest is 8 years old.  Yes, he acts much younger and is the true youngest of the family, yet he is still 8 years old and out of that stages of total dependence.

I also have earlier this year started working.  I love my job.  I have found such fulfillment in doing what I do.  I am so eager to see it grow and become a success.

I am 45 years old this September.  I’m closer to 50 than I am not… at least in my heart.  Do I want a little girl?  YES!!!  Yet as I searched deep into my heart, there was such a conflict.

Then Monday night I kept my brother’s 2 children for the night.  A boy age 4 and his sister age 3… Yes, it was fun.  We all survived the night of being away from their mama and dada and then morning came.

I had 8 children to get out the door by 8 am. Wow!

I forgot…

Diapers, wipes, change of clothes, car seats, strollers, bottles, buckling carseats … WOW!

I had forgotten.

We did it.  We left by 8 am ish.  The babes didn’t get bathed.  Clean diapers, still in PJs, they were buckled up and we were off.

We had a great time.

There is nothing like the scent of a little one.

As I drove to work, I called Sanj on my hands-free.

” I think we are done.  Done with babies.  Done with adoption. Done with it all.”

He was quiet.  Then I heard him say, “I think so too.”

LOL

OMG

WOW

Sigh.

I’m a mom of six crazy, wonderful boys whom I adore and get irritated on an hourly bases.  I have hockey sticks, socks, messes all over.  I have stinky armpits after games around me.  I have girls calling over. I overhear the craziest of conversations and find myself giggling at the chatter.  I have protective men in the making over me and that love and adore me, most of the time.

I am done. We are done.  We are a family of 8. Blessed. Beyond.

Today is Easter Friday… it’s often a day of reflection.  Today, while in church, I found myself remembering… it was over 9 years ago, I was in church, it was Easter weekend and I found myself sobbing through the service, wondering where God was?

I had just had a DNC and in my mind, the baby that I was so excited for, so sure that THIS babe was a girl… was sucked out of me.  It was called a molar pregnancy.  It was truly one of the lowest points in my life.  After living through this child’s life within minutes of learning of my pregnancy, I felt such a devastation.  As the songs played in church, I found myself feeling so many emotions.  Of course time does heal wounds, to some extent.  Over the following year, we concieved a being that would be Joshua, our youngest.

Over the last 9 years, I think of this babe that I never had a chance to be mom to.  I think of the pain I feel so sharply in church that day.  I found myself yearning for heaven to come and look forward to knowing I still have a babe that I have yet to meet.

Today, Easter Friday, we were in church.  I remembered this babe. I felt that void.  I sometime look at this box I have of “things that remind me of “her.”  Today, after all these years of pain, I had an epiphany.  I guess I just never really was opened to anything except remembering the pain that was so real to me every Easter… And yet, TODAY I realized that as that experience happened around Easther weekend, the next Easter SUNDAY… guess what?  Josh was born… he was our Easter Baby.

It hit me that I had not had my eyes opened.  And yet when I opened my eyes, God gave me a gift on Easter perhaps to say, “I feel your pain.”  It was such an ephipany!  It’s not about pain… as in the story of Jesus and his death.  Sure there is pain, but there is also reason to rejoice!

Hello Blog!  I’ve missed you.  This is my 1234 blog post! You know I love the number thing.  🙂  It’s Sunday afternoon and this means a new week is upon me.  I have started a new phase in my life… I’m working!  (Well outside the house, now).

I’ve always wanted to have my own restaurant… amoug the many other things I’ve wanted to do.  I really do enjoy cooking and trying out recipes and feeding people.  Not so much my family because they can be too picky and not apprecitive of my efforts.  Yet I love inviting friends over and feeding them!

Now I have my own kitchen and am cooking for just under a 100 people at a business in Whitby… three different shifts.  It’s been fun, tiring and challenging on so many levels.  Today I made a Creamy  Chicken Spaghetti Florentine and my boys like it!  Wahoo!  It has spinach in it too so it covers all the bases!  I make a vegetarian version for the surprising number of staff that are veggie.

I have opened a catering company, Reema’s Kitchen and will cater for companies as needed.  Right now I have my first gig, a Super Bowl Party!  I am all over this!

Last week I got my first paycheck and must say it was quite exhilarating! 🙂  It definitely adds a couple more “very” to our already very, very busy life.

Friday night I came home and was asleep by 7 pm totally oblivious to all the going ons around me.  I am not used to standing that long, even my bum hurt!

If you think of it, please remember me in your prayers that God gives me the endurance I am going to need to do this.

Hope your Monday is great!